Once upon a time there lived a man who became famous and was known throughout the village. His name was Ivan Semenovich.
He was a very simple man, he lived like everyone else, worked like everyone else, but, unfortunately, fate made him truly unhappy. He carried both his grief and sadness throughout his life.
He lived on the very outskirts, a small house was fenced with a homemade fence and a beautiful carved gate. Behind the fence there was a beautiful garden, where several apple trees grew, small and well-groomed bushes of various berries, and he himself often liked to sit on his porch and cut out various figures. Neighborhood children loved to visit him, Ivan Semenovich gave the children toys, naturally carved.
One day, a girl whom he knew from cradle came to visit him. This girl grew up and had already entered college, having left her parents for the city, but she remembered the old man and visited him often. Her name was Irina.
Sitting down next to him on the bench, she leaned on her hands and asked something that she had not dared to ask for many years.
- Ivan Semenovich, I thought a lot, and I wanted to know everything... Why do you live alone?
The old man put the toy aside and looked askance. He turned away and was silent about something. The girl was seriously scared; it seemed to her that he somehow pulled away and began to cry. She stood up and wanted to come over, but he muttered something in response. She decided to come closer, but the old man stubbornly hit the table and kicked the girl out the door.
- What kind of person are you? Be sure to stir up what you won’t return, go away! Leave me alone!
The girl took the cape and ran out of the garden, only the gate knocked...
For a whole week, grandfather Ivan did not receive guests; he sat and quietly went about his business. He was of course very concerned about what had happened and decided to ask for forgiveness.
Taking his cane, he went to the house. Approaching the door, he saw Irina mopping the floor.
-Irina, forgive the old man! – she looked around, threw the rag on the floor, and walked up to the gate.
“Yes, I’m not offended,” she answered him, “I shouldn’t have just asked such questions.”
- It’s not your fault, come with me, I’ll tell you everything.
Ivan Semenovich invited her into the house; the house had one room and a small kitchen with a stove.
Everything in the house was quite modest, in the old fashioned way. Placing the mugs on the table, he lit the stove and put on a large, heavy kettle. Then he shuffled to the shelf, taking out a photo album from there.
He sat down in front of Irina, and she opened her eyes in surprise; he had never shown her photographs.
Scrolling through the first page, the photos sparkled.
-These are my parents. Semyon Fedoseevich and Maria Yakovlevna. And this is my brother, he was ten years younger than me. Mom couldn’t get pregnant for a long time after me. I myself was with them 5 and my brother was 6, then there was a sister, beautiful girl, blond, kept laughing...
But this is my bride, I loved her very much, we wanted to go to the wedding with her, but it didn’t work out...
- And what happened? - Irina asked.
-Like what? The war happened, all mine died, and she. Then the heavy kettle boiled and he went to take it off the stove. Having poured tea into cups, he walked over and sat down at the table.
He began to remember:
-It happened in 1942. I was 25 years old then, and my brothers were 26, 29, 32, 35. The youngest was 15, and my sister was even 8.
The older brothers went to the front, some fought at Stalingrad, some elsewhere. And I stayed at home, helping my parents, taking care of the house.
But then one morning I decided to go to the river, I had to catch fish for lunch. The river was behind a high cliff.
I went at five in the morning, my beloved gave me a crust of bread and hugged me tenderly. This was the last hug and the last smile.
Around twelve o'clock in the afternoon, I heard a piercing noise, and the smell of smoke came from the direction of my village. Having thrown his belongings on the river bank, he rushed there, ran as hard as he could, but suddenly stopped and fell to the ground. I cannot put into words the horror that I saw.
Everything around was blazing with fire. The Germans dragged people out of their houses, tore off the clothes of girls, dragged those to the side, and raped them. One German took my mother and decided to drag her into the burning house, but my bride rushed to her defense, and he punched her in the face and ordered her to be taken away. My mother was stripped and shoved into the fire, burned alive. My sister screamed and cried, they took her and shot her in the forehead. My beauty is gone, I still dream about my sister. My father was also taken somewhere.
I became so scared that in an instant I lost consciousness. I woke up in the evening when it started to rain. I stood up and staggered somewhere forward. There was no one around anymore, only a few houses survived. I went to look for something, but there was emptiness around, only a lot of dead bodies, I saw my baby’s body on the ground. Luckily, my house survived, I went into the barn and took a shovel. In the backyard of the house, I dug a grave where I laid my sister. He put up a sign with the inscription. I didn’t stay at home long, I collected my belongings, what was left, what the Germans didn’t take away. He looked around and went.
