Raising children is a responsible task for parents. But when a woman is left without male support, and a child without a father, this is a test for both. According to statistics, in every third family in the Russian Federation, only the mother is involved in raising children. Without a father, as well as his support, raising a child will be quite difficult not only from the financial side, problems will also arise on a psychological level. But there are no hopeless situations; all the obstacles that arise on the path of an incomplete family can be successfully overcome.
There are all sorts of situations in life, sometimes it is not possible to save the family and a divorce or separation from the child’s father follows. But you shouldn’t panic right away, you need to thoroughly understand all the exciting issues and there will always be a way out of a seemingly hopeless situation.
How to raise a boy alone
Raising a girl for a single mother, citing the psychological aspect, will not be difficult on her own, because the child will take her example of behavior from you. The care of a grandfather or uncle will completely compensate for the lack of paternal attention.
It will be more difficult to raise a boy alone, because a woman will have to combine both the role of a mother and the father himself.
Often boys who grew up in such a family are more sensitive, compliant and attentive than those who grew up in a complete family. There is nothing surprising here; the parent’s behavior model is immediately reproduced by the child and deposited in his subconscious. In a family where only the woman is involved in raising a child, the mother sets an example of how she perceives life. Accordingly, the boy learns the wife’s model of behavior, and this is not very good.
In order to raise a real man, you should adhere to some rules.
Communication with men
Ensure that a child growing up without a father has regular communication with relatives and male relatives. Let the child see his uncle, grandfather or family friend more often. Talking about favorite activities simple games will give you the opportunity to see and also learn male model behavior.
It is worth enrolling your child in various sports sections or clubs, where the teacher will be a man. This will also have a positive effect on the psyche of the growing boy. In addition to learning skills, the child will have the opportunity, albeit indirect, but still to communicate with a coach, teacher or lecturer.
Emphasis on masculine behavior
Explain to your child how men act in a given situation, focusing on the behavioral traits of the stronger sex.
For example, when watching a film with your son, focus on the “masculine actions” of its characters. This will help the child understand how he should behave. a real man in a specific situation.
Praise is a balm for future men
Encourage your son to act in a masculine way. Even seemingly insignificant actions little helper should be encouraged by mother's warm words of encouragement. Simple words Praise will encourage a growing child and give him self-confidence. Any initiative to help on the part of the son should be supported by the mother; this will help develop the quality of mutual assistance and respect for the close people around him.
Even if the father is not around, this is not a reason to focus only on yourself and skimp on praise; this method of encouragement will soon bear fruit.
The formation of a male stereotype of behavior is very important for a growing boy. Since his absence will negatively affect the perception of his son’s personality by classmates, the child may become the subject of ridicule and bullying by peers.
You should not be afraid of your son’s “feminine” qualities (for example, tenderness and care). All this should be in moderation. These qualities will be very useful in future relationships with women.
It is important not to overdo it with caring for your son; he must learn to be independent in making decisions. It is worth listening to and respecting your own child’s hobbies. The son should feel the support and care of his mother, but at the same time feel a certain freedom of his actions and mutual understanding with his loved one.
Reassessment of the past, acceptance of the present
Even if it is difficult to forgive the baby’s father for many offenses, it is worth trying. You need to avoid talking about the negative qualities of your spouse with your own son. A negative attitude towards the father will harm the psychological state of the child. The truth about your spouse will not always be appropriate; for any child, parents must be the best, only then will it be possible to build his successful, happy future.
It is worth telling the truth about your father in a clear and understandable form. Do not shy away from answering the questions posed by the baby, let him find out why dad is not with him now, but at the same time emphasize that he loves his son very much and will soon come to visit. The intricate details of family life with a spouse do not need to be voiced; the child will not understand this, and there is no point in all this.
There is no need to limit visits from father to son if both parties wish. Even if you don't want to see it at all ex-spouse, hide it, don't show it. Walking and spending free time in play centers will help you feel the love and care of your father, even if he is not around every day. If your ex-lover is addicted to alcohol and comes to see his son only when intoxicated, it is worth limiting their communication.
