The au pair program was conceived half a century ago as a budget-friendly way to learn a foreign language and culture. Young people come to a new country, live with a guest family, help with the children and around the house, and in return receive a roof over their heads and full provision. For young people of the former Soviet Union, this is sometimes the only way to move to a prosperous state. However, they are often unprepared for what awaits them.
22-year-old Katya arrived in Munich in August. Two months ago she received a diploma in mathematics from one of the provincial Russian universities. Already in my final years I began to think about what to do next. Going to work at school was not an option. I wanted to live a free life a little more and see the world. This is how the choice was made in favor of the au pair program in Germany. Finding a family turned out to be a simple task: filling out a form, a couple of photos “with a smile, without makeup and with children” (as the agency advised) - and now Katya is already flying to the Bavarian capital.
She told me with some pride that they change clothes every day, and because of this there is a mountain of washing and ironing in the house. I tried to do everything right, but everything was always wrong. Either the clothes are not folded straight enough, or there are streaks on the mirror.
“I immediately realized that my family was smiling at me falsely,” she says. She was given a little rest from the journey, and the next day her “training” began. The mistress of the house showed Katya how to properly wipe off dust, how to wash the bathroom and toilet, and how to iron clothes. “She told me with some pride that they change clothes every day, and as a result there is a mountain of washing and ironing in the house. I tried to do everything right, but everything was always wrong. Either the clothes are not folded straight enough, or there are streaks on the mirror.” Dissatisfaction with her work was growing: “I kept waiting for someone to introduce me to the child so that I could finally establish contact with him and start working.” But this never happened.
Then I realized that they were not looking for an au pair, but a cleaning lady.
On the third day, Katya went to the agency to sign papers. The working day was already over, and after her business she decided to take a short walk around the center of Munich. When she returned home, the “guest mother” attacked her from the doorway, declaring that she had not let her go for so long. Katya was told to pack her suitcase and leave that same day. Alone. In a foreign country. Virtually no knowledge of the language. A few years later, Katya calmly recalls this incident: “Then I realized that they were not looking for an au pair, but a cleaning lady.”
Girl for everything
Au pair is perhaps one of the most popular youth programs in Europe. 13 thousand people came to Germany alone in 2016. The term itself comes from French and is translated as “on equal terms.”
The requirements for an au pair are quite simple. In fact, any young man or girl from 18 to 26 years old with basic knowledge of the German language (level A1) can become one. Since boys are rather the exception, we will only talk about girls.
For children, a person becomes an older sister, and for parents, an eldest child.
The program provides that an au pair lives in a guest family as its new member, helps look after the children, plays with them, does homework, and takes them to school and kindergarten. In addition, she does housework - ironing, washing, washing floors, cooking, going to the store. “For children, a person becomes an older sister, and for parents, an older child,” says the program description.
Working hours cannot exceed 30 hours per week; there must be free time for language courses and cultural events. The au pair lives in a separate room and receives €260 monthly pocket money. The rest is provided by her family. At least one day off per week and a month's vacation are required.
One of the main requirements for a foster family is that German must be the language of communication in the home. Unregistered, homosexual couples and single parents are also eligible to be an au pair. At least one family member must have German citizenship. But the most important thing is that the family is ready to accept and integrate the au pair into their family and local community.
“We are just cheap servants for them.”
Angelika arrived in a small town near Freiburg two months ago from Magadan. At home, she received a diploma as a foreign language teacher. “I had a good opportunity to practice my German. And it was also important to understand whether I could live in a foreign country,” she says.
At first everything went well: “I liked the family, they welcomed me very warmly. Everything was interesting, I liked everything. The people are completely different from those in Russia - polite, smiling.” Angelica is in the care of two girls, five and six years old, from the “guest dad”’s first marriage. They spend a week at his house and a week at their mother's. Therefore, even before the trip, we agreed with Angelica that she would work every other week. “My working day starts at six in the morning, when the children wake up, and ends at seven in the evening, when they fall asleep. And so seven days without days off,” she says. The second week of her contract is free, but in fact every day there are chores to do.
After some time, it turned out that one of the girls has health problems that lead to uncontrollable behavior and hysterics. Angelica should have been warned about this in advance. This omission became the first unpleasant signal. A few days later, Angelica had an accident in the car of the owners of the house - she was cut off by some reckless driver, she damaged both her car and the parked one. Confused, she did not have time to remember the number. Returning home, Angelica counted on her parents’ understanding and that they would go to the police together. But the parents’ reaction was shocking: they told her to figure it out herself, “you did it, you pay.”
I didn’t come here to hear that I’m stupid and don’t understand anything. I came to spend this year having fun.
During the conversation, the husband irritably said to his wife: “Don’t you see that she doesn’t understand anything at all?” Angelica was very angry about this, but she got up and left because she realized that otherwise the situation would turn into an open conflict. The next day she calmly talked to her parents: “I didn’t come here to hear that I’m stupid and don’t understand anything. I came to spend this year enjoying myself.” And she suggested breaking up. It worked, the nagging stopped for now.
Now I began to understand that for us this is a program - to learn the language and see Europe, and for the Germans we are just cheap servants.
On average, Angelica works about fifty hours a week - many times more than under the contract. “Sometimes you just want to pack your things and go home. Only upon arrival did I find out how much nannies get paid here, despite the fact that they only care for children and no homework. Now I began to understand that for us this is a program to learn the language and see Europe, but for the Germans we are just cheap servants,” says Angelica.
