Transformation of hatred into love. How to heal this destructive feeling

Love is not given immediately. Many understand this, but not many are ready to work in order to finally love sincerely and deeply. It has long been noted that real feeling appears over the years; it takes a lot of trials and wisdom to fall in love. But let's take things in order.

1. love. The very first stage lasts a year and a half. People see their partner in the most attractive and unrealistic light. Beautiful appearance, good character, attention and kisses. Ideal. It was during the period of falling in love that many poems and novels were written. Films have been made and songs sung about this wonderful period.

“The Chemistry of Love” - this is how the first period was called by skeptical scientists who studied the human brain during falling in love. Hormones, endorphin and oxytocin, at first dominate the brains and blood of lovers. The centers of negative emotions and rational thinking are considered to be blocked by these two powerful elements. Euphoria and high spirits accompany every meeting. Falling in love is usually a wedding or beginning life together ends.

2. satiety. When people start living together or spending a lot of time next to each other, the intensity of passions subsides, and a loved one becomes something familiar, even commonplace. The lovers are fed up with each other. Everyday everyday life comes into its own. The period of satiety passes almost unnoticed; it is most often short and rarely noticed by the spouses themselves. It is at the stage of satiety that shortcomings become noticeable. And not because the person hid them before, but because the brain finally begins to work in its usual mode. The period can drag on and change places with renewed love, if children are born in the family precisely in the period of time between love and satiety.

3. disgust. The third stage is a real test for future love. The rose-colored glasses are taken off, selfishness flourishes wildly. Falling in love is already behind us, saturation has occurred. During this period, special attention is paid to the partner’s shortcomings, of which, it turns out, there are more than enough. Virtues become invisible, and once sweet eccentricities now drive you crazy.

Unfortunately, without the third stage, the path to sincere, deep feeling is closed. For some, disgust lasts several weeks or months, while for others it lasts for years or alternates from time to time with other periods.

Quarrels, stormy showdowns, each shows himself from the most unfavorable side, and each sees the other only as a lump of negativity and incorrectness. It seems that the person turned out to be the wrong one. It is at this stage that many people conclude: we are too different to be together, we need to separate. Divorce during the period of rejection is fraught with walking in circles. Many men and women, having divorced, fall in love again over time, become fed up and feel a new wave of disgust. Some fall into a kind of funnel of divorce, when each subsequent marriage is broken again and again by everyday life, shortcomings and selfishness.

4. humility. There are no more storms. There are fewer quarrels. It becomes clear that it will not be possible to tailor a person to yourself. There comes an understanding that there is a person living with you who has both disadvantages and advantages. Usually during this period there is an active adaptation to each other. Special literature is used, communication with psychologists, long and often difficult conversations between spouses begin to resemble not a battlefield, but a negotiating table. These are teachings, preparation for love. Everyone begins to understand that they need to start with themselves: learn to forgive, understand, accept, endure. In many cultures and religions, humility, first of all, is the lot of women, who are naturally more flexible. It is she who, by her example, pushes a man to accept her too.

5. service. In all previous stages, good deeds implied a response. Both spouses, doing something good to their other half, consciously or unconsciously expected reciprocal behavior. During the period of service, you want to do pleasant things just like that, because the person is dear, because the soul is already ready for this. Service occurs consciously and voluntarily; it brings pleasure to both spouses. Only if one person is delayed at the previous stage, the other speeds up the process through his own behavior. Free service is the first shoots of love.

6. friendship. This is where respect and understanding begin to show themselves. The couple had already gone through a lot by this time. Spouses know each other's characters and habits well, and know how to get out of difficult situations without conflicts. Both learned to do what was pleasant and necessary. They feel good and interesting together. The period of friendship can sometimes last for years and decades, because the spouses feel quite comfortable. Most often, friendship manifests itself brightly when the children have already grown up a little and the parents have enough time for each other. Childless couples come to friendship around the same time.

7. love. The long-awaited deep feeling comes deservedly and naturally. Understanding at a glance, spiritual unity - this is love. Few people reach this stage. After all, you must first learn to humbly and calmly accept a person as he is, take care of him free of charge, and accept his individuality. The stage of love is higher than simple attraction or habit; it is in love that spouses open up and harmoniously complement each other, their shortcomings are neatly smoothed out, and their virtues are reflected in each other. This time the hormones are no longer boiling, there is a calm and joyful acceptance of the whole person, integrity.

Probably, some readers have had the opportunity to meet elderly spouses who enjoy each other’s company. During the conversation, they are passionate, smiling, their faces radiate quiet, wise happiness and peace. And it is worth remembering that these people did not live like this in perfect harmony from the first day of their meeting, they grew their love, came to it through hatred and cooling.

According to psychologists, a couple needs at least 7-10 years to reach friendship and respect, which over time will give way to sincere love.

Disgust is your deep-seated attitude towards feelings (if you are a rational person).

Disgust is an extreme form of rejection.

Disgust is an expression of fear and a defense against the danger that dependent relationships pose to a person.

"I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I met a guy. At first I liked him very much. I waited for his calls, meetings with him, thought a lot about him. But one day, for no apparent reason, I began to dislike him. Nothing has changed in his appearance, but his smell began to irritate me, and when, in his absence, I imagined our closeness, I experienced real disgust, right up to physical nausea.

Intellectually I understand that this is very good man and maybe it’s better that I never meet again. good men not so much. But I can’t do anything about the disgust that arises. Every meeting we meet turns into hell for me. I don’t want to offend him, I understand that these are my “cockroaches”. I just can’t understand where they came from and why my feelings changed so dramatically..."

Very often in group classes, and even during individual sessions, I hear stories about how men who are attracted to a woman cause her hostility, even to the point of disgust. But another type of gentleman - married or emotionally closed - attracts her to him like a magnet.

Why does disgust arise towards a man?

And note, precisely to those who are ready to love you and carry you in their arms.

After all, in essence, each of us strives for love and wants to be close to a caring and gentle partner. So why, then, when a woman meets a man who is ready to give her love, does she have a feeling of disgust? Why does it even appear in a woman’s soul?

Hostility can arise as a reaction to close relationships, as fear of mutual love. The fact is that very often some of us, without realizing it, may experience disgust towards real feelings. This happens when very clean and tidy mothers, “focused” on neatness and order, could change their own child’s diapers with disgust, and even if, God forbid, if he vomited... And the baby developed a disgust for any uncleanliness and odors .

