Establishing a relationship with her husband for a wounded and offended woman after betrayal is probably the most difficult thing that can happen in family life. To save the marriage and for the well-being of the children, many are ready to reconcile and forgive. According to psychological statistics, sooner or later most people find themselves in such situations. married women. Not holding grudges, forgetting about disappointments and accepting your chosen one for who he is is a whole science. After all, it is thanks to women’s wisdom that family values and love occupies the main place in the lives of partners.
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How to make peace with your husband?
To maintain relative peace in the family, psychologists recommend learning how to handle disputes competently. After all, it is quite difficult to avoid a showdown in any marriage, and each party can reduce the risks of negative consequences. You can resolve a conflict situation and mitigate your husband’s negative behavior by using the technique of concentrating on your own feelings. Switching all thoughts from the subject of the quarrel to the internal perception of the problem will allow you to control your emotions, and, consequently, your words.
You can set up a conversation with a man for a successful resolution of the issue using tactics. Even if he does not want to talk about the reason for the discord in the family, he will definitely allocate 15 minutes of personal time to listen to his spouse. Here it is important to focus on the most important things for your loved one, which even on a subconscious level are of great importance to him. Raising children, difficulties managing household affairs, health problems, caring for parents - anything can work. The psychologist's advice is based on the inseparable acceptance of difficulties by both partners equally.
Family clarification of relations with a spouse after his betrayal is especially difficult. If a woman has decided for herself and, it is necessary to understand that a conversation about this should only take place once. Sincere repentance deserves forgiveness, but only if the betrayal does not happen again. Psychologists believe that in such situations, as a rule, both are to blame. A misunderstanding or dissatisfaction in bed could provoke such an act by a man. Many wives, by limiting sexual relations, try to accustom their husbands to correct behavior, not realizing that they themselves provoke his betrayal.
How to get your wife back
Reasons for cooling
Quarrels and discord sooner or later occur in any family. In exceptional cases, they become an insurmountable barrier to creating a strong union. Psychologists focus on the fact that in the process of getting used to each other there can be many reasons for a cooling relationship. It is impossible to restore lost harmony without finding out all the reasons. The most common provoking factors are the following:
- 1. The desire to change your soul mate. At the initial stage of relationship development, many dream of changing the character or behavior of their chosen one. In a situation where this fails, feelings are replaced by dissatisfaction and disappointment.
- 2. The confidence of each partner that he brings more than he receives in return. Sometimes there is dissatisfaction with the spouse that he does not do enough for the family. Resentment for oneself personally provokes the accumulation of irritation.
- 3. The desire to control a partner and constant nagging. One of the partners is always looking for a reason to check the phone calls or SMS of the other. An obsessive desire develops to check every step and what the loved one does in his free time. Reproaches and secrecy cause cooling in the family.
- 4. Onset of pregnancy. It happens that the joyful news about the interesting situation of the wife causes misunderstanding. Hormonal changes in the body during pregnancy cause poor health, irritation, and fatigue. Not every man can understand and accept this. The lack of tenderness, passion, and regular sexual relations alienates spouses.
- 5. Birth of a child. Changes in the rhythm of life, distribution of attention to the newborn, sleepless nights, problems with feeding - these are just a few of the difficulties that provoke a deterioration in relations between spouses after the birth of a child. A woman devotes less time to her husband, and he begins to feel abandoned and lonely. Often it is during such periods that men leave the family.
- 6. Difficulties in professional activities. Problems at work lead to quarrels within the family, this is social statistics. If it is not possible to overcome obstacles together, the spouses begin to move away from each other.
- 7. Financial difficulties. Material troubles become the cause of reproaches and accusations.
- 8. Treason. It is imperative to find out why one of the spouses decided to take such a step. Repentance for an action is a chance to improve relationships. If the situation happens again, there is no point in saving the marriage. Sooner or later the couple will break up. This is the reality.
After a quarrel, restoring a relationship can be very difficult. Psychologists recommend that both partners work in this direction. After all, finding a way out of any situation together is much easier and more effective than hitting the wall alone.
How not to argue with your husband
Secrets of restoring relationships
Psychological statistics say that out of 100 married couples Almost 80 have ongoing disagreements. There are no families in which there are never conflicts. In one case, such situations are short-term and quickly forgotten, in other families the problems drag on, and it is simply impossible to save the relationship without the help of a specialist. Every woman can restore trust, loyalty and respect, even if the family is on the verge of divorce.