Ukraine comes first
More than half of au pairs come to Germany from other European countries - Spain, France and Italy. Among countries outside the European Union, Ukraine has been leading for the last few years, with Georgia in second place. Russia, which held first place for a long time, has lost its position and is no longer even in the top five. Why? The authors of the study “Development and trends of the au pair program in Germany” conducted by Dr. Walter, they believe that “nationalist tendencies in Russia” are primarily to blame for this. They caused Germany to lose its attractiveness among young Russians.
Among the undoubted advantages of European au pairs is their cultural proximity to Germany and the opportunity to enter the country without a visa. At the same time, this also turns out to be a disadvantage - Europeans, as a rule, are more picky.
Among the undoubted advantages of European au pairs is their cultural proximity to Germany and the opportunity to enter the country without a visa. At the same time, this also turns out to be a disadvantage - Europeans, as a rule, are more picky, and in case of problems they can easily find the best option for themselves without fear of being expelled. Therefore, they prefer to look for a family on their own, through Internet platforms and social networks. Residents of other countries more often resort to the help of agencies, believing that this will protect them from fraud. Their services for au pairs are free. Only the receiving party pays - on average from €350 to €600.
A woman comes to me and says that her neighbor has an au pair from Russia, and she is such an amazing girl that they want exactly the same
The Catholic Society for Social Work with Girls and Women In Via in Karlsruhe has been searching for au pairs and providing consultations for adoptive families for many years. An employee of the organization, Olga Ogol, says that often a family wants to find a girl from a certain country: “A woman comes to me and says that her neighbor has an au pair from Russia, and she is such an amazing girl that they want exactly the same.” Another family already had eight au-pairs from China. They are in love with this country, and their children are learning Chinese.
Olga’s responsibilities include accompanying the family throughout the entire duration of the au pair’s stay. For girls, she often becomes a mentor on any issues. Olga calls mentality and parenting methods one of the biggest problems that arise in relationships. “Some girls don't understand this freedom. Especially those who came from Georgia. They are used to the fact that if an adult speaks, then no one else discusses it. Then I repeat that it is not your responsibility to raise children, you follow the line of education that is laid down in the family.”
Olga calls mentality and parenting methods one of the biggest problems that arise in relationships.
Another complexity may seem funny at first glance - the power system. In the morning - muesli and coffee, for children - bread with Nutella. In the evening, the Germans do not cook anything hot, but snack on sandwiches. It is difficult for many to get used to this, but most simply remain silent. “I repeat: you are a good girl, but this is not enough in Germany. It is important for me to remove the blocks from them, to teach them to clearly say: I like this, but I don’t like this. They even have to explain that they are expected to give unambiguous answers to questions. If they ask you: “Masha, do you want this cake?”, there are only two answers: yes or no.”
The problem is that often au pairs do not know their rights, and unscrupulous families take advantage of this.
Olga says that she doesn’t take sides - it’s important to her that everyone feels comfortable. However, the family is obviously in a more stable position: everything happens on its territory. The problem is that often au pairs do not know their rights, and unscrupulous families take advantage of this. “They are afraid that if she leaves the family, she will immediately have to leave the country. They don’t say that the term for terminating the contract is two weeks, during which time she has the right to find another family. They can’t put her out on the street because they bear full responsibility.”
Treat yourself like you
Anna from Munich decided to invite an aupair when she realized that combining work and two small children was becoming increasingly difficult. After several interviews via Skype, she and her husband settled on a girl from a small town in Ukraine. According to her, they have complete mutual understanding with the new family member, and the children perceive her as an older sister. The girl goes to holidays in kindergarten and takes part in all family events. The family also gave her an annual pass to the zoo.
One girl told me that her visiting mother demanded that the glass table sparkle every time she saw it. And the children played on this very table, so the task was impossible.
Anna, however, is also familiar with negative stories from the life of an au pair: “One girl told me that her guest mother demanded that the glass table sparkle every time she saw it. And the children played on this very table, so the task was impossible. Often it all depends on the parents, what exactly they want and whether it is feasible in principle.” At the same time, she admits that a family may be quite adequate, “but for a particular girl it will be terrible.” It depends on the similarity of characters. “The family itself may be great, but not for this girl. We were very lucky, we had similar personalities,” says Anna.
Keeping an au pair turns out to be much more profitable for families than paying hourly assistants. Average expenses: €260 - pocket money, €50 - language courses, €50 - insurance, €60 - transport, plus utilities and food. As a result, it comes out to about €500-600 per month. For the same services, the nanny and cleaner would have to pay about one and a half thousand. In addition, the au pair is always on hand. You can call her and ask her to pick up the child from kindergarten or spontaneously go for a visit in the evening.
My German friends, who have not dealt with them, for some reason have the idea that girls from, say, France come here to learn the language. And from the former Union - everyone will get married, take their husband away from the family
Anna says about the status of au pairs in German society: “For some reason, my German friends who have not dealt with them have the idea that girls from, say, France come here to learn the language. And from the former Soviet Union, everyone would get married and take their husband away from the family. I don't know where these thoughts come from. She already has a lot of stress because of the language, mentality, and foreign country. If she goes to language courses, it’s a different world for her.”
