Relationship with ex-boyfriend. Psychology

People meet, fall in love and break up. Some people even give birth to children before this. But if, this does not always entail the end of the relationship. Sometimes a new stage follows, called “friendship between exes.” What is the point in this, and what is more in such relationships - benefit or harm? Let's try to figure it out.

People break up various reasons. And a break in a relationship is not always accompanied by scandals, broken dishes, hysterics and accusations. It happens that feelings simply fade away. At the same time, they respect each other, they are interested in communicating, but there is no spark, or life goals turn out to be higher than the relationship. In such cases, an offer to remain friends may make sense.

Is there any benefit?

Absolutely yes. Otherwise, hundreds of thousands of people would not remain true friends after breakups. People who have gone through close relationships still have many reasons to communicate further: they know each other’s habits and interests well, it is easier for them to feel the mood of the interlocutor, they have common memories, not only of an intimate nature.

By the way, about intimacy. People who have experienced it will be much more open with each other, because there are fewer barriers between them. It turns out that an ex-man can make an ideal friend. Maybe you are right.

But friendship after an affair also has its downsides. They are most often associated with the opportunity for both partners to start new relationships. It's unlikely that you'll like your boyfriend talking to his ex-girlfriend. So your new chosen one will not like your ex-boyfriend.

Friendship with an ex-lover can interfere with a new relationship

You or your ex may feel guilty about starting a new relationship. And you will have to be torn between friendship and love, trying to please everyone.

And the last disadvantage of friendship between former partners is that it is not easy for them to discuss new relationships with each other. An unreasonable feeling of guilt arises again. Especially if you are in a relationship, but your ex is not yet.

Friendship between exes: pros and cons

Psychologists advise giving up friendship with ex-boyfriend If:

• The breakup happened on his initiative, and you are still hurt because of the breakup.
• One of you was constantly jealous of the other with or without reason. This will not go away when the relationship becomes friendly.
• You were connected only by sex, and outside of bed, your interests with your partner did not coincide at all, there was nothing to talk about.
• In a relationship . It doesn't matter whether it's physical or mental. If a person crosses this line once, he will no longer be able to restrain himself.
• Your partner has become uninteresting to you or you have stopped respecting him - changing the format of the relationship will not return either respect or interest.
• If your partner is addicted to alcohol, drugs or gambling. An attempt to maintain friendship in this case can lead to a return to that painful relationship format from which you ran away.
• If you still love your ex. You can experience these feelings only by going a certain distance and waiting for time.

Friendship with ex-man useful, and even necessary if:

• Do you have children together?. They have the right to both parents. And it’s better if parents communicate with each other without scandals, intrigues and manipulation of children. But if a child returns from his dad on edge every time, if you see that he is being pitted against you, then it is better to stop communicating with his father.
• You work together. There are times when work is more important than relationships. So it is better to keep them normal, especially if you are going to have a career. Although there are such separations, after which it is easier to change jobs than to forgive.
• Your Ex Can Help You. Yes. It's cynical, but why lose necessary acquaintances and a good specialist, if your ex-partner is one? Sometimes maintaining a good relationship with an eye to the future is much more useful than slamming the door loudly. Provided it won't be too hard for you.
• Mutual friends. They suffer the most when couples separate. After all, this often threatens that friends will be forced to choose which side they are on. If your company is dear to you, and the breakup was smooth and painless, then you can remain friends for the sake of the environment.

It is impossible to give a definite answer to the question of whether there can be friendship between former partners. Every relationship is different, just like every breakup. Although psychologists believe that the desire to continue the relationship after a breakup indicates that you were unable to get out of the relationship. Without ending one relationship, starting another will be very difficult.

Again and again

If you do not put an end to the relationship, but continue communication as if nothing had happened, then there is always a high probability of resuming it again. After all, it is much easier to continue what was already started once than to build something new. But it’s worth remembering that you broke up for a reason and most likely the same problems will pop up again, which will again lead to a painful breakup.