Functional mothers have a good “think-do” mechanism, as opposed to the ability to feel and intuitively understand. And any manifestation that deviates from the sphere of logic and reason can cause disgust in them - as something uncontrollable, and, accordingly, dirty and disgusting. Essentially, this is their attitude towards feelings.

Feelings are an irrational area, and it frightens people who have a predominant logical approach to life.

Feelings are a world governed by its own laws, which differ from the laws of reason and the properly structured world of rational people. Their world is predictable, every action is planned and calculated for a certain result. People who live this way are constantly trying to derive a formula for love. This is why they visit psychologists - to understand the mechanism of the psyche. They are deeply confident that as soon as they understand the reasons for what is happening and establish cause-and-effect relationships, they will gain power over the feelings of another person and will be able, with the right behavior, to control him.

They have no idea that there is another world - absolutely spontaneous, unpredictable, without guarantees and results. It simply exists here and now, as part of a moment in life. In this world it is impossible to plan, much less influence anything or anyone.

You cannot force a child not to cry if he is not in the mood. It is impossible to predict what mood he will be in 30 minutes, and it is extremely difficult to influence this.

Next to the child, the mother often has a feeling of being tied hand and foot, and the awareness of the baby’s complete dependence brings great discomfort into her life. This is due to the inability to plan your day and the lack of little time for yourself. All this makes some young mothers feel powerless and tired. And also - secret regrets about the carefree days gone by without a child.

If you were once familiar with these feelings, and they can concern not only the child, but also your relationship with a man, then you clearly belong to the logical type of woman, with a predominance of the “think-do” mental mechanism. And so it is not surprising that in any relationship with a partner who is attached to you and relies on your love and attention, you may have feelings that push you away from him. This is disgust as an extreme form of rejection.

It is for this reason that women who have problems balancing logic, reason and feelings very often feel disgust towards sensual men who genuinely fall in love and become clingy. This feeling does not arise immediately, but as the connection develops, when both partners’ hidden fears come to life and negative internal scenarios are activated.

In such a man, a woman recognizes what she carefully tried to hide within herself. She does not digest or accept the clingy and dependent part of herself. She carefully hides it behind seven seals - powerful protections. And accordingly, the feeling of disgust for this inner part is automatically transferred to the man. But .

How is a negative attitude towards one’s inner self formed?

Taking into account all of the above, I can add that, most likely, your mother treated your childhood manifestations this way: clinginess, dependence, constant demand for attention and love of a little girl caused her to react with rejection and a desire to separate.

The maternal attitude is written into your psychic matrix, and over time it manifests itself in the relationship in this way. In this case, disgust is a form of fear and a defense against the danger that feelings and intimacy pose to a person. Moreover, this is a reaction to unhealthy love, and you don’t know how to truly love. This is a reaction to love-merger, when one of the partners strives to dissolve in the other.

Here's another story.

My husband and I have been together for 5 years. He has a son from his first marriage. And he often visits his first wife to check on the child. Sometimes he invites him to our place, but this happens rarely. Recently I began to notice one strange thing. When my husband spends time with our son at our home, everything is fine. But if he goes to them, then after his return I have a disgust for my husband. I can't hug him. His body really becomes disgusting. And it takes me 2-3 days for it to go away. Why is this happening?

Indeed, why after the husband returns from home ex-wife, his real wife is disgusted?

In order to answer this question, it is necessary to return to distant childhood, to the world of childhood fantasies and desires, when the child was attached to his mother, dependent on her and loved her dearly. His only desire was to merge with his mother and take all of her as his own. He wanted to own her, her soul and body. And any maternal actions that did not satisfy this desire aroused in him vivid but negative feelings - hatred, rage, disgust. And if these experiences were strong, and the soul did not have the opportunity to isolate and “digest” them, it closed and stopped dialogue with the other soul.

If a child notices that the mother's body belongs to someone else, he may have such a reaction of pain: the inability to touch the body gives rise to the perception of it as dirty. And as a result, disgust arises - as a consequence of “betrayal” and “betrayal” of a loved one.

Very often, women who have experienced infidelity feel disgusted with their husbands. Or the feeling may be so deeply repressed that it takes .

Conclusion

Disgust may occur if:

when you feel that your partner loves you very much;
when it manifests itself as a form of subtle rejection and humiliation;
fear of betrayal and betrayal.

Now let's move away from psychological reflections and try to look at disgust from the other side - everyday.

Disgust is a “gag reflex” that protects the body from being put into unnecessary or dangerous situations. Every woman has intuition and it is likely that her body sends a signal to her soul that this man is not HER. Maybe you should listen to your body and intuition?

So in the first letter (given at the beginning of the article), the woman wrote that with her mind she understands that this partner is a good option and she’s unlikely to get the best one. It turns out that there is a struggle inside her between feelings and reason. The mind says that the gentleman is suitable, but the soul does not accept him. The body always reflects what is happening in the heart. But it rejects the man, and the pressure of the mind only strengthens this rejection. It’s no wonder that a woman experiences disgust on a physical level - as a signal that this man is not suitable for her. At the same time, fear of loneliness and logical arguments drown out the voice of the soul. But it only makes sense to listen to him!!!

And still, how to distinguish the fear of love from the feeling that this man is not yours? We'll talk about this a little later - in the next part of our article or mine will help you look into the very depths of your unconscious. And the first step to understanding can be one of my short webinars - or my monthly

With love,

Irina Gavrilova Dempsey

“The Chemistry of Love” - this is how the first period was called by skeptical scientists who studied the human brain during falling in love. Hormones, endorphin and oxytocin, at first dominate the brains and blood of lovers. The centers of negative emotions and rational thinking are considered to be blocked by these two powerful elements. Euphoria and high spirits accompany every meeting. Falling in love usually ends with a wedding or the beginning of a life together.

5. service. In all previous stages, good deeds implied a response. Both spouses, doing something good to their other half, consciously or unconsciously expected reciprocal behavior. During the period of service, you want to do pleasant things just like that, because the person is dear, because the soul is already ready for this. Service occurs consciously and voluntarily; it brings pleasure to both spouses. Attention! Only if one is delayed at the previous stage, the other speeds up the process through his own behavior. Free service is the first shoots of love.

According to psychologists, a couple needs at least 7-10 years to reach friendship and respect, which over time will give way to sincere love. We wish our readers to feel just such a feeling.

Unrequited love, what to do, advice from a psychologist. If unrequited love comes, what should you do?