According to Anna, during the year that they lived together with the au pair, no problems arose once: “You have to treat the girl as herself. She should be a full member of the family, not an addition, not a cleaning lady.” Already in May, the girl’s contract expires and she enters the university. Anna's family decided that they would become her financial guarantor during her studies.
I want to start with an appeal.
Attention! If you can’t stand staying with children, games make you sick, funny children’s phrases do not touch you and seem stupid, and you consider playing catch-up below your adult dignity - it’s better for you to look for another program for traveling abroad. I'll write about some of them someday. Save your nerves and the nerves of your family.
The same thing - if you value your own independence more than anything in the world and since the age of 15 you have lived alone and earned your living, do not rely on anyone and do not want to depend on anyone, you will most likely work on your character, skills find and agree to compromise and build cooperative relationships with other people all the time while you are operating, which n. Especially if you are over 25 years old.
The process of finding an au-pair family is somewhat reminiscent of the process of finding a job, but at the same time it is very far from it.
It can start by contacting an agency, of which there are now a lot - this is an option for those who do not have enough time, opportunity or knowledge to independently write texts, appeals, descriptions in a foreign language. The agency promises to do everything for you, and in some cases, contacting them is mandatory (you can’t get to America under the au-pair program except through the agency). You can also use the help of acquaintances and friends who will help you find information on the Internet, register on websites, fill out a profile, find a family and correspond with them.
The easiest way is to do everything yourself, even if you do not consider your level of language knowledge sufficient. The whole process of searching and writing texts in English-German-French can be considered good language practice, and when the text is ready, you can always find someone who can check the grammar and spelling.
I started looking for a family on my own in October. I remember how I registered on several au-pair sites at the same time (later I used only http://www.aupair-world.org), chose the most successful photographs (in which I am with the children, we exude happiness and joy, we are smiling, let's play... It's better not to use those beautiful photographs in which you are sitting in splendid isolation, elegant and beautiful, even now on the cover of a glossy magazine... I watched the process of searching for an au-pair by my guest family in Switzerland, when the time of my return to Russia was approaching, and such profiles with model photographs of girls were perceived by them solely as an attempt to find a husband abroad. So it is better to choose a photograph, even if not of such quality, but with children and positivity.).
I studied the profiles of the other registered girls, advice, stories, wishes of families and composed (not without the use of copy-paste and Google translator) my own texts. I wrote especially carefully about what I can give to the family, what I can do, that I am crazy about games with children, I love inventing them (it was only when I was in Switzerland that I realized that this is all really fun and I really like it, I simply wrote that what the family should like), how I like to spend time with my little relatives and friends’ children, that I was left alone with the children, who and how many times (this was written in the style of “when I was 10 years old, I often stayed with my neighbor’s little daughter ...”, although in fact I only stayed with her a couple of times, for an hour, while the child was sleeping, and I was strictly forbidden to take her out of the crib, although I often played with her in front of adults =) It’s important not to lie, but It’s very possible to color and decorate what really existed). Also, I really spent a lot of time with my cousin when he was little, and I had some experience with a friend's daughter from a very young age, and I really always got a lot of pleasure from playing with children and talking ...
Here is my profile as it was published on www.aupair-world.org. I don't think it's exemplary, but quite a few families have taken notice of it. Overall, I think it was put together quite well. And, although every family chooses an au-pair based on many factors (some want a girl from a certain country, some need a girl to work day and night, some have prejudices regarding age, etc.), I still deeply believe that that a well-written profile will help you find a good family (and not one that wants any au-pair, just because you need to work seven days a week, 14 hours a day). A few rules for filling out your profile (my subjective opinion):
It is better to avoid using the NOT particle. Instead of “I never refuse to play with children,” it is better to write “I play with children with great pleasure,” and even better, “I really like to play with children, come up with new interesting games together, both active and intellectual, developing perseverance and attention.” , imagination, I really like to draw with children and collect children’s drawings,” but only if all this is true, by the way, I really collected children’s drawings and still have a couple of drawings hanging on my wall. Instead of “I don’t like so-and-so and I don’t want so-and-so, it’s better to write what you like and what you expect. Then, in correspondence, you will have the opportunity to tell the family that you categorically do not want to do this and that and do not agree to something. If the first thing you do, before you even get to know each other, is to say, “I don’t like this and that and I don’t want this and that,” it looks somewhat selfish and can set the family up negatively.
Sit down to write an appeal to your family only in a joyful and positive mood, full of hopes and joyful expectations. You can prepare yourself mentally in advance - imagine yourself, for example, in a year, speaking another language fluently, having seen a lot of interesting things, having traveled to a bunch of new places, full of impressions and with a bunch of new friends around the world. So it will be!
It is important to imagine how you want to appear in front of your family and proceed from this image. We all have many roles, you need to write an appeal not on behalf of the party girl and playgirl that you may have been on the night from last Saturday to Sunday, but from a pretty, sweet, well-mannered girl who wants to learn languages, see the world and enjoys from communicating with people, with the smallest people - including. If you don’t have such a girl inside you (okay, maybe not always cultured and not always smiling and positive, everyone has difficult moments in life, this is not a decisive moment), this is again a reason to think about whether you need this program.