Old wounds

It's very difficult to heal after a breakup if your ex is always around. With his presence, he will remind you not only of the good things that happened in your relationship, but also of the reasons for the breakup. You will experience the same emotions in a circle, wondering if you were too hasty in your decision to end the relationship. This has an extremely adverse effect on mental balance and prevents one from moving on with life.

Fallback option

Support friendly relations It can be very convenient to be with your ex-partner if you consider him as a backup option. You can date someone else, but still feel confident that if things don't work out, you can always go back to your ex. This does not allow you to build new relationships with full dedication, since there is a firm belief that no matter the outcome, you will not be left alone. But none of these relationships can be called full-fledged.

Friends with Benefits

You decided to go your separate ways, but meet occasionally to spend the night together. Sooner or later, one of the parties (or maybe both at once) will want something more than sex for friendship. With this behavior, you emotionally tie yourself to your ex-partner, begin to build illusions about him, think that he is better than you thought. But as soon as you resume the relationship, disappointment may set in. It can also occur if your ex-partner wants to stop meeting you and enters into a new relationship.

Fear of offending

The phrase “Let’s remain friends” from the speaker’s lips most likely means that he wants to remain good in your eyes and is afraid of offending you by his decision to put an end to it. The injured party may perceive this as false hope of resuming the relationship in the near future. You can part on good terms, but still not be friends. It is quite normal when, after a breakup, a man and a woman can calmly communicate and sometimes be in the same company. But this is not friendship, but rather an ordinary relationship between two familiar people.

We present a column in which columnist Yulia Demina answers your questions together with psychologists. Write about everything that worries you in the comments, and our experts will try to help you.

columnist

My girlfriend is married to an Italian. And he often comes to visit them ex-girlfriend her husband. For pizza. And, in fact, the husband himself prepares the pizza. And while he cooks, my friend washes the floors in the living room. And everyone around her keeps telling her: “It’s customary for us to be friends! And you Russians don’t know how to be friends!” And whatever you say is useless. Oh, and one more thing: when this guest comes to their house, she kisses the hostess on both cheeks. Lovely, isn't it?

Maybe that's how it should be? But even in my wildest “erotic” fantasies I cannot imagine such a thing. And, to be honest, I consider all this friendship after parting to be an empty phrase. Can people who were once husband and wife remain friends? It’s not for nothing that they say that there are no ex-wives. How can you treat a person as a friend if you know him more than a friend? You know him as a man. And this “knowledge” does not disappear anywhere. They remain in memory. Let it be deep. And what is this friendship for? For what? It's still a return to the past.

But today social networks force us to return to the past. How was it before? He left and that was it. Not a word, not a breath. And now? Everything is in sight. He left, but did not remove himself from his friends on VKontakte. And you know where he is, with whom, what he had for lunch, who he met yesterday, what his new girlfriend looks like... It turns out that one way or another, he is present in your new life.

I remember that my classmate’s wedding was upset because his first love wrote to him on Odnoklassniki, active communication began - memories of the past, flirting, some confessions. In general, his fiancee saw this correspondence and left. Forever. Although an application was submitted to the registry office. The guy himself said that he did not understand how it happened. Yes, social networks in this regard are a harmless thing at first glance, but in reality they are dangerous. There is an expression - “when you leave, go away.” But how can he leave your life if every day, willy-nilly, you look at his photos in your feed? And there is one subtlety here - in social network Any responsibility is practically removed from the person. IN real life my classmate would hardly date his first love and reminisce about the past. But on the Internet it’s easy. In a message you can send a kiss, flowers, and some kind of confession... You can be whoever you want... It's not scary. In a real meeting with this girl, he would hardly be able to say anything other than a dry “hello.” And perhaps his wedding would not have been upset. So if you decide to start NEW life, then with ex-love It's better to say goodbye once and for all. And you don’t need any extra information about your ex-lover.