If you had to raise a girl alone, then you should not pit her against the entire male sex. Needless to say, your spouse was to blame for all your troubles, and this served as the basis for divorce. It would be quite appropriate to describe your separation from your daughter’s father in general terms, without making any accusations against him. You need to tell your little one that separation from your spouse happened not only in your family, but also happened in the lives of your friends or loved ones.
Stay a woman
Left alone with a baby, it is quite difficult to live with a huge burden of various family problems. It is possible that to ensure the financial well-being of the family you will have to work several jobs. The hardships of life leave their mark on a woman’s psychological state, as well as on her appearance. Don’t be discouraged, it’s hard to overcome difficulties alone, but it’s still possible. Troubles at work or just a bad mood should not negatively affect your relationship with your baby. Rigidity and rudeness should not be present in communication with a child at all.
It is worth showing the child “feminine character traits”: tenderness, care, love, but at the same time being vulnerable and defenseless. Give your child the opportunity to take care of you, this will help to fully demonstrate his “masculine qualities.” Thanks to this approach, it is possible to develop in the growing son strength of spirit, perseverance, and independence in decision-making.
Love for a happy future
Many women, left alone with a baby in their arms, completely forget about themselves, their needs and desires, devoting all their free time and themselves to the most dear person in the world. Self-sacrifice will not benefit both of you; you should not give up your personal life.
A growing son or daughter should see their mother as beautiful, loving, with a mysterious twinkle in her eyes. Going to the theater, swimming pool, or dancing should be present in the life of a young woman, because it helps to escape from the daily hustle and bustle, renew inner strength and, perhaps, meet her soulmate.
Introduce your beloved little one, spend your leisure time together, develop interest in him, try to attract the child’s attention to the new family friend.
But if the child does not like your chosen one, you should not bombard him with questions about why this attitude towards your man has developed. Excessive pressure will not lead to a positive result, but will only cause greater dissatisfaction and hostility towards the new acquaintance.
It is quite possible to build a new one strong family, in which mutual understanding and love reign. To make this wish come true, of course, you will have to make some efforts. Perhaps it will be possible to compensate the baby for the missing love of his father.
Listen to what your heart tells you
It is quite difficult to find that “golden mean” in raising a boy alone. Do not spoil your son and at the same time do not distance yourself from his upbringing. The main thing is that the baby perceives you as a friend who will help solve even the most difficult life situation.
Unfortunately, no one is immune from mistakes in life. If you were wrong in relation to your son or daughter, do not be afraid of an apology. This is a step towards trusting and sincere family relationships. The child will understand that mom can sometimes make mistakes and this is quite normal. In the future, he himself will do the same towards you.
Active participation in the life of the growing toddler, support, care and mutual understanding will help build a good relationship with the most dear person in the world and grow an independent, purposeful person.
Give love to your children, let them always feel it and know that their mother will never abandon her, she will support her, she is the only person in the world who will help and understand in any life situations.
Divorce is often not only stressful for a man and a woman, but also a wound for a child. What happens to children who are raised without a father? How does dad's absence affect their lives in the future? "Father's Club" asked several psychologists to answer these questions
Psychologist Alina Kotenko
Much depends on the situation in the mother’s life and her attitude towards this situation. The worst thing a mother can do is to completely dissolve in her child, devoting herself to him completely. Later she will definitely demand “retribution.” As a result, the child will be burdened not with his own life, but with the life of his mother. And he will need to justify this meaning, meet her expectations. As a result, this will cause difficulties in building relationships with the opposite sex. After all, in the life of a child who does not have a father, there is no real model of behavior in the family and between the sexes. He can gain knowledge and values from cartoons, video games, etc. But this is not a real world, but a fictional one. And this is exactly how he can perceive the relationship - as unreal. And at the right moment, disappear from them.