Spend time choosing photos; if you don’t have a good photo with your children, you can take them specially for this occasion. Photos like “I took the child in my arms and stand there sadly taking a photo” don’t make the best impression; let them take a photo of you while you’re moving, playing, or at least make the child laugh and laugh with him. It is clear that the children’s parents should not be against posting photographs, children should be dressed (children in shorts and/or tights are undressed children, with the exception of the beach, although... hmm... maybe it’s better not to post beach photographs?)
Do not copy other people's texts. This won't lead to anything good. You can borrow ideas and modify phrases.
There is no need for excessive coldness and excessive goodwill. I saw profiles of girls who just didn’t beg “take me, I’ll be the best girl.” Or, on the contrary, “I need this, that, and that, to live in the city center, no more than one child, a separate entrance.” These things usually don't work. Leave presenting demands until personal correspondence with your family, and if there are too many of them and you will not compromise on anything, again, think about whether you need all this.
The families are also suspicious of the girl’s separate wish “not to work with children with disabilities.” Some families, even those with completely healthy children, do not write to girls whose profiles have a checkmark next to “I don’t want to work in families with disabled children.” This is from the field of general culture. Disability is a broad concept; often such children are very good and bright, and communicating with them is a pleasure (in general, this can be said about communicating with any children). In addition, the desire to be a peer is usually a consequence of a general interest in the world and a desire to learn. What, if not difficulties, teaches us? In addition, if a family writes to you in detail about their children, and after studying the letters and photographs you realize that you do not want to live with such people, you can always find a reason to refuse. On the other hand, people who would have closed your profile if they saw the unfortunate check mark have no longer closed it =)
Then you can breathe a sigh of relief (the most labor-intensive part of the work is done), but resting and waiting is not as advisable as searching and trying, so it’s too early to leave the computer. It is very useful, if you have not yet read about how your other compatriots worked, search forums and articles on the Internet. It's interesting and educational, but don't count on being able to fully prepare for what awaits you =)
Now that all the information about you is presented in the best light, errors in the text have been corrected, and you are smiling with a bunch of children in your arms from your page, it’s time to start looking for a family. It is very interesting. Here it’s better to rely on your own feeling and intuition, because the most, at first glance, unsuitable family for me ended up being “the one,” and it’s fortunate that I accidentally decided to write to them.
Still, I want to talk about the points that you need to pay attention to when looking for a family.
Photos say a lot. Look at them carefully. Do you like people? Are they good, positive, open, kind? Are they pleasing to you in appearance? This is all very important.
There are such happy future operas who immediately know which country they want to go to, sometimes even which city. But this is from the category of fantasy. It’s good if the girl has at least decided on the language she will learn. If not, then decide on at least part of the world... But, if time permits, your choice, however, is limited by some international rules. According to which Russian women cannot travel as a partner to England, Luxembourg, Italy, Spain and some other countries. The information provided on the Internet is not always true, sometimes this is due to the fact that the information comes from Russian agencies that put forward their own requirements for age, marital status, etc., sometimes they are simply ignorant, sometimes they do not work with certain countries and They write that you can’t go there. Sometimes sites have outdated information. For example, Switzerland entered into an agreement on the Opair program with Russia 2 months before I started filling out the documents. In the process of corresponding with my family, I was sure that nothing would work out, but the father of my guest family is a lawyer, he clarified all the issues personally. Better still obtain information from trusted sources.
The same applies to the requirements that countries place on future operators.
General requirements:
A girl shouldn't have children. This requirement, as far as I know, is very strict.
The girl should not be married. Also strict.
All other conditions - age, level of language proficiency, etc. in each country (sometimes even in different parts of the country) are different.
I spent hours trying to find out whether divorced spouses are accepted into Switzerland, and my lawyer dad spent a lot of time proving that in Switzerland you can get an independent visa before you turn 26, and not 25, as everyone said. authorities.
It is well known that you cannot get an Opaire visa to Germany if you are over 25. But if you quickly apply for a visa before your 25th birthday, you can.
We will assume that you have outlined for yourself a circle of countries in which you want to try. You can note this in your profile. At first I did not indicate specific countries. Over time, since the flow of letters from families from Italy-Spain-England was quite large, and I wasn’t going to go anywhere unofficially on a guest visa, I wrote Sweden on the list of countries. Then, after a letter from a Swiss family who disappeared as a result, Switzerland was added to my list. Having a desire to go to a specific country is good; most often it evokes the respect of the family; a person not only wants to go anywhere, but to a specific place on the globe. Almost all people have an involuntary respect for those who are interested in their native country, city, language.
Decide also whether you want to live in the city or in nature, in the mountains or by the sea, in the north or in the south. Each option has its pros and cons.
In nature, in a small village in the mountains, etc.
Nature. It's very good to walk with children. A family often has a house with a garden, there is more space, you can ride bicycles, children sometimes play in the sandbox and do not require your close attention. Good for your health. Around the forest (mountain...), apple trees grow, sheep graze.
In order to get to the nearest place with cinemas, clubs, cafes, you need to spend time and money.
Your social circle will almost certainly be narrower. It is more difficult to find friends in close proximity to your place of residence, and there will be less time to meet with them. Living in the city, you can arrange a meeting in half an hour; from the suburbs it takes longer. All students and young people often live in cities. Suburbs and villages are more suitable for families with children.
The dependence on the family is much greater. This is a big minus and depresses many. Although, if the family is good and does not seek to take over all your personal space and time, this can be a positive thing.