It’s another matter if you have common children. Then, in my opinion, parents are obliged to remain on friendly terms. Children are not to blame for anything.

Well, what does etiquette tell us? How to communicate with your ex-husband when meeting? And in general, should we communicate? Etiquette recommends maintaining COLD politeness in communication. Psychologists advise to “work through” the breakup and mentally put an end to the relationship. Then, even in a chance meeting, there will be no feeling of awkwardness. A neutral “hello” or “hello” is enough. There are families where the wives of one man are friends, visit each other, and celebrate birthdays together. In families where there are common children, I would call this approach wise, but if there are no common children, then why? On the other hand, avoid, fear, frantically hide for ten years life together in memory is also wrong. The smart thing to do would be to accept everything as it is, come to terms with what happened, and move on with a light heart and a clear head.

Your questions:

Yana, 28 years old, Saratov

I've been married for one year. This is my husband's second marriage. There is a child from his first marriage, a seven-year-old boy. He lives with his mother and comes to us on weekends. The problem is that my husband's ex-wife is like a member of our family. She can call us at 11 pm and present a bunch of unfounded claims to my husband regarding the child. He, in turn, congratulates her on all holidays and gives gifts. On March 8th he bought us the same perfume. I learned about this from his son. She's like a ghost. This terribly irritates and infuriates me. I didn't take him away from the family. When we met, he was already divorced. But I didn’t think that I would have to face this. My husband doesn't understand why I'm so worried. He says that they are divorced and nothing can happen between them. But in reality, it turns out that his ex-wife and son remained in first place for him. It's very hard for me to look at all this. Please advise what should I do?

– Yana, your question is quite complex and ambiguous. As far as I understand you, the main problem was not the fact of communicating with the child, but the fact that he pays insufficient attention to you and chooses his ex-wife as a priority. The fact is that this is a fairly common situation - the presence of another significant woman in your man’s life. More often it is the mother, less often the previous wife and child. The peculiarity of these relationships is that in both cases, women manipulate child-parent relationships, and men are in codependent relationships and cannot set priorities and boundaries with their significant women. At the same time, the situation is aggravated by the fact that a man, being in a codependent relationship with another woman, sincerely does not understand what the problem is and what does not suit you, he wants to please both you and her, and each “pulls the blanket” to his side.

His child and first wife play a significant role in his life even after separation, and there is a high probability that it will always be so. Therefore, you must define a clear position for yourself on what conditions you are ready to let them into your husband’s life. Scandals and prohibitions will only lead to unnecessary conflicts, since although he broke up with his wife, he cannot throw her and the child out of his life. The best strategy in behavior is a very soft, balanced conversation, in which you outline your boundaries to your husband, in which you tell him what and why you are not happy with, and offer him options for changing the situation. For example, regulate the latest time for communicating with her, unless something extraordinary happens. Try to find a mutually convenient compromise solution for his interaction with ex-wife.

Tatiana, 29 years old, Voronezh

My ex-husband appeared four years after the divorce. We divorced for a banal reason. I went on a spree. Over the years, he managed to get married again and have two children. And during all this time he never called me or wrote to me. And then suddenly there was too much of it. He constantly turns to me with stupid requests. He asks about my parents, about my sisters. He says he wants to meet. Of course, I loved him very much. But I don’t know if it’s worth meeting him? For what? He has a different family now. And I don't know how to behave with him. I don't have anyone now. And I'm afraid of messing things up. What do i do?

– Dear Tatyana, I understand your doubts. It is sometimes very difficult to decide what to do in a situation where romantic relationships in the past, feelings, and a variety of feelings, “background.” The first question that makes sense to answer is: why do you need to meet with him now? And the answer to it should be given to you yourself, and not to a consulting psychologist. Do you currently have any personal goals regarding this meeting? What do you need from your ex-husband now? If you find something that you could get for yourself with its help (don’t forget that the spiritual and material aspects of relationships are equally important), then what’s stopping you from getting it? “To screw things up” is probably about frustration. Where there are no expectations, there is no suffering. Therefore, focus solely on yourself and your goals and the reality of achieving them. And ask this man directly what he needs from you?

