It so happened that my middle son and I had to change 3 schools!
The teachers didn't like his slowness)
Today we will talk about what to do when teachers say that your child is not developed... or is a poor student, or does not understand teachers well.
This is generally a very common situation and parents are usually lost and don’t know what to do.
Typical erroneous behavior of parents: they either begin to scold the child, punish him in some way, force him to study, or, on the contrary, begin to conflict with teachers.
There is no need to do both!!! This only makes the situation worse!
What needs to be done?!
I will tell you a step-by-step plan to check what reasons there may be.
What does this situation mean? That child at the moment moment does not fit into some school system, i.e. something is wrong, something is broken!
For the child himself, this situation is difficult; he does not really understand what is required of him.
And here we need to help him.
To help him, you need to consistently check the following 5 reasons why the child began to lag behind!
1 reason is the most common
It's stressful, now there is some overkill in the school curriculum.
Firstly, there are a lot of subjects and in some subjects there are a lot of assignments.
And due to the fact that homework is given on different subjects, there really is a natural overload.
The child first studies at school, when he comes home he cannot rest and he is still burdened with homework.
Without time to rest or complete tasks, the child begins to become stressed!
And now an important point: if a person is stressed (not just a child), his intellect turns off!
At this moment, the child really stops understanding what is written.
In such a situation, you need to help the child mentally, i.e. don’t do his homework for him, because then his education will be meaningless, but provide spiritual support, sit down with him, do the task, saying that we are in no hurry, and you simply explain the conditions to him and watch how he finds it himself answer!
Reason 2
The child is sick or absent. And he comes to class and does not understand what is going on now.
In this case, the children begin to worry very much; the teacher says something, but they don’t understand and don’t know who to turn to.
It turns out that your child does not understand something, and he is also punished with grades.
Here you need to be very attentive and just talk without interrogating) what did they talk about at school today? and what happened in class? What was interesting?
If the child answers everything, then this is not the reason, but sometimes it happens that he speaks, but I don’t remember or I don’t understand. Then you need to pay attention and help him!
Reason 3 is complicated
Conflict at school with other children.
Here you need to approach this issue very, very carefully because as soon as your child begins to have a serious conflict with other children, no matter what caused it, but as a rule the child is in such a strong emotional state, either in aggression, or vice versa in fear that he simply forgets about studying, he is not able to study.
We need to understand the essence of the conflict, help him continue to learn and treat it as carefully as possible.
You can even allow your child not to study for a while if there is some kind of strong conflict!
4 reason
Not favorite items.
Naturally there are many items and various reasons The child may not like them.
Either the subject itself is boring, or the teacher presents it very poorly.
And it happens that the child has no interest in this particular subject.
And if there are only one or two such items, then in this case it must be accepted as it should be; forcing it is pointless - it will only ruin your relationship with the child.
Just accept the fact that the child will not have very good grades in some subject!
5 reason
Conflict with the teacher.
What is the cause of any conflict? The teacher is also a person and he may have different moods.
And at some point, the teacher, not being in a very good mood, somehow publicly insulted a student or a group of students.
And the teacher, in turn, begins to show who is in charge, reduce grades accordingly, write notes in a diary, etc.
The situation here is very delicate. We need to separate them as quickly as possible, as they say, “let’s forget,” count, well, it happens.
Such an accident, no one is to blame. Do not blame the teacher under any circumstances, he is also a human being and is prone to nervous breakdowns, especially at school)
You, as a parent, need to go and talk to this teacher about what the child is going through.
And to tell a child that you understand him, yes, this happens and to say that in adult life This happens, people conflict.
This situation will be some kind of life lesson for your child if everything is resolved correctly and told to him!
Bottom line, what to do when you are told at a school meeting or called to school and told that your child is not a good student - try to check all these 5 reasons and help your child cope!
There were all these 5 moments in my life, it’s not easy for children’s shoulders to carry such a load, that’s why we are parents, to help our children!
We recently published . In short, the exam became “more on Russian and less on literature.” Readers immediately began to comment with indignation on the innovation: the previous exam format forced children to read the classics, but now they will completely abandon this soul-saving activity!
Without going into arguments about how much use there is from such “reading” of the classics, let’s think: why is reading such a huge value in general?
When I was a child, the opportunity to retire with an interesting book had to be earned.
