If you are too lazy to do something and don’t have the money to hire someone, then simply forbid your child to do it. You'll see - everything will be done soon.
You shouldn’t be surprised by the behavior of children, because they are the result of our imagination!
Tell me, as a child, has anyone managed to bring fresh bread home without biting the crust?
Oh, these children! Mine is now playing with the cat and says to her: “Murka, it’s good that you’re a cat! We people don’t particularly like women with mustaches.”
Best status:
If you want your children to take care of you and treat you well as adults, then set an example for them by communicating with your parents.
Children are forgiven a lot, so parents can disgrace their children much more than they disgrace them!
The process of education is always mutual: children, for example, teach us to enjoy little things, defend our position and not sit idle!
If you want to scold your child for bad behavior, start with yourself! After all, he takes his example from you!
As children grow up, they begin to prefer freely convertible gifts!
The main danger when dealing with a five-year-old child is that very soon you begin to sound like a five-year-old yourself. Gene Kerr
Mashenka ate a bowl of porridge in the morning and drank two yoghurts. But her diaper wouldn't be complete without `Russia' chocolates...(c)
I ask the child a well-known riddle: “First he gets fat, then he loses weight, and he screams all over the house” (the answer is an accordion). A 5-year-old child answers this riddle without thinking: “Mama.”
As you get older, you realize that the happiest time was when you were a child. It's a pity that I didn't understand it then
Children are always interested in “where does this or that come from?”, while adults at this time are interested in “where did this or that go?”
An honest child does not love mom and dad, but tubes of cream. Don Aminado
If the child does not feel that your house belongs to him too, he will make the street his home. Nadine de Rothschild
Nine-year-old Volodya swore near his mother, who was cleaning fish. Perhaps this is the only case when a person received bream as crucian carp.
The most pleasant thing in life is to see your little copy crawling on the carpet, smiling, and understand how much you love it.
Go and tell your mom that you drank a liter of blood from the teacher!
My son refused to go to bed, I had a little fight (for appearances), to which he replied: “No, that’s it.” family life We won’t succeed!”
Is this heaven? -No, this is childhood, baby...
Children used to blow bubble and played with toys, and when they grew up, they blew bubbles from chewing gum and smoked. Now it's the other way around
The child is a mirror. Recognize yourself in it.
Children listen most attentively when they are not being spoken to.
The most naive people in the world are the administrators of porn sites. They seriously believe that the question “Are you already 18?” the children answer no and leave their site.
Childhood is a time when you think you are an adult, and adults think you are a child. And at the same time, everyone is completely mistaken.
Today you feed him breast milk and teach you to walk, and tomorrow he teaches you how to use the new computer.
One day I asked my mom! "Where the babies come from?" She looked at me with a strange look and said, “You wouldn’t even know Vanyush at 40 years old.”
No matter how much you teach children good manners, they still naturally tend to imitate their parents.
How unimportant everything around you becomes - money, career, envy, clothes, cars... when a little treasure is quietly snoring next to you
A gentle face, every feature, a snub-nosed sniffling... Money, career - all this unimportant, important - sleeps nearby.
They are the same, but their own mother will never confuse them!
The child, stroking the cat’s face, playfully says: “Musenka, you know, in the human world, women with mustaches are not very valued!”
Children are the flowers of life! My flower has fertilized itself again!...
What a strange bliss to realize that there, inside, Perfection is growing and maturing, My angel, the fruit of my love.
IN happy family the wife thinks that the money is taken from the nightstand, the husband thinks that the food is taken from the refrigerator, and the children think that it was found in the cabbage.
The only man I will run after will shout to me: “Catch up, mom!”
Don't like it when your parents stand behind you and read what you're texting with your friends about? Let's see what you do when your children start using the computer.
Crimea. Girl and boy on the beach. They are still very small and therefore naked. The girl looks at the boy for a long time and finally says:
Children can turn any ideal order, no matter how carefully it is put into place, into its complete opposite in a couple of minutes.
A child is a creature that you carry within you for 9 months, in your arms for 3 years, and in your heart until you die.
Children in kindergarten. - “The stork brought me.” - “And they downloaded me from the Internet.” - “And our family is not rich. Dad does everything himself.
Children talking in kindergarten: – Are your parents afraid of cartoons? - No! - But mine are afraid... Like cartoons start, they sit me in front of the TV, and they go into the bedroom... They crawl under the covers and tremble, tremble, tremble...
A little son asks his father: “Dad, dad! How much does it cost to get married?” Dad thought and replied: “You know, son, I still don’t know, because... still paying the price.”
Daddy, are you awake? The baby is talking to you. I'm here next to you, in the dark, in mommy's stomach. I have your nose and eyes, I feel your caresses, My laughter will flow soon, Crying, or rather, but not from grief. And while I'm growing up, you protect Mom. I love you all already. Wait, I'll come to you soon!
Wife to husband: Do you see this man in the photograph? Husband: Yes. Wife: You will pick him up from kindergarten at 6 pm!