Remember that any family is an extremely stable system striving for consistency. Any family system develops through crises. Early regulatory crises – 1 year and 3 years. Perhaps your current family ex-spouse is going through difficult times right now, and you are “asked” to play a role here. Think about this too: do you want to be an integral part of a crisis that the family will most likely go through anyway without changes in composition?

- Hello! We often communicate our feelings to men incorrectly. You write that you asked to delete contacts, but for a man this is an instruction to act according to your will, pressure. Most men react to this with resistance. It's another matter if you explain to your young man that you are unpleasant about his communication with another woman, it offends you. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings, because unconsciously a man can provoke this with his behavior! Now take your mind off this situation.

Remember how your relationship began, what was it built on? Which of these is missing now? Perhaps interest in you has disappeared due to “everyday life”, have you stopped paying attention to yourself? Or, over time, they stopped giving a man a chance to show his capabilities and began to bear everything on themselves? So, urgently evaluate your contribution to the relationship, as well as:

• look at your reflection in a full-length mirror. If you are dissatisfied with yourself, write down a plan of events: gym, cosmetologist, clothing stores;
• observe, are you often joyful and carefree? Your internal state, like your external one, depends only on you. If you are tormented by fears, low self-esteem, and want to whine all the time, seek help from a psychologist. We must use any means to maintain a good emotional background;
• Come up with and use pleasant morning rituals for a positive charge for the whole day: music, dancing, a cup of coffee, a shower with some special remedy - leave it for the morning. How you greet the day is how you will spend it.

See how your changes will affect your relationship. A man will only look at you! Congratulations to you!

Once upon a time you fell in love with each other seriously and for a long time. You have mutual friends, hobbies, and his mother became yours best friend. You thought it would be forever, but suddenly the happiness ended - you broke up. Why are you still communicating with your ex-man?

After a breakup, some women find any mention of their now ex-lover unpleasant. They want to break all ties and burn bridges that even indirectly hint at past happiness.

But maybe this is not the only scenario? After all, along with lost love, you have to lose new friends, opportunities, hobbies and many other useful and interesting things.

In what cases is it simply necessary to maintain relationships with your exes, and in what cases should you not do this?

Real friendship

Friendship with an ex: coincidence

Friendship with an ex

Lena and Sergei lived together for two years, and then suddenly realized that their relationship was futile. Initiator gap there was Lena, who realized that she simply needed a real family and children, for which, alas, the frivolous Sergei was not ready.

And although the couple separated quite peacefully, without mutual grievances or claims, they did not particularly want to communicate, since now their interests had become completely opposite.

But despite this, Lena and Sergei met at least twice a week, and in addition to this they regularly called each other by phone.

The thing is that during their time together they acquired a lovely Labrador puppy, who grew into a big, good-natured dog. During the breakup, the young people were unable to share the dog - they both doted on him, and therefore decided on joint custody.

The dog remained to live with Lena, but Sergei could regularly visit him and walk him, sometimes the girl kept them company. When Lena left, the guy took full responsibility for the dog.

Thus, despite the separation, the young people remained friends, and when Lena got married, Sergei still helped her out with the dog.

Valera and Sveta separated after five years of marriage. Their relationship had been cold and boring for a couple of years, and Valera soon went to someone else woman. Despite the fact that Sveta realized that she did not love her husband, she was offended and angry with him, and therefore wanted to end all relations with her “ex.”

But Valera did not agree with this state of affairs, because they still had a little daughter, whom he wanted to see as often as possible. And since Sveta behaved aggressively, the divorced father took on the functions of a peacemaker.

He arranged a meeting with his ex-wife at a restaurant, where he calmly explained to her that maintaining friendly relations was much more profitable for them than being offended by each other. Firstly, the girl loves the two of them, and secondly, in order to grow up as a full-fledged person, she definitely needs a father.