- I've done my homework? Did you wash the dishes? Did you go get some bread?- my mother was sternly interested, finding me with a volume of “The Three Musketeers”.
- You’re reading again,- Dad was upset, - at least go outside, breathe some fresh air, look how nice the weather is!
I remember this not to discuss how my parents managed to raise a reading girl, and not even to discuss whether the air in the window is different from the freshness on the street in the center of an industrial city. But just to highlight an important point:
” More recently, a generation ago, to reading fiction treated as relaxation and entertainment. And an hour was allotted to him, like any kind of fun, but time was allotted to the work.
Today, you can often observe exactly the opposite picture: mom hisses at dad for turning to his son at the wrong time:
- Hush, hush (don’t scare me away), can’t you see, he’s reading!
They treat with such trepidation a person who has taken on hard but useful work, but not someone who has fun in his spare time. It’s hard for me to imagine that my mother, having caught me, ten years old, with the “three musketeers”, would tiptoe out of the room, saying: “Read, read, I’ll run for bread myself!”
And, frankly, this attitude towards fiction was healthier and more natural. Why have we turned fiction into a fetish in the first place?
“Love the book - the source of knowledge!”
We often quote Maxim Gorky, but rarely remember the pathetic continuation of the phrase:
“Love a book - a source of knowledge, only knowledge is saving, only it can make us spiritually strong, honest, reasonable people who are able to sincerely love a person, respect his work and heartily admire the wonderful fruits of his continuous great work.”
” If we ignore the offensive fact that the writer actually denied his contemporaries, almost all of whom were illiterate, honesty, rationality and even the ability to sincerely love, we must admit: the book is still a source of knowledge today, and this book is a textbook. Everything else is a manifestation of the messianic sentiments of Alexei Maksimovich, who considered the education of morality to be the prerogative of literature.
“Hearty admiration of the fruits of labor” and the ability to sincerely love a person - things not directly related to reading. In other words: the ability to read is basic for mastering any professional skills. You don't have to enjoy reading it.
“I owe everything good in me to books.”
It is clear that in the time of Gorky, at the end of the 19th century and the beginning of the 20th, there were especially no alternatives to the book, and one might even be surprised at the foresight of Vladimir Lenin, who declared that cinema is the most important art for us. By the way, in a conversation with Lunacharsky, he not only casually admired cinema, but gave very specific instructions to shift the emphasis from entertaining films to political chronicles and scientific pop. Since then, television and Internet technologies have been added to cinema, but we still believe that books are an elite culture, and everything else is cultural fast food.
” I have never met a mother who was worried that her child, for example, did not watch movies. How is it that my son is already 15, but he doesn’t want to enjoy Tarkovsky’s masterpieces! He doesn't want to - and doesn't enjoy it. Meanwhile, for some reason he is obliged to be inspired by Dostoevsky...
Modern publishing houses offer children and teenagers, along with masterpieces, a huge amount of paper waste. Like cinema, and the music industry, and the Internet... But it is literature that we are biased towards; reading even the most meaningless books is considered a useful activity - “nothing, let him get excited, then he’ll come to the classics,” while for some reason no one regards watching videos from YouTube as the first step to watching the films of Kurosawa and Antonioni.
In a fit of nostalgia, many people like to remember this widely circulated phrase. I would like to ask - what did this give us? Have we become the healthiest nation? The richest? The most influential or peace-loving? Maybe this at least saved the state from economic and political disaster? It seems that the ability of a Soviet citizen to endlessly absorb printed materials is similar to meaningless records from the Guinness Book, like spitting cherry pits at a distance.
Whatever Maxim Gorky might think, books (and good books!) have not made us more intelligent, stronger and more honest than less book-loving countries. It seems that our book omnivory was caused not by the peculiarities of the spiritual development of the nation, but simply by a hunger for “spectacles” that could not be satisfied by two television programs.
” We have to admit with regret that the love of reading does not provide any additional bonuses at all.
It may seem that we belittle the importance of literature and even discourage children from reading. Not at all! Rather, we are looking for a reasonable niche for fiction in modern life.
” A book is a pleasure, it is entertainment, but it is by no means an intellectual panacea. The love of reading is a wonderful hobby, but not a mandatory part of the program. Unread Tolstoy and Dostoevsky are just novels on a bookshelf, and not at all a shameful parental fiasco.
