- At this stage, it is planned to use different options for correctional dramatization games (psychodramas) and plot sketches, which enable preschoolers with behavioral problems to “transform” into heroes with opposite character traits - shy to feel determined, aggressive to feel friendly, impulsive - restrained. At the same time, this kind of games allows us to simulate the most difficult situations for preschoolers with negative symptoms in game form, develop communication and interaction skills in difficult situations for them.
Liberating games for overcoming
childhood shyness
"Guess the Emotion"
Here, almost the most important thing is to correctly motivate the need for the game. The fact is that the children in question are usually embarrassed about their faces. And even more so, they are ashamed to make faces in public. And this exercise will be perceived by them as antics. Therefore, you must take an active role and lead by example. In addition, since shy children are usually happy to be in the role of actors (of course, when they are convinced that they can do it), you can introduce facial expressions, pantomime, etc. exercises as useful acting training. Play together first. Then, when he can easily cope with tasks, involve his friends in the game. The rules of the game are very simple: the presenter shows some emotion with facial expressions, and the players name it and try to reproduce it. Whoever does this first gets a point. Start with easy-to-guess emotions: surprise, fear, joy, anger, sadness. They need to be shown in an exaggerated way, even caricatured. Gradually expand the range of feelings, introduce different shades of emotions (say, irritation, indignation, anger, rage). Older children can be given the task of not only guessing an emotion, but also acting out a small scene impromptu (either with dolls or “live”) with an appropriate plot.
"Live Illustration"
The poems of A. Barto are ideal for this game. She has a lot of poetic genre sketches that accurately convey various childhood experiences and are colored with gentle humor, which often turns out to be more healing than any medicine for nervous children. One player reads a poem, and the other uses facial expressions and gestures to illustrate the events and emotions being described. Teach your child to gradually capture and convey subtle shades of feelings. Barto's poems provide rich material for this. For kids, rhymes like “Bear”, “Bull”, “Ball” are more suitable. For older children - “Resentment”, “Lyubochka”, “Sonechka”, “On the way to class” and many others.
If there are several players (and, I repeat, your goal is to gradually remove shy child from the closed world of the family), then an element of competition can be introduced. Let the presenter evaluate the performances and reward the winners. But, naturally, an adult should not forget about the main goal of the game and encourage a shy child even if he is not up to par. Your task is in this case- psychocorrection, not the establishment of justice.
"Witch"
The sorcerer casts a spell on one of the game participants so that he loses the ability to speak. The child will answer all questions with gestures. Through the questions he asks, he tries to tell the story of how he was bewitched. The other children must retell what the “bewitched” one shows.
"Tell poems with your hands"
The child tries without words, with the help of pantomime, to tell a well-known poem or fairy tale. The other children are trying to understand what he is saying.
"Fairy tale"
The child is asked to come up with a fairy tale about a person whose name is the same as his. This exercise not only promotes better self-awareness, but also develops the ability to talk about yourself without embarrassment.
“What I am, what I wanted to be”
The child is asked to draw himself twice. The first picture shows him as he is now. On the second, what he would like to be.
"Draw an animal"
This game is used by many specialists. Children are asked to pantomime various animals and birds. It is important to consider two points here. Firstly, we must try to create an atmosphere of unbridled fun, so that each performance is greeted with an outburst of laughter and applause, and secondly, do not give too difficult tasks. Try to imagine first every time: how would you yourself depict this or that animal? (For example, can you draw a similar image of an armadillo or a hippopotamus?) Try to choose animals with bright distinctive features and easily recognizable habits. Be sure to discuss with your children later what the character of the animal shown is. Shy children have difficulty communicating with others. And the inability to correctly express one’s feelings, stiffness and awkwardness play a significant role here. Some psychologists claim that a child remains a non-verbal being almost until school. Those. he mainly communicates not at the verbal level, but at the level of facial expressions and gestures. I really think this is somewhat exaggerated, but, of course, facial expressions and gestures are very important for full communication. It is believed that children with unexpressive, “motionless” faces lose at least 10-15% of information when communicating. They do not fully grasp what is being communicated to them on a wordless level, and often incorrectly assess the attitude of others towards them. So pantomime games will help your child not only relax, but also better understand other people.
“We won’t tell you where we were, but we’ll show you what we did.”
The purpose of this common children's game is to show some action without words. If there are a lot of guys, you can split into two teams. One shows, the other guesses. Then they change places.
"Pantomime Scenes"
The presenter briefly outlines the situation, and the child (or several children who have divided roles among themselves) depicts it through pantomime. Situations should be uncomplicated and emotionally charged. For example:
The boy is skating. Falls. He wants to cry, but holds back, remembering that the boy should be courageous, and even smiles. Although with difficulty.