It must be said that a village in Europe is not at all the same as a village in Russia. There are shops there, often a shopping center and restaurants are located in close proximity. Amusement parks are often located outside the city, the paths are well-groomed, the houses are beautiful and not sagging. In Zurich it was difficult for me to find a normal playground, there was quite a lot of transport and people around... In my second family, who lived 25 minutes by train from Zurich (for me it was 25 Swiss francs (18 euros) from Zurich, every time, when I was going to meet friends...)
Busy life, no need to spend money and time to get to friends, to language courses, to cinema, concerts, music, library, swimming pool, museum, a lot of people around, random acquaintances and adventures that happen, for example, on the way home with language courses =) Shops, etc. and so on.
Parks can compensate for the lack of nature, and in the center of most cities in Switzerland you can swim in the lake, and there are hedgehogs in the bushes =)
Ecology – some advantages of quiet places in the suburbs are missing.
The stars don't shine so brightly =) And the noise of cars sometimes drowns out the singing of birds
It is important to pay attention to the following points in the family profile:
How many children are there in the family?
One child is not the best option; he will be bored alone and needs to be constantly occupied with something. With several children it is easy to come up with games, it is easy to entice them to play and, standing on the sidelines and watching, take photographs, for example. Several children, when they are together, increase their ability to invent many times over, so you will laugh much more often than staying with one child (you will also have to clean up more =)), in addition, children are generally happier and more joyful when a lot of them. Competition and rivalry, however, are also certainly present, as are tears and whims. But a family with several children, as a rule, has a healthier internal climate and is more fun to be in. Parents don't have enough time to notice all your little mistakes. Everyone is having fun, and you quickly get used to constantly spinning and running from floor to floor =) The experience of communicating with several children, organizing a safe space for them and those around them, sorting out processes and organizing is invaluable.
Children's age.
Some opairs, as a matter of principle, do not go to families with children under 2-3 years old; this is indeed more responsible, difficult and time-consuming. It’s difficult to advise anything here; with young children the games will be somewhat different, they will not pay much attention to the fact that you speak their language poorly; with older children, on the one hand, it’s easier - you don’t need to control their every step and collect toys scattered throughout the house, they are able to explain what they need, even if you don’t understand a word, language practice is much better. However, there is a high probability that you will have to come up with ways to get them away from the computer or wake them up for school in the morning... But some are more interested in older children, others - in younger ones, and it is better when there are children of different ages in the family.
Did the family already have opairs?
In my first guest family, I was the first opair, and it was with me that the family realized that this program, by definition, was not for them, and they simply could not live in the same house with another person. No matter how hard I tried. They had a hard time getting used to my presence in the house, then, oddly enough, they sincerely regretted that they had decided to break up with me, but I found a second family... Which was visited by dozens of opairs before me! I listened to them at the first interview and didn’t believe it - one of the partners stole money, another beat the children, the third was rude to her eldest daughter... One just stayed in her room and did nothing. I was very afraid that it was about the family and not about the relationship, but it turned out that everything was fine with the family, and we spent a wonderful 8 months together. I still don’t have an explanation for why all these troubles with the opera are happening to them (even after I left). So if you want to be an opaire in my family, you are welcome to try (I strongly advise you to first read the section “how I was an opaire”).
The huge number of opairs in the family completely spoiled the children; they did not listen, did not consider me to be a person, did not experience almost any natural interest (because of which children usually, a few days after meeting, ask to leave their mother’s hands for yours, walk with their tails and generally express in every possible way my sympathy), at first I was an incomprehensible character for them, to whom there was absolutely no need to get used to, because, in their experience, he would soon leave anyway. At first it was very difficult for me to fight childhood stereotypes, although over time everything fell into place.
National and linguistic composition of the family.
I really do not recommend that you go to a family that speaks your native language. This deprives you of the opportunity to communicate in foreign languages. Such families will ask you to speak Russian with your child, which greatly simplifies communication, but greatly increases your chances of staying in another country for a year and never speaking its language. Perhaps, if you are learning English, it makes sense to go to an English-speaking family in France, because you will have the opportunity to learn French and practice English. Or even learn English if you don’t know it at all. There are pros and cons to a family where one parent comes from another country. The mother in my second family was from Brazil, as was the eldest girl. They both spoke excellent German, but mom tried to speak Portuguese with the children, and dad, a native Swiss, spoke either Swiss German with the children or German with mom and me. It was a little strange, but fun =) I realized too late that with minimal effort I could learn Portuguese. The downside was that dad used specific words taken from Portuguese, and generally spoke somewhat simplified German, because my mother still did not speak German very fluently... Therefore, expressions and words that were somewhat strange for a normal German ear appeared in my speech =) But the Portuguese blood made this family much more open, friendly and cheerful than most ordinary Swiss families I have seen.
Will you live with your family or separately?
There are families who settle the opeira separately. Previously, I had a negative attitude towards such families and never wrote to them, and then, being an opair, I really wanted sometimes in the evening, in my free time, to go to some other place where I couldn’t hear children’s screams and running around, to invite my friends to visit... With on the other hand, almost certainly the family, if it wants you to live separately, will keep you at some distance (which sometimes is not at all bad and is certainly better than round-the-clock exploitation, which, if the partner lives in the next room with the children, is very possible).