He walked, it is not known where, and it is not known why. Something was going on in my soul that I didn’t even know where I was going, just where my eyes were looking. I didn’t know how to live or what to do, I was tormented by a feeling of guilt..
I took short breaks, ate berries and bread, and slept high in a tree. Then he woke up and moved on. A couple of days later, when I went out onto some country road, I heard the roar of cars. I was lucky, they were ours. After long interrogations, and finding out the circumstances of my appearance in the middle of that road, I was taken to a soldier’s camp, I slept for two days, and was fed porridge. During these couple of days, I clearly knew what I wanted - to take revenge and save those I could. I achieved that I was taken to the front, I went through the entire war, receiving several shell shocks and wounds. But I never lost hope.
First of all, of course, I wanted to find my beloved and save my father.
For a long time I persistently wrote reports on the search, often negative answers came. But I still met her. When ours liberated Auschwitz. She was unrecognizable when I saw her, she had a shaved head, very thin, and coughed constantly. I could not find and save my father.
After the war, we began to live in this village. Three years later, our daughter was born. During childbirth, my beloved died. A girl at the age of 2 was run over by a horse and died.
After that, I was alone for many years. And then I decided to somehow move on with my life, but I couldn’t get married. All I have left of my wife is this apple orchard.
Irina sat and cried bitterly; she did not understand how she could bear all this.
Irina finished her tea, and they chatted just like that, heartily, until the evening.
“But there have been pleasant moments in my life,” said Grandfather, for example, I played the button accordion well, often played at weddings and in the evenings. My youth was spent on a collective farm, in the fields. Work during the day and dance in the evening! It was so good and funny!
After looking at the time, Irina got ready to go home, thanked the old man, and left.
Soon Irina left for the city to study, and the old man stayed behind, carving figures from wood.
He died five years later. Irina still keeps memories of this wonderful man.
Appreciate those around you.
Family problems are inherited
Natalya, family coach, 44 years old:
- Loneliness? I don’t believe that this is God’s providence. God wants everyone to be happy. For me, family is a deep value. But the picture of the world that was formed in my childhood did not make it possible to start a family. I was married twice: once in an official marriage, the other in a civil marriage. And the mistakes that my parents made in their relationship, unfortunately, I also made. It destroyed my first marriage.
Since childhood, I remember that my parents often argued, and it was not customary in the family to express their feelings and emotions. Any manifestations of disagreement or resentment were suppressed. So I, too, already married, could become withdrawn and not clarify in time what was bothering me. The situation became tense, reached the limit and resentment grew into aggression. The marriage could not be saved.
In my second, civil marriage, I took into account many mistakes and tried to discuss our problems with my husband. Therefore, the relationship was initially more mature than in the first marriage. But they were undermined by the fact that the husband was somehow not eager to work. And I'm like " faithful wife", for a long time she was the only breadwinner in the family. It turned out that by helping him and doing what he wanted, I deserved his love.
But help and support are not the same thing. Support implies acceptance and trust, while help implies mistrust. It was precisely this mistrust and desire to solve all his problems that I showed.
When I began, after two unsuccessful marriages, to understand my family history, I somehow remembered that my grandmother always told me as a child: “Whatever, no matter how crooked or askew, just as long as I get married.” In general, it was with this underlying feeling that I got married for the first time.
This was the attitude of the post-war generation that survived so much. When so few men survived, any marriage was a success for a woman. Both of my grandmothers' marriages were built on this principle. “If it weren’t for the war, would we really go for them?”
Several years ago, I made a conscious decision to be alone. I needed to figure myself out. And this has already been achieved. I gained strength.
Internally, I am convinced that I will have a family and I will be happy in marriage.
It is important that from the very beginning my chosen one and I understand that we are doing everything to ensure that our relationship is sincere and deep.
Why does God need a miserable wreck?
Elena, 49 years old, teacher:
- Loneliness? No, I can't accept it! My marriage ended four years ago. This was a complete surprise for me. We lived together for seven years absolutely happily. It seemed so to me. We walked holding hands. To the store, for a walk with the dog, to see friends. Always together. And now I can't even go to those stores. They remind me of him.