The child notices a piece of fruit on a plate. He carefully looks around to see if his mother sees him, otherwise she will be angry, because his mother allows him to eat fruit only after lunch. He puts a piece of fruit in his mouth and makes a face - it turns out there was a lemon on the plate. (Play the mother, and then switch roles with the child. The more roles the shy child plays, the better).
The fighter swings at another child. At first he gets scared and wants to run away, but then he gathers his courage and fights back. The fighter is crying.
The child goes out into the yard and sees children playing. At first he does not dare to approach them, but then he still approaches and introduces himself (without words, only with gestures).
A girl walks through the forest, picks mushrooms, looks at trees, admires beautiful flowers. Then he almost steps into an anthill. Shakes off ants crawling on your leg. Oh! The ant bit her. Hurt! (You can invite the child to continue this story himself).
"Conversation with a deaf grandmother" "(variant of the game proposed by M.I. Chistyakova)
A child talks to a deaf grandmother. She speaks, and he explains to her with gestures, because the grandmother does not hear anything. Naturally, playing with children school age should become more complex and colored with humor. For example, it is enough for a four-year-old child to simply show where his grandmother’s glasses are, and a third-grader is already able to use gestures to depict the glasses themselves and the fact that they broke because someone carelessly sat on them. In this game, as in the previous one, there can be a great many options. It all depends on your collective imagination.
To help you tune in to the desired wavelength, here is a small fragment of such a game:
Grandmother opens the door for her grandson.
Grandma: Where have you been, mischief maker?
The grandson shows with gestures that he played football.
Grandma: So, how are you feeling?
Grandson raises thumb up - they say, great.
Grandmother: Why are you limping?
The grandson waves his hand: they say, it’s nothing, don’t pay attention.
Grandmother: No, after all... Did you fall?
The grandson shows without words how he caught the ball and fell, bruising his knee. He was in pain, but he didn't show it.
The simplest technique for creating comic situations is if a grandson asks his grandmother for something with gestures, but she understands him incorrectly and does the wrong thing. Here, of course, a lot depends on the resourcefulness and artistry of the adult. Remember: the more humor there is in the game, the sooner your child will relax and become more at ease.
"Through the Glass" (game proposed by N. Kukhtina)
Imagine that you are communicating with someone through soundproof glass and must convey a message to them without words, through pantomime. For example: “You forgot to put on a hat, and it’s very cold outside,” “let’s go for a swim, the water is warm today,” “bring a glass of water, I’m thirsty,” etc. You can guess the message and get points for it, or, on the contrary, you can complete the task of the presenter. In this case, he must evaluate whether the meaning of his words is correctly conveyed by gestures. Like other similar games, this one, among other things, develops intelligence.
"Different gaits" (exercise suggested by V. Levi)
Invite a shy boy or girl to act like:
A baby who has recently stood on his feet and is taking his first steps,
Deep old man
Drunk, lion,
Gorilla,
Artist on stage.
Games to help a shy child learn
defend your opinion
« Naughty double"
The presenter agrees with the children that they repeat all his gestures, except for one, instead of which they make their own, also pre-agreed gesture (for example, when he jumps, they will have to sit down). The one who makes a mistake is out of the game.
With children 6-7 years old, you can, firstly, increase the number of unique gestures, and secondly, individualize them. Each child will have to do something different. That is, he will be faced with the goal of not succumbing not only to the leader’s suggestions, but also to the influence of the other players. And this is not so easy, given that truly shy children are very suggestible.
"Reflection in the Mirror"
The rules seem to be even simpler than in the previous game:
repeat the presenter’s gestures - and that’s it. But just portray his double in the mirror. Whoever makes a mistake is out of the game. However, despite the apparent simplicity of this game, it is not easy to win. Children will certainly get confused if they need to, say, lean to the left when the leader leans to the right. Therefore, tasks need to be made more difficult gradually. At first, the ratio of gestures that are completely copied and movements that require mental correction should be approximately 7:1. For example: they crouched, straightened up, jumped, leaned forward, straightened up, stood on tiptoes, lowered themselves, raised their RIGHT hand (“reflection” raises the left). Then it should shrink. But keep in mind that the most difficult thing is not when the ratio becomes 1:7, but when “mirror” and “non-mirror” movements are given alternately. (1:1 or 2:1).
"Late Mirror" »
The players sit in a circle. They need to imagine themselves primping themselves in front of a mirror. We made one movement - paused for a second, looked in the mirror. Another movement is a pause, the third is a pause. The neighbor on the left must repeat the leader's movement, but only when he begins the second movement. The third one on the left will also repeat this, but with a delay of two steps (that is, when his right neighbor begins to reproduce the second movement of the leader, and the leader himself makes the third movement). Thus, the last player will have to keep quite a lot of previous movements in mind, so children aged 8-9 should not play in a large group, they cannot bear such a load.
