6 year old child doesn't listen. What to do if your child doesn't listen to you

The exact opposite option is also possible - a strong personality will be formed, capable of withstanding in any life situations, but parents will not play any role in her life. A seven-year-old child already has enough strength to resist constant pressure from adults. Disobedience is one of the forms of such resistance, the most vivid and active.

How to Avoid Disobedience

In addition to schoolwork, the child must also have household responsibilities. Clean the canary's cage, water the flowers, vacuum the carpet in your room, tidy up your flowerbed at the dacha - the list is far from complete. The child should feel that he is already big, that he can do things that are important to others. It may happen that an older preschooler forgets to do something. It is necessary not to force him, but to remind him that others have suffered from his inaction: the canary, the flowers will wither, and it would be better not to walk on the carpet barefoot.

The child also has moods

Learn to negotiate

Be good parents- not an easy matter. Very often you can hear complaints from mothers and fathers that their children have become uncontrollable, capricious and sometimes even aggressive. But nothing but love was invested in them. What kind of metamorphoses periodically happen to growing individuals? These age-related transition periods are called crises, and the crisis of 7 years is considered one of the most difficult.

Specifics of the transitional age of a junior schoolchild

During a crisis period, the child behaves in a mannered, feigned manner

Throughout life, a person experiences five crises:

• at 1 year (occurs due to adults’ misunderstanding of words, facial expressions and gestures);
• at 3 years old (conflict of identifying one’s “I” in relationships with adults who do not always accept the child’s desire to be independent);
• at the age of 7 (occurs against the background of the beginning of a new stage of socialization - entering first grade and realizing oneself as an individual);
• at the age of 17 (due to the need to self-determinate after a carefree and familiar school life);
• at 30 years old (associated with summing up intermediate results of life, analyzing achievements and defeats).

Each of these periods deserves the attention and participation of loved ones, but at the age of seven this is especially important. According to psychologists, a child’s social “I” is born at the age of 6–7 years. Therefore, the baby will have to build new relationships with new people: classmates, teachers. And now he needs to receive the positive assessment of his actions that he needs, not only from loving family members, but also from strangers.

Features of development of children 6–7 years old

The game remains the leading activity for primary schoolchildren

With achievement school age the child experiences a powerful restructuring of the entire body, which is associated with the intensive development of the peripheral nervous system, musculoskeletal system, cardiovascular and endocrine systems. This causes special mobility and activity in children, but at the same time emotional overstrain and fatigue.

Also at this age appears the new kind activities - study. And if earlier the leading activity was play, now the child wants to feel like an adult and go to school faster. Although the game has not yet left his life, therefore, the education of younger schoolchildren, as a rule, is based on this type of activity, that is, on the experience of children. At the same time, we should not forget that the nature of memory in a six- to seven-year-old toddler is involuntary. Therefore, the brighter the image of a particular concept, the easier it is for the baby to remember it. But it is still difficult for him to concentrate on one thing. And against the backdrop of these contradictions of development, a crisis of seven years arises.

Main signs of a crisis period

Disobedience and aggression are key signs of a 7 year crisis

It is almost impossible not to notice the onset of the transition stage, because it is most clearly manifested in behavior. The main features of the transition stage are:

• mannerisms in public, in the family, attempts to imitate elders (relatives, heroes of films, books);
• antics (most often directed at those closest to you);
• the appearance of restraint (at the age of 7, a child loses his ability to involuntarily - directly - react to certain events, now the baby comprehends everything that happens around him);
• periodic ignoring of requests or instructions from elders, disobedience;
• unreasonable attacks of anger (freaking out, breaking toys, screaming) or, conversely, withdrawing into oneself;
• differentiation of one’s “I” into public and internal;
• the need for recognition by adults of the importance of the individual.

It often happens that parents from this entire list pay attention only to disobedience: after all, in this way the usual hierarchy of adult-child relationships is violated, the baby becomes “uncomfortable.” However, this is a misconception about the significance of this manifestation of the crisis. Much more important is that the little person during this period needs understanding and care. And in this regard, it is better for parents to leave their dissatisfaction and try to help their child.

How to establish contact with your baby?