I'm broken. My strength is leaving me. It was as if I had been killed, trampled into the ground.
I drank, beat my head, and thought about suicide.
I am constantly sick. My immunity has dropped. I'm afraid of losing my ability to work.
At first I thought that several diseases just fell on me at once: pneumonia, anemia, pancreatitis. But the doctor recognized clinical depression in time and gave me a referral to the Neurosis Clinic. There I received treatment. But the effect of the drugs has long worn off, and I can’t get to the doctor. I have no strength for anything. I only do what I can’t help but do... I can’t help but go to work - and so I go. You can’t help but walk the dog – and I take a walk. There is no strength for the rest.
Have I tried to meet another man? I tried it. I registered on the Orthodox dating site “Svetelka”. 30 people responded. But no one aroused in me the feelings that I felt for my husband. Although... There was one worthy person. But this time he did not want to continue communication. He was very religious. And I am Orthodox, but not a fan. And as a housewife, I’m not perfect. Scientist, what can you say? I'm not a very good cook. I don't have perfect comfort. Do you know how this happens with scientists? Everything is littered with books, records...
Why did we break up? I still do not understand. Of course we argued. And the windows were broken. But it doesn’t happen married couples no quarrels. But you can still solve it!
I asked him once after the divorce: “Why did you tell me every day that you love me?” To which he replied: “I didn’t understand my feelings.” This looks like the truth.
Divine Providence? But I don’t understand what God wants. Why would he see such a ruin? Teach compassion? I could do this before. My husband and I always tried to help those who were in misfortune. They did what they could. Let it be a little. I remember how my grandmother, who had lost her memory, was brought home. We worked in orphanages. And now I have no strength for anything. I smoke and cry. I would like to do good deeds, but I can’t.
Someone has already relied on those you can rely on!
V.G.,defectologist, 41 years old:
- I'm single. Why? It's not entirely up to me...
Yes, I see the advantages of being married and consider it a natural state for a woman. But now I’m not ready to make special efforts to get married. I don't feel unhappy. But if my marriage works out, I will be glad!
My friends worry about me more than I do. Let’s say one of my friends suffers a lot because I’m not married, she’s still trying to somehow arrange my personal life. What for? Maybe, so that she wouldn’t be offended, she came out recently... (laughs)
In childhood? No, I didn't think about my family life. I didn't have any clear plans at all. I lived rather self-centeredly and paid little attention to the world around me. Rather, I was thinking about my professional fulfillment. I wanted to become a surgeon, a climber, or a policeman. Actually, my idea of self-realization was formed quite late. I'm slowing down in life. Maybe that’s why I didn’t get married...
But when I finally decided, I realized that, firstly, I want to communicate with people (as a child, communication was very difficult for me), and secondly, I want to be useful. I tried different specialties until I finally found my place.
I have been working with special needs children for about ten years now. I am interested in the process of work, the children themselves are interesting, and it is interesting to study myself through them. After all, opening each new child, you need to open yourself. There is no other way. It doesn't work any other way. Here you need to invest yourself emotionally, such work requires a lot of effort - but this is good! The love that could be realized in a family is not wasted.
No, I don’t have maternal feelings for the children I work with. One of my tasks is to improve relationships within the family; I should not replace parents. I want to make sure that parents themselves can successfully interact with their child. Although it is often not easy. I have the same close, warm relationships with my godchildren, with the children of friends and relatives. I generally love children.
I’m now thinking about adopting a child, but I doubt whether I can do it alone... Financially, physically.
I can’t have a special child while I’m not married. I’m afraid that I won’t have enough strength, and the question always remains: what will happen to him later, in 20 years? Who will take care of him when I can no longer? Back to boarding school?
Of course, I would like to lean on someone. Sometimes you really want to... But apparently there is not enough motivation. Well, for example, online dating. I imagine that after work I need to go somewhere, meet someone... And I think: no, I’d rather read a book.
With age, of course, you get used to loneliness. And the demands on your spouse increase. Maybe they are too high for me. But if I look closely at a man, I immediately imagine him as the father of my children, a support for myself and my family. I wonder if I can rely on him... And almost always it turns out that someone has already relied on those who can be relied on! (laughs)
I think God gives me what is more useful for me now. I have friends, I have my job. I feel in the right place. I understand what I am doing and why. We'll see what happens next.