What psychologists advise:
- True love. True feelings between spouses are the best foundation for strong family. Thanks to sincere love, you can overcome all obstacles and forgive mistakes. If a woman values her soul mate, then it will not be difficult to establish a relationship with her husband.
- Spouse's wishes. Psychologists advise switching from your experiences and putting yourself in your husband’s place. What does he need, what does he dream about, what kind of wife would he like to have. IN life together It is important not only to take, but also to give, trying to sweeten the life of your partner. Making each other happy, doing something nice for your spouse is best ways restore peace in relationships.
- Reproaches and criticism. It has been proven that reproaches, especially over trifles, irritate and drive you crazy. Scattered socks and an unclosed tube of toothpaste are not vital things. The small niggles with which a wife pesters her chosen one every day can provoke serious stress. Often the reason for divorce is a domestic issue.
- Conversations with my husband. Conversations about a man’s feelings, desires, dreams, and finding out his vision of life together helps to establish a comfortable atmosphere in the union. Quiet gatherings can be done with a romantic twist, and then everyone will want to become even better. Equal relationships are a manifestation of frankness and honesty with each other.
- Right to privacy. Not only women, but also men periodically need to collect their thoughts, think or simply take a break from everyone. You should not pester with pleasantries, questions, or showdowns as soon as your husband returns from work.
- Fighting negative emotions. Some women are so patient in their relationships with their significant other that they keep all the negativity inside for years. Psychologists strongly recommend resolving all issues with your husband at once, and not accumulating anger, resentment, and dissatisfaction. Spilling out such emotions on the object that causes them will improve mutual understanding between spouses in the future.
- Tenderness and passion. Psychological reception Positive emotions include the use of smiles, touches, light flirting, gentle hugs, and unexpected kisses. You can even use secret signs of attention or mental messages of love. According to psychologists, this will make it possible to introduce special notes of sensuality and eroticism into relationships. Partners will have no time to dwell on shortcomings or minor troubles, especially if such techniques become a habit.
Which picture appears more often than others in women's dreams? Of course, a caring husband with a decent income, a beautiful house, healthy children. Indeed, it would seem, what more could you want? But the best, as you know, is the enemy of the good. And as soon as a person is given what he dreams of, new and new desires appear. Therefore, many women are interested in how to improve their relationship with their husband? Psychology can give many useful recommendations on this matter. These are the ones that will be discussed in this article.
The main problem that all couples face, even the happiest ones, is that over the years feelings become dull and lose their former sharpness. Those few couples who managed to carry their passion, tenderness, and love through the years are, rather, a happy exception, only confirming general rule. Any long-term relationship when living together carries the risk of getting bogged down in everyday life. And we are not just talking about everyday problems. A calm and organized life without shocks and turmoil drags on much faster and becomes even more boring. Therefore, any relationship requires periodic renewal, a transition to a new level.
Why do people start living together? Because each of us values tenderness, romance, care. At the beginning of a relationship, both partners generously share these feelings with each other. But over time, pleasant and truly exciting moments become fewer and fewer, and living together turns into a habit. Passion gives way to quarrels, falling in love gives way to mutual dissatisfaction, problems arise, interests and desires diverge. At this stage, it is important to renew your life together in time so that the boat of your love successfully passes the pitfalls of everyday life.
In any relationship, it is the woman who is responsible for its fullness, quality and meaning. Ideally, of course, both partners are interested in this, but in reality, of course, the woman is involved in improving the union to a greater extent than the man. Therefore, it is important for her to pay attention to important details that will allow her to do everything to maintain peace and well-being in her family life:
- The female lot is this: if you want to be happy, don’t relax. Continuous operation over yourself, over your partner, over your relationship will definitely pay off. After all, before the wedding, women try to be the best for their chosen one. This desire must be carried throughout life. And many ladies, on the contrary, having heard the cherished “I agree” in the registry office, turn from gentle princesses into unsightly dragons. Believe me, men are not too happy about such changes.