"Unrequited love loves for two"
Arkady Davidovich
Unrequited love can lead a person to deep depression, as it usually brings a lot of suffering. If a person does not reciprocate, then this means that he is not the one who should be around, and you need to find the strength in yourself to forget him. It may be difficult to do, but you should try to get rid of this feeling, otherwise such love will not lead to anything good.
To get rid of unrequited love, you need to understand for yourself that it is pointless to love a person who will never respond in kind, and it is just a waste of time. Why torment yourself with suffering? If to this person it's all indifferent anyway. It is best to spend this time usefully for yourself, for example, find a good job, new friends, an interesting hobby, or take some courses, so that you don’t have time to think about a person who doesn’t care that he is truly and sincerely loved. You can also go in for sports; this, as a rule, can also distract you from unnecessary thoughts about unrequited love.
Also, in order to cheer yourself up, understand how to survive unrequited love, what to do in order not to go into depression, you need to meet with friends as often as possible and have fun with them.
You should also try to avoid communicating with the object of your love in order to forget him faster. The main thing is to pull yourself together and stop writing, calling, and intruding on him; anyway, these actions will not bring any benefit, and this will not awaken the person’s feelings. You need to respect yourself and not allow yourself to humiliate yourself in front of someone, even in front of your most beloved person, because such humiliation is unlikely to be appreciated.

How to get rid of unrequited love. Unrequited feelings - causes and consequences

Not every person is able to survive one-sided love. This requires a propensity for such emotions. It is not hereditary, but is formed in the process of socialization, so there is no point in attributing it to bad luck or fate.

Most often, people with low self-esteem who have failed to develop a sense of self-worth fall in unrequited love. It is difficult for them to imagine a real happy relationship, hence the painful attraction to an inaccessible object.

Painful unrequited love often comes to conservatives who are ready for any suffering just to avoid changes in their lives. It can occur in people who have not observed models of a happy family.

One-way communication is a choice, and people don't make it for nothing: there are always secondary benefits. You will have to realize them while thinking about how to get rid of the feeling of unrequited love.

Hidden benefits:

Imaginary partner. Life with another person, marriage and family are always not as rosy as expected. How to avoid disappointments? That's right, you need to come up with an ideal love for yourself and live in illusions. The only problem is that a person experiences terrible pain when faced with indifference in reality.
Fear of meeting your true self. Unrequited love takes a person not only away from relationships, but also away from himself. Real feelings, contact with a partner is a dialogue that reveals a lot, including identifying painful points. If a person is not ready for this, virtual love is more profitable for him.
Pathological fear of relationships. If you have more than once caught yourself being afraid of a real relationship, contact to a good psychologist. It is worth working with such a problem together with a qualified specialist, because the origins of fears can lie in early childhood or serious teenage psychotraumas. If you leave things to chance, you may actually end up alone.
Other people's attention. There are “professional” patients and lovers who can talk for hours about their troubles. For them, recovery is an unattainable goal, because then the meaning of life, the attention of others, and the compassion that they so need will disappear.

What does unrequited love teach you? What to do with “unrequited” love?

I put the word “unrequited” in quotation marks because, in my opinion, there is no unrequited love: there is an energy flow between people, there are polarities - plus and minus. When one loves, the other undoubtedly needs this love, he evokes it, transmits the need for this love, albeit often non-verbally, specifically to this person: with his eyes, facial expressions, gestures.

It’s just that the one who loves has an open heart, and the one who “does not love” rejects love, there are defenses in the form of fears or introjected, irrational beliefs. He doesn’t feel his love and the need for intimacy, but at the same time he gives double signals: he lures, charms, seduces.

The body of your loved one, his look, voice, hands, movements, smell tell you: “yes”, “I want you”, “I need you”, “I feel good with you”, “I’m happy”. All this gives you complete confidence that he is “your” man. But out loud he says: “No, I don’t love you.”

Where does this unhealthy pattern come from: devaluing those who love us and loving those who are most likely to reject us?

Where does this unhealthy pattern come from, characteristic, in my opinion, of an immature psyche: to devalue and reject those who love us, and to love those who are most likely to reject us?

Let's remember our childhood. All the girls were in love with the same boy, the “coolest” one, the leader, and all the boys were in love with the most beautiful and unapproachable girl. But if this leader fell in love with some girl, he immediately ceased to be interesting to her: “Screw him... He carries my briefcase, follows on my heels, obeys me in everything. Weak." And if the most beautiful and unapproachable girl reciprocated the feelings of some boy, he, too, often grew cold: “What’s wrong with her? She is no queen, just an ordinary girl. I’m stuck – I don’t know how to get rid of it.”

Where does it come from? From a childhood traumatic experience of rejection. Unfortunately, many of us have had rejecting parents. The father was glued to the TV: in order to attract his attention, he had to become more interesting than the “box”, do a handstand or do a cartwheel. An eternally tired and preoccupied mother, whose smile and praise could only be evoked by a diary with only A's. Only the very best are worthy of love: smart, beautiful, healthy, athletic, independent, capable, excellent students. Later, in adulthood, the richest, status, honorable, respected, famous, and popular are added to the list of those worthy of love.

Our self-esteem is unstable, we have to constantly “feed” it with achievements in order to accept ourselves

We have grown up, but we still do not look for easy ways on the roads of love. We must show miracles of heroism, overcome enormous difficulties, become the best, achieve everything, save, conquer, in order to feel the joy of mutual love. Our self-esteem is unstable, we have to constantly “feed” it with achievements in order to accept ourselves. How can another person accept and love us if we do not love and accept ourselves? If we are simply loved for who we are, we do not understand: “I didn’t do anything. I am insignificant, unworthy, stupid, ugly. I didn't deserve anything. Why do you love me? He (she) probably doesn’t represent anything.”
“Since she agreed to have sex on the first date, she probably sleeps with everyone,” one of my friends complained.
“She immediately agreed to make love to you, because out of all the men she CHOOSE you. Do you really value yourself so low that you think a woman can’t fall in love with you at first sight and sleep with you?”

The pattern is clear, but it does not change anything: as long as a person is psychologically immature, he will continue to reproduce it

The pattern is clear, but it does not change anything: as long as a person is psychologically immature, he will continue to reproduce it. What should those who have fallen into the trap of “unrequited” love do?
Do not be sad. This is a difficult, but very useful experience for the development of the soul. So what does unrequited love teach?