Don’t punish your child, always try to come to an agreement

Yuri Entin: “What kind of children are these days, really, there’s no authority over them, We’re wasting our health, But they don’t give a damn about that...”

In order for the crisis age of seven to pass as painlessly as possible, adults should somewhat reconsider their relationship with the child. Psychologists advise turning Special attention on a number of points:

1. Allow you to show independence. Of course, each family member has a certain range of responsibilities, and the child can perform them on an equal basis with adults. A grown-up junior schoolchild will be able to cope quite well, for example, with caring for a pet (giving food to a parrot, walking a dog, etc.) This way he will feel that he is just as grown-up, that a certain aspect of the family’s life depends on him. At the same time, sometimes remind your child that the main ones in the house are mom and dad, whom no one can replace. In order for your child to clearly see this, arrange the day in reverse - parents will become children, and children will become parents.
2. Recognize your child’s right to his mood. A child, like any adult, is susceptible to emotional swings. He, like his mother or father, may have a day when everything falls out of his hands, he wants to be alone and even cry. In this case, do not interfere with showing emotions, but after some time, talk about this situation, find out the reason for this decline. Surely this is a reaction to someone’s unkind word or problem at school, with a teacher or classmates.
3. Make an agreement. 7 years is the age when a child already perfectly understands the value of promises. He remembers what was promised to him just as well as what he promised himself. Therefore, if you promised something, be sure to fulfill it; if this is not possible, clearly explain to your child the reasons why the promise is being postponed, and also specify a time when you can fulfill it. Otherwise, the child will understand that the word can be broken, that there are no obligations that cannot be circumvented.
4. Adjust the pressure. There are situations when it will not be possible to simply reach an agreement, since the baby does not yet have some boundaries of behavior (for example, you cannot raise your hand to a girl, an adult, or communicate with your mother as a peer). In this case, of course, you cannot do without an authoritarian approach (“We will do this because it is right. You don’t understand this yet because you are small”). But the most important thing in formulating demands is a calm tone of voice.. Hearing the even tone of mom or dad’s voice, which remind the baby that he has not yet grasped everything due to his age, a desire will arise in the child’s mind to understand the reasons for this or that action, and this, in turn, will distract him from whims and disobedience. You just need to include this approach as rarely as possible, otherwise the child will get used to doing everything only under pressure.
5. Bring a sense of humor. The best way To force a child to do something is to start doing it with him. And so that he is happy to perform certain actions, for example, washing dishes, in the process collaboration look for funny moments (you can come up with funny nicknames for kitchen utensils or write a whole story about the adventures of a spoon and a cup, etc.)
6. Avoid punishment completely. Scientists have proven that physical punishment does not carry any pedagogical value. As well as psychological pressure. The fact is that a child is obviously weaker than an adult, so he cannot resist pressure. But even after doing everything the way you want, he will not understand why he was forced against his will. And subsequently he will grow into a person convinced that superior strength or age plays a key role in resolving any issues.
7. Give the opportunity to splash out your aggression. To do this, you can, for example, hang a punching bag in the room or replace it with a pillow. As an alternative to a forceful outburst of emotions, you can crumple up paper or newspapers and throw them in the basket. It is also useful to sometimes give the baby the opportunity to scream.
8. Talk to your baby. Talk to your child as equals, tell them that you also had such a difficult period in your life. Share your experience and how you found a way out of the situation.
9. Take a break from each other periodically. If you feel that passions are heating up to the limit, the child does not listen to you, does not perceive you, try living separately for a couple of days. It’s only important that you leave and not send the baby away. This way, in a familiar home environment, he will feel more strongly how much he needs you, and, taking advantage of the situation, it will be possible to easily find mutual understanding.
10. Load. Give your child special tasks related to the manifestation of creative initiative. This way you will prepare him for the new one. educational activities. Also, periodically engage in activities with your child: this will not only strengthen your emotional connections, but also add authority to you in the eyes of your child.

Video: how to behave with a child if he is freaking out and nervous

Any crisis is a difficult period in the life of a person and everyone around him. As for the turning point at 7 years old, it is also intensified by the fact that the child cannot find a resolution to internal conflicts on his own. Therefore, adults must show all their sensitivity and love so that the crisis of 7 years passes easily and ends quickly.