Yesterday my son showed me another masterpiece on the wallpaper. When asked where the red paint came from, he said ketchup. Today there is a brown drawing on the wall - I’m afraid to ask.
Think before you do something bad. You have a child behind you who thinks you are his hero!
You can only give birth to the ideal man yourself...
When I come home after work, barely dragging my feet and with only one desire - to sit on the sofa, the situation dramatically changes with my child, who is already hugging me on the threshold. Immediately the meaning and strength to live appear
13-year-old Lesha was given a tear-off erotic calendar for his birthday. His year flew by in 15 minutes.
Only when you approach the crib where your little baby is sleeping do you truly understand what tears of happiness are...
Undressing a sleeping child is like defusing a bomb; one sudden movement means minus 4 hours of sleep.
Teacher to parents: – Your children are like flowers in spring! -Oh, thank you!... -Let's loose, bastards!
Once in my childhood I argued with a boy that being a girl was much better than a boy, arguing that I wouldn’t have to shave... Stupid!
Never forget that your children, following your example, will treat you the same way you now treat your parents.
If there is no food in the house and the children are crap, it means mom spent the whole day on the Internet!
If your child asks for a birthday gift of money, rest assured, he has definitely grown up
Honey, I talked to our daughter about love and sex. She’s already 15! - So what, dear? - I’m already burning with impatience to try everything that she told me...
For the first time a child smiles age four weeks By this time, his eyes are already focused enough to get a good look at your face.
Only children know what they want. They eat with their hands because it's so much fun. They paint on the wallpaper, making their room special. They don't want to be like everyone else. They do the hardest thing - remain themselves.
In my opinion, all children have one goal - to bring those around them to... to bring them to anything, the main thing is to bring them to anything.
A child's happiness is measured by the size of a toy...?
First-graders happily go to school on September 1 only because their parents carefully hide information from them about how long they will have to study there.
A cheerfully laughing girl was born in the maternity hospital, holding something in her fist! When the doctors opened their fist, they saw a birth control pill...))
One family had quadruplets. The neighbors ask their seven-year-old brother: - What were the kids' names? - If I understood dad correctly on the phone - Nikha, Yase, Beb, Lyad.
If a man has a son, he becomes a father... And if he has a daughter, he becomes a daddy)
I see a little girl, five years old, typing something into a search engine. I come up and read: How to quit a kindergarten?
When you say to little children: “Show me how much you love me...” - they stand on their toes, hug you with such strength that you involuntarily understand - there is nothing stronger than such hugs and such sincere love in the World!
For a child with a hammer, everything around him is a nail!
I asked my son a riddle: sometimes he loses weight, sometimes he gets fatter, he screams all over the house (accordion), to which he replied: “It’s you, mommy.”
Our love with you will not end after death, it will live on, in our children, grandchildren... It will never die
A child shouts from the corridor: “Ma-aa-ma!” Maaama! Mom! Mother answer: -What are you shouting? Come and say what you want. The son spanks across the apartment, comes up and says: “Mom, I stepped in the shit.” Where can I wash my sandal?
A young father is alone at home with his child and sings him a lullaby: Bayu-bayushki-bayu. Where is your mother?
Previously, children were scared by Granny the Hedgehog, but now by turning off the Internet...)
Two kids are talking in kindergarten: - Vova, you know, we have a new nanny. She’s young, her legs are slender, her lips are plump, her waist is narrow, and her breasts... - Enough, Mish, the pussy won’t fit in the potty anymore.
If a woman has a man whom she loves more than life itself... then this man is her son!
A young family with a 5-year-old son comes to look at the purchased apartment. The child looks at the empty wall and says: “But here we’ll destroy the shelf.” The father slaps the head and asks: “Do you understand?” - Understood. - What did you understand? “That there’s no fucking need for a shelf here.”
There were cockroaches in the kindergarten and the children were terribly afraid of them, roaring and screaming. One day, during drawing, the teacher took gouache, caught cockroaches and painted them. The result exceeded all expectations; children, shouting joyfully “look Skittles crawling,” ran after the cockroaches and crushed them.
A little boy looks long and carefully at his one-year-old brother, who is chatting animatedly in a language he understands, and then asks his mother a question: “Mom, are you sure that he is Russian?”
Your child needs your love most precisely when he deserves it least.
Nastena (4.4 years old) goes to bed. While she was getting ready, I was quietly talking to my husband in the room. The daughter, after groaning for a while, turns to me - Mom, could you speak more quietly, ... (pause) don’t wake up the poor child, I have to work tomorrow!