Child psychologist Ekaterina Goltsberg
The role of a father for a boy is to set an example male behavior, attitudes to life, to women, to work and leisure. The second task is related to the first - this is socialization, that is, introducing other people into the world, designating the framework and boundaries of behavior and decency. The father, as if by personal example, makes it clear to the boy how to behave, how to be. By eliminating such an example, the mother, as a rule, also levels and devalues the father, and the child loses his bearings. It is difficult for him to form his masculine position, and he draws examples from his mother’s stories, which often does not at all correspond to the normal interaction of men.
Such a boy, having entered the world of other men, cannot understand how to behave, “runs into” resistance and can withdraw and avoid male society, becoming known as a “mama’s boy.”
In the best case, he will leave such a mother at the first opportunity - he will go into the army, get married, and thereby receive as a reward a “feeling of guilt” for the failed mother’s life. Usually such a scenario is seasoned with a decent amount of reproaches, which makes the man’s life simply unbearable. Or addicted. Often women also tell the boy that they are raising him as a man “for themselves”, with similar sayings “you are my hero”, “you are my best man”, “when you grow up, you will protect your mother”. And this scenario is very difficult to correct.
The daughter has her own “bouquet” of problems associated with the absence of her father. After all, his role in a girl’s life is to create the image of a man who will admire her. A girl raised without a father, becoming adult woman, often suffers from the fact that she does not know whether men like her, whether they can like her. Her self-esteem suffers, usually it is low to such an extent that such women are simply afraid and avoid attention from men. Often parent script it seems so dangerous that the girl does not get married, because she is afraid that her husband will leave the family in the future.
Psychotherapist Elena Platova
The main signs of the absence of a father in the family are self-doubt, anxiety, reduced level of ambition, social incompetence, and confusion in gender-role identity. A child's need for fatherly love arises when the child begins to need authority and guidance from the father. After all, the father teaches the child to solve problems that society will set for him in the future. Thanks to the father, the child gains experience of relationships with another person, not the same as with the mother. It is in the relationship with the father that the child acquires his gender identity and the behavior patterns that correspond to it. Boys, through admiration and competition, identify with and imitate their father. Girls, winning the love of their father in competition with their mother, gain their first experience of femininity.
What to do if a child grows up without a father? What aspects of upbringing should a caring mother pay attention to, how to prevent conflict in a timely manner and raise a worthy person?
According to the disappointing statistics of the Russian Federation and the latest data, about 42% modern families have the full status of "incomplete". This just means that a child lives and grows without a father, and is raised by an exclusively caring mother.
If a child grows up without a father, then throughout his adult life he will be troubled by psychological trauma, an inferiority complex will form in his mind, as well as an overwhelming feeling of injustice in life. It is difficult for such children to make contact with their peers, and as they grow older, a sense of sociability, alas, is not inherent. Why is this happening?
When a baby walks alone with his mother, he quite often pays attention to other children who lead dad by one hand and mom by the other. The baby has one hand left free, which already deposits in the subconscious a feeling of infringement, of the absence of something. The child feels defective, deprived and offended, because his life is different from that of other children. It would seem that at such a young age this is an insignificant loss that is barely noticeable to a little person. But in reality this is not the case, since the delayed information will remind itself more than once at a more conscious age.
The child grows up, makes friends and new acquaintances, quickly learns about the world and begins to voluntarily analyze his life, although short, but already full of memories. What pictures pop up in his head? Of course it's mom. He begins to tell his friends about them, and they are animatedly interested in what dad was doing at that moment. There is silence, because he does not know what to answer. Such a person simply did not exist in his life, but for some reason others had him, why is he worse? The inferiority complex begins to rapidly progress and strengthen in the subconscious.
IN adolescence the child especially needs his father's participation and attention. When other children talk about weekends spent together, fatherlessness is nothing to remember. He either remains silent or begins to tell such and such fantastic stories, arousing suspicion and doubt among his listeners. Invented stories about the father are a kind of “defensive reaction” that allows the teenager not to particularly stand out from the crowd and not feel inferior compared to the complete families around him.