I didn’t get married not because of lack, but because of excess.
Ella Sovitova, child psychologist-practitioner, full member of the Professional Psychotherapeutic League, candidate of pedagogical sciences, 39 years old
— I have never had problems with communication. And there were always many fans who proposed marriage. But I have never once experienced the feeling of purity and clarity of the moment: it is with this person that I need to build a family - a small Church.
Was it my decision to refuse? Yes, definitely. Here a person gives you a ring, offers you his hand and heart - and you need to make a decision. But the moment of truth never came - and I refused.
I was very lucky: I never experienced any social or family pressure about this. Although my parents have an exemplary marriage: 62 years life together, three children, no cheating. And yet they never put pressure on me. “If you want to paint pictures, write. If you want to write poetry, write.” They never forced me into family life, never reproached me for its absence. They just want me to be happy. And I am happy!
I communicate easily and joyfully with people, including family members. They invite me without fear, they let me into their world. Never have other women assessed me by the everyday yardstick of “married - not married”, “with children - without children”.
I can't say that family life I don’t understand it and it’s not close to me. Clear and close! But apparently God has other plans for me! Once upon a time, when I was 20 years old, Father Vasily Ermakov told me: “Why are you bothering with these boys! Those who you could marry are all already old or married. Serve in another field for now.” And I became a child psychologist.
When I was 25-26 years old, I had 30 babies abandoned by HIV-infected mothers. I led them all as a psychologist. I distributed them all to families. They are all my children. I have a rare specialization. I work in infant psychology. I see how their feelings, emotions, their souls develop. I look after many of them and advise them from birth to adulthood. I have 200 children in my care. I wouldn't have given birth to so many!
And just as the wisdom of an infant is obvious to me, so the need for marriage at some point would be obvious.
If you want to get married, you can get married at any age. I don't have any sadness or melancholy about this. I'll get married - good. If I don’t go out, that’s also good.
I didn’t get married not because of a lack, but because of an excess (smiles). I am a happy man.
I don't need to follow the ancestral program to become whole. I already have it in me - integrity. It's just there and that's all.
I have two older sisters. And everything is “as expected” for them. They have already completed our birth program for me. For which a huge “thank you” to them! But I just have a different fate.
Perhaps everyday life would crush me, it would turn out to be an unbearable burden, who knows... But I have an excellent opportunity to be myself, to do what God intended me to do, and not what is “accepted.”
They usually say that there are two paths for a woman: family and monastic. But I would say more broadly: family or ministry. I chose ministry, but not monasticism (I also considered it and also did not hear the Calling in myself). And without a Calling, without the voice of God, there can be neither one nor the other inside you. God provides different ways to serve. He sent me his way.
But this is extremely important: to find your ministry. Otherwise, if a woman has not found herself either here or there, she is a “lost”, she is spurred on by lawlessness and licentiousness.
It’s interesting that I haven’t lost any of my fans friendly relations. There are no dark colors left in our relationship. But, apparently, I was in their life for a different reason. For example, once a German man courted me. And at that moment I was going through a period of active churching in my life; I was teaching at a seminary. And, apparently, this ardor was transferred to him. He was baptized (converted to Orthodoxy), went to Georgia and there, on his German scholarship, supported an entire Georgian monastery during those hungry years. Perhaps we crossed paths with him precisely for this purpose...
I am from the generation that grew up in the 90s, on the rocks, when the world collapsed. In the chaos in which the usual foundations were scattered, the opportunity arose not to act “according to an established pattern,” but to think, search, and choose. The church began to be revived, and for many, many people, relationships with God, with reality, with themselves became more important than ancestral programs.
Time ordered other programs, gave rise to other questions: “Who am I? What am I? How am I connected to God? What is my relationship with the world? I don’t have statistics, this is just my hypothesis, but it seems to me that there are quite a lot of such unmarried women aged 37-40 years.
And no matter how paradoxical it may sound, perhaps this generation will become a laboratory for marriage of a new format. After all, the old forms no longer work. You can’t fit into them, just like you can’t fit into old clothes. It is necessary to carry out laboratory work in order to return to Domostroy and at the same time adapt it to the 21st century.
And the main question of a new marriage: “For what reason are we together? What are we doing here together?
Sometimes we crave loneliness, but we just can’t manage to be left alone with our thoughts and feelings, and sometimes we need someone to be nearby, but he’s not there...