Mom, dad washed my hair. Now it shines. Mom, smell how it sparkles. (Nastya 4 years old)
About the strict skating teacher: “Mom, look at her strangely kind face today.” (Veronica, 5 years old)
Veronica and mom are driving from the Christmas tree. They were stopped by a traffic cop for a minor violation and issued a fine. Veronica says: “Don’t swear at mommy: take all the candies from me, you’ll become kind and kind and you won’t pester people with all sorts of nonsense.” (Veronica, 5 years old)
Looking critically at the crowd of men, she says to her friend: “Look, there are no princes here.” (Veronica, 5 years old)
My daughter was 3 years old. She’s a gardener’s age, she’s just learned to communicate in society, to stand up for herself. And then she gave it away one day. Let's tell her a little rhyme:
I am Tili-tili, tea...,
She - ...drank... ,
I broke the cups, three money each...,
She - ...paid...,
Me - who doesn’t want to pay? Tom...,
She - ... in the forehead!!! (in the original version "to drive")
Mom, let's give birth to a brother?
- Uh...mmm...yes, yes...you should ask dad...
Immediately into tears - Mommy! No need to ask dad! I want a real brother, not a TOY one! (Christina, 4.4)
At the age of 1.5 years, when the process of getting used to the potty was in full swing, Yana sometimes played with this object and sat her toys on it, and groaned for convincing. Once she planted a bear, and I, unnoticed by her, put a piece of banana. When she picked up the bear and saw that there was something in the pot, she frowned and looked at the bear for a long time, then at the pot, then again at the bear (you had to see this). After this, the bear did not sit on the potty.
Masha is 6.5 years old
Masha and I are learning the song “A Christmas tree was born in the forest.”
“The cowardly little gray bunny galloped under the Christmas tree, sometimes a wolf, an angry wolf, jogged.”
Masha says:
- He was a fool, that wolf.
- Why, Masha?
- I would sit under the Christmas tree and Santa Claus would give him a gift...
Masha is 6 years 1 month.
Masha's first day at sea. Sunbathing on the beach. Masha says:
- Mom, put on a swimsuit for me, I’ll go and play.
- Masha, it’s wet, it will take a long time to dry, you’ll go back in it, and in general, come on, while we’re at sea, you’ll be naked on the beach - you’ll tan better that way.
- Mom, well, he’s new, but his butt is already old.
“Mom, where are our lungs?” asks little Lena.
“Right here,” mom points to her chest.
-Where are the hard ones?..
What are you thinking so deeply about?
- Yes, I’m thinking about how I’ll grow up and have a wife.
- Well, what will happen then?
- That's what I'm thinking about.
There are many seagulls flying on the seashore. Kolya asks:
- Mom, what kind of birds are these?
- Seagulls.
- And their husband is a teapot, or what? :-(
Misha, 3.5 years old:
Mom asks:
- Misha, which animals have needles?
“Dad and the hedgehog,” the son answers, apparently remembering his father’s stubble.
Sveta, 4 years old:
Somehow she was lying on the sofa, quiet, although she usually talks incessantly. Mom asks:
- Why are you silent?
“Yes, I remember my youth,” she says thoughtfully, looking at the ceiling.
Christina, 3 years old.
My daughter Christina, walking down the street, cheerfully jumps into a puddle and suddenly notices that I am watching her from the window. She really doesn’t want to leave the puddle, so she shouts in a concerned voice:
- Move away from the window, otherwise you’ll catch a cold!
Masha fantasizes about the poem “Telephone” by Korney Chukovsky.
- Who's talking?
- Camel.
- Where?
- From an elephant.
- What do you need?
- A boy.
- And he's wet.
- Wet?! Then don't.
Dad tells Masha what professions there are.
- Some people bake bread at work; others treat children; third -...
“They make money,” Masha prompts.
Dad asks:
- Antosha, what is your last name?
- Fine
My son is 3 years old.
-Mom, if this is the beginning, then where did it end?
Senya: - Mom, when will the hairs on your arms grow?
Mom: - I don’t want them to grow...
Senya (with a grin):
- And dad’s growing, do you think he wants to?
The grandmother dresses Sasha for a walk, but the girl gets in the way.
- Take your hands off now! - Grandma can’t stand it.
- How can I remove them, they are attached to me? - Sasha is surprised.
Mommy, dear,” the guilty Andryusha flies into the kitchen, “tell daddy not to spank me.” It’s better to educate him politely.
Ksyusha, 5 years old.
He comes home from kindergarten in the evening with his dad. Dad is in a hurry, Ksyusha is not in a hurry. Dad: “Ksyusha, move your tights!”
Ksyusha, after a pause: “How will I move them? They're under my trousers..."
Zhenechka, 4 years old:
Mom: “Shut up, both of you!!!”
Zhenechka: “We are not BOTH. We are Zhenya and Anton."
Vanya (2 years 4 months)
He watches dancing on TV and says thoughtfully: “They throw their legs...”
After eating, Alyosha (4 years old) went to the mirror, opened his mouth wide and looked at something in his mouth for a long time.
I ask: “Well, what are you looking at there?”
Alyosha (calmly): “I’m watching my cheeks get fat...”
Funny remarks from young children
M ama, rebirth me so that I have a birthday in the summer.
P The father gave his son a “shell-shocked” horsefly and said:
The horsefly has lost consciousness, take it to the chickens!