If her two loved ones are in confrontation, then she will receive a negative experience in family relationships.

And then, it is very difficult to raise a child alone, and Valera is ready to help financially, morally, to take the girl with her if Sveta needs to rest or arrange her personal life.

"Believe me, you are worthy happy family and love, and I was not at all the person who could give you all this. But I good father and it will be much easier for you. So let's maintain friendly relations"- Valera finished his speech.

Svetlana realized that she had behaved very selfishly towards her daughter and agreed with her ex-husband. And indeed, why take revenge when you can maintain mutually beneficial cooperation?

Ira and Lesha were together for many years the best couple in modern dances. Their collaboration grew into a romance, but Love did not last long - Ira fell in love with someone else. In order not to hurt Lesha, she wanted to move on to another partner.

The coach turned out to be a wise woman and explained to the girl that she shouldn’t ruin her career because of a failure in love. She and Lesha are a very successful couple, and it’s not a fact that they will succeed with other partners.

“You are still very young, a lot of things will happen and change in your personal life. But your couple’s success has been developing over the years. Don’t blame yourself and don’t feel sorry for him. Remain a good friend and partner to Lesha.”

At first, it was difficult for the girl to remain calm, because the guy continued to be jealous of her. But the relationship gradually improved, and soon Lesha fell in love with another girl and the balance in the dancing couple was restored again.

When the young people became prize-winners of one of the prestigious championships, Lesha thanked Ira for his patience and support: “I was offended by you then, I wanted to change my partner. Well done for preserving our friendship and couple, because together we are a team of champions!”

Conclusion: if you have children or animals that you cannot part with, a joint business or another common endeavor where you are successful as a couple, then maintaining a relationship with your “ex” is in your best interests.

Of course, this is not always easy to do; in some cases, it requires a lot of work on oneself, and sometimes the help of a psychologist, to make friendship possible. But in this case, cooperation will bring much more benefits than your own selfishness, resentment or revenge.

No friendship!

Friendship with an ex: a real relationship

Friendship with an ex

Lera and Pasha met at a party and soon became lovers. They had a lot in common: they liked the same books, films, they were both fond of skydiving, loved horses, traveling, they even had the same culinary preferences.

Unfortunately, the passion between the young people soon passed - it turned out that it was in love and sex that their views diverged.

For some time the couple tried to improve their relationship, but soon the attempts were stopped. After a frank conversation, they decided to break up.

But the separation did not work out - Lera and Pasha constantly met at parties with mutual friends, at the parachutist club, at the hippodrome... They called each other and consulted about everything in the world.

Even when Pasha met the girl of his dreams, the first thing he did was tell Lera about it. In general, the former lovers decided to officially become friends - and now they are family friends.

Conclusion: There are situations when remaining friends is much more honest and profitable than maintaining a faded passion.

Many people don’t even realize that having lost a lover, you can gain best friend - the main thing is not to deceive yourself.

Of course, such “high” relationships are rare. For example, if you both realized that there is no sexual attraction between you, but there is a strong spiritual or intellectual connection.

In this case, you should not completely end the relationship or try to regain your former passion.

Just admit that you are just friends and enjoy this relationship. One more an important condition Such friendship is the absence of mutual claims, the personal maturity of both partners and self-confidence.

Typically, such people quickly find worthy matches, but despite this, they continue to maintain friendly relationships, including their new partners in them.

The right decision

Friendship with an ex

Anya ran away from alcoholic husband when his cruelty crossed all boundaries - he began to beat not only her, but also the children. After some time, the husband found Anya and began to repent of what he had done.

He stated that he loved her and the children and was ready to maintain friendly relations. Anya agreed because she believed that the children needed a father - albeit an alcoholic. Her illusions about this were dispelled after her ex-husband took the children for the weekend.