"Typewriter"
The adult leader distributes the letters of the alphabet among the children. Then the presenter pronounces a word, and the players “print out” it on a “typewriter”: first, the first “letter” claps their hands, then the second, etc. If the children are small and there are few of them, distribute not all, but several letters, and form short words from them.
"Stubborn Donkey"
Truly shy children are easygoing. Parents almost never complain about their stubbornness and negativism. A child of a different type begins to rebel when pressure is placed on him. And the “invisibles” endure, although the pressure exerted on them by their parents is usually greater than in other families.
Therefore, it is useful for a truly shy child to at least be stubborn in the game. Don't be afraid, he won't pick up bad habits, he'll just loosen up a little more. Moreover, according to the plot, the donkey will end up in funny and absurd situations. The game is played on a screen. Everything should revolve around the donkey’s reluctance to obey its owner. Here he comes laden from the market and halfway lies down on the road, refusing to go further. So he saw a delicious thorn and ran to it, not giving in to the entreaties of the owner. And then he is silent when he needs to shout, and vice versa, he shouts when he needs to be silent, etc. Ask the child’s opinion (but not at the very beginning of the game, but a little later), whether the donkey’s owner is kind, and whether he overburdens the donkey with various tasks. Maybe the donkey is just tired and therefore stubborn? Change roles during the game.
"Mothers and Daughters"
It is useful for a shy girl to play with her mother, who will play the role of a daughter. Moreover, in this case, the mother should not lead the game. Her task is exactly the opposite: to completely submit to the will of her daughter, trying not to bring into the game the usual stereotypes of family relationships. I warn you in advance, the task is not easy. So keep an eye on yourself!
« Who has more reasons?
The presenter makes a statement, and the players confirm it. You can also give some examples from life as arguments. (Sometimes this is easier for children.) If many children take part in the game, a shy child risks remaining in the shadows, so it’s worth playing with three people, or even better, two people. If you notice that the child is having difficulty, tactfully help him with leading questions.
It's bad to quarrel (because...).
It's better to do your homework quickly.
It's better to have many friends than few.
Having a dog is great!
Five is better than four.
“How can I say this?”
This time, not so indisputable statements are selected, and players will have to not only confirm them, but also refute them. For example:
It’s good to have a lot of money (someone will probably mention thieves and the mafia, and an older child, especially one who loves to read, will probably remember a fairly common motif in literature of the experiences of rich people who suspect others that they love not him, but only him capital).
It's always good to win.
When people make comments to you, it is unpleasant.
- Sitting at home alone is boring.
Adults are always right.
Watching TV is harmful.
« Cunning debater"
With older children, you can try to complicate the game “Who has more arguments?” and try to come up with counterarguments to the above (and similar) statements.
For example, the statement “Reading is useful” will not be perceived at all as an axiom for people with severe myopia (and depending on what books to read, and also depending on what time - reading at one in the morning will do more harm to the child than good!).
Quarreling, of course, is bad, but having quarreled with a person who offended either you or your friend, you will feel right. And in general, it’s better to finish the lessons as quickly as possible, but if they are done in a hurry, it’s unlikely that this will delight the teacher. And a B in Russian is better than an A in physical education. At least this is the opinion of the vast majority of parents. And with a dog everything is not so clear...
"Show yourself"
You can try to untie this painful isolation by giving children the opportunity to express themselves, to play the role of another, speaking in someone else's voice. Masks and costumes release unexpected aspects of behavior that are usually inhibited. Give masks to children or let them make their own. Each child will take a new name and behave in the game in accordance with his new role. You can also transform yourself by painting your face. Dolls can be used to express feelings
Games to build trust and self-confidence
"Caterpillar" (Korotaeva E.V., 1997)
Target: the game teaches trust.
Almost always the partners are not visible, although they can be heard. The success of everyone’s promotion depends on everyone’s ability to coordinate their efforts with the actions of other participants. “Guys, now you and I will be one big caterpillar and we will all move around this room together. Form a chain, put your hands on the shoulders of the person in front. Hold a balloon or ball between the stomach of one player and the back of the other. hot air balloon(ball) is strictly prohibited! The first participant in the chain holds his ball at outstretched arms.
Thus, in a single chain, but without the help of hands, you must follow a certain route." For those watching: pay attention to where the leaders are located, who regulates the movement of the "living caterpillar."
"Change of Rhythms"
Target: help anxious children get involved in the general rhythm of work, relieve excessive muscle tension.
If the teacher wants to attract the attention of the children, he begins to clap his hands and count loudly, in time with the clapping: one, two, three, four,.. The children join in and also, clapping their hands together, count in unison: one, two, three , four... Gradually the teacher, and after him the children, claps less and less, counts more and more quietly.
"Bunnies and Elephants" (Lyutova E.K., Monina G.B.)