The kid runs back:
Dad, dad! The horsefly found consciousness and flew away!
H jervenika is a berry that worms love.
R The child is 3 years old and they are traveling on a bus. The grandfather standing next to him begins a conversation with the child:
- And where are we going with mom?
- To grandpa.
“And what will you and grandpa do there?”
- Ferment the vodka!
Silent scene... Mom's loud laughter. I had to explain to everyone standing around that they were just going to paint a boat for their grandfather.
WITH watching a performance of a foreign musical group on TV:
Well, what is “tse-mo-tse”?! All they have to do is move their mouths. They probably don’t know Russian, so they sing ENGLISH.
WITH I’m getting my son ready for a walk, putting on his boots, and to speed up the process I decided to help:
- Give me the leg.
The son raises his leg, it seems to me that it is the wrong one. I say:
- Give me another one!
He serves another. I understand that he was right the first time, and again:
- Give me another one!
The son looks around in surprise, spreads his hands and says:
- And no more!
P my niece asked why there are only adult pigeons on the streets and not a single little one?
She has already forgotten about her question, and I have been tormented for a week: where the hell do these insidious birds hide their children?!
ABOUT My son and I are discussing what color frogs are:
- The little ones, the little green ones, the little ones... Mom, who cursed them?
-Nobody painted it, they were born like that. After all, no one painted you - you were born so white.
-No! My dad cursed me! When I did it, I also gave it a little white klass!…
IN sheep is 3 years old. Dad on the balcony. Vovka is waiting for him at the door. He frowned: his forehead was like an accordion, his eyebrows were like a house. Dad comes in:
- What's wrong with you, son?
— Dad, is smoking harmful?
- It's harmful, son.
- Dad, do you smoke?
- I smoke, son.
- Dad, are you a fool?
P They explained to my niece where children come from. Her dad arrives from his shift, she runs towards him and shouts:
- Hooray! Hooray! Dad has arrived! I brought spermatozoa!
TO turns the meat grinder and says:
-Mom, I fixed my love!
“Not “meat lover,” but a meat grinder,” I correct.
The son makes a “scary face” and says in a deep voice:
--MOUSELINE!
M Ama, when you were little, did you have a TV in your ancient times?
P Apik is going to an important meeting, her 6-year-old daughter helps with choosing a tie:
- Pa-pi, I think the black one with a tip suits your pants better!
— and this green one?
— no daddies, green is better for other events.
- for Wedding?
- yes daddy. When you go to a CLOWN costume, this tie will suit you very well!!!
U My nostrils are as big as the globe! Well, maybe a little less...
P holidays and weekdays.
WITH We are watching figure skating, the announcer announces the scores. The son is indignant:
-What is this uncle saying “five-five, five-seven”, doesn’t he know how to say: one, two, three, eight?!
R Ole games. Masha is about two years old. Our mother is a goat, Mashenka, naturally, is a kid. An unsuspecting dad enters the room and hears his daughter’s commanding voice:
- Goat! Pour some juice!
You should have seen his eyes...
E that was many years ago. My daughter was 2 years old. On New Year's Eve, preparing for the holiday, I was cleaning fish for a pie in the kitchen. My daughter was running around and suddenly stopped, her eyes were huge, she watched me pull the skeleton out of the fish and shouted: “Look, mom took a Christmas tree out of the fish!”
TO Ostya is playing in the room, the TV is on in the background. Main character film confesses his love to the heroine. He says that looking at her, he gets a strange feeling in his stomach...
Kostya, without turning around, comments:
- Yes, you have worms, my friend!
TO When I grow up and be old, like my grandfather, I will eat foam.
D Asha made a face like a shrimp.
ABOUT A monkey is a close nephew of a person.
P We have our hearing checked by a doctor at the clinic. The doctor whispers:
- Candy.
Seva (3 years old), also in a whisper:
- I can’t - I’m allergic...
WITH My son recently gave it away. I told him: “Eat, son, homemade noodles.” He sniffed the spoon: “It’s strange, but it smells like a wild one...”
IN kindergarten drawing classes. The teacher approaches the girl, who is enthusiastically painting something:
-What are you drawing?
- God.
- But no one knows what he looks like!
- Now they’ll find out!
U the crust is on the crumb of the bread.
Magnetic house.
The bump is disheveled and tattered. “Rumble” the bump.
WITH Eun was 6 years old. Looks carefully at the teacher's manicure.
- Olga Alexandrovna, your nails are so long...
- Yes. Like?
- Like. Climbing trees is probably good.
N Ikita is 3 years old. We bought him a children's anatomy for preschoolers. - Oh, mom, look - the cheekbone is fucked!
D children's karate section (children 4-5 years old). Presenters: Andrey Mstislavovich and Gennady Miroslavovich. Of course, children cannot pronounce Andrei’s middle name, so they simply call him “Andrei,” which Gennady makes fun of, saying he doesn’t deserve it.