Why unrequited love occurs. Unrequited love - what to do?

Including the most important quality for any woman - to give her love selflessly, without demanding anything in return, including reciprocal feelings. Unrequited love, no matter how strong it is, can teach you to stop moaning, complaining about the injustice of fate, and start giving another person warmth and joy just like that, without billing (if, of course, he is ready to accept your love from you).

You can and should learn not to place the meaning of life in your feelings for another person, but, on the contrary, to make your love a resource for finding this meaning. Then, over time, you will definitely meet another person with whom you will have a common love, and with whom you will be happy and can go through life together.

Any experience of love is useful for the female soul. If you stop perceiving non-reciprocity as a tragedy and learn to appreciate and accept your feelings in the circumstances in which they are placed. Unrequited love, devoid of doubts about the correctness of what is happening, can become for you the most valuable experience in accepting yourself and gaining the ability to sincerely wish happiness to a person who cannot answer you in kind.

How to forget unrequited love. Unrequited love - what to do?

The feeling of falling in love inspires and gives a new perception of the world, a more subtle feeling and the ability to notice details. With mutual attraction, such specific changes give more more joy, a state of euphoria, getting energy literally out of thin air. But the situation is reversed when it turns out that the feelings of emotional attraction are not mutual. Then the emerging sensitivity makes a person more vulnerable, aspirations for realization run into a wall of uselessness, self-esteem suffers and the whole world takes on dark tones. And this is a normal reaction to dashed hopes, unfulfilled expectations.

But before you fall into a pessimistic mood, claiming that you have unrequited love for a guy, based on the fact that you have already winked three times and he has not come to you with a ring, turn on the rationality of whether your feelings are really unrequited. Naturally, if he shows every possible attention to the other, hugs tenderly in front of everyone, then you are right. Men usually hide their feelings, so there are situations when, after the first step taken by a girl, it turns out that he has been liking her for a long time. If you don’t have the courage to make a direct confession, then find out his attitude towards you and other girls with the help of friends or a leading conversation with the guy himself. It is better to first make sure that your romance is hopeless than to put an end to the possibility of reciprocity in advance. The same applies to guys, because girls are all waiting for the first step from a man and may not show that she likes you, or not even think about your role as a companion, because you have not given any reason for such reasoning. If you were told about non-reciprocity directly and transparently, then you can safely begin choosing variations on the theme “what to do about non-reciprocity.”

The destructive power of love

People dream of love - big, bright, pure, unquenchable. They dream about how they will love - passionately, tenderly, without looking back, plunging their whole soul and body into him - the object of their feelings. They think about how HE will love them - also strongly and unselfishly.
And I, drowning in it - in love, burning everything in its path, reciprocal love, I realized how destructive its power is, how it destroys me, my whole nature, my whole soul.
While waiting for her, I was full of strength, anticipation, I was capable of much in order to enjoy this sweet feeling for a moment, and I created, created...
So what now? What happened to me? My Self is lost in the fire of love. I look forward to the meeting every second, without thinking about business, or about my family, or about the future. I wait for it, receive it and... go numb, go out, enjoying it. I can spend a day in idleness - just to be next to him. He is too, and it's terrible. I know that in a minute or two I’ll go and get things done... but we don’t let each other go again and again. How else? We don't know how to breathe without each other. We live one day at a time. The day in which we are together.
What to do? Leave, get sick and live in hope of meeting again? That’s why love collapses - someone begins to artificially create a problem so that “life doesn’t seem like honey.” Absurd, but apparently he is the one who rules the world.

Reasons for unrequited love

It is necessary to understand first of all what unrequited love means. This is not Cupid’s arrow or a feeling from above; rather, the main problem lies precisely in the person’s personality. You need to start understanding it with yourself.

There are several common reasons that help you understand what to do with unrequited love:

Uncertainty. It is individuals with low self-esteem who most often suffer from this feeling. What prolongs unpleasant emotions is the feeling when the victim believes that he deserves such treatment.
Fairytale story. Many people want to feel like a fairy tale hero experiencing different events. It's a pity that life doesn't always have a good ending.
Emotional charge. Even negativity can give a sea of emotions. Some girls and boys simply become dependent on their own experiences.
Loneliness. Man is a social being. When he is lonely, he is ready to invent a novel for himself and believe in it himself.
Parental neglect. Dislike in the family turns into a strong thirst for love, albeit in one direction.

All these moments can cause unpleasant emotions. The main thing is not to confuse this with full-fledged fateful love and painful attachment. You need to understand that love is a great feeling. It is possible between two people, it is mutual emotions, a craving for each other. Only love, painful and unpleasant, can be one-sided.

Usually people They say: "From love to hate one step". But why does a woman who recently considered a man the most beloved and desirable suddenly begin to experience a burning hostility towards him? The reason for this change in relationships is the disappointment that inevitably awaits every person passionately in love.

After all, in love woman idealizes the chosen one and does not notice any of his shortcomings. The stronger the love, the greater the disappointment. A woman sees her lover through rose-colored glasses and considers him the only one that no longer exists in the world. Over time, rose-colored glasses lose their magical “spraying” and a woman’s attitude towards her beloved moves to another level. Whether love will develop into hatred or will continue to strengthen depends on the desire of each partner to preserve the wonderful feeling that existed between them.

Love to unfortunately, is blind, so it is not surprising that many women fall in love with a goat. In such cases, after some time, love turns into its shameful reverse side - hatred. Hatred is the same strong feeling as love, but only crippled by resentment. Many people believe that hatred is the opposite of love.

Really, if you take into account the rules of Russian grammar, then love and hate are antonyms. But it is believed that love and hatred are human feelings, equal in strength and manifestation, while the opposite of love is indifference. Love and hate are considered two sides of the same coin, which turns into different sides depending on how it is thrown. At each stage of a close relationship between a woman and a man, various problems inevitably arise. In the best case, over time, love is replaced by earthly feelings, such as melancholy, habit, fear of loneliness, economic interests and friendship, and in the worst case, hatred comes.

From character partners and their way of resolving disputes depends on whether it will be “one step from love to hate” or whether it will be a lifelong journey. The reason for the change in a man’s attitude towards a woman in many cases is the transformation of his beloved girl after the wedding from Vasilisa the Beautiful into a frog or into a grumpy noblewoman. The wife is no longer satisfied with the new trough; she wants a better life than she has. On this basis, showdowns and harmless fights without rules begin.