Few parents can boast that they have a good child. Most moms and dads are faced with a daredevil who is always getting into some kind of trouble, always up for pranks, and always rebelling. The most paradoxical thing is that such behavior is a reflection of the behavioral reactions of adults. The child observes, absorbs, and imitates you - therefore, your copy grows.

The peak of parental complaints about children's disobedience occurs at the age of 5-7 years (we recommend reading:). A sweet and affectionate baby disappears somewhere by this age, and adults are faced with a devastating catastrophe in the form of a daughter or son. The question naturally arises about what to do if the child does not listen to anyone. The answer from psychologists is always the same: “Engage in raising your baby, starting from 1 year.”

What is the “age of disobedience”?

Each child is a separate world, developing according to its own laws. No one - neither the mother nor the doctors - can give an exact answer when the baby reaches a turning point and the little angel turns into a little imp. One already performs colorful hysterics at the age of 2, the other has not learned to achieve what he wants even at 4-5 years old. The formation of behavior is accompanied by the yard, family, kindergarten.

Psychologists insist that by the age of 2, the integrity of a child’s personality begins to take shape. Having reached the 3rd birthday, the baby has already acquired his own “I” and continues to improve it, drawing building blocks from his own environment. There comes a moment of crisis for three-year-olds, which parents must not miss, otherwise it will be very difficult to correct what was missed. Carefully monitor the baby during this period, guide and stop in time.

Children aged 6-7 years are well versed in what is “good” and what is “bad”. They know how to be at home and in public, in educational institutions, but parents and teachers are often faced with the publicly displayed disobedience of first-graders. A child does not listen, snaps back, is rude, does nasty things deliberately, to spite someone or something - this is exactly what should be taken as a starting point.

Experts talk about a crisis at the age of 7. Why does this happen? When children get to school, they are faced with new rules and requirements. This turn makes them rethink their previous life. In kindergarten, the baby was praised and said that he was already quite an adult, but at school the first-grader heard that he was still small. A sharp metamorphosis of the feeling of oneself in the world explodes the psyche of a small personality. Such a change is more difficult for those who have not gone to kindergarten. At home, the baby did not face a strict schedule of activities and rest; he was surrounded by close people who knew him well. Naturally, when finding himself in an unfamiliar environment with strict rules, the baby resists the circumstances.

How does a “difficult child” grow up?

When asking yourself the question of why a child does not obey, freaks out and is hysterical, look a little deeper to understand where this came from in him (we recommend reading:). Turn your attention to yourself, because the baby is a great imitator who takes all the information from your words and actions. An analysis of situations that contribute to the transformation of a sweet angel into an uncontrollable whim and darling will help improve understanding. If the child does not obey, it means:

• The family does not use pedagogical principles in his upbringing. For example, the inconsistency of permissive and prohibitive actions of parents. Today mom or dad is in a good mood and adults don’t notice that the baby is watching his favorite cartoons until 11 pm. Tomorrow everything has changed, dad is upset or worried about something, the baby is sent to bed at 9 pm.
• The principles of raising mothers and fathers are radically different. Hence it turns out that the child does not obey. If mom allows you to sit longer in front of the TV, and dad shouts that it’s time to go to bed, the baby finds himself in a situation where there are no clear standards of behavior. The child does not know who to listen to, seeing disunity in the demands of adults.
• Close people are lenient towards the hysterics and whims of the “small”. Remember - the child does not obey you because you indulge his disobedience. Children tend to behave at the level of instincts and reflexes. Understanding that you can quickly achieve what you want by screaming, crying, or hysteria, the baby will reinforce this behavior. As soon as you stop paying attention to his violent attacks, the home “tyrant” will gradually stop hysterical and yelling.

Let us note an important observation: children never act up in front of the TV, playing with their favorite doll or car, or in front of strangers. The little tyrant knows perfectly well who his “concerts” affect and who doesn’t care about them. If a child at 2 years old does not listen and throws tantrums, the situation can still be corrected. Time has passed, and a child of 5 years does not obey - you will have to live with his whims for a long time, which will wear out the nerves of both you and your offspring.