Reading Prishvin's descriptions of nature does not have any special advantages over contemplating Shishkin's paintings or listening to a Vivaldi concert. But you can, without being content with a skillful copy, enjoy the beautiful original - take a walk through the autumn forest!
Are you really worried that your child isn't reading?
As is known, timely and complete mastery of speech is an important condition development of the child's personality. The process of speech formation covers several age stages.
Particularly productive and important in this regard is the period of early and junior preschool age from 0.8-1 year to 3-4 years. During this short period of time, the child masters the basic laws of language. By the age of 3-4 years, his vocabulary consists of approximately 800-1000 words, while the child practically does not use onomatopoeia and lightweight versions of words. He knows how to construct basic types of sentences in compliance with grammatical rules. Four year old child can retell the content of a simple fairy tale, talk about his actions, analyze his everyday situation.
This period is described in most detail, stage by stage, by specialists in the field of children's speech. Below we provide a table that shows the sequence of appearance of certain phenomena in children's speech and indicates the age standards for their appearance. This time is not strictly obligatory; the timing and, to some extent, the sequence of development of speech forms can vary in accordance with individual characteristics and the gender of the child.
The table in column 3 provides average statistical data on the time frame during which certain forms of communication and linguistic units may appear in accordance with the norm of development. These periods can be quite extended, which is explained by the individual developmental characteristics of the child. However, if during a certain period the indicated forms do not appear, or you see isolated manifestations, this should alert you.
Dynamics of speech formation in ontogenesis.
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It is known that the speech development of boys and girls is somewhat unique. Girls tend to start speaking earlier. Their vocabulary of words denoting objects is rapidly growing. Girls master phrasal speech relatively late, but they try to speak correctly, “like adults.”
Boys' speech is characterized by a later onset. First of all, they develop a vocabulary of action names; grammatical structure, but the boys often speak “in their own language.”
The same situation is described differently by boys and girls. For example, a child wants a ball. Most likely, the boy will loudly shout: “Give me!”, and the girl will quietly whine: “Ball!” For parents the difference is small, but for a specialist it is significant.
Wait to worry! Maybe your child is just the exception to the rule that proves the rule!
Signs of successful speech development in a child.
The child's physical development corresponds to his age.
The child does not have any neurological diseases.
The child actively communicates with friends and family and is embarrassed to talk with strangers.
The child willingly repeats after you everything he hears.
The child actively solves his problems with the help of speech.
The child listens to his own speech and tries to correct his mistakes himself.
Signs of poor speech development in a child.
The child develops with a delay.
The child suffered serious illnesses.
The child has neurological diseases.
The child is reluctant to repeat after you the words and sentences that he hears.
When a child hears the request “Repeat” or “Say it again,” he remains silent, gritting his teeth, or walks away as if he did not hear you.
He prefers to solve his problems on his own, without turning to you for help (“independent” child).
The child communicates equally actively with familiar and unfamiliar people.
The child does not care whether anyone understands him. He speaks one language that he understands.
He doesn’t respond to comments like “Say it again better.”
The child’s speech lags significantly behind the level of speech development of his peers.
If you have found at least one sign of poor speech development in a child, then your child needs help!
Why does a child develop speech with a delay?
A baby, when born, does not have an innate knowledge of the laws of the language in which he will speak. He has the ability, at a certain period of his development, to assimilate the norms and rules of the language spoken by the people around him. This is the so-called language ability, which is realized during communication with adults through the child’s imitation of the speech he hears. In this case, the child’s linguistic and speech-cognitive activity plays an important role, which ensures the formation of unconscious linguistic generalizations. As a result, he masters the basic units of language and the laws of their functioning. A child’s speech turns out to be not a simple repetition of patterns that he hears from adults, but creativity, in which speech is born as a means of communication, a means of cognition and a means of regulating the activities of oneself and those around him.
If, for some reason, imitative or linguistic-speech activities are not formed on time, then in the future the child will experience speech underdevelopment of varying severity.
In modern speech therapy, two groups of factors are identified that cause a delay in the rate of speech formation:
a) imperfection social conditions education and pedagogical errors;
b) insufficiency of the sensorimotor or neurological basis of the child’s speech.