An ideal family (in my personal opinion and according to my personal experience) is a family with several children (but no more than 3) of different ages, the youngest child is at least 2 years old, the family is complete, lives in the city or on the outskirts of the city, in a house with a garden, they used to have open houses, the girls stayed for a long time.
Of course, the list of your responsibilities is important if the family bothers to list them in their profile. The issue of smoking is also important (although many correctly advise quitting smoking before the trip, even if your family does not smoke, because otherwise you will spend almost all your pocket money on cigarettes), in any case, if you are not an avid, convinced smoker who would never won't quit smoking, it's better to write that you don't smoke and start quitting =)
The remaining important details usually cannot be taken into account and found out at the stage of viewing the profile; we will return to them a little later.
I want to be an Au-pair! - I woke up one morning and with this thought I started a new life.
At that time I was still a student, but even then I was dissatisfied with life, although I’m lying, I was satisfied, but not completely.
The second thought that popped into my head was: “Where to start?!” I will try to tell everyone who is interested what to do if the brain gives rise to such thoughts :)
There are several ways to find a family:
- Through agencies in your country where you can come and consult in person.
On your own, without the help of intermediaries, on specialized websites where families in need of an Au-pair are registered.
Through intermediary agencies that are directly located in the countries you are traveling to.
It is important to understand that all options differ in the number of intermediaries and the amount of money you need to pay for their services.
In the first case, there are no intermediaries. Let's evaluate the pros and cons of independently organizing a family search:
“Pros”: no intermediaries and thus no payment for someone’s services; you yourself control the progress of the process, that is, how quickly you find a family, how quickly you start dating, etc.
“Cons” - when looking for a family on your own, you risk ending up with those families who for some reason did not apply to the agency (either they were greedy for money, or they simply did not accept them); if you and your family don’t get along, there are three options: endure and continue living with her, look for another family on your own, or go home; if problems with your family do arise, then there is essentially no one for you to complain to; no one is going to protect your interests (don’t forget, you are in a foreign country).
In the second case, there is an intermediary agency in Germany (Austria, Switzerland)
Such agencies expect from you a correctly executed and pre-agreed set of documents. Typically, such agencies have offices in many federal states.
“Pros” - the site clearly indicates a set of documents, recommendations for collecting them, you do not pay the cost of such services (the host family pays), the agency protects your interests during your stay in the country (you can contact them with questions and problems of any kind), has its own database (many families have been tested by time and other Au-pairs); you fill out a form where you set the family search parameters yourself). If you have problems with your family, you have the right to ask to find another, and this cannot be denied to you. The agency is interested in the relationship and climate between you and your family throughout your stay.
“Cons” - such agencies cannot guarantee you that you will work in the most wonderful family in Germany, people are different and so is the Au-pair; the time you meet your future family depends on how quickly they find one for you; You will have to fill out the documents yourself (but as a rule, the website has recommendations for filling them out; there is nothing complicated that would be worth paying for).
In the third case, you work with a type of intermediary who either cooperates with the same agency in the second case, or independently selects it for you (case one).
“Pros” - you don’t need to bother with documents and worry about how to fill out and write everything correctly, you save your time, you will be provided with advice, and all your questions will be answered face to face.
“Cons” - you have to pay such an intermediary a decent amount of money for something that, in principle, you could do yourself, as well as everything “ against» specified in option one.
About myself, I can say that I was lucky with my family, and not just lucky, but TERRIBLY LUCKY. I wouldn’t even want another family for myself. I was looking for a family myself through an agency of the second type: I found a website, asked questions, collected and sent documents, waited for the family’s response, and had been successfully “operating” for 4 months.
You wait until your family is found, get to know each other, communicate, come to the decision that you like each other. Wait until your family sends you the relevant documents for the embassy (the list of documents is listed on the embassy website). We collected everything, took the money and went straight to the embassy/consulate. There is nothing complicated there. You submit your documents, receive a receipt for the visa payment (for Ukraine, for example, in the amount of 60 euros), go through an oral language interview (for a visa of this type, level A1 is sufficient) and go home. You are waiting for an answer, which can last from 4 to 8 weeks, sometimes an answer can be given later. My friend went to the embassy twice before she received the final answer on her visa. The first time she simply failed the interview, she was invited again, advised to improve her German a little and come again. The second time, she again paid the visa fee and went through an oral interview, waited for an answer and finally left to fledge.
Next stage: wait for an answer!
An aunt or uncle from the embassy/consulate told you in a cool voice over the phone that the visa is ready, you can come and pick it up - pack your bags. Discuss your move-in date with your family so they can meet you. After you have received the answer, go pick up your passport, buy tickets and go ahead.
Upon arrival in the country: within three days, you need to register at your family’s place of residence, then within the next six weeks apply for a visa extension for a year (you receive a visa in your passport for three months at once, you extend it upon arrival). And you begin to “feather”. The gastronomers will tell you how this is done. And they will describe all your responsibilities.
I can give advice - if you don’t like something, or you feel like you’re being harshly exploited, sit down at the negotiating table. Talk to your family, speak directly, do not hesitate to create comfort for yourself in this house, so that a year of your life does not become torture for you. Read carefully the contract that your family will send you, read your rights, and be competent in what you sign.