In graduating classes, the most contradictory feelings arise, when on the one hand you want to find out everything about your secret parent, and on the other hand, you want to find him and spit in his face for many years of absence. Such thoughts lead to stupid and thoughtless actions, which certainly will not lead to anything good, but will ultimately put an end to the teenage psyche.
Any woman should understand that she will never replace a father for a child, especially when it comes to a son. That is why, before committing such a rash act in your life, for the sake of your child, it is still worth trying to save the family.
But what should a mother do who, by the will of fate, has to raise and raise her child alone? Yes, the life situation is not easy, but female nature is strong, and she will definitely cope; Moreover, a worthy assistant will grow up very soon. The main thing is not to despair, and smart people also come from single-parent families.
Firstly, there is no need to tell the child that his dad was a great astronaut and is now engaged in the discovery new planet. If Small child If he still believes in this touching legend, then the teenager will think that his mother simply decided to mock him. Not only will he be very offended by her, but he will not leave her alone for a very long time with further questions. It is best to diligently ignore this painful topic in early childhood, and already in adolescence to have a serious conversation as an adult and explain the current situation. The son or daughter will accept such an adequate explanation much more calmly, and unnecessary questions will naturally disappear into thin air.
Secondly, in the presence of a child, you should not regularly reproach your fate and forever remember your failed husband and father of the child. Not only do such sharp expressions not beautify a woman, but they also evoke feelings of aggression, indignation and anger in children’s minds. A woman, on the contrary, should enjoy life and prove to her child with all her appearance that she can cope well without a man. When a mother is happy, her offspring are happy, and the memories of an ex-husband obviously will not lead to anything good. What if the child gets angry and wants to get rid of his careless dad. So what's the result? You should not raise aggression in a child, since such emotions are dangerous, especially in adolescence.
Thirdly, a woman must build her personal relationship with her child in such a way that he clearly understands from early childhood that he is the hope and support of his single-parent family. If you raise your child correctly, then he will not only be a faithful assistant to his mother until the end of her days, but also a well-mannered, responsible and worthy person in modern society. As a result, she will be able to be proud of the fruits of her upbringing, and in the future some girl will definitely thank her for such an ideal husband.
Violence should never be present in an incomplete family, otherwise the child will dream of repeating the path of his father. He will make his first escape as a child, but in adolescence he will forever leave his evil mother and father’s house. Perhaps, over time, he will even find an excuse for his father, and will consider his own mother his worst enemy.
If a son is raised in an incomplete family, then in the future he will become an exemplary family man and an ideal father. He will never leave his own children to their fate and, with proper upbringing, will always be sincerely grateful to his hard-working mother.
But with daughters, everything is much more complicated, because, as practice shows, living in a single-parent family, they completely repeat the life path of their mother. However, again, everything depends on women’s upbringing and relations between generations.
There are more and more single mothers every year. Raising a child without a father is difficult, but nothing is impossible. Becoming a single mother, a woman realizes that all responsibility rests with her. Let's consider typical mistakes and the difficulties of single mothers, as well as tips to help women raise children without a father.
Raising a child without a father: difficulties, mistakes, consequences
Experts recommend paying close attention to the upbringing of children deprived of communication with their father. As a rule, raising a boy without a man nearby is much more difficult than raising a girl. However, difficulties can arise in any case.
If you focus all your attention on the child, forgetting about yourself, then you can grow a selfish and demanding personality, so some balance should be introduced. The baby should not feel lonely, but he also does not need excessive care.
The main difficulty is that a single mother has to replace the child and the second parent - the father, and this means a double load. In this situation, it will be very helpful if the mother has a brother, father, friend or other worthy male acquaintances who will not only be able to explain to the child “purely male” aspects, but will also become a kind of example.