Loneliness is considered a kind of awareness of oneself as a useless, abandoned person. But for what reasons does a person who lives in the company of other people consider himself lonely and abandoned? And is this so? Let's try to figure it out using short quotes about the loneliness of great people.
Beautiful women rarely alone, but often lonely.
Henryk Jagodzinski
Dreamers are lonely.
Erma Bombeck
Loneliness is the reverse side of freedom.
Sergei Lukyanenko
Loneliness, how overpopulated you are!
Stanislav Jerzy Lec
How better means messages, the further the person is from the person.
Yalu Kurek
A wise man is least lonely when he is alone.
Jonathan Swift
Solitude is a luxury of the rich.
Albert Camus
You are not alone in your loneliness.
Ashley Brilliant
We make ourselves lonely.
Maurice Blanchot
Eagles fly alone, rams graze in herds.
Philip Sidney
Every person has a piece of loneliness that can never be filled by loved ones, earthly entertainment, pleasures or pleasures. This has been the case since biblical times, namely from the moment when Adam and Eve were expelled from paradise, loneliness settled in the hearts of people. Maybe loneliness is that eternal longing for the times of being in paradise, or maybe not. Probably everyone should answer this question for themselves. Well, quotes about loneliness will help with this.
Wise Quotes About Loneliness
We are often lonelier among people than in the quiet of our rooms.
Henry David Thoreau
Alone, a person is either a saint or a devil.
Robert Burton
Loneliness is a well-known refrain in life. It is no worse or better than much else. They just talk about him too much. A person is always lonely or never!
Erich Maria Remarque
The cruelest loneliness is the loneliness of the heart.
Pierre Buast
A person feels lonely when he is surrounded by cowards.
Albert Camus
Loneliness is sometimes the best company.
John Milton
A pensive soul tends towards loneliness.
Omar Khayyam
The worst loneliness is not having true friends.
Robert Burton
It's better to be alone than in bad company.
John Ray
I don't know anyone who doesn't feel lonely in one way or another.
Gabriel Garcia Marquez
As long as humanity has existed, loneliness has existed for as long. Most of humanity is afraid of it and cannot understand why it comes sooner or later. But, as they say, you need to know the enemy by sight. So let's try to understand this topic with the help of sayings and quotes from great people.
About loneliness with meaning
Solitude is a beautiful thing; but you need someone to tell you that loneliness is a wonderful thing.
Honore de Balzac
Being alone often makes you feel less lonely.
Johann Gottfried Herder
God is with us, so we are not alone.
Konstantin Kushner
I have never met a partner as sociable as loneliness.
Henry David Thoreau
The strongest people are also the most lonely.
Henrik Ibsen
Loneliness is really a lousy thing for all its enormous advantages.
Arkady and Boris Strugatsky
I've always been my own best company.
Charles Bukowski
Loneliness only increases the feeling of uselessness.
Ken Kesey
You should not confuse loneliness and solitude. Loneliness for me is a psychological, mental concept, while solitude is physical. The first dulls, the second calms.
Carlos Castaneda
The first thing loneliness prompts you to do is to deal with yourself and your past.
August Strindberg
Many people find positive aspects in solitude. Indeed, loneliness can be seen as an opportunity to be alone with yourself, understand your own soul and listen to your inner voice. Many psychologists believe that the time we spend alone is the most fruitful. If a person were always busy communicating with others, many wonderful thoughts and ideas would never come to his mind. And, besides, as one quote says, you can live alone if you are waiting for someone.
Sad sayings about loneliness
Don't wait for someone else to make the first move. What do you have to lose but your loneliness?
John Kehoe
How nice it is to lie motionless on the sofa and realize that you are alone in the room! True happiness is impossible without loneliness.
Anton Chekhov
It's so good to be alone. But it’s so good when there is someone to whom you can tell how good it is to be alone.
Ernest Hemingway
To be able to endure solitude and enjoy it is a great gift.
Bernard Show
It's better to be alone than unhappy with someone.
Marilyn Monroe
I don't like loneliness. I just don’t make unnecessary acquaintances so as not to be disappointed in people again.
Haruki Murakami
Loneliness is when there is a telephone in the house and the alarm clock rings.
Faina Ranevskaya
When you are lonely, it does not mean that you are weak. It means you are strong enough to wait for what you deserve.