Target: enable children to feel strong and courageous and help increase self-esteem.
“Guys, I want to offer you a game called “Bunnies and Elephants”. First, we will be little bunnies. Tell me, when a hare feels danger, what does it do? That’s right, it trembles. Show how it trembles. It curls up its ears, he shrinks all over, tries to become small and unnoticeable, his tail and legs are shaking,” etc. Children show. "Show me what bunnies do if they hear a person's steps?" Children scatter around the group, class, hide, etc. “What do bunnies do if they see a wolf?...” The teacher plays with the children for several minutes. “And now you and I will be elephants, big, strong, brave. Show how calmly, measuredly, majestically and fearlessly elephants walk. And what do elephants do when they see a person? Are they afraid of him? No. They are friends with him and, when They see him and calmly continue on their way. Show how. Show what elephants do when they see a tiger..." Children pretend to be a fearless elephant for several minutes. After the exercise, the guys sit in a circle and discuss who they liked to be and why.
"Magic Chair" (Shevtsova I.V.)
Target: help improve a child's self-esteem, improving relationships between children.
This game can be played with a group of children for a long time. First, an adult must find out the “history” of each child’s name - its origin, what it means. In addition, you need to make a crown and a “Magic Chair” - it must be high. The adult has a short introductory conversation about the origin of names, and then says that he will talk about the names of all the children in the group (the group should not be more than 5-6 people), and it is better to name the names of anxious children in the middle of the game. The one whose name is told becomes the king. Throughout the entire story about his name, he sits on a throne wearing a crown.
At the end of the game, you can invite the children to come up with different variants his name (gentle, affectionate). You can also take turns saying something good about the king.
"Two cockerels quarreled"( 25 min.)
Purpose of the game. Development of relaxedness and self-control.
Game procedure. Cheerful music sounds (preferably A. Raichev's “Two Cockerels Quarreled”). Children move according to the “Brownian motion” type and push slightly with their shoulders.
Note. It is not allowed for children to be hit too hard or too painful. Children must play “in truth” and at the same time maintain the symbolism of the game (“make-believe”).
Games to develop arbitrariness
"Needle and thread" (25 min.)
Purpose of the game. Development of voluntariness.
Game procedure. A driver is selected from among the children. To cheerful music, he plays the role of a needle, and all the other children. . the role of the thread. “Needle” runs between the chairs, and “thread” (a group of children one after another) follows her.
Note. If there is a squeezed, out-of-group child in the group, then offer him the role of a “needle”. During the game, when he leads a group of children, he will develop communication and organizational skills.
"The dragon bites its own tail" (25 min.)
Purpose of the game. Relieving tension, neurotic states, fears.
Game procedure. Cheerful music is playing. Children stand in a chain and hold each other tightly (by the shoulders). The first child is the “head of the dragon” (the last is the “tail of the dragon.” The “head of the dragon” tries to catch the “tail”, and it dodges it. Notes:
Make sure the children don't let go of each other. Also make sure that the roles of “dragon head” and “tail” are performed by everyone.
"It's boring, it's boring sitting like this" (25 min.)
Purpose of the game. Development of relaxedness, training of self-organization.
Game procedure. There are chairs along one wall of the room, their number equal to the number of children. There are also highchairs near the opposite side of the room, but their number is 1 less than the number of children.
Children sit near the front side of the room. The presenter reads the poem:
It's boring, it's boring to sit like this,
Everyone looks at each other;
Isn't it time to go for a run?
And change places?
As soon as the presenter finishes the rhyme, all the children run to the opposite wall and try to take chairs. The one who is left without a chair loses.
Notes:
1. Do not allow children to start running before the poem ends.
"Fox, where are you?" (25 min.)
Purpose of the game . Development of voluntariness.
Game procedure. Children become a semicircle, the leader is the center. Children turn away and close their eyes. The leader quietly touches one child on the shoulder, which means that he will play the role of a fox. All the rest are hares.
At the signal, everyone opens their eyes and turns around. Nobody knows who the fox is. The presenter calls: “Fox, where are you?” The fox doesn't respond. The presenter calls a second and third time. And only the third time the fox rushes to catch the hares.
If the hare has managed to squat down, you cannot catch it. Caught hares leave the game.
"Owl" (25 min.)
Purpose of the game. Development of voluntariness.
Game procedure. The children themselves choose the driver - the “owl”, who sits in the “nest” (on a chair) and “sleeps”. During the "day" children move. Then the presenter commands: “Night!” The children freeze, and the owl opens its eyes and begins to catch. Whichever player moves or laughs becomes an owl. Music sounds ("Balalar" by O. Geilfus).
GAMES AIMED AT CORRECTION (children’s aggression, demonstrativeness, touchiness, shyness)
Games to correct aggression:
"Dust Blower"
A great game to vent aggression on a physical level. We take a medium-sized soft pillow and ask the child to help knock the dust out of it. A child can do whatever he wants with a pillow: hit it with his hands, kick it, throw it up, even scream.