The story itself: open lesson. Break. One of the kids separates from the crowd and heads to the “sensei”. After hesitating, he asks:
- Gennady Mimosralovich, can I go to the toilet?
When Andrei’s laughter died down, Gennady gathered all the children and said:
- From this day on, I am just Gena for you! And nothing else!
TO When my little sister (she was 5 years old at the time) first came to the village to visit her grandmother and saw a huge haystack, she clasped her hands and exclaimed: “Oh, mommies!!! So much garbage! Shame on you!”
ABOUT One day my three-year-old daughter asked when her birthday was. Knowing. that April 14 would not mean anything to her, I replied: “Your birthday happens either right before Easter or right after it.” “Wow, mommy,” she said. “You don’t even remember when my birthday is.”
AND We are with our nine-year-old son, holding hands. An acquaintance coming towards me:
- Such a big boy, but you still walk with your mother hand in hand.
Grigory, looking into my eyes, says loudly:
“Mom, her children have grown up, so she’s jealous, don’t worry, I’ll kiss you now.”
New and old funny sayings by children.
Karina, 6 years old
– Karina, what do you want to do when you grow up?
- Shopkeeper. Sell bicycles, scooters and toys to children.
Lisa 6 years old
Lisa was 6 years old. I put her to bed and say: “Here’s your teddy bear, hug him and go to sleep quickly,” and she answered me so sadly: “Mommy, will anyone alive sleep with me today?”
Radomir, 4 years old
We play with my son (he was 4 years old) in the hospital. He, of course, is a doctor, I am a patient.
- Hello, what hurts you?
- Hand.
- Which?
- Left.
– Which is your left hand? (still confused about where is right and where is left).
“The one on the left,” I don’t give up.
The doctor is confused, but not for long.
- In my opinion, they are both left-handed.
Yaroslava, 7 years old
My daughter was 7 years old, she was a compassionate girl - she would bring a wounded bird, a stray kitten, or a puppy. Everyone was treated, fed, housed. But there is a limit to everything.
- Yaroslav, so that she doesn’t bring any more stray birds, cats, or dogs home. Understood?
– Got it... Mom, what if I meet a stray horse?
***
- Was I in my stomach?
- Was.
- Aren’t my toys left there?
Elizaveta, 9 years old
Lizonka was eating chocolate candy. Grandfather says: “Treat your sister, don’t be greedy.” Lisa extends her chocolate-stained hand to her two-year-old sister and says: “Here, lick it.”
Aina, 5 years old
We sent Aina to visit her aunt, she comes from there all smeared with condensed milk, I tell her: “Daughter, so you ate condensed milk without asking?” And Aina replies: “No, mom, it was my aunt who fed me condensed milk without asking!”
Philip, 9 years old
For dinner I fried white cabbage. Sonya, 6 years old, says indignantly: “I want cauliflower! Where's my cauliflower? Philip, 8 years old, decided to joke: “Mom didn’t have time to color it! Eat this one!”
***
We sit and have dinner. Anya whines:
- My stomach hurts.
Me, annoyed:
- Because you put all sorts of nasty things in your mouth!!!
Anya, without raising her eyes from her plate:
- Actually, you're preparing this...
***
We are driving in the car, the navigator is working. You can hear: “In five hundred meters there’s an exit!” Polina (2 years 10 months), terrified:
- Who will eat?!
***
Vasilisa (1 year 8 months) found chalk and happily eats it like candy. I tell her:
- People don't eat chalk!
To which she replies:
- Only children! - and continues to eat.
Maxim, 3 years old
Parents: Maxim, if you eat, you will grow big.
Maxim: Parents, are you big already?
- Yes.
- Why are you eating?
Yana, 5 years old
Yana brings me a plate to wash and says: “Your Quantity, please!” I just collapsed laughing. I mixed up the words “Majesty” and “Quantity”.
Son (6 years old) asks:
- Mom, give me something sweet.
- There is chocolate, candy, cookies, sugar, finally. What will you do?
- Give me the herring.
***
I sent my son to the store.
- Buy sour cream, and buy bread with the change.
Returned without purchases.
-Where are the purchases?
- There was no sour cream.
- And the bread?
- Where can I get change?
***
Dima (3 years 9 months) unwraps the candy.
- Dim, will you share with me?
- No I can not!
- Why?
With a pleased look:
- Because I'm GREEDY!
- Is it good to be greedy?
- Well, - finishing the candy, - not bad!
Ivan, 5 years old
Recently, in response to my joking question about why he wanted a sister so much, Ivan replied: “So that I can get toys from under the sofa!”
Natalia, 3 years and 8 months
- Mom, when I was sitting in your tummy (he knows that I was in my mother’s tummy and then was born), was it dark there?
- Yes, daughter, it’s dark.
“Didn’t the folder put a light in there?”
Matvey, 4 years old
In kindergarten there was a check for flat feet. The children took turns standing with their bare feet in a bowl of water, and then leaving their footprints on rubber mats. The nurse used the marks left to determine the presence or absence of flat feet. In the evening, my son joyfully rushed to meet me and announced with delight: “Mom, I have FAT FOOTS!”