- Caring for my husband's condition. We are talking primarily about the moral state. It is extremely important for men to feel confident. And a woman plays a big role in gaining this feeling. So don't be sorry for your husband kind words and compliments, notice all his successes, do not forget to praise. This applies to both conversations in private and in the presence of strangers. It is especially important not to reproach your husband or criticize him in front of other people.
- Respect your husband's interests, show understanding and try to be versatile. Organizing leisure time is another task for the wife. This way, you will entertain yourself, please your spouse, and create new topics for your conversations. Shared hobbies greatly strengthen a marriage. However, you should not be fanatical in this matter. Your husband does not have to spend all his free time on his own. Sometimes both spouses need to be alone with themselves. To do this, everyone in the house should have their own corner of invulnerability.
- Harmonious, regular sex is one of the foundations of a long and happy married life. Misunderstandings in bed, lack of sex or insufficient amount of sex are direct causes of cheating. Therefore, try to listen to the wishes of your partner, and also try to openly discuss existing problems in intimate area. This will allow you to open up completely and become better partners for each other. It is strictly not recommended to demonstrate flirting with other men to renew relationships. This will upset and anger your husband and could lead to the ultimate downfall of the marriage.
- A correct attitude towards finances is the key to peace in the family. Of course, every woman should be beautiful, and beauty requires sacrifice, mainly financial. But sometimes it’s worth doing something nice for your husband. After all, you need to pamper not only yourself, but also him. This way you will demonstrate concern for him and respect for his interests.
The beginning of a relationship is a period of both striving for an ideal and idealization. Therefore, at this time, lovers do not notice any shortcomings of each other, and also everyone tries to be the best for their chosen one. But over time, it becomes more and more difficult to maintain the bar, people turn into themselves, and all their unsightly qualities manifest themselves to the fullest. Rude expressions appear in speech, behavior often becomes far from ideal. But to save a marriage, you need to work on your relationship and yourself every day. And it’s not too late to start doing this if you are still together.
The key to calm and peace in the family is that both partners wish each other peace and happiness, take care of each other, and think not about their own benefit, but about the benefit for the family. Therefore, it is worth changing your attitude towards many key situations and aspects:
- Hold back when you want to scream. Every time the situation begins to get out of your control and your voice is ready to break into a scream, stop, hold your breath, count to 10. Try to calm down and think that screaming has never helped resolve a conflict. Not a single union can do without a showdown, but uttering reproaches in a loud, hysterical voice will only lead to a new stream of reproaches. Therefore, try to direct the conversation in a productive direction: do not complain, but give advice on how to avoid situations that are unpleasant for you.
- Often the reaction to comments is sharp. At such moments, it is better to go to different rooms in order to calmly digest everything you heard. At the same time, it is important to remember that you need to love in marriage every minute, in any situation.
- Complaining to friends, discussing your husband with relatives, talking about your quarrels will not bring any benefit to your family. Therefore, it is better to leave these gossips and focus on what your husband does well and what you can be proud of. But this should also be shared with him, and not with strangers.
- Show intimacy more often - hug, kiss, hold hands. Let a kiss before work and before bed become a tradition. Touch is connection. It will be much more pleasant for a husband to return home if a warm hug and a loving kiss await him there.
Grumbling at your husband, expressing dissatisfaction, waiting for action on his part will not lead you anywhere. Just take action if you value this relationship and this person. Perhaps your husband is also waiting for the first steps from you and is simply afraid that his actions will be perceived as weakness. Do something useful for your family every day, and your life will become much happier!