If you find my option of finding a family optimal and want to do the same, I can recommend the agency through which I actually went. Under the terms of this agency's agreement, the family pays for insurance, pocket money in the amount of 260 euros per month, a travel pass, and also provides food and housing. Work should not exceed 30 hours per week, you must be given 4 free evenings per week and 1.5 related days of rest. You also have the right to paid leave in the amount of 24 working days or two days of leave per month. Don't be confused and explain, if necessary, to your family that you are not here to clean and your job is to take care of children, but taking part in household chores is also part of your responsibilities, such as helping with cooking, cleaning, or just relaxing together. . I go to German courses and, according to the contract, I pay for my courses myself - it’s expensive, but there’s enough money, in extreme cases I won’t be left hungry and without a roof, and I also have a travel card:
In the end, I want to add: don’t be afraid to change your life. It's worth a try. It will be difficult, and it was like that for me, but now I’m completely happy with my life... It’s like new victories every day! Good luck:)
Daria Belmak,
Other materials
After the first month in Germany, the gastmutter told me that she no longer needed my services and offered to find a new gastmutter family. In this article I will write about why I was forced to change my family, what mistakes I made when initially choosing a family, and also tell you how I looked for a new one.
My advice for learning German: To get a good start, THIS (click) German language course for beginners will suit you. It covers all the practical topics of German and more importantly it has cool audios which helped me a lot in learning German.
First, a little background. If you read the previous post, then you may remember that I had a choice between two Au-Pair host families. One family had one child, no pets, and a maid came once a week and they lived in the city, and the other had two children, a dog, a cat, rabbits and they lived in a large house in the country. I really liked both families, we communicated with them very thoroughly and pleasantly, but I chose the second family because I was interested in living in the village, in a big house with pets. I have lived in big cities all my life and was very tired of them, so I was very curious to spend a year in the countryside. I understood that if I chose the first family, then I would obviously have more free time, but on the other hand, the gastmutter from the second family promised me that I would also have a lot of free time and not so many tasks, she told me the same thing previous op-per in this family. In general, I decided to give in to my emotions a little and go to an environment that was unusual for me.
Of course, I quickly regretted it. I can’t say that I was deceived, but in reality there were much more tasks, and much less free time. I had some daily tasks that I always completed, but also a lot of small tasks constantly appeared, since I had to look after both the animals and the children, and in the end I felt that I was not helping the family as an Au-Pair and had a lot I have free time, but I work full time. But I decided that I would complete all the tasks, because I needed to wait until I improved my language in order to calmly explain everything and find a compromise, and also until my visa was extended. But this did not happen, exactly after a month Gastmutter asked me to find a new family, because I did not have a very good relationship with my eldest child. Sometimes he and I had a nice chat, sometimes he could tell me something nasty, and I didn’t see anything bad or strange in it, plus or minus he even talked to his parents. But, as it turned out, Gastmutter expected me to become his great friend, “big brother” and, perhaps, be able to help him solve his teenage problems. For objective reasons (poor knowledge of the language, new environment, different mentality) I could not do this.
Before continuing, I want to summarize briefly and write down the most important criteria when choosing a family. So, for example, you have a choice of several families, you have had a pleasant conversation with all of them, but you need to choose one of them. The first and most important criterion is the number of children and pets. The more there are, the more things are equal, you will have to work more. The second important criterion is the amount of time that children spend in school or kindergarten, again, the more, the better. This may seem like a somewhat cynical approach to choosing a family, but you will need to spend a year with this family and you would most likely like to have more free time. And even if the children return from kindergarten/school at 5 pm, then believe me, you will still have work for 25-30 hours a week. The last, but perhaps most important criterion is what your host Au Pair family actually wants from you. This is not easy to understand, but you should at least try to do it. If I had immediately realized that my main task would be to establish a relationship with a teenager who spoke a different language, then I definitely would not have taken on such responsibility. It is worth noting that despite some of my disappointment, this family had many good moments and they were very polite and kind to me.
Why is it important to choose a good family right away? Because if something doesn’t work out for you with your first family, and you have to change it in a month, then finding a new good family will be very, very difficult, since most families and operators find a compromise and changing a family is, more often than not, In general, this is an extreme case for both the father and the family, and you won’t have much time to find a new family, due to the time limit of the multiple visa, but I will write about this later.
How did I look for a new family? Initially, Gastmutter wrote a letter to the agency, in which she described the current situation and asked to find a new family. After that, I wrote to the agencies I worked with in the summer, also described the situation, and asked if there were families looking for a guy. Several of them replied that they would consider my application, sent many different questionnaires for op-per who change the family. I also restored my profile on aupairworld and sent requests to several host au-pair families there. I contacted all the families who responded positively and, quite unexpectedly, I found a very good family, where I am now, and within a week I moved in with them. Conclusion: look for a family through all possible channels, communicate with everyone and you will definitely find a good family, even if you find yourself in such an unenviable situation. And in this case, the Au Pair program will open doors for you!