Sergey, 3 years old
The son was constantly fighting with the boy Vanya in the garden. At home we had an explanatory conversation that it is forbidden to fight in kindergarten, in extreme cases you can fight back... The next time he comes from kindergarten, we ask: “How are you, did you fight today?”
- No, he says, he didn’t fight with anyone at all, and he didn’t fight Vanya either, I just caught up with him, pinned him in the corner and fought back for a long, long time...
***
Tyomka was 6 years old, his wife scolded him for something, he sat there, sulking.
The husband comes up to him and asks:
- What, Timokha, is your mother strict?
To which the child calmly replies:
- Dad, it was your choice... But I got one...
Tanyusha, 5 years old
Mom scolds: Daughter, why don’t you listen to me?
Tanyusha: Mom, I want to listen to you, but my heart, so disgusting, won’t let me.
Pavel, 3 years old
Pavlusha is 3 years old and he was sick. Dad is on a business trip, talking to mom on the phone, mom is happy and laughing.
Pavlusha, so seriously:
- You can’t be happy! We're still sick!
Ivan, 5 years old
Vanya and I are going to kindergarten, we’re in a hurry.
Me: Let's cut the corner here - we'll get there faster.
Him: How will people live here if we cut the corner?
Ekaterina 4 years
I work as a design engineer.
And then one evening after work, at dinner, my three-year-old daughter Katyusha asks me: “Mom, what did you do at work today?” I answer her: “Drawings.” To which my daughter asks me a counter question: “Why didn’t you work?”
* * *
Sveta, 5 years old:
We talk with children about why people need clothes:
- In winter, so as not to freeze, and in summer?
“So as not to embarrass myself,” says Sveta.
Ksenia, 9 years old
The wife discovered that Ksenia had locked herself in the dressing room and reprimanded her:
- Why did you close? You don't live here alone!
Ksenia answers in perfect calm:
- ...That is why!
***
Sasha (3 years 5 months) was playing with the puppy and suddenly started licking the sofa. Grandmother saw and began to scold him:
- Sasha, what are you doing! You can’t lick the sofa, infectious germs live on it, you can get sick!
Two days later, my grandmother fell ill and lay in bed. Sasha approached her and asked with sadness in his voice:
- What, granny, did you lick the sofa?
***
My friend Valya came to visit us. My son (4 years old) asks her:
- Aunt Valya, where do you live?
- Near Moscow.
He clarifies:
- In the underground?
* * *
Sonya, 4 years old:
- Why did they call me Sonya if you wake me up for kindergarten every morning?
* * *
We are sitting at work. A co-worker’s 5-year-old daughter calls and asks to call her mother to the phone. They answer her:
- But mom isn’t there, she’s in the bank.
There is a long silence, followed by a question:
- How did she get there?
Children's karate section (children 4-5 years old). Hosted by Andrey Mstislavovich and Gennady Miroslavovich. Of course, children cannot pronounce Andrei’s middle name, so they simply call him “Andrei,” which Gennady makes fun of, saying he doesn’t deserve it.
The story itself: open lesson, break. One of the kids separates from the crowd and heads to the “sensei”. After hesitating, he asks:
- Gennady Mimosralovich, can I go to the toilet?
When Andrei’s laughter died down, Gennady gathered all the children and said:
- From this day on, I am just Gena for you! And nothing else!
* * *
Nadya, 5 years old:
In the morning, to my father leaving for work: “Bye, dad, thanks for coming in...”
* * *
Were going to kindergarten, but my son is stubborn and doesn’t want to wear warm pants. I:
- Do you want to leave your mother without grandchildren?
He sighs:
- Well, only for the sake of the grandchildren!
* * *
My daughter (3 years 10 months) gave me an educational program yesterday:
- The groom is the one who buys ice cream and kisses, and the husband is the one who nails the shelves at home and eats.
Alexey, 5 years old
Alexei and I are going home from kindergarten. He asks: “What is sugar made from?” I told him for a long time about beets and sugar cane. Lesha listened to me carefully and asked again: “Then why did grandfather say in the morning that he went to donate blood for sugar?”
***
Child (9 years old):
- Mom, why is Aibolit painted in all children’s hospitals? He's a veterinarian!
***
My daughter and I went to the doctor. The doctor showed pictures of a cow, a pig, a sheep and a horse, and asked to name these animals in one word.
- Cattle!
The doctor laughed and said that, in fact, that’s correct, but he should say “pets.” Daughter without hesitation:
- That's already two words!
***
The 4-month-old youngest is unsuccessfully trying to crawl on the bed. A three-year-old elder plops down on his stomach nearby: - Look, a worm,
How real boa constrictors crawl!