"Snowball Shot"
Prepare “shells” with your child: you can use crumpled paper as snowballs. Throw paper snowballs at each other, remembering to hide in cover and dodge your opponent’s “projectiles”. Children love this kind of “war game” very much and are ready to play it for a very long time.
"Fireworks"
Prepare a pack of colored paper that you will give to the child to be “torn to pieces.” The essence of the game is that the child first tears sheets of paper into pieces and then throws the pieces up. The most important thing is to cook more paper so that the child plays until interest runs out, and then together we need to eliminate the consequences of the game from the floor.
“A minute of pranks” (psychological relief)
The presenter, at a signal (strumming a tambourine, etc.), invites the children to play pranks: everyone does what he wants - jumps, runs, somersaults, etc. The leader’s repeated signal after 1-3 minutes announces the end of the pranks.
"Lord of the Wind"
We sit opposite the child and declare him the lord of the wind. His job is to blow as hard as possible. At this time, the teacher plays along with the baby, depicting how she is blown away and resisting the gusts of wind with all her might.
Games for correcting demonstrative behavior:
"Mirror"
Before the start of the game there is a warm-up. The adult stands in front of the children and asks them to repeat his movements as accurately as possible. He demonstrates light physical exercises and the children imitate his movements. After this, the children are divided into pairs and each pair takes turns “performing” in front of the others. In each pair, one performs some action (for example, clapping his hands or raising his arms, or leaning to the side), and the other tries to reproduce his movement as accurately as possible, as in a mirror. Each couple decides for itself who will show and who will reproduce the movements. If a mirror distorts or is late, it is damaged (or crooked). A couple of children are asked to practice and “fix” a damaged mirror.
When all the mirrors are working normally, the adult invites the children to do what people usually do in front of a mirror: wash, comb their hair, do exercises, dance. The mirror must simultaneously repeat all the person’s actions. You just need to try to do it very accurately, because there are no inaccurate mirrors!
"The Connecting Thread"
Children sit in a circle, passing a ball of thread to each other so that everyone who was already holding the ball takes up the thread. The passing of the ball is accompanied by statements about what the children would like to wish to others. The adult starts, thereby setting an example. He then turns to the children, asking if they want to say anything. When the ball returns to the leader, the children, at the request of the adult, pull the thread and close their eyes, imagining that they form one whole, that each of them is important and significant in this whole.
« Magic glasses"
An adult solemnly announces that he has magic glasses through which one can see only the good that is in a person, even what a person sometimes hides from everyone. “Now I’m going to try on these glasses... Oh, how beautiful, funny, smart you all are!” Approaching each child, the adult names one of his virtues (someone draws well, someone has a new doll, someone makes their bed well). “Now let each of you try on glasses, look at others and try to see as much good as possible in everyone. Maybe even something that you haven’t noticed before.” Children take turns putting on magic glasses and naming the virtues of their comrades. If someone is at a loss, you can help him and suggest some virtue of his friend. Repetition is not a problem here, although if possible it is advisable to expand the circle of good qualities.
"Bragging Competition"
An adult invites the children to hold a braggart competition. “The one who brags better wins. We will brag not about ourselves, but about our neighbor. It’s so nice to have the best neighbor! Look carefully at the one sitting to your right. Think about what he’s like, what’s good about him, what "He knows what good deeds he has done, what he can do to please him. Don't forget that this is a competition. The one who can better boast about his neighbor, who finds more merits in him, will win." After such an introduction, the children in a circle name the advantages of their neighbor and brag about his merits. In this case, the objectivity of the assessment is not at all important - whether these advantages are real or invented. The “scale” of these advantages is also not important - it can be a loud voice, a neat hairstyle, or long (or short) hair. The main thing is that children notice these characteristics of their peers and are able not only to positively evaluate them, but also to brag about them to their peers. The winner is chosen by the children themselves, but if necessary, an adult can express their opinion. To make the victory more meaningful and desirable, you can reward the winner with some small prize (a paper medal for “Best Braggart” or a badge). Such a prize arouses even the most selfish child’s interest in his peer and the desire to find as many merits in him as possible.
« Princess Nesmeyana"
An adult tells a fairy tale about Princess Nesmeyana and offers to play the same game. One of the children will be a princess who is sad and cries all the time. The children take turns approaching Princess Nesmeyane and trying to console her and make her laugh. The princess will try her best not to laugh. The one who can make the princess smile wins. Then the children change roles. Such games promote the formation of community with others and the opportunity to see friends and partners in peers. When a child feels the joy of common play, of what we do together, when he shares this joy with others, his proud self will most likely stop demanding praise and admiration.