Psychologists identify the following The main problems of raising a child without a father :
- over-concern , that is, overprotectiveness a child who does not allow him to gain independence;
- lack of care caused by lack of time due to a large number of responsibilities;
- complexes , developing in the mother due to her loneliness and the inability to provide a complete family for the child;
- formation of an inferiority complex in a child and feelings of uselessness;
- mother's excessive strictness associated with increased loads and, as a result, stress;
- lack of a role model for boys, and lack of an image of a loving man for girls;
- lack of desire to achieve , which, as a rule, are formed under the influence of the father;
- distorted view of family ;
- boys have no idea about father's responsibilities , in the future this will affect their family life;
- children get used to the fact that the family consists of him (her) and their mother, so a man appearing in a woman’s life causes negativity and aggression.
You shouldn't tell your baby lies when questions start about where his or her dad is. Sooner or later, the child will learn the truth, and it is better to initially present him with a story that is close to reality and accessible to understanding. There is also no need to instill negativity about the father, since this can cause aggression, especially if the daughter is growing up. Over the years, she can subconsciously pour out her hatred of her dad on all men, expecting meanness and betrayal from them, which can significantly complicate her personal life.
Teacher Semenova O.A.:
Despite the drama of loneliness, often fair complaints and a clearly realized desire to stay away from him or despite more or less complete indifference to him, the mother must make efforts to ensure that the child develops and maintains a completely acceptable image of the father. By creating and maintaining in him an irreconcilable hatred of the absent father, the mother may find herself in a difficult situation. A similar situation is generated by the complete silence around the father, the absence of any mention of him. After all, the desire to find a father can arise in a child very early and haunt him throughout his life, especially if the questions that he asks himself differently at each stage of his development remain unanswered.
If, in answering his questions, the child feels hatred of the father or depression of the mother, he may develop and strengthen, refracted through the prism of the personality of the imaginary father, disgust or fear of men in general. In the eyes of a child, his own value may decrease; he may also fear bad heredity.
As a result, the child may have the wrong idea about the relationship between a man and a woman, which will subsequently affect the emotional and sexual sphere of the boy and girl. Therefore, the mother should (as far as possible) maintain an acceptable image of the child's father. Of course, one should not hide existing difficulties from a child and embellish reality, but one must present them to him in such a way that he does not feel responsible for them and they do not complicate his life and relationships with other people. In other words, the child has the right to know that his father was not impeccable, but he himself has nothing to do with it; it should not interfere with his daily life or affect his future.
Educational psychologist, neuropsychologist, family consultant T. Egorova:
If there is no father, what to do? Do not panic. Here is an example from history. During the war, millions of fathers went to the front, some died in the first minutes of battle, some went missing, and some came home completely disabled. Children without fathers grew up, learning from the images of heroes who went to the front. This helped mothers and grandmothers raise responsive and real men. Those. Raising a child without a father - although difficult, is possible, especially when there is a positive Image of a loving father. If it doesn’t exist, you need to create it (you can also look among other relatives). This will be an example.
Next, we take concrete steps. In all of them, you will need to learn to work with yourself first. You - a beautiful woman and mother, the keeper of the family hearth, and not an exhausted, tired woman who sees nothing but disappointments in every day. To begin with, mentally create this Image, which you will be guided by for yourself - this will be a visual programming of consciousness and it will give you strength.
Raising a girl without a father is much easier, if only because everyone women's secrets her mother will teach her.
Unfortunately, sometimes some mothers begin to worry about the child’s personal life in advance, not wanting her to repeat her fate. Some encourage cosmetics and meetings with boys, while others, on the contrary, try in every possible way to make their daughter an inconspicuous creature. Both are ways of protection, but both of them are not correct.
Expert advice:
- A girl should never feel inferior to others. . You need to communicate with her and discuss problems. A daughter should know that even though her dad is not around, her mother will always protect her and be on her side.
- Girls identify themselves with their mother, so the woman has to become a role model. There should be no tears or complaints in front of the child. The daughter should see her mother as optimistic and cheerful, achieving everything herself.