Permanent reproaches and scandals sooner or later lead to the fact that a decent husband seeks attention and affection on the side. And his wife begins to hate him fiercely for his betrayal. And here, instead of the expressions: “I can’t live without you, my love,” terrible phrases fly out of women’s mouths: “Where have you been? How I hate you,” “Where did you put the money? That means you won’t eat today!” This is a sign that love is gone, but jealousy remains due to the reluctance to give “your property” to someone. It is in such cases that jealousy without love imperceptibly grows into hatred. Love becomes the cause of the birth of jealousy and its transformation into hatred.

Although Love and hatred are similar, they are still different. Love is a positive feeling, it brings warmth, but only bad things can be expected from hatred. This feeling is negative, it smells cold from hatred. Love and hate are different, but treacherously close feelings. They go side by side, they can grow from one another, but they never intersect. It is impossible to love and hate at the same time, just as there cannot be a continuation and an end at the same moment.

According to psychologists, there are eight stages common to all in the transition from love to hate:
1. Acquaintance. A man and a woman meet and find a lot in common in each other. The main thing at this stage is eye to eye contact and touch.

2. Enthusiasm. A man falls in love and loses his head. Partners make vows to themselves: “You are mine, I am yours for life.” It seems to them that they are completely identical to each other.

3. addictive. This usually happens after the first years of marriage. A woman expects her partner to make her happy. The man begins to feel rejected. A distance is formed between the partners, they begin to understand that they are different.
4. Vague anxiety. The woman begins to doubt that he loves her. The man believes that he is not understood and is not being given due attention.

5. Disappointment. The partners' perception is characterized by mutual accusations against each other, both experience excruciating pain and stress due to the words: “you are always like this,” “you never loved me,” “you only think about yourself,” and the like.

6. Cooling. Partners get tired of proving to each other that they are actually better than he (she) thinks about him. Communication and mutual interest in each other at this stage is reduced to a minimum.

7. Irritation. The partners agree that they are completely unsuitable for each other. Every word or action of one partner irritates the other. At this stage, people do not separate only if they have children together.

8. Gap. A break is inevitable between partners who become strangers to each other. Sometimes they can live under the same roof and hate each other. But more often than not, partners get divorced.

Why do we hate those we recently loved?

Let's say you're messing around with your loved one. He crushes you with a pillow, covers you with himself, wrings your hands, using one of those funny techniques that only loving people can use on each other. You are completely in his power, you feel funny, you are choking with delight and trying to wriggle out. Now, now... Suddenly your hand is pierced strong pain. He miscalculated his strength. What will you exclaim then? There are options. But one of them is CAN’T-SEE!

But as Sartre said, “existence precedes essence,” which Winnicott puts it this way: natural tendencies are renewed only if the environment allows. In love, where both people are in fairly similar conditions emotional development, where both can move beyond the primitive dyad and become intelligently whole people who exist in themselves, with the axis of identity placed within themselves and not in the other, both relationships occur differently than passion, and the process of separation and subsequent separation are different .

And this is by no means an isolated case when, even when we love, we utter this terrible word. But what about those cases when someone rejects our love? Why do we hate those we once loved?

Love is a carrot!

They say that those who cannot hate cannot love much. And vice versa. Shocking conclusions of psycholinguists. Of all the words related to the word LOVE, the word hate is pronounced most often. This is probably understandable. Love is the most energy-consuming feeling on earth. When she leaves, the frantic power concentrated on one person needs to go somewhere. So it turns into hatred. Why exactly hatred? What else? Resentment, anger, humiliation, shame, like small streams, flow into each other, forming a mighty full-flowing river. The force of the current of this river is capable of moving a mountain, let alone some unfortunate man. Maybe that’s why victims of female hatred don’t live long (option: they don’t live happily for long). Here, of course, one would think: what are we doing? How can one want to destroy something for which until recently one did not feel sorry for one’s own life? But no! A woman's love is equal to a woman's property. While it’s mine, I love how it’s gone (disappeared, fallen out of love, behaved inappropriately) - but let it go to waste.

In Freud's study Mourning and Melancholia, from Winnicott's point of view, this was the climax: since in the beginning the self has not yet been completely created, the “other”, which functions to some extent as the womb in which the self is located, must not leave office, otherwise it will leave it is the self in half, which, if it does not succumb physically or psychologically to catastrophe, will wander in search of life, as has been repeatedly stated above, the “other half” within which, and not “through which,” the process of integration and maturation will be completed.

My eyes are blind to you! You are not a reason for me to live, Because you are living now! Shyness is a common feeling that occurs when a person is under the gaze of others or when being judged. Social phobia is a persistent and intense fear of one or more social situations or work contexts during which the subject is in contact with strangers or may be subject to possible close surveillance of others. fear of acting in an embarrassing or humiliating manner.

Human hatred is still of an inexplicable nature. Hatred is akin to the thirst for destruction, but the destruction of one’s own kind. Animal psychologists studying the behavior of animals have not recorded anything even remotely resembling hatred in them. Aggression - yes, and then in the overwhelming majority towards those who encroach on their territory. Anger - yes, towards those who provoke and disturb the peace. Anger and fear of the weak before the strong. But not hatred! It turns out that only a person, with his spirituality and divine nature, is capable of wishing evil and destruction to a creature like himself. Wild? It's wild to me. On the other hand, I will not undertake to say that I myself have never experienced hatred. Because she is also a woman, because she was also abandoned. So, probably, everyone goes through this stage sooner or later.

One cannot approach relationships with others without dealing with the issue of narcissism and, more specifically, narcissistic pathologies. They, symbolized by the myth of Narcissus, indicate a fixation of impulses on oneself, as well as a renunciation of love for a third, since this movement assumes that acceptance is an “object”.

Do you live with a partner with whom you are happy on the one hand, and from time to time you say that you don't want to be with him anymore? Have your feelings of love changed with feelings of hate? If such situations occur rarely, this is quite normal. Love is a very complex feeling and it includes both positive and negative aspects of the matter. No relationship is just roses. In any relationship, it sometimes drags you down, and it's up to you how long you leave the clouds, and how long you wait for the sun.

Hatred is the purgatory of the soul! Fire, water and copper pipes. But, having passed through it, the soul must cleanse itself, hate, forgive and forget. It's scary when it doesn't get cleaned. Or when hatred just doesn’t want to leave you.

Love, hate and pity.