Games for correcting touchiness:
"Harmless words"
Goal: to help children express harmless words to each other.
Progress of the game: “Guys, now we will pass the ball around and call each other different harmless words” (the conditions for what words can be used are discussed in advance. These can be the names of plants, mushrooms, fruits, vegetables. Each call should begin with the words: “And you, dandelion!” In the final round, you should definitely say something nice to your neighbor, for example: “And you, bunny!” The game is played at a fast pace.
"I like"
Goal: to establish a trusting relationship between an adult and a child. Progress of the game:
Children, sitting in a circle, take turns naming what they like, beginning each statement with the words: “I like it.” You cannot repeat the same thing twice.
"Mirilka"
Goal: teach children to be less touchy. Progress of the game: One child sits on a chair and watches how two of his peers stagedly offend each other. He must approach them, explain how to be in such a situation and try to reconcile them. An adult should ensure that there are no too offensive words in the game.
"Snake"
Goal: to help children feel like part of a team.
How to play: The players stand in a line, holding each other’s shoulders. The first participant is the “head”, the last one is the “tail”. The “head” must reach out to the “tail” and touch it. Once the "head" grabs the "tail", it becomes the "tail". The game continues until each participant plays two roles.
"Looking Game"
Goal: to help children get into a calm mood.
Progress of the game: The guys hold hands and look only into each other’s eyes. It is necessary to silently convey different states: sadness, fun, anger, etc. After the game, discuss with the children which states were transmitted, which of them were easy to guess and which were difficult.
Games to correct shyness:
"Roar lion, roar"
The presenter says: “We are all lions, a big lion family. Let's have a competition to see who can growl the loudest. As soon as I say: “Roar, lion, roar!”, let the loudest roar be heard.” “And who can roar even louder? Well roar lions."
"Fairy tale"
The child is asked to come up with a fairy tale about a person whose name is the same as his. This exercise not only promotes better self-awareness, but also develops the ability to talk about yourself without embarrassment.
"Tell poems with your hands"
The child tries, without words, using pantomime, to tell a well-known poem or fairy tale. The other children are trying to understand what he is saying.
“What I am, what I wanted to be”
The child is asked to draw himself twice. The first picture shows him as he is now. On the second, what he would like to be.
"Witch"
The sorcerer casts a spell on one of the game participants so that he loses the ability to speak. He answers all questions with gestures. Through the questions he asks, he tries to tell the story of how he was bewitched. Other children retell what the “bewitched” one shows.
Shyness
Shyness is a characteristic common to many people, both children and adults.
Shyness, shyness can be temporary (it appears only in unfamiliar company, in an unusual environment, and then passes over time).
But it happens that shyness becomes a character trait, a permanent quality of a person. It is the most common cause of communication problems. Shyness prevents meeting new people, it keeps a person from expressing his opinion, defending his rights; shyness accompanies feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and depression.
Remember how, literally from the first days after birth, you tried to protect your baby from all the troubles of life. The child is growing up and now, when he behaves “wrongly,” you deliberately scare him (an evil uncle will come and take him away, his tongue will dry out, he will be sent to an orphanage, and so on) in order to achieve the behavior you need. By all means you cultivate (often unconsciously) a feeling of dependence and helplessness. The child learns early on that he is “stupid”, “freak”, “clueless”, “no hands at all”, “does everything wrong”, “much worse than other children”... You, of course, have not thought about the consequences, wanting to achieve immediate results. If a child has a strong character (choleric or sanguine temperament), over time he will learn to “fight” with you, become aggressive, stubborn, and quick-tempered. If the baby has a soft character (melancholic temperament), he will go on the defensive, i.e. will withdraw into himself. You belittled his self-esteem and now, reluctantly, you “got your way”; the child believed that he was stupid, couldn’t do anything, and most importantly, that he was unloved.
Parents often set their expectations too high: dreaming of a child who would be the very best, they do not want to come to terms with the fact that their child is so “ordinary.” Children of such parents attend 3-4 sections at once, while studying at the gymnasium, and are practically never at home. The child tries, he is afraid to disappoint his parents, but more often than not, mom or dad is still unhappy with something. How can this end? The child sees an emotional threat in his environment, withdraws and... takes the first step towards loneliness. After all, loneliness is so safe, there is no risk of being rejected by adults and children.
Shy parents often have shy children.
Girls are usually shyer than boys, and first-born children are shyer than other children in the family. By the age of seven, “normal” shyness in boys goes away; in girls it happens later. However, this happens when parents, through their methods of education, do not “force” the child to be shy, sometimes imposing this “role” on him, and do not consolidate normal age-related shyness into a permanent character trait by their behavior.
An example from life.