Hello Lydia! I’ve read a lot of questions and answers, but I understand that I still need your help because... to each their own. I have been married for 16 years and my husband and I lived well until a certain time. Of course there were problems, but we solved them together. On this moment I don’t know what to do and I understand that I need help. I live in Jordan in a Muslim country and I don’t have many Russian girlfriends, but it’s difficult to turn to a psychologist here because even with my absolute Arabic I can’t describe everything that’s in my language soul as in my native language. At the 12th year of marriage, I began to notice some changes on the part of my husband. I don’t like to get wet and immediately said that if you have someone, then you don’t have to hide it and look for reasons for minor scandals every day, tell me directly and then we will decide what to do. The answer was I have no one but you and I love only you and there is no need to invent. But this didn’t reassure me, I started searching via SMS and literally within a week I found the reason. She was a young girl, 22 years old; my husband and I were both 36 at that time. When she presented it, she first tried to deny it, but then admitted that she loved her and wanted to get married, i.e. take as a second wife. I won’t bore you with all the details, but I had a hard time surviving this fall blow. The girl ended the big war with scandals, tears, threats, pleas, but they melted away on their own and he said that he realized that it was a mistake, etc., etc. after this husband, how they changed him, he stopped communicating with me as before, paying attention at least I talked about this all the time. This happened for a long time, although it was all over with that girl for a long time, but I always suspected, tried to catch, could not calm down. There were many scandals of attempts, but on his part there were only words, but in fact, he began to put the phone on the code while saying that he He loves me and he has nothing to hide. So several years passed, and recently I found obscene photos on his phone that he sent to someone through Whitsun. I understand that they were sent to a certain person, but he already blatantly denies everything, says that there is no one, etc., but at the same time he began to accuse he said very painful things to me and said very painful things that he had no feelings for me and even in bed he just sleeps with me as a wife and not as a loved one and that I am to blame for all this, although I love him and try to do everything for our family preserved. But after his words I was cut off, at first I said that we would close this topic with the photo forever, but after a few days I realized that I didn’t need it, but on the other hand, I’m scared to stay in someone else’s shit with 4 children of the same but I can’t stand it anymore Yes, and I don’t want to, although I love everything just the same, even though it’s not like before, I love him. Please advise what I should do.
, Comments to the post Problems with my husband disabled
Problems with my husbandI have problems with my husband. I've been married for 20 years. At first everything was fine, I was happy, I trusted my husband, and did not notice his shortcomings. After 10 years, it turned out that the husband had a mistress. When I found out everything, he decided to go to her. He did not give money for children. I worked, studied, I had no time for him, although I was very worried, afraid of everything, nervous from everything. I lived with someone who yelled at me and kicked me out of the house from time to time.
Six months later he wanted to return. I accepted him, but he was no longer the same person I loved, I didn’t recognize him. Sex life has changed the worst side. Last year she simply doesn't exist. He always doesn’t have money, and when it appears, he spends it at his own discretion, so the main thing is all on me. He has his own interests: fishing, hunting. He doesn't pay attention to me, although he flirts with other women.
I told him that the family was being destroyed, but nothing was changing, all the problems with my husband that were there remained. I live with him only because of the children, we have two sons. The elder agrees with my arguments, but I am afraid that the children will not be able to understand me, and I will have difficulties with them because of this.
Tell me, what difficulties might there be with our sons when we divorce, and what can be said about my husband’s attitude towards me?
Hello.
With sons, of course, there may be difficulties after a divorce. They may feel angry at you as the initiator, but these are completely natural feelings in such a situation. Children do not make decisions about their parents' divorce and it is better not to burden them with such responsibility: it may be too difficult for them and will only complicate your relationship. It is better to make the decision about divorce yourself, without asking the children’s consent. It is better to show your children that you understand their feelings, but your decision is permanent and final.
Regarding problems with your husband, it is not clear from your message whether you want to improve your relationship with him. However, you ask what can be understood about your husband’s attitude towards you, and from this I conclude that your decision depends on how you evaluate his feelings towards you.
After your husband returned to the family, he changed, and you saw him differently, and this is completely normal. However, it seems that your relationship has not changed, as if you still wanted to see that old husband next to you, but did not accept this new one. Here it is better to determine for yourself whether you are ready to accept him as he is now. If you are ready, then you need to start changing your relationship so that you feel comfortable in it.
Since your husband does not express any intentions to change anything, it seems that everything suits him. After your temporary breakup, he changed your relationship in such a way that he felt good enough in it. For some reason, you didn’t change what you didn’t like about it in this renewed relationship. If you still feel a desire to stay with your husband, then you shouldn’t expect changes from him - there won’t be any, but you should determine for yourself what changes you want, and then ask him for specific changes.
The fact is that your warning that the relationship is falling apart is vague, and with its help you can only warn the person, but nothing can be changed. To achieve real changes, you need to formulate specific wishes and tell him about them. You may have to talk about each of your wishes more than once, since people usually do not like to change the existing order of things. If you see that after repeated repetitions of specific wishes everything remains as it was, contact your husband or her separately.