We usually hate what we cannot accept. Once acceptance sets in, hatred disappears somewhere. It degenerates into sadness, bewilderment, rejection, and even more often simply into oblivion. Another option is pity.

When is this kind of partner hesitation considered “healthy,” in which case is it a situation you should start addressing? At the beginning of every relationship it's usually the same thing. People come together out of pure love, love each other, cannot be without each other, go into their own hands, kiss in public, plan a common life, family, etc. they just look like the perfect couple. But every partnership goes through some changes, and it is up to the partners themselves to deal with these life pitfalls.

The branches were not damaged

In every relationship, sometimes a dispute between the partner arises. If after the fight the relationship is cleared and you go back to normal life with your partner, then nothing will happen. Such short-term hatred of a partner is not a disadvantage. You both know that you will be back for a while and want to continue your coexistence. After the excitement of this tense atmosphere, your emotions will calm you down and your relationship will continue in the tracks already running.

Irina hated her husband for several years, who left for another, leaving her alone with two small children. Weak, crushed, without a centime of money and with a bunch of debts, Irina fell asleep and woke up with only one thought: . Then she began to slowly climb out. She got a job, an elderly neighbor volunteered to babysit the children, and remained in the house as an excellent nanny, money gradually appeared, and men began to pay attention. Four years later, Irina was already calling her job a career, driving a new car and dating a respectable Swede. But the hatred did not go away. , friends asked. , Irina answered, clenching her fists under the table until she trembled and biting her lips. She really became calmer. It was no longer every night that she remembered her ex; sometimes the hatred went away for several days, bringing unusual silence to the ongoing internal dialogue, where she again and again threw angry, derogatory accusations at her husband. She took revenge! She was proving to him how much he had lost!

Such situations arise mainly after the accumulation of negative emotions towards a partner. If you believe that you don't need to worry about a partnership after a fight, you don't need to seek, communicate, approach or make love, a situation arises that signals serious problems partnerships. Most of them are long-standing problems that have arisen in you and suddenly ripen and explode.

What can cause hatred towards the partner with whom you have lived for years?

Hatred towards a partner does not always have to be caused by a serious reason, such as the partner's infidelity, quarrels about children, mutual misconduct, etc. sometimes it may just be hidden things that are accumulating in your life. One of the reasons for disgust towards your partner may be, for example, an exaggerated expectation of your relationship. Exaggerated expectations for your partner then create a feeling of dissatisfaction in the relationship, which means that you will never be happy in such cohabitation. If love moves into hate, you will lose respect for your partner and this is a big stone of injury.

The denouement came unexpectedly. One day Irina stopped at a remote port area; she had some work to do. While wandering between the houses, the woman, out of the corner of her eye, saw a figure rummaging around in a trash can. The usual picture. But something elusive in the pose, the tuft of hair peeking out from under the cap, made her take a closer look. With horror and disgust, Irina recognized her own in the homeless man. No, this was not the delirium of an imagination inflamed with hatred. Later, from friends who, as always, heard and knew something somewhere, she learned his whole story.

If you live in a relationship where one of the partners is a classmate and spends all his free time at work, then it is not surprising. Women rightfully feel lonely. At the same time, she does not feel like a partner who is trying to become a great wife, a good mother and an attractive partner, but like servants whose sole purpose is to ensure the functioning of the household. They miss the tenderness with which they are lovingly attached - caressing, hugging, holding hands, taking well to nighttime kisses and a bonding note.

Even before leaving the family, my husband loved to play in the casino. Her husband’s new passion also turned out to be a lover of easy money. Together, in two years, they lost all their husband’s considerable fortune to smithereens, then they mortgaged the apartment and lost it. The husband was in debt, borrowed again, tried to recoup, was on the run, and finally returned to the city, having lost everything, and most importantly, being left without documents taken as collateral by the debtors. Now he worked part-time as a laborer in the port, drank heavily, and, in general, finally sank to the bottom. Irina could rejoice: justice had triumphed! But no. Hatred, inflated to the limit, burst at one moment, like soap bubble. Stunned, devastated, and not at all triumphant, Irina returned home, lived for a month in the unusual silence of internal voices, and then... Guess what she did then? Of course you guessed right! Through her lawyers, she first found her husband’s debtors and bought his documents from them. Then I rented an apartment. Helped my husband get a job. And although she was never able to overcome her own disgust, she managed to remain friends with him.

Even men can feel as if they are interested in a partnership and are not being rewarded for it. Then why do you find out why this particular person can really spend your free time on you or simply does not want to? Are you asking yourself where did your love go? Are you thinking about what to do?

If these negative feelings accumulate in you, you will find that your hatred for your partner grows steadily over time. You will forget about all the pleasant common events and you will only be able to see the negative things that happened between you and the last time. You are a choreographer, you don’t have to go far, you have the feeling that life is passing under your hands, and it’s time to start solving this situation.

This strange story, in the best possible way, helps to see how fragile the border lies between female hatred and love, and how easy it is, under certain circumstances, to turn one into the other.

Love, hate and love

There are women who generally use hatred as an additional erotic factor.

The story is told by thirty-five-year-old Inguna, married for fifteen years and with two children. Inguna's husband is prone to casual relationships, and she herself has a sultry temperament and a violent character.

The opposite of love is not hatred, but indifference

Keep in mind that the opposite of true love is not hatred, but indifference. If you find yourself in such a situation, you will not see either the good or the bad that you have lived with. You don't really have any feelings about your partner, you don't care what they do, who they do, where they are, when they come, etc. It is very difficult to stay in such a relationship, and any divorce or breakup of partners must be taken into account.

It is no more extreme emotion than love, and it is no worse than hatred. Both of them are close to each other and the boundary between them is very fragile. What goes on in the mind of a man whom he loved and then hated? Which people hate and love now? Can you love and hate someone at the same time? Where can you get exaggerated emotions and what can you do when you finally get rid of them?

Inguna's version is not without foundation. Indeed, in a state of hatred, huge doses of adrenaline are released into the blood, and this, in turn, creates a feeling of euphoria and impunity. An attack, however, will certainly be followed by an energy decline, so people living side by side with hatred cannot be called happy. Rather, these are drug addicts who patiently accumulate resources for the next dose caused by an attack of hatred, and then fall into anabiotic hibernation, becoming insensitive, inhibited, depressed and depressed. In order for attacks to occur more often, constant feeding is required, because hatred is still an emotion, a strong one, but an emotion, and it arises in response to some message from the outside. This is why people who seem to hate someone with all their hearts and who, logically, should remove the enemy out of sight and out of mind, are in fact constantly attracted to him. They inquire about his affairs, follow him, try to show his face or get a job in the same industry.