The first group includes incorrect methods of upbringing in a family or child care institution, consisting of insufficient attention to the child from adults, or, conversely, overprotection. In both cases, the child does not develop the motivation for verbal communication. In the first case, there is no one to turn to; in the second, there is no need, everything will be done on time. Within the framework of the clinical classification, such a violation is considered as a delay in the rate of speech development of a functional nature.
Often, manifestations of underdevelopment are aggravated by the personal characteristics of the child, who is prone to stubbornness, self-will, and hysterical reactions.
A delay in the rate of speech development, caused by a decrease in communication motivation, with timely work started and with changes in educational conditions, reveals a tendency towards rapid and complete correction.
If a child has immaturity or insufficiency of the sensorimotor sphere (phonemic perception, motor skills of the articulatory apparatus, visual gnosis - see the definitions of these concepts below) or neurological diseases, then such underdevelopment requires not only changes in the conditions of education, but also the help of a specialist in the form of consultations or regular classes. Correction of this form speech pathology takes longer and requires more strength and attention.
If a child has problems with speech development (see signs of trouble), and parents constantly ask him: “Say”, “Repeat”, then the picture of speech underdevelopment, as a rule, is aggravated by the presence of persistent speech negativism in the child. Speech negativism, or refusal to speak, can be expressed actively or passively, but in any case, the child refuses to speak not only on the orders of the parents, but also in any situation.
Parents often describe this state of affairs when the child says a word once, as if “tasting” it, and does not repeat it again for months. Sometimes it almost comes to a fight. Parents first ask to repeat the word after them, then they beg, then they demand, in the end, the child is punished - they are put in a corner. But this leads to only one thing: over time, all tasks that require verbal reactions from the child are actively ignored or rejected by him.
The child is silent or turns away in response to any question, for example: “What is your name?”, “How old are you?”, “What toy are you holding?” etc. He hums and points his finger if he asks for something, but more often he tries to satisfy his own needs.
Such “independence” of a child when he is without outside help, he himself takes out the necessary thing from the closet, turns on the TV, etc., pleases the parents, although it often indicates undeveloped speech communication skills and the presence of persistent verbal negativism.
If you want to help your child, forget the words “say” and “repeat” at least for the first time!
Classes should begin as early as possible.
If a child with intact physical hearing speaks only a dozen babble words by the age of 3, then in this case the process of speech acquisition is not only delayed in time, but takes on a distorted character.
Unfortunately, in accordance with our tradition, parents and teachers do not use the opportunity to organize early assistance for children with disabilities. speech problems and wait until the child turns 3 years old and speaks on his own. Very rarely these expectations are met. You can make up for what you missed later, but it’s a little more difficult to do.
As a rule, the absence of speech or its underdevelopment affects school age when deficiencies in speech development cannot be overcome without special speech therapy assistance. Lack of early help preschool age leads to a number of consequences of speech underdevelopment. This is a violation of the communication process and the resulting difficulties of adaptation in a children's group and speech negativism, the originality of the emotional-volitional sphere, infantilism, secondary delay cognitive activity, difficulties in mastering the entire school curriculum, especially in the Russian language.
The influence of a speech defect on the process of personality formation can be significantly weakened or reduced to zero if early correction is started. This makes it necessary to carry out special work to fill gaps in speech development children. Corrective assistance provided during a sensitive period for speech is effective: from 2.5 to 5 years of age, i.e. during the period when the speech function is actively developing. We do not so much correct speech as shape it, directing it in the right direction, stimulating positive manifestations and inhibiting negative ones. As a result, it is possible to achieve full compensation for speech underdevelopment even before the child enters school.
It should be noted that it is even more effective to control the process of speech acquisition in early dates, starting from one year, when the child should begin to speak his first babbling words. In this case, it becomes possible to “coincide” with the natural timing of the formation of speech rudiments and avoid secondary layers.
The sooner you pay attention to the level of your child’s speech development, the sooner you provide him with help, the more effective it will be.
Dictionary for reference.
Phonemic perception is the ability and skill of auditory perception and discrimination of speech sounds (phonemes). It is formed in a child in preschool age and is the basis for understanding spoken speech and learning to write and read.