***
A young mother, a nurse by profession, quite often takes her little son (4-5 years old) with her to work, and in order to respect the internal
hospital routine, sewed him white robe and a hat. The child, imbued with the rules of this routine, got hold of shoe covers somewhere and
gloves. I put them on, put on a gauze bandage and headed straight to the operating room. To a stern question: - What else is this? He replied with
with a feeling of great pride and enduring dignity: - I am a microsurgeon.
Slava (9 years old):
- Again at school we sorted things out with Maxim! I told him that he was marginal and a declassed lumpen. And he said that I was a loser.
***
The six-year-old son does not understand anything that his one-year-old brother says, and asks: “Mom, are you sure that he is Russian?”
***
Ilya (8 years old) comes home from school. I'm asking:
- How was your day? How are things at school? Did you ask this in class today?
I see that my son’s answers are somewhat evasive and vague. I decided to go ahead:
- Come on, give me your diary!
A short pause, then a cautious phrase:
- Mom, are you sure? Our relationship hasn't been very good lately...
ALENA - funny sayings for children from 2 to 3 years old.
Meet my beloved daughter Alyonushka. Today she is 6 years old (2016). I tried to write down Alyonushka’s funny aphorisms and conclusions from early childhood. Today I think, probably, I should have written down more and more often - after all, what once, just a few years ago, seemed ordinary - today is read with great pleasure, tenderness, warmth and a wide-eyed smile...
Alenka’s funny childhood sayings were recorded by me at her age. from 2 years 4 months. up to 3 years.
Alena watches her mother make herself beautiful in the mirror...
Alena: Little girls don’t need to wear makeup
Mom: Yes, daughter, no need - they are already beautiful
Alena: And the aunts put on makeup...
Mom: They wear makeup because they want to be beautiful
Alena: Yes. As beautiful as little girls.
"Mom, don't bother me! Go draw an elephant!"
(Well, I sent it, I sent it...)
"Mom, you are my big grown-up bun with jam. I'll eat you. Am."
And she licked her hand.
Sometime after the New Year holidays...
Mom: Daughter, are you going for a walk? It's freezing outside!
Alena: So I’ll go... I’ll shake hands with the frost.
Alena: Mom, asyut-asyut! Take me quickly!
Mom: Where are the fireworks, daughter?
Alena: There... - the guys are blowing up the holiday: boom-boom! Alena wanted a holiday...
She pulled up a chair and looked out the window...
Mother; Daughter, why are you standing there?
Alena: I’ll be waiting for the holiday...
Mom: What holiday?
Alena: Asyut or balls...
Alena: Mom, Alena is an elephant.
Mom: Because it’s big, big?
Alena: No, because the water is spitting far, far away...
Alena: Mom, let's go have a look.
Mom: Daughter, what do you want to show me?
Alena: Let's go, let's go, this is not a joke!
Mom: What have you done?
Alena: No, I didn’t do it...
She thought about it and said: Dad will come and scold...
(It turned out that a roll of toilet paper was drowned in the toilet)
Alena: Mom, don’t scold Alena, she’s so good!
Mom: My daughter is good, of course, but she’s naughty.
Alena: Alena is a little naughty, but she’s a lot, a lot good...
Dad came from a car service center, where he was repairing a car, and says to mom:
Well? Shall we wash the new box?
Alena: We will, we will! Alena will wash the box too!
She covered her ears with her hands and said:
- Alena turned the TV down!
In the evening he goes to bed... The mobile phone rang (Vera Brezhneva's song sounded: Ale-ale, pronto, pronto...).
Alena jumped up in bed:
- What it is? Alena is already sleeping! And some idiot calls dad at night!
He says: Alena’s hands are dirty - she needs to wash herself...
She washed it with soap and sighed with satisfaction:
Now it's delicious and soft!
In the morning: Mom, don’t sleep - it’s already day! Cars, smoke, taps working...
Dad: Daughter, what number is this?
Answer: Alena doesn’t know this number three...
In the evening he tries to sleep in bed. Something fell on the ledge.
Alena jumped up: What is that there?!
Mom: Lie down, the icicle probably fell.
The cat jumped onto the windowsill and began to look out the window.
Alena says: Dinka, look and think - did that icicle fall? Or - what is it there?
Mom, let's feed the cats!
Mom: Alyonushka is still early, we just fed...
- No, mom, it’s not too early! They are already jumping and saying: Give us some cat food to eat, please!
She closed the door to the bedroom...
Mom knocks: Knock-knock, can I come visit you?
Alena: No, you can’t! My dad is already visiting me!
Alena: Mommy, you are my Luntik!
Mom: Daughter, who are you?
Alena: I am Kuzya.
Mom: Who's dad?
Alena: And dad is the toad Klava...
Alenka at lunch: Alenka won’t eat meat! I'm not a dog!
For the first time I saw chewing gum in my mouth and screamed:
Mom, mom, look - dad is chewing a tooth!
I crushed dandelions into petals on the bed...
Mom: Alena, who will clean up?
Answer: Mom will clean up.
Mom: What is this?
Alena: Well, I’m still little!
Makes foam from liquid soap...