How to stop children's tantrums?

Considering that it is unbearably difficult to make a capricious and hysterical child obey, many give up. A common mistake, but a simple pedagogical technique has long been developed. Of course, in order to make any sense, you will have to work hard, but you want your naughty child to turn into an obedient and well-mannered person. Please note - the sooner you try this technique, the faster you will achieve a positive result.

What do parents usually do? Seeing that the baby is hysterical or choking on tears, the mother is ready to fulfill any of his demands. Mothers, as a rule, try to reassure the baby, promising even more than what their son or daughter asks, just so that their treasure does not hit its ugly head on the floor (we recommend reading:). An old familiar scheme, but does it work? The child calms down only for a while, until the next desire.

A new pedagogical technique will help you remove unwanted actions. If you see that the child does not obey, intentionally yells and cries - smile and leave the room, but remain in sight so that he understands that you see and hear everything. If you notice the cessation of hysteria, come back and smile at him again. If the child does not obey and starts yelling and crying again, repeat the maneuver and leave the room. Calm down - come back, hug, kiss.

How to recognize real and imaginary grief?

Apply new scheme to crying and screaming associated with his whims. The baby may cry, frightened by the dog or from pain, or fall into grief from a broken toy if other children have offended him. This behavior is absolutely appropriate. Here you really need to feel sorry for the baby at the moment when the baby is upset. As for “feigned” emotions, using the method described above, you will gradually ensure that your treasure forgets about his “quirks.”

Dr. Komarovsky, well known to mothers, claims that a child develops a strong reflex when the technique is used: “I yell - no one is interested in me, I am silent - they love me and hear me.” It is important for parents to stay in this state for 2-3 days so that the baby learns the lesson and turns into obedient child. If you don’t have enough patience, you’ll have to start all over again, or continue to endure his whims.

Reasonable “don’ts” as the basis of education

It is impossible to imagine the educational process without prohibitions. If adults use words like “can’t” or “no” incorrectly, prohibitions will be of no use. Research has shown that in families where prohibitory words are used for any reason, or are not present at all in raising a child, “difficult children” appear. You should learn to use “no” correctly, since the child’s further behavior depends on the first “no” said at the right time.

The child’s adequate reaction to the ban is also important. For example, your son accelerated on his bicycle and approached the road, your “no” should make him stop abruptly. Understanding how a simple “no” can save a baby’s life, you must know how to use it wisely. Follow these rules:

• Use the word “cannot” only to the point. These may be situations related to the safety of the child himself or prohibitions that are part of the norm of behavior (you cannot throw garbage anywhere, call other children names, fight).
• The effect of the ban is not limited. Your treasure suffers from an allergy to milk protein, which means he can’t have ice cream, even if the child was obedient and got an A in school.
• Having established prohibitions on certain actions or actions, be sure to explain to your child why you are doing this, but never discuss the very right to the established prohibition.
• Get your act together. It’s bad if daddy’s “no” is opposed to mommy’s “yes”. The same requirement applies to other close relatives.
• The prohibitions adopted in your family should be supported by all your relatives with whom your 2-4 year old child communicates. Try to avoid a situation where you can’t have sweets at night, but you can when visiting your grandmother.

What to do if nothing helps?

Let's turn to the advice of Dr. Komarovsky. The famous pediatrician advises parents who want to raise an adequate person to behave in a principled and consistent manner. Stay calm during children's whims and hysterics. Be adamant in your attitude towards your baby's behavior. A little time will pass and you will see how your nervous baby has stopped his inappropriate attacks. The doctor recommends remembering that if the little person doesn’t get what he wants through crying and screaming, he stops doing it.

If, acting wisely and not reacting to your child’s nervous outbursts, you see that the method does not work, the problem lies deeper. The child must be shown to a psychologist or neurologist. Perhaps the root of the evil is located in the medical field. Some neurological diseases can cause this behavior. Specialists will examine the child and find out how to help him. Timely treatment will correct the situation with inappropriate behavior.