Motility of the articulatory apparatus - the ability to carry out movements of the organs of articulation (lips, tongue, soft palate, etc.) in full, with sufficient strength, accuracy and speed.
Visual gnosis - the ability to perceive and recognize the world using vision.
Psychologist A.D. Evans conducted a scientific study and proved that children begin to lie consciously from the age of two and do it out of pure pleasure. Children lie in situations where they are in no danger at all if the truth is revealed: they just like to invent and construct a different reality.
Lying becomes the first act of creativity for a child. If he is caught and punished for this lie, this will not lead to the fact that your child will begin to tell you the truth. On the contrary, he will begin to lie more often, but worse.
Children who lie out of fear of being punished lie in the same type, uninventively, and often get caught lying, this leads to new punishments and new lies, which do not improve qualitatively, they simply change with age.
But if from the very beginning you do not turn children’s lies into some kind of terrible act of disobedience, but, on the contrary, treat them with interest and even pleasure, you will be surprised to find that for stupid and trivial reasons the child will lie to you less often (especially when he is not afraid that the truth will be revealed).
The child will begin to lie beautifully, tortuously, inventively, and this skill will not only help him in life, but will also bring him great creative pleasure. Don't deprive him of this.
A study conducted at the University of Southern California by a group of scientists led by Dr. Yaling Yang proved that people who love and know how to lie are on average 26% smarter than those who cannot or refuse to lie. There are many explanations for this fact, but the most plausible are two.
First, scientific: lying, from a physiological point of view, is a very complex process. When a person lies, he uses twice as many neurons as when he tells the truth. And by the way, hello to those who like to lose weight: a liar spends one and a half times more calories on lying. Thus, he uses more of his brain, trains it more and inevitably gets smarter.
The second, more human explanation is that good liars - focus on the good ones - grow up in prosperous families, where they were not beaten and often were not punished at all for periodic lies. But they did a lot of them, read at night and gave them a decent education. Therefore, in the end it turns out that good liars are smarter.
So
It's nice to lie: you move from the real and gray world into a magical world invented by you, in which everything is possible and everything depends only on your imagination.
Lying is useful You know it yourself, and stop turning your nose up: how many times have you lied at work today? Now, if you knew how to do this better, you would achieve more.
It's hard to lie and that is why it takes a long time to learn to lie.
What you should never say to a child
"Do not lie to me"
What does "Don't lie to me" mean? You are his parents. Who else should he lie to if not you? If he is afraid to tell you the truth, think about how you behave with him and how you came to live this way.
“If you lie, I’ll tell you...”
This is actually your favorite, right? Do you think that if you catch and punish him for lying, he will only tell the truth? Are you seriously that naive? Or do you just not think about it and punish automatically, because you were also punished for lying? Think about why he is lying to you, and you will find that it was you who put the child in a situation in which this seems to him the only way out.
Stop punishing when your child tells you the truth. F in algebra? What is more effective, punish him in some ancient Russian way or explain how this damn equation with two unknowns is solved?
Stop punishing when your child gets caught lying. Instead, help him, show him that you are actually the kind of parent you can come to when you are in trouble.
You are one of those parents who will not add problems, but will help you cope with existing ones. And this is where he will begin to voluntarily do what others try to get from their children by beatings - tell the truth.
"I do not trust you"
Well, of course you don’t believe it. That's why he's a child because he doesn't lie very creatively. Why catch him doing this? Dispel the lies, talk about it. Help your child hone the skill.
For advanced users
If you have already managed to ensure that your child does not lie to you for such boring reasons as skipping school, what remains is the most beautiful lie in the world - lying for the sake of lying itself. This is a rare and valuable skill, even talent. It needs to be developed and encouraged in a child in all ways. Make up stories with him based on his lies, draw pictures about lies, love him.
Did he meet a giraffe today? It turns out that the mathematician can fly? Does the ghost of a little girl live on the roof of the dacha? Your domestic cat knows how to talk when he is alone with the child?
Are you really not interested in what he says? Not the cat, your child. And no, you don’t need to teach him to separate the world of fantasy from reality. There is no need to punish, because life will not punish you later. You don’t need to be taught to always tell the truth, because you always do it yourself (you don’t).
In general, the child will learn everything boring, “correct,” sad, irreparable, and in general this whole life without you. You need to teach him only one thing - magic. We won't lie to you.