Mom: Daughter, now you’ll wash everything and there won’t be any soap. And I have no money to buy soap...
Alena: I have it!
Mom: You don't either...
Alena: Then Ilya has it! He will definitely buy new soap...
(This is about dad)
She saw a burn on her mother’s finger and asked:
- Mom, what is this?
Me: Wafka
Alena: Where have you been climbing?
Mom: Oops! Oops! America!
Alena: Ass!
(The poet will be...)
She says when she is too lazy to do something:
- Mom help me! Otherwise my head is shaking!
She came running and blurted out in one gulp:
- Mom, pour me compote, wash my butt and, in general, I want to pee!
Shouts: Mom!
I what?
Again: Mom!
- What, daughter?
- Mother!
- Well?!
- Never mind! I'm just toiling...
One evening: Alena, did you see the cats coming into the house?
- Yes, mom, both three cats are sleeping at home!
Our little Spitz dog loves to bark with or without reason.
Mom swears: Cartoon, we’ll build you a booth, put you on a chain, and then you’ll guard it!
Alena defends him: Don’t put him on a chain! He's a cartoon, not a shepherd! He will behave well!
Funny children's sayings by children - Alena Golovina, 3 years old
Mom tells how she saw a roe deer right near the house (in the village). Alena listened in fascination...
It was probably Bambi who came to us!
- Yes, daughter, probably...
She thought a little and asked:
Mom, have you seen the Lion King by any chance?
Alenka is watching the cartoon "Dasha the Explorer". His heroes are the girl Dasha, the monkey Shoe and the mischievous fox, who steals everything, named Rogue.
And a private helicopter flies over our village almost every day, back and forth. This is probably how someone gets to work...
So, Alena once again heard the roar of a flying helicopter and jumped out of the house.
First in a whisper, mysteriously: Do you hear a helicopter...
And then he screams: Hide everything! It's probably the Rogue flying!
P.S. As my brother (adult uncle) said: But we are backward people, we all move around the old fashioned way - in cars...
Jumping around the closet...
Mom: Be careful, don't hit yourself!
Alena: No, I won’t hit myself! I'm already big and fat! How is your mom.
Advice from Alenka: If you pick all the berries from a branch, there will be more grapes!
Our cats meow in the kitchen - they beg for food...
Dad swears at cats...
Alena: Dad, you're harmful!
Him: Why is this?
- Because you don’t understand anything about cats!..
- What should I understand?
- Cats should meow! That's how they talk...
Mom, the dog peed!
- Let him take a rag and wipe it...
- Mommy, she can’t!
- Why is this?
- She's small! Her hands haven't grown yet!
Mom, look how I got my face dirty!
- Alain, it’s not right to say that... people don’t have a muzzle, but a face. Here our cartoon has a muzzle, Lotus has a muzzle, Vaska has a muzzle... (I began to list the names of all our pet “muzzles”). Understood?
- Yeah!
- Well, tell me now, who else has a muzzle?
I thought a little...
- At dad's!
While swimming...
- Mom, make me some foam, please!
- How can I make foam for you? You've already used up all the soap!
- Oh God, how are we going to live now?
Mom rolled the curlers...
Alena: Mom, you are so fat!
- Daughter, what does “thin” mean?
- Well, that means you love curls!
Dad is making the sauce...
Alena: Dad, what is this in the jar?
- This is tomato paste.
- Ugh, I won’t brush my teeth with such red paste!
He asks his mother: Where is the pussy?
- I don’t know, daughter...
- Buy me a spyglass - call Vaska the pussy!
Mom: Alain, will you have chocolate covered marshmallows?
- Yes. I'll be like Nyusha...
And she sang: Everything is in chocolate, everything is in chocolate... (song from Smeshariki)
Mom gives instructions...
- Alyonushka, listen to your grandmother.
- Okay, mom. I'll just make fun of her a little and that's all!
- Just joke so as not to offend her.
- OK. I'll joke quietly!
Daughter, will you go visit your grandmother?
- I'll think about this difficult question...
Shouts from his room:
- Mommy, quickly bring the dumplings! Otherwise I’m sitting here starving, like in a restaurant...
Looked at the advertisement... says:
- Mom, I want this little horse...
I say: Not horses, but ponies, a small horse is called a pony... uh... pony...
Alena: Well, I really want this p... horse...
DIFFICULTIES IN TRANSLATION
(from children's language at 2-2.5 years)
What an asa-a-a (long) - translation - What a beauty!
Asa Asunya - Owl Sovunya
Akesta, akesta - Of course, of course
Aper aper - Poper beaver
Apaista - Please
Zopiti - Lord
Mom's pussy - Mom's bra
Recorded from the words of Alena - Elena Krassula. All rights reserved. Use of information without the written permission of the site author is prohibited.
You can see more photos of Alenka in her photo album - Alyonushka ...
Waiting from you - interesting stories from the lives of children, funny children's sayings and just cute words and phrases from your kids about everything in the world! I will be happy to post them on the site.
My mail - [email protected]