- Problems may appear during adolescence. The fact is that girls deprived of fatherly love often connect their lives with unworthy men. They rejoice at the attention of any male representative. The complexes that arose due to the fact that her father does not love her overtake the girl and can create many problems. That's why it is important that in her life from early childhood there was a man who really loved her . Let it be an uncle, older brother, grandfather or someone else worthy.
- It is very important that your daughter has adequate self-esteem. This will protect her from unwanted contacts in the future.
Consultant psychologist A.A. Ershova:
A mother, raising a child alone, can form a full-fledged harmonious personality, create all the conditions for the comprehensive development of the child, not forgetting about teaching the skills of effective social interaction.
First of all, a mother who has decided, for whatever reason, to raise a child without a father, must prepare herself for the fact that it will not be easy to raise the child on her own. And, despite this, try, although it may be very difficult, to stop having a negative attitude towards men, to forgive the child’s father for not being able to be there. It is very important to feel that no matter how the child’s father treats you, this does not mean that “all men are like this.” We all make mistakes because of our fears and limitations. Forgiving the offender will bring harmony to you and will help you forgive, including yourself for your mistakes, and your child for mistakes that he may make in the future.
Awareness of your offense and forgiveness will help eliminate possible words to the child that his father was a scoundrel, a bad person. Believe me, by drawing a negative image of a parent, you will only further destroy the fragile unstable idea of \u200b\u200bthe father and create a negative example for identification. After all, no matter how hard you try, you cannot replace a father for a child. “Mom can, mom can be anyone, only dad, only dad can’t be,” it is sung in an ingenuous children’s song, and children also understand this very well.
As E. Fromm wrote, a mother is an example that demonstrates unconditional love and acceptance to a child, but the child’s relationship with his father is built in a completely different way. The father for the child represents the world of law and order, discipline, conditional love. It is the father who teaches the child and shows him the way to the world. A father's love requires the fulfillment of certain conditions. His principle: “I love you because you met my expectations, that you fulfill your duty, that you are like me.” At the same time, fatherly love must be earned. The father's function is to teach and guide the child, helping to cope with emerging problems.
And remembering that a child needs a role model, an object for identification, try to provide him with a model of masculine behavior, communication with a grandfather, uncle, or family friend. This interaction is important not only for boys, but also for girls.
How to properly raise a son without a father: expert opinions
Raising the son of a single mother is much more difficult. Some are pure men's activities(fishing, playing football, hiking) are far from women. If you wish, of course, you can cope with this, but it is better if there is not a father nearby, but another man who can set an example.
- It is important for a boy to feel his importance and strength. There is no need to worry about the absence of a husband - after all, there is a son who, although small, is already ready at the subconscious level to protect and support his mother. In such manifestations, the child must be supported in every possible way. He must understand how his mother appreciates his attention and how he helps her.
- Excessive guardianship can have an extremely undesirable result - the formation of the personality of an effeminate man. If in childhood this is not yet very noticeable, then in adult life is fraught with many problems, including with socialization and personal life.
- We need to encourage our son’s desire to play sports, make crafts, and engage in physical labor.
- It is useful for a child to communicate with adult men, especially during adolescence.
- A boy should have a role model. If suitable men not in the environment, you can find a literary character for a child who will become a role model for him. Here it is very important to highlight the positive traits of the hero, how smart, strong, brave he is, etc., and draw an analogy with a child, saying how he is like an idol. This can partially replace a visual example. Our list will help you find the work you need.
- You should not limit the child’s communication, especially if the father wants to establish contact with him.
- You cannot impose your views on life and perception of the world on your son; you need to teach him to be independent and promote personal development.
- You shouldn’t be too harsh with your child, but you shouldn’t babysit either. distorting words.
Thus, raising a child without a father is not so easy, but if desired, it is quite feasible. The main thing is not to become depressed, not to look for shortcomings in yourself, but to try to raise your child as a worthy member of society, ready for adult life. The absence of a man should not spoil the future life of a child.
Statistics show that the number of divorces is growing like a snowball. People fall in love, get married, have children, but, unfortunately, many decide to get a divorce. Everyone determines the correctness of this decision for themselves, but the trend is obvious.