A grandmother and granddaughter Katya, 2.5 years old, are walking on the playground. Katya has a lot of toys with her. They meet another girl (the same age as Katya) who is walking with her mother. The girls know each other well, but Katya first hides behind her grandmother. The girl’s mother begins to talk to Katyusha: “What beautiful toys you have! What is this? A doll? What’s her name?” Katya wants to answer, but her grandmother is ahead of her, who answers in detail the questions addressed to her granddaughter. The girl stands nearby, silently shaking her head in agreement. After the girls want to exchange toys, the grandmother gives the toys with Katya’s silent consent. Later, when the girls are already playing together, the grandmother, as if making excuses, says quite loudly: “She’s just like our dad, she’s just as inhibited, and she doesn’t even speak well.”
Do you think grandma is right?
How to help a shy child?
Constantly strengthen your child’s self-confidence, in their own abilities (you can do it, you’re so smart; I believe in you).
Increase your level of self-esteem: scold less for failures, do not criticize in front of strangers, do not compare with other children (see the article “Self-esteem”).
You shouldn’t constantly show your child that you care about him, but don’t try to protect him from all sorts of dangers, most often invented by you.
Give your child more freedom (within reason). For example, a child can decide for himself which circle or section he will attend and what clothes to wear.
Don’t try to do everything for your child, even if he is still small. After all, even a three-year-old toddler is able to bring himself a toy from another room, choose a T-shirt (today it will have flowers), put on socks and much more.
Expand your circle of acquaintances, take your child to visit more often, visit new places, invite guests to your home.
Help your child find something in which he is superior to his peers.
Help him find a friend who will protect and support his self-confidence, and to do this, encourage him to play with his peers.
Play out situations in advance in which the child is especially shy.
Games and exercises that may be useful
Drawing "What I am and what I would like to be"
The child is asked to draw himself twice: in the first drawing - as he is now, in the second - as he wants to be. Next, you look at the pictures and compare them. The differences between the drawings reflect the child's self-esteem.
In the drawings of some children, there is a coincidence between the “real” and “ideal” selves. Such children have somewhat inflated self-esteem.
There is a discrepancy in the drawings of other children, but it is small; their self-esteem is adequate (see the article “Self-esteem”).
Children with low self-esteem draw themselves in one color, often dark, small in size, and the drawing is sloppy. And when drawing the ideal self, a large number of colors, bright clothes are used...
After drawing, it is useful to discuss with your child what needs to be done to become the person he wants to be.
"Playing out situations"
For role-playing and discussion, you can offer situations that are the most difficult for the child:
You came to new group kindergarten, meet the kids...
You went to the store...
Children play in the yard, you also want to play with them; What do we have to do...
Guests have arrived, show them your room, toys...
Game "Cake" (from 4 years old)
Place the child on the mat with other children or relatives around him. Host: “Now we will make a cake out of you.” One participant is a torment. Another is sugar, the third is milk, etc. The presenter is a chef, now he will prepare a magnificent dish. First you need to knead the dough. Flour is needed - “flour” is “sprinkled” with the hands of the person lying down, lightly massaging it. Now he needs sugar - he “sprinkles” the body, carefully touching it, then the milk “spills” with his hands over the body, etc. When everything is in place, the cook thoroughly “stirs” (massages) the dough, puts it in the oven, the dough rises there (evenly, breathes calmly, all the “components” also breathe). Finally the dough was baked. To make the cake beautiful, you need to decorate it with cream flowers. All participants, touching the cake, give it a “flower” and describe it. The cake is very beautiful!
Watch the expression on the “cake’s” face, it should be happy, you can laugh too. Instead of a cake, you can cook whatever your child wants - chicken, pancakes, compote...
"Mirror"
This game can be played alone with a child or with several children. The child looks in the “mirror”, which repeats all his movements, gestures, and facial expressions. The "mirror" can be a parent or another child. You can portray not yourself, but someone else. “Mirror” must guess, then switch roles. Play helps the child open up, feel more free and relaxed.
You can play “Hide and Seek”, and “Shop”, and simply inflate balloons to see who is faster. The main thing is that the child successfully copes with tasks and learns to lose with dignity.
"ROARL, LION, ROAR"
This game is good to play with children suffering from stiffness and passivity. An adult says: “We are all lions, big Friendly family. Let's have a competition to see who can growl the loudest. As soon as I say: “roar, lion, roar!” let the loudest roar be heard.”
"SHOW YOURSELF"
You can try to untie this painful isolation by giving children the opportunity to express themselves, to play the role of another, speaking in someone else's voice. Masks and costumes release unexpected aspects of behavior that are usually inhibited. Give masks to children or let them make their own. Each child will take a new name and behave in the game in accordance with his new role. You can also transform yourself by painting your face. Puppets can be used to express feelings.
There are exercises aimed at creating an atmosphere of cooperation, friendship and mutual assistance.