On Saturday evening, the eldest daughter called Anya and asked her to pick them up in tears. It turned out that dad got drunk and after half an hour of violence fell asleep right on the floor.

Tanya loved her husband very much. His announcement that he had fallen in love with another woman took her by surprise. The husband said that he treats Tanya very well and is ready to maintain friendly relations for the sake of the child.

Tanya agreed because deep down she hoped to get her husband back. Every meeting with him felt like pain in my heart.

And when Tanya saw how her ex-husband and his new passion were walking with her child, the girl began to have the most real hysteria. Pain, resentment, despair, helplessness - that’s what she experienced, and there was absolutely no room for friendship here.

Maya and Artem broke up after three years of romantic relationship. The initiator of the breakup was Maya, who was tired of despotism and rigidity lover Artem immediately agreed with everything and offered to remain friends.

The girl was glad that everything went so easily, and they became friends. Artem continued to call her, inviting Maya to the movies, cafes and parties with friends. She agreed a couple of times, and then began to refuse - after all, her plans did not include such close communication.

Then Maya had a fan, but the relationship ended before it began. The most interesting thing is that the same thing happened to the next three young people.

The fourth guy turned out to be the bravest, and, coming to Maya with a black eye and a broken arm, he said that he had filed a police report against “this crazy guy.”

It turned out that Artem threatened all the fans of his former passion, sincerely believing that she would soon return to him. Maya regretted more than once that she had given the guy hope by agreeing to friendship.

Conclusion: there are situations when friendship is impossible, even dangerous. Firstly, when your “ex” is uncontrollable, aggressive, suffering from severe forms of addiction (alcohol, drugs, violence etc.) person.

Relationships with such people are possible only after they have been cured, otherwise you endanger not only yourself, but also your children. As a last resort, communication between such a dad and children is possible only under your supervision!

If you continue to love your ex, then friendship is also impossible until you end this relationship for yourself and get rid of the feeling. Otherwise, you will constantly feel pain, resentment or anger.

And then the girl made a wise decision: to act as if nothing had happened. Communicate with everyone in the same way, go to the same places, but don’t pay attention to Sasha.

Or rather, just maintain a formal, polite relationship with him. She answered all questions from mutual friends about their breakup neutrally, noting that Sasha was a cool guy, they just weren’t right for each other.

As a result, Yulia managed to get what she wanted, even make a career thanks to acquaintances ex-lover and they subsequently remained good friends with Sasha.

Conclusion: it happens that a relationship with a lover turns out to be less valuable than his connections, friends and the life he can give. You don't have to lose it all because of a breakup.

If you are interesting on your own, and not just in tandem with your “ex,” then you can continue relationships with the people you like. The main rule here is not to allow yourself to make unflattering statements about your “ex”, and not to talk about your relationship in front of people.

Also, be prepared to remain calm and friendly when meeting with your “ex,” even if he goes along with a new passion. You don't need to communicate, just be polite and correct.

How many people there are, so many relationship options. And no matter how much you want to maintain your friendship with your “ex,” one thing is obvious: flowers are unlikely to grow on land overgrown with weeds.

Revenge, resentment, anger, melancholy, unhappy love, The desire to manipulate the feelings of another is not the best soil for friendship.

Ekaterina GORSHKOVA

Tells family psychologist, consultant on interpersonal relationships, director of the dating agency “Me and You” Elena Kuznetsova.

If there is a “connecting link”

The friendship that former couples maintain is natural only if these people are connected by something after a breakup, for example, a child or a common business, says the psychologist.

Most often, women who are jealous of their exes, and out of emotion, ladies often put forward harsh ultimatums to their partners. This is not always correct, because assertive actions can only achieve results from weak men who are accustomed to submitting. A normal man will be unhappy with your demands.

Kuznetsova agrees that sometimes there really is: if a couple was once connected by strong feelings, then it is likely that they have not completely faded away. And looking at the child, the man still thinks about his ex-wife. It’s another matter if his lady is already in a new relationship, or there has never been much love in the family - there is no reason to worry.