Will Smith
It's scary to become unnecessary, not to be lonely.
Tatiana Solovova
A fool seeks how to overcome loneliness, a wise man finds how to enjoy it.
Mikhail Mamchich
But, smart quotes about loneliness with meaning is one thing, but the real state when, even being among other people, you feel lonely is completely different. Too much loneliness has a bad effect on life expectancy. In terms of the degree of negative impact on life expectancy, loneliness is equal to smoking and alcohol. And sometimes only a good psychoanalyst can help. Well
Loneliness
Banker Spartak Sysuevich Moshnenko had a birthday. While they were cooking and setting up food at his house, the men in four cars went to the lakes to swim. On the way, they picked up girls of easy virtue to squeal.
They lit a fire, barbecued, drank, ran and swam. Spartak Sysuevich got so naughty that he and one red-haired woman, standing waist-deep in water, exchanged underpants.
But then it got dark, everything was ready at home, and their dressed-up wives were waiting at the table. The drivers honked their horns, flashed their headlights and drove off.
On the road, the drivers lost sight of each other, so no one noticed that the hero of the occasion was not in any car. And the girls were dropped off at the metro.
Only later, when we sat down at the table, did we find out that Spartak Sysuevich was not there. The drivers were reprimanded and sent back to the lake.
Everyone was drunk and started slowly without the owner. The men whispered that he deliberately stayed with that red-haired girl.
But things were different.
Spartak Sysuevich really became interested in one of the girls and, to show how strong he was, he decided to swim across the lake. Swim across and shout something to everyone from the other side.
And he really swam. But no matter how much he shouted, no one heard him because of the music and other voices.
Then Spartak Sysuevich sat down behind a bush so that he could at least poop here in peace.
But as soon as he sat down, the cars on the other side began to hum, turned on their headlights and started moving. No one noticed his absence, because everyone sat down anywhere with girls on their laps. And that red-haired woman knew everything, but remained silent because she secretly hated men in general.
The city was forty kilometers along the highway. Hoping that they would still come back for him, Spartak Sysuevich began to wait. But soon he felt cold, the mosquitoes were in earnest, and he walked towards them on his own. Pampered feet were pricked by sharp pebbles; I had to hold my manhood with my palm so as not to lose it.
In half an hour, only one car passed by. Shining his headlights on his desperately vocal fellow traveler, the driver cursed and sharply stepped on the gas. The middle-aged, well-fed man was wearing only women's panties from a sex shop: mesh in the front, string in the back.
Realizing that here, on the main road, he could easily be killed, Spartak Sysuevich decided to walk across the path, towards the lights of new buildings glowing somewhere on the edge of the universe.
At that moment, as he turned, jeeps sent to search for him drove past.
He walked towards his city, and the windows of the houses located on the outskirts gradually went dark. The full moon illuminated his path in the wild. Frogs jumped out from under his feet screaming, and night birds flapping their wings right next to his face.
Spartak Sysuevich gradually sobered up, thirst and fatigue began to overcome him. Every now and then he squatted down, scooped with his palms and drank water from holes and swamps.
When it began to get light, he crossed the rat patch and came to the first city building. His foot stepped onto a civilized asphalt surface.
At the same time, the sky became cloudy and a long September rain began. No longer covering himself with his palm, clenching his fists and moving his nodules, he strode widely in the middle of the deserted streets past random early passers-by and blinking yellow traffic lights. He no longer thought about water, food, a warm bath and a dry bed. He wanted only one thing: to take the pump-action shotgun out from under the back seat, go up to his apartment and kill everyone.
Finally he saw his jeep at the front door and picked up a cobblestone. Approaching the tinted rear side window, he swung it hard.
But then a police car stopped nearby and they took him.
I'm not afraid of loneliness without people, I'm afraid of loneliness without faith.
I can feel, think, and say with my tongue only one thing: “Thank God!”
God bless!
With a generous hand, our good Lord pours out His mercy. Gives, opens, consoles, admonishes, and much more that is impossible to list. We reach out to Him - the Sun of life, seeking in Him warmth and protection from all adversity. And He never ceases to love us, does not leave us, again and again destroying the networks in which we find ourselves. None of this is easy. This is the way. We are all wanderers walking the same road - the road of life. We are all girded with sorrows and joys. Everyone is in search of the ever-elusive happiness. We are not strong like the monks, and we are not wise like the elders. We hope that everything will be fine, and with annoyance we notice sad feelings in ourselves. These feelings, like small pebbles, get into our shoes and prevent us from walking, sometimes wounding us to the point of bleeding.