Love and hate are on almost opposite sides of the emotional scale, but they are not far apart. Often love disappears into hatred, but it also happens that hatred falls in love. This fragile difference depends on the amount of information we have about ourselves.

Love has many forms, the primary need of man. Each of its forms can survive at different rates. Describing love is very difficult because everyone understands it differently. But let us confidently address scientific possibilities, even if they cannot agree on one definition. He placed three important elements of love in his corners. The first is intimacy, which speaks of mutual closeness, trust and understanding between two people. The other is passion, it talks about desire and motivation, sexual desire.

Love, hate, hate:

In this sense, the example of Liena is very indicative, who, after a painful break with her fiancé, radically changed her profession and became his direct competitor. Liena understood how futile her actions were, but she calmed down. only when I realized that I had surpassed my ex on the career ladder. . These are Liena's words.

The third is devotion, which speaks of the couple's interdependence. Intimacy and passion develop especially at the beginning of a relationship, when people realize and feel that their relationship is extremely intense. Gradually, however, they are destroyed and abused. Devotion changes in the process of relationships as changes in human life, and also enlivens the new experience of coexistence.

These three elements of love influence each other and create the seven types of love. The eighth, from the triangle, is love - this is a state in which all three components of love from the triangle are absent. Love in which there is intimacy, but without devotion and passion, is the love of friendship. Here the question arises whether there can be pure friendship between a man and a woman or that there is not always a spark that moves him towards passion.

Lien can be partly understood. The girl was in love and was preparing for the wedding. What else is needed for happiness? The very peak! And then, overnight, a nightmare conversation with the groom - he is not ready, period. Wedding Dress, ironed, hung on the closet door, the table was littered with wedding gifts. Everything in her body lived in anticipation of the holiday - and nothing! Inertia kicked in. The body continued to require hormonal replenishment - strong emotions, but they were not there. For the sake of preserving herself, if you like, her health, Liena was forced to allow hatred to be born. Then the same mechanism of adrenaline addiction came into play. To feel whole again. Liena needed to be close to the source of her emotions. This becomes easier the closer you are to it. Vicious circle.

Terka is a young woman who has been involved with a boy since she was a teenager, without wanting him. The more they got to know each other, the more the situation changed. But her friend didn't change anything. They are still dating, but the relationship is currently unbalanced. Terka admits that she will do everything in her power to be more than friends. However, he never dared to say or even imply it. According to him, he does not want to lose him. He has his own life and never felt that he was interested.

According to Terki, in the end, every affair between a man and a woman ends in such a way that you need to want more than the other. Often the form of love turns into friendship. Partners may leave, but after the fall of emotions they can come together - they don't want to, but they understand and can maintain friendship. This love has a lot of passion, but there is a lack of intimacy and commitment, or they are present only to a lesser extent. This love is often associated only with physical love, sexual relationships, but this is not always the case.

Liena left him when she unexpectedly met a new love. Unexpectedly, because when a handsome colleague proposed to her, she literally saw him for the first time, although she had worked in the same building and even on the same floor for several years. Realizing this amazing fact, Liena realized how consumed she was by her own hatred. She, a young woman, didn’t even look around. New love became healing. A month later, Liena quit her job, started her own business, and the desire to live returned to her.

This kind of love can easily turn into romance, but it can also be lost incredibly quickly. Dusan tried it out with a colleague she met at a new workplace. It was immediate, fast and very interesting, it describes the situation. This took about two months and then divided my work responsibilities over six months. When her colleague returned, the confusion disappeared. The few times they met, this was not the case. We both felt like we packed it in, Dusan added. But they remained with friends, they shared intimate memories, but there were no more common desires.

Not love and hate, hate, hate...

Hatred is convenient because it can be practiced with full effort. As long as you have hatred, you're kind of in business. Hatred is a capricious plant. It needs to be watered regularly, not forgetting to remind yourself again and again of how much bad this person has done to you. It does not tolerate proximity, so the hater must regularly pull other feelings out of himself in order to allow his hatred to germinate. She needs recharge, as she takes up an awful lot of energy. And finally, like a weed, it is always masquerading as something else. For example, under noble anger or a mission. Is it surprising that some people do nothing but hate?

When there seems to be no one to hate, but life is still not going well, the temptation arises to start hating something larger than one person. Well, for example, all men at once - for not living up to expectations. Or all married women wholesale, for keeping everyone busy. You probably already understand that such hatred is not just destructive, it destroys its creator at the root, not only keeping him in the past, but also blocking any happy future. It destroys health, and most of all affects what is meaningfully connected with the cause of hatred. Those who are dissatisfied, sooner or later, get problems in the gynecological sphere, those who are disappointed - in the gastrointestinal tract, those who have lost faith in the integrity of another - bend their backs, and those who reject their own feelings risk getting respiratory diseases.

When one’s hatred becomes too much, they try to pass it on to inheritance. For example, to a child, convincing him that. Or, even worse - not only the dad is bad, but all men at once. It’s even worse when it’s not just the attitude that is conveyed, but also the way to solve the problem. Achieve! Manipulate! Use it! And most importantly, be sure to hate! Needless to say, how terrible and aimless the life of such a child becomes. However, there is a goal. It becomes a constant search for evidence of the expediency of hatred. That’s why partners are chosen to match their mother’s, in order to be guaranteed to get the same result.

It must be said that such children rarely choose their mother’s stereotypes of their own free will. They are like zombies, carrying out the instructor’s program, without their own power and, often, even choice. Therefore, such adult children often find true happiness only by accompanying their mother to another world. Cruel? Yes, but it's true!

About responsibility.

But what the heroines of this article should really think about is what consequences hatred will have for them. After all, to hate means regularly filling the space around you with destructive energy. Not only the recipient, but also those nearby suffer from uncontrolled emissions of anger. Children feel hatred especially acutely. They begin to get sick, become hysterical, plunge into the abyss of fears, and suffer from neuroses.