When “fighting” with a rival, do not strictly limit the man, since he still cannot stop seeing his child or leaving the business he shares with his ex-wife. Act gently: you can cry, be sad, even talk about your fears. You can, again in a gentle form, offer an alternative. For example, do not go to your ex to communicate with the child in her house, but take the baby to your place for the weekend.

The new woman should be fully armed and if the man is still not indifferent to her. You should carefully find out from your chosen one what he liked in past relationships and what he lacked. After this, try to give your partner everything he needs: care, attention, sex, etc.

When nothing connects

If there is no “connecting link”, but the man still often communicates with his ex, or even former passions, saying that he remained in touch with everyone after the breakup good relations, this is a cause for concern.

“You can’t even name such a man. This is a man-woman, he is everyone’s best friend. Or he is a womanizer, and for him you are just another passing option. With a high degree of probability, we can say that such a man does not just see his exes, but meets them for sex,” notes Kuznetsova.

If a man does not communicate in a friendly manner with all his exes, but only with one woman, this relationship is still unnatural.

“If nothing connects people, what is the point of maintaining a relationship? Ask for advice, talk about your personal life? How then can you look your current passion in the eyes?” - continues the psychologist.

Kuznetsova explains that there is no such thing as pure, it is always based on something, either on feelings that have not yet cooled down, or on some kind of benefit, which does not necessarily mean something material. For example, a man likes to communicate with his ex because she has a calming effect on him. But then another question arises: why does your partner seek solace not from you, but from his previous passion?

The psychologist’s verdict is this: communication with exes when there is no “connecting link” between them is abnormal. And we need to fight this.

To start new girl you need to find out for what purpose her man is dating her ex. Carefully, without unnecessary emotions, several times, “approaching” from different directions, ask the same question. There should be some time between questions. If a man always gives the same answer, then his current lady needs to think about why she can’t give her chosen one what her ex gives him. We need to try to correct the situation.

If the answers are different, then the man is probably deceiving you. And, most likely, his meetings with his ex.

You can also call the man for a frank conversation and explain to him that you are unpleasant about his communication with his ex. It is possible that your chosen one did not even naively suspect this and for your sake will break with his past.

Internet doesn't count?

Often communication with exes takes place on the Internet. Often men on voiced new woman complaints about this, they ask not to make mountains out of molehills, because “it’s just the Internet.”

There is a very fine line here, and situations can be different, notes Elena Kuznetsova. She is sure that if a man loves his woman, he will not hurt her. Or if he sees that the current woman is jealous, he will try to explain the situation. It will show correspondence, from which it is clear that they communicate with their ex extremely rarely, they simply congratulate each other on the holiday, for example.

Another thing is that the man denies everything, and in the evenings he disappears on the Internet, and his communication with his ex is very close. And even though we are talking not about real, but about virtual relationships, emotionally he is still with the other. He can be with a real woman, for example, for the sake of bed or “saucepans”.

Useful information

“It sounds funny, but in this situation real woman finds himself in an even less advantageous situation than the virtual one, with which the man lives internally and shares his impressions. If a man behaves like this, it means he is bored with his new woman. He does not receive what he receives from the previous chosen one,” states the psychologist.

A new girl needs to think more about her man in order to first displace and then replace her virtual friend, because interesting communication is rare. Just do not use assertive tactics under any circumstances if we are talking about a normal man and not. Rigidity can simply lead to a breakup, because your chosen one has already preferred another woman in terms of communication. And if a woman, less interesting in this regard, sets her own conditions, the man gets angry and says: “Don’t be hysterical, don’t invent something that doesn’t exist” - that is, he is already putting up blockers. If a woman continues to fight against a blocked door, she faces even more aggression.

If you have questions for psychologist Elena Kuznetsova, you can ask them by writing a letter to the editorial office of AiF-Vladimir: [email protected].