There are no words to explain the feeling of loneliness. Many, if not all, who live in the world are familiar with it. Neither hard work, nor busyness, nor good company protects against it. Mother of many children, exhausted by the most difficult feat, in a short moment of rest she feels its prick. A winged young man, smart and beloved son, in a crowd of transport, pressed against the cold window of a trolleybus, will suddenly experience its heaviness. The father of the family, the support, the first and main wall from everyday adversity, will suddenly shake, realizing his presence. And the girl, not just for a minute, but for an hour or two, will begin to suffer from it, like a fever. Loneliness, like the damp winter of St. Petersburg, chills to the very bones. It seems like we have to come to terms with him. But what if there is nothing to come to terms with? What if we took loneliness and looked at it closely? Think about its nature and wash yourself of it with the grace of God. Perhaps loneliness does not have true strength, but only deceptive impressions.
"I'm needed now!"
Peter came to our temple two years ago. His appearance was memorable to me not only because our parish is small and every new person is noticeable. But also thanks to the fact that the grace that the Lord, by His ineffable mercy, gave him to embark on the path of Christian life, literally poured out of him. Peter shone like a Christmas tree, his eyes sparkled, he smiled all the time and treated everyone, without exception, with simplicity and complete trust. Like an orphan child, he tried to get along with everyone and opened his heart to everyone. Perhaps, I thought then, this is how every newcomer looks and behaves, but I didn’t know for sure. And our women shook their heads at him and wailed.
He is unhappy, completely alone. He suffers because no one needs him. God help me! - they sighed and, on occasion, fed Peter, gave him kind words and wished him happiness.
I silently looked at the situation from the outside. Firstly, because Peter and I are about the same age, and I’m a married lady, and I can’t be too scattered kind words I shouldn't go to a stranger. Secondly, to be completely honest, I am not characterized by comforting warmth - such a feminine manifestation when a conversation is filled on a spiritual level with the aroma of freshly baked bread, coziness and comfort - in a word, when it is very pleasant. But, unfortunately, I am more of a cracker than a baker, and sometimes I myself need softening. And thirdly, what turned out to be more important for me than anything else, I thought about loneliness in general, as a phenomenon.
I don’t know what emotions other people experience, because someone else’s soul is hidden, but at times I myself felt lonely. An unpleasant melancholy feeling could arise at any moment, even when completely overwhelmed kind people. Just a “poke” somewhere in the hypochondrium, and everything is foggy and incomprehensibly heavy. This is fine? I didn't think so. And then suddenly there was a man next to me who was truly alone, that is, literally alone, alone in the whole world, and yet he felt the same. It seems that at least the intensity of the experience should be different, but is this really so obvious? In short, strange and incomprehensible.
I used to dislike this experience, as if it were a pimple on my chin - an annoying sore that should never happen. And now it’s completely alarming. And then my mind seemed to grab this feeling by the tail, pull it closer and begin to examine it closely.
It was then the middle of summer, and everyone who had not gone to their dachas helped at the church to the best of their ability. I also came to do something, but mostly to be in church once again, to plunge into the world of silence and meaning.
One fine day, young tree seedlings were brought to the parish. And the priest blessed Peter and me to plant them. We equipped ourselves and went to do our obedience.
I really love nature. For me, such obedience became not work at all, but joyful entertainment. The trunks of young apple trees, thin and slender, were pleasing to the eye. The unfamiliar man next to me, about the same age, embarrassed me somewhat, but I hoped that Peter understood everything. I thought that our communication would be reduced to the minimum necessary to fulfill obedience. But it was not there. Inspired by the grace of the new leadership, in complete simplicity he began to talk to me about seedlings, about the weather, about other things. Peter kept joking and persistently tried to win me over to communication, but I maintained a face of decency, answered unambiguously and, at every opportunity, stuck out my ring finger. right hand, where my position symbol was located. I didn’t even think about the fact that Peter was trying to start a relationship with me, but I didn’t want to create ambiguous situations. At some point, Peter finally noticed my efforts and asked:
Vassa, are you married?