Basic principles of competent education

How to raise an obedient, adequate and reasonable child? It's not that difficult if you stick to the basic principles of parenting. Parents must behave as required of the child. The main thing is your own positive example. You can’t be led, you need to tell your treasure in detail why and why you made some decision related to prohibiting or condemning an action.

Praise and explanations

• Praise for good behavior should sound from the lips of parents as often as reproach for bad deeds. Many fathers and mothers forget about this, take good behavior for granted, but explode in angry tirades when bad behavior occurs. If a child does not obey, this does not mean that he has a bad character. The baby, to the best of his ability, builds a model of behavior, focusing on parents and other family members. Praise your son or daughter more often, then the baby will try to behave in a way that pleases you and hears you sweet words to your address.
• It is impossible to judge a child for his whims and resort to personal accusations. The task of parents is to condemn the committed act. For example: the boy Kolya plays with other children on the playground, pushes them, takes away their toys, calls them names, and interferes. Naturally, adults say that Kolya is bad, greedy, and evil. Such condemnation refers to the boy's personality, and not to his actions. If you constantly throw such words, the boy will get used to them and consider himself bad. You need to scold correctly. Tell him he's good. Ask why you acted badly, punish precisely for the offense.
• Any demands placed on the baby should not go beyond what is reasonable.

How to punish correctly?

• Deferring punishment is a gross pedagogical mistake. By depriving a three-year-old of his evening cartoons for something he did in the morning, you will put him in a dead end. The child’s consciousness is not able to connect such a time gap into a single whole; he simply does not understand why he was punished.
• When punishing a child, remain calm, talk to him quietly, without shouting. Psychologists say that even an adult hears better when spoken to without shouting, and this is even more important when communicating with a child. There is a risk of simply scaring the baby rather than correcting the situation.

• When trying to talk to your son or daughter when the child is not listening, watch your conversational style. Think about how you would react if you were shouted at and accused of bad things.
• When talking and explaining, you must be sure that your treasure understands you. Find ways to convey your requirements to your child based on his individual qualities. Simply put, look for an effective approach to a small personality.

The power of personal example

• No matter how much you explain to your child how to do the right thing, understanding can only be achieved by personal example. Show him correct actions, urging you to do the same. Educate by personal example, which will be more effective than many spoken words. Become a positive role model for your child, then he will grow into a good person.
• When dealing with a bad or unwanted action, convey to your child the consequences of his actions. For example, when your baby throws toys out of bed, do not pick them up. Left without toys, the picky one will understand what his action led to. For older children who commit more serious pranks, ask them to trace the entire chain of negativity that follows their “feat.”
• Be prepared to reconsider your final decision, especially when debriefing with unruly children 8-10 years old and older. Listen to the reasons of your 12-year-old son or daughter, let him explain why he did what he did. Perhaps his explanations will change your decision, do not be afraid of this, because you must personify justice itself for him. Show the little person that you respect him and that you are ready to accept reasonable arguments.

The difficulties of parenting are easier to overcome if you take the position not of the child’s enemy, but of his wise ally. Learn to talk to your offspring, value his opinion, respect his personal qualities. Guide wisely and fairly. Establish good behavior with early age so as not to encounter bad things later. Serve as a worthy example for your child and you will succeed.

The age of seven is a turning point in child development. The fact that the child does not obey, is hysterical and snaps, is more related to his transition from preschool to school status. How to understand children at this age? What to do when complex conflict situations arise? We'll talk about this and much more in this article.

Why does a child not obey at 7 years old?

The social status of children is changing, they are no longer some kind of kindergarteners, but adult schoolchildren, and at the same time their behavior is changing. The baby becomes more independent, but at the same time psychotic and capricious. Let's look at the reasons for this behavior in more detail.

Watch this video and learn even more about the main reasons for unruly behavior in children:

The child does not listen at all, what should I do?

So, your 7-year-old child doesn’t listen, what should you do? In order for this childhood period to pass as best and as easily as possible for everyone, parents need to reconsider their relationship with their child. An adult must understand that the child has a very difficult time at school at first and support him as much as possible, and not demand exemplary behavior and good studies. If your child doesn't obey at 7 years oldpsychologist's advice:

• negotiate and fulfill your promises.