What worries a single mother?
Divorce poses many questions for a mother. Here are the typical ones:
- How to raise a child without a father?
- Will this affect his development?
- To what extent will the absence of his father's example affect the boy's life?
- Will a girl, growing up, be able to build happy family, if she was left without a dad as a child?
These questions haunt single mothers, and when problems arise in the child’s life, the mother thinks that this might not have happened if the father had been around.
Let's consider the real importance of the father's role in education, without exaggerating or belittling it.
A woman, having learned about pregnancy, begins to understand that soon a little man will be born, for whom she will be responsible for 18 years - and maybe her whole life. And her upbringing will largely influence the child’s fate in adulthood. No one wants to be left without a husband and raise a child alone, but what to do if circumstances put a woman in such conditions? What to do if you had to become a single mother?
Different situations arise in life - a man leaves his pregnant wife, parents divorce when the child is already an adult, a woman herself decides to leave her husband because she is not satisfied family life. Sometimes tragic events happen that leave a child orphaned.
From childhood, girls are instilled with the stereotype that children should grow up in two-parent families, otherwise a child - especially a boy - may grow up defective, unable to build his own happy family in the future. After all, there are many examples in life when daughters who grew up without a father eventually also become single mothers. Every now and then we come across stories indicating that the absence of a father in the family has a negative impact on children. What to do then?
Children today perceive divorce differently than children from the recent past. If earlier there were 1-2 children from single-parent families in a class, now there are much more of them. There are more and more children growing up without a father or having a “Sunday dad,” and therefore they perceive the news of divorce differently.
However, it is always necessary to take into account the child’s psychotype. There are children for whom it is important that everything in the family is orderly and noble, that everything is correct. Such children have the hardest time coping with their parents' divorce. They have a hard time accepting any changes, and such important changes familiar image life, like the separation of parents, deprives them of a sense of security. Therefore, it is necessary to prepare such a child for the breakdown of the family gradually, very carefully and as delicately as possible.
There are children who easily adapt to any changes, so they are able to more easily accept the news that their father is leaving the family. For any child, parental divorce is perceived as a threat to his safety, but one should not perceive it as a tragedy of a lifetime.
Any negative consequences of parents’ separation can be smoothed out if the father and child continue to communicate after the divorce, if they see each other at least sometimes, and preferably as often as possible. A woman must find the strength within herself not to express her grievances to her children. ex-husband, do not turn children against him, do not cause negativity in them towards their father, do not distort their image of him.
Should the family get a divorce?
It is necessary to understand that you do not always need to strive to save the family by any means.
If children grow up in a seemingly prosperous family, but in fact there is a lot of negativity in it, then they can transfer this experience to their future family. Children should not see their parents swearing and quarreling. It is important to remember that any father is an example for children, and a bad father is, accordingly, a bad role model. Any domestic violence that children witness is a psychological trauma for them.
Unfortunately, there are fathers who beat their children, cripple them psychologically (for example, constantly ridiculing the boy for his tears, repeating “you’re like a woman, be a man”) - all this is no better than raising children in a single-parent family. The worst thing for a child is to see his mother being beaten. From birth, the baby perceives the mother as the guarantor of his security and safety. And if a child sees his mother being beaten, then his picture of the world collapses.
With the right approach, you can convey to the child that divorce is not fatal, that sometimes this happens, and this is how it happened in their family. Some emotional children, with appropriate explanations, can tell their friends that their mother has met her true love, and they will now live in new family. We must not allow children to begin to perceive divorce as the only way to solve problems in the family - after all, very soon they will start families themselves and may encounter conflicts in them.
Single mothers must understand that they naturally have everything they need to raise a mentally and physically healthy child. The post-war generation grew up in single-parent families and at the same time became normal people. Don't prepare yourself for the worst in advance. Of course, it is more difficult for a woman to raise a child alone than in a full-fledged family, but this is also possible.