Another abandoned wife asks. After all, he is the scoundrel, he abandoned, betrayed, cheated. It seems to her that it is an unseemly act ex-husband gives her the right to any feeling and any action. Gives! Just like each of us is allowed to do and think whatever we want. It’s just that sooner or later there will be a reckoning for this. The ex-husband has his own, she has hers. Because in hatred there is still a lot of interference in fate, the will of others. And in order for it to come back for sure and not someday, but now, calls to the tax office against the husband begin, going around asking for money, sneaky conversations and even outright evil. But the worst thing, in my opinion, is when dull hatred of the ex-husband is poured onto the child - with bans on meeting with the father, attempts to tarnish his name in the eyes of the child.

If this concerns you, stop! You have thousands of chances to use the energy consumed by hatred for other purposes. For the love of children, for new adventures and travels, for building a career or education, and finally for finding new love!

True, giving up hatred is really not easy.
Walk around your home and find the object that you most associate with hate. Take it, twirl it in your hands, imagine that a black thread is stretching from your heart and wrapping around the object. Twist the item in your hands until you realize that the thread has run out. Put the item in a sealed bag and throw it away.
Think about where in your body hatred lives. Place your hand on this part of the body, press firmly until you feel that your hand has come into contact with a clot of energy in the body. Start breathing, imagining that the air flow enters through your nose and exits through part of your body. Breathe until you achieve relaxation and warmth appears in your body. By the way, you can also get rid of any pain and illness. Don't forget to wash your hands afterwards.
Imagine a black hole. Imagine that you take out a black lump of hatred from your heart and send it into it. The great emptiness consumes your pain. Exhale and live calmly!
If you understand that you cannot cope on your own, turn to the power of your ancestors. To do this, in prayer or meditation, ask the Ancestress of your family to help you. Ask the Ancestress for wisdom, kindness and acceptance. Ask for a recipe to get rid of hatred. Perhaps the Ancestress will give you some object or send you a sign. Take it and apply it to your heart in your imagination. If you are convincing enough in prayer, the hatred will go away!
If you are a believer, then the doors of the Temple are open for you. Go there and sincerely, with prayer, light a candle for the health of your offender. This really helps.

Remember that these actions, although ritual, only work if you really want to cleanse your soul of hatred. They give additional energy to good intentions, and tricks return a hundredfold.

Love and hate are feelings that often arise from one another. Quite often, a person for whom you only recently had the most sincere, bright feelings begins to irritate, anger, and you don’t want to see him. What are the causes of hatred and how?

You can cross the line between love and hate either in a few days or over a long period of time. At the same time, all partners go through certain stages, the passage of which awakens a feeling of hatred. These stages of relationships ending in negativity and, most often, separation, are as follows:

Beginning of communication, getting to know each other. At this stage, partners show interest in each other, try to learn as much as possible about their opponent, and spend their free time together.
Falling in love - this period is characterized as “candy-bouquet”. During this period, partners idealize the image of their other half and do not notice the shortcomings.
Accustoming - this stage is characterized by getting rid of illusions about the partner, studying his habits and character. If it does not meet expectations, then a feeling of irritation and dissatisfaction arises. As a rule, this period occurs in the first year of marriage.
Awareness of disappointment. The thin line between love and hate begins to blur at this stage, when partners begin to notice exclusively each other’s shortcomings, ignoring positive qualities and virtues.
Irritation. Partners begin to express their accumulated irritation, and quarrels arise more and more often. They lose the desire to spend time together, to carry out any activity together, they begin to experience hatred.
Withering of feelings. At this stage, they become the norm; former lovers feel irritated by any action of their opponent and do not hide it. Often, each of them begins to live their own lives, separate from the one they share. At this time, the final realization comes that the choice of the second half was wrong.

The last stage is the final break, parting. At this time, love has grown into hatred and the spouses do not see a way back. people who have reached such a relationship can only do so if they are bound by some circumstances that are impossible to refuse, such as a mortgage.

But a marriage, the basis of which is not love and respect, but mutual hatred, cannot be called durable. In such a family, absolutely everyone will be unhappy - the wife, the children, and the husband.

Can negativity become the basis of a relationship?

Many people believe that long-lasting relationships can only begin with positive emotions. In fact, it often turns out that the opposite happens - hatred develops into love. This happens due to the emergence of mutual interest between partners, which does not necessarily have a love background.

What precedes the beginning of a relationship that develops from hatred to love? As a rule, partners show their interest in each other according to a special scenario, often without even realizing it:

during quarrels they experience a rush of adrenaline, so they try to provoke conflicts as often as possible;
in conflicts there is a play of the sexes, like in lovers - the woman uses her natural weakness as a trump card, and the man tries to prove that he is right and has authority;
opponents experience a surge of energy even when mentioning each other’s names - this state is similar to falling in love, with it the same feelings are experienced.

In addition, we should not forget that the opposite feeling of love is not bitterness, hostility, disgust, but absolute indifference, the desire not to see or hear a person, to completely cut off all relations with him. If partners have any feelings for each other, then there is a high probability that they will soon develop love through hatred.

The transition of feelings from one to another can happen at any time - just one day one of the parties will get tired of conflict and the conversation will develop in a peaceful direction. Of course, hatred does not always develop into a strong love relationship, but this scenario occurs quite often.

Hatred that has grown into love is a good basis for creating a strong couple. As a rule, after such a start to a romance, the woman tries and he reciprocates her feelings, trying to please in everything and smooth out periodically arising quarrels.

Ambivalent feelings

Blind hatred combined with love is an explosive mixture of feelings that can drive a person to white heat. Contradictory feelings that arise simultaneously towards one object are called ambivalent, and experiencing them does not mean going crazy.

It is not uncommon for people to fall in love with the absolute opposite of their ideal, which ultimately gives rise to a cocktail of emotions consisting of disgust, an unimaginable craving for the person they love, and a feeling of love.

Love hatred often occurs in stressful situations when a person is prone to increased anxiety. For this reason, it is difficult for him to determine his real emotions, but this applies not only to the love sphere, but also to all other life situations.

Divorce: reasons and ways to avoid

The constant on which quality relationships are built. But when falling in love passes and the negative sides of the partner’s personality are revealed, disappointment often arises, the result of which is. Often during them, spouses express their complaints quite rudely, and it becomes very easy to cross the line of hatred.

Hatred towards a husband can develop due to his idleness and reluctance to earn money - this option is quite common. Eternal love- an extremely rare feeling; in most cases, a joint feeling is based on the habit of a partner and obligations.

A man’s hatred of his wife can arise for many reasons, but it always leads to humiliation and insults uttered against his wife. At the same time, a man often does not seek to leave his wife, although he provokes by all means