At this age, children perfectly understand the value of promises, and if an adult does not fulfill what he promised, the child concludes that he can not stick to his words;

• refuse punishments.

The child is already big, he understands human speech. If he stumbles, explain to him very clearly what is wrong with his behavior. Otherwise, in the future, children will argue their point of view with their fists;

• talk.

Very often, a child does not listen and is rude due to lack of communication. Chat, share your experiences of failures and mistakes. This way he will feel not alone in his misfortune, that his closest people support him;

• direct children's energy in the right direction.

So that children do not want to run around and play mischief, it is better to organize their sports club. In this way, you will help them instill a love for sports, as well as maintain their nerves;

• ask for help.

This will help parents get closer to their child, raise him to be an independent and responsive person, and also increase self-esteem. Show how much you need your baby and that without his help, you will not be able to complete any task alone;

• Be a friend first and a parent second.

Usually, a child does not obey his parents at the age of 7 due to the fact that the latter incorrectly build a model of relationships with the child. No matter how old children are, they need parental love, attention and support, to know that they will always be listened to, understood, given advice, and not punished or scolded. Support your child in all situations.

How can parents cope with a situation when a 7-year-old child is rude and disobeys? Find out by watching this video, which describes the main features of the child crisis, as well as methods to combat this phenomenon.

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Children are our joy, happiness and hope. At times, little happiness becomes capricious and stops responding to comments and requests. This situation may mean that a transition phase has begun, which may bring many surprises. What to do if a child does not obey at the age of 7 - advice from a psychologist will help cope with the problem.

Children have several crisis periods during which changes occur in personally. The age of seven is especially difficult; the entire life schedule is rearranged into the school rhythm. Children will have to adapt among strangers, new problems will arise, due to which they hide under “masks”, in which it is easier for them to survive difficult times.

If previously children were the center of attention, and life was not complicated by such a factor as school, then after entering first grade, first graders are under the supervision of teachers and strangers. These people, incomprehensible to children’s consciousness, criticize their actions and evaluate the actions and work of the children. The consequences of this turn of events are misunderstanding, disobedience, and aggression towards parents and teachers. At this time, the first grader needs to hear praise addressed to him.

Moms and dads should be more patient and attentive during such a difficult time for their children. There are several psychological techniques that can resolve misunderstandings between parents and children.

1. Pressure is not a method of education.

When the baby stops obeying and begins to withdraw, it will not be possible to capture his attention using pressure. Raising the parental voice in such a situation can lead to their child simply stopping responding. You must calmly find out what the child did not like and explain what the way out of the situation should be. The advice of a psychologist will help the whole family cope with the problem of what to do if a child does not obey at the age of 7.

1. No physical punishment.

Using the “belt” method does not give positive results. Children should not be threatened or used physical force. Remember that children are a reflection of the behavior of their parents. The older generation, positioning themselves as aggressors, simply accustom their children to the fact that in the future they will refuse to accept a conversation without a belt.

1. Negotiate, talk and listen

From the height of parental experience and age, often mothers and fathers categorically confront the child with a fait accompli in one situation or another. When a child begins to express his point of view in such a way as disobedience, the parents do not understand that they should speak to the child without being categorical. Frequent conversations with the younger generation provide mutual understanding within the family. It will be easier for you to understand the situation - what to do if a child does not listen at the age of 7, the advice of a psychologist will help clarify the picture of what is happening. Talk to your baby in a language he understands. Learn to negotiate with each other and keep your promises.

1. Help and independence

Encourage your children to help you from time to time. This will increase their importance and self-esteem. In this way, independence is fostered in children. In the future, assistance from children will be offered on their initiative. This psychological technique will bring all household members together in difficult times of crisis. Show with your actions and words that your baby is a very important person in the family. You, as an adult, cannot do without the help of a seven-year-old child in one situation or another.

Some parents believe that if their opinion is ignored by the child, then his opinion should not exist. This is the wrong approach. Children have the right not only to their mood, but also to their personal opinion. They should see moms and dads as friends, not aggressors. To know that they will always be listened to and understood, and not brushed aside and punished. The child must be sure that he is believed and loved. Following the advice of a psychologist, it will be much easier to survive the crisis of the age of seven.