Now a little about the formalities associated with changing a family. So, first of all, you need to terminate the contract with the previous family, in my case, the gastamama simply wrote on our contract that it was terminated and we signed for it. The second very important point is that as soon as you arrive at your new family, you must immediately go to the town hall and check in, and also book an appointment in Auslandebechord, because with your multivisa you can stay in Germany for 3 months, until the renewal, but, bureaucratic the work to extend your visa takes two weeks to a month, plus you will need to wait some time for an appointment at the ABH (Ausländerbehörde). Therefore, immediately ask at the interview with the new family - will we go to ABH? And say that this is very important to you. In my case, it turned out like this: I arrived at the beginning of September, exactly a month later I started looking for a new family, another week and a half later I moved, almost immediately we went to the town hall (end of October) and checked in, after which we booked a meeting at ABH for the middle November, and just by the beginning of December, when my multivisa expires, it will be extended. As you can see, despite the fact that I did everything quickly enough, the visa will still be ready at the very last moment.
I hope this short series of articles will help you in your search, choice and, possibly, change of family. If you have any questions, ask them in the comments, I will be happy to answer them. If something else interesting happens on my way of writing, I will try to write about it. Thank you for your attention and good mood!
If you have ideas for writing an important article, write your idea in the comments and I will contact you
Have you heard about the program? Au Pair? Would you like to take part in it, but is something stopping you?
Maybe an endless package of documents for a visa? Or the fear of ending up in the wrong family? Or maybe you're just interested in learning more about the program?
If at least one of the questions was answered "Yes", then let's get acquainted soon! My name is Valeria, a few months ago I came to Munich as an Au Pair and have never regretted it!
Program Au pair - This is an international cultural exchange program that has existed since 1945, which provides the opportunity to live for a year in one of the countries of Europe or the USA with a host family. You look after the children and provide simple help around the house. “Au pair” (pronounced “o peer”) is translated from French as “on equal terms” and this emphasizes that the program participant lives in the family as a family member, like an older sister or brother.
Designed by FreepikIt all started when in mid-April I decided “I want to live in another country!”
And, in fact, why not? Since I previously lived a little in Germany (1 month of exchange study + 3 months of internship at a cosmetics company) and was already bored, the choice of country was almost obvious to me. Of course, I also considered Austria and Switzerland, but somehow it didn’t work out 😁
Then the next question arose - how can you just pick up and leave? I dove into Google and discovered that it turns out... There are many programs, by taking part in which you can go to live abroad, earn a little money, meet people and see the world. Since, while still a student in Russia, I worked part-time as a tutor of German and English and had experience working with children, and at home I, the eldest of three sisters, always “kept an eye on someone,” the choice fell on the Au Pair program - the easiest and most in my opinion, one of the cheapest ways to travel to another country for some time. You can take part in this program if you are between 18 and 27 years old and, of course, if you love children, since you will have to work with children.
Further - family search🔍. “Of course, you can contact an agency, but why pay for something that you can easily do yourself?!” — I thought and went to Google further. Fortunately, I didn’t have to torture Google for long; almost immediately the site aupairworld.com caught my eye, where I found my Gastfamilie, and a week later she signed the contract.
Everything is pretty clear on the website:
- register,
- fill out the form,
- upload your photos (preferably with children)
and voila, we are almost in Germany.
All that remains is to choose a family and make the most of your choice.
Designed by Pressfoto / Freepik Here are some tips to help you from me, who has already walked this path:
- I don’t think I’ll be revealing America if I say that the first thing when looking for a family is to consider the age of the children you plan to look after. If you have never held a baby in your arms, then, of course, you should not choose a family with a child under one year old.
- chat on Skype/What's app with all family members.
✔️ at the same time, find out what hobbies children have, what they like to eat, what to play, when they wake up... everything about them. It will be much easier and more interesting for you to spend time with your children if you have common interests and tastes.
✔️ also do not forget to clarify your responsibilities, since in some families it is necessary, for example, to clean the house, etc.
✔️ ask how much they will pay you. All Au Pairs receive 260€ as standard, however, there are families who offer more. One of these families was willing to pay 500 €. The catch, as it soon became clear, was that the duties of the Au Pair included cleaning the house + the monthly need to buy a travel pass. Here, please note, we are talking about a family from Munich, a city where the travel card is expensive, very expensive. So, before you agree to more money, make sure that you don’t have to pay half for a travel card or buy your own food - yes, such “offers” have been received from some families.
✔️ besides, it would be nice to know what parents do. Ideally, in my opinion, these are people with education, because in most cases this means that they will soberly assess any situation regarding children and adequately approach solving any problem that arises, without blaming you for all the deadly sins.
When communicating with your family, it is important not only to show interest in you and your stay in the family, but also to show your interest in what, in fact, is interesting to children and what seems important to parents. Don't be afraid to ask any questions. You must conduct a dialogue on an equal basis; this is not a “one-sided game.” Otherwise, there is a risk of being rejected, as happened with my first family. Due to lack of experience, I did not consider it necessary to ask what children like to play, what they like to eat, etc. But parents want to see your interest, your desire to spend time with the people who are most important to them - their children. But they learn from mistakes. After analyzing my first bad experience, I realized what was wrong, and in the next interview I corrected myself and coped with it.
- An equally important point is to communicate with the current Au Pair(s).
Do not hesitate to ask her (him) questions either - here it is important to learn about relationships within the family, about how children behave; about the attitude towards the Au Pair (!) - in general, gossip😅.
My family, for example, themselves invited me to talk one-on-one with their Au Pair.
These three small tips, based on my experience, will help you find a suitable family and not regret your choice if you suddenly decide to go to Germany as an Au Pair.
P.S. Read about how to get a visa, and whether the devil is really as scary as he is painted in the next article🤗