"WITCH"
The sorcerer casts a spell on one of the game participants so that he loses the ability to speak. The child will answer all questions with gestures. Through the questions he asks, he tries to tell the story of how he was bewitched. The other children must retell what the “bewitched” one shows.
“TELL POEMS WITH YOUR HANDS”
The child tries without words, with the help of pantomime, to tell a well-known poem or fairy tale. The other children are trying to understand what he is saying.
"FAIRY TALE"
The child is asked to come up with a fairy tale about a person whose name is the same as his. This exercise not only promotes better self-awareness, but also develops the ability to talk about yourself without embarrassment.
“WHAT I AM, WHAT I WANTED TO BE”
The child is asked to draw himself twice. The first picture shows him as he is now. On the second, what he would like to be.
How parents can help a shy child
Our 11 year old son is very shy. Every time we introduce him to new people, he barely acknowledges their existence and feels very awkward. If any child tries to start a simple conversation with him, he becomes almost mute. How can we help him feel more confident around people, especially his peers?
Briefly about the main thing: one of the main reasons for shyness children is that they are called shy. Never allow anyone to call your child shy - not a teacher, not friends, not relatives, not brothers and sisters, not strangers.
Timid and shy children do not feel the fullness of life. They limit their experiences without exposing themselves to inevitable social risks and, as a result, do not feel confident in various situations. The inability to get involved and make new friends will haunt them throughout their lives. Finally, there will be the pain of social rejection. Fortunately, we can help children feel more confident in a group by teaching them communication skills.
Five tips to help children overcome shyness:
Use the following five tips to help your child become confident in social settings.
1. Encourage eye contact. When talking to your child, repeat: “Look at me,” “Look into my eyes,” or “I want to see your eyes.” As a result of consciously reinforcing this skill and regularly building appropriate behavior patterns, your child will soon begin to look into the eyes of the interlocutor. If the child is uncomfortable doing this, advise him to look at the bridge of the nose of the person talking to him. After some training, he will no longer need this technique, and he will look more confidently into the eyes of his interlocutor.
2. Teach your child to start and end a conversation. Together with your child, make a list of phrases that are easy to use to start a conversation with different groups people, for example, what he might say to a person he knows; to an adult whom he has not met before; a friend whom he had not seen for some time; a new student in the class; a child with whom he would like to play on the playground. Then, changing roles, rehearse the conversation until the child can use these phrases freely and independently. Tip: Practicing conversation skills over the phone with a friendly person is not as scary for shy kids as face-to-face conversation.
3. Practice behavior in certain social situations. Prepare your child for the upcoming event - talk about the upcoming meeting of guests and preparations for the holiday. Then help him practice how to greet guests, table manners, what to say, and even how to say goodbye gracefully.
4. Training communication skills with younger children. Philip Zimbardo, renowned shyness expert and co-author of The Shy Child Shy child"), recommends pairing shy older children with a younger sibling, a cousin, a neighbor's child, or your friends' child for short playdates. Babysitting is a great opportunity for shy teens to not only earn money, but also practice social skills : starting a conversation, looking into the eyes - something that a child is embarrassed to do with his peers.
5. Create conditions for playing in pairs. Fred Frankel, a psychologist and developer of the world-renowned Social Skills Training Program at the University of California, Los Angeles, believes that pair play dates are the best remedy development of social confidence. In this case, your child invites one of his friends to spend a couple of hours with him to get to know each other better and practice his friendship skills. Offer children a light snack and try to keep disruption to a minimum; the presence of brothers and sisters should be excluded, television should not be included in the list of games.
On a note: F. Zimbardo believes that two out of five people consider themselves shy. Maybe you yourself created a problem for your child?
Plan for gradual change in child behavior
Start by thinking about your own temperament. Do you consider yourself shy? Did you think so when you were growing up? Have you been called shy? Were your siblings, relatives or parents shy? Have any of them been called shy? Are there any specific situations in which you feel awkward? What helps you feel more confident in group activities?
Now is the time to take action to change your child's behavior.
1. Review your parenting expectations. Do your child's abilities, strengths, and mood meet your expectations? Or maybe failure to meet your expectations is what contributes to the development of self-doubt in a child? Below are a few parenting behaviors that should be seriously considered. Maybe you should change something in your behavior?
Have you ever forced your child to perform anything in public?
-Aren't you too worried if your child hasn't completed some task?
- Do you tend to do anything for your child?
- Do you usually speak on behalf of your child and resolve conflicts for him?
- Do you discourage your child from trying something new?
- Do you force your child to do things that may be important to you, but not to him?
- Do you compare the child’s actions and personality with the actions of his brothers or sisters?
2. Think about your behavior. How do you usually react to your child's shyness? How do you respond if someone tells you that your child is shy, especially in front of him? Is there anything in your behavior that could be changed that could help your child feel more confident? Make a change plan and stick to it.