Lucky ones,” Peter said thoughtfully and suddenly became very sad.
His face sank completely, but he tried to hide his feelings and smiled forcefully.
I thought that I must definitely ask the Lord, and He will certainly help, because the Lord is love and goodness. Because the Lord is incredibly kind and hears our every breath.
And Peter said:
They tell me I need to ask, pray to God, and I pray. And all our women are praying for me.
So there is hope.
I nodded and finally smiled too and mentally added my sigh to God for the happiness for Peter. We calmly finished our work and said goodbye, leaving the apple trees to take root in their new place.
“No, Peter was never alone,” I thought. “After all, his prayers were heard, which means they were listened to.”
Very soon everything in Peter’s life changed. He met a woman. They got married and got married. And recently they had a child. Once, running past me, Peter slowed down and, smiling joyfully, said:
This is a miracle, Vassa! A real miracle! I have a family now. And you know what? - He clasped his hands out of enthusiasm. - My wife has adult daughter, and she recently gave birth too! Can you imagine?! I'm also a grandfather now!
Peter laughed happily.
Now I will always be needed. I'm not alone now! - he exclaimed and ran further.
And I thought that he was never alone, because his prayers were heard, which means they were listened to.
Murderer
And so, quite recently, one late evening, when it was dark outside, and the rain was knocking on the windowsill, and the wind was blowing through the window, I again suddenly felt a pang of loneliness. I went to the window, began to peer into the traffic jam and thought that my husband was probably stuck somewhere there. But in essence it doesn’t matter. We are born alone and die alone. This is the lot of all people. But, thinking like this, I remembered an incident, or rather, a conversation that took place almost three years ago. Then it was also evening and raining, and it was this circumstance that made my interlocutor also remember something.
We sat in the refectory after the evening service, hoping that the rain would subside and we could run home. Zoya, an elderly woman, turned on the heater and moved it to her feet.
My knees hurt,” she said.
I really like Zoya. But not because I know her well. She just somehow reminds me of my beloved, but long-deceased grandmother Lyuba. And this similarity, almost imperceptible, turns Zoya into a person close to me. I reach out to her, and she responds to me with patience and kindness.
There were five of us in the refectory, but soon three ran away. I was waiting for my husband, who was supposed to come back for me and bring an umbrella.
It feels like we are alone in the whole world,” I said thoughtfully, looking out the small window.
The street was almost invisible, only water flowed down the dark glass. My thought seemed very romantic, almost philosophical. But Zoya said:
This is nonsense and not true. We are never alone.
I looked at her. She rubbed her sore knees, and her face expressed suffering.
You know,” Zoya said thoughtfully, “this reminded me of one incident in my life.” It was also bad weather then. True, snow. But the evening is exactly like that - dark, dank. My legs also hurt a lot then. Weather…
I again tried to peer into the darkness in search of my husband, but the rain did not let me. I thought I should run to meet him. Anything is better than just sitting and waiting.
Sit down,” Zoya said, “I’ll tell you, and you won’t think about these nonsense anymore.”
My husband will scold me if I go out in the rain,” I expressed my thoughts and doubts out loud.
And rightly so,” Zoya said sternly. - Sit down, I say, don’t hang around.
I sat down opposite the woman, and again I felt sorry for her. She kept rubbing her knees. But then I looked into her eyes, and there were sparkles of either fun or just life.
What's the story? - I asked, feeling dry heat heater.
It was February,” Zoya began. - I'm younger. But my legs are nowhere. Although it's even worse now. Eh... In general, I was on duty at the church. Late evening. There is not a soul in the temple. I'm alone. She sat just like that and rubbed her knees. It’s like night outside: it’s as dark as you could cut it with a knife. And the wind howls under the roof. Darkness. Uncomfortable. I prayed. I read akathists and looked at my watch. And the arrow, as if enchanted, barely moves. And then a guy comes into the church. I look: what a face he has! Gloomy, stooped. I didn't like him right away. He glanced around and walked towards me...
Zoya leaned towards me through the heater, and I reached out to her. Her face became stern, and I somehow felt uneasy. And she continues:
- "What? - speaks. - Alone here? I said nothing. And he's even scarier up close. There are some scars on his face and his hands are dirty. He says to me: “Give me some candles,” and throws some pieces of paper. I give him candles for everything. And he looks at me, without taking his eyes off. And my heart is so heavy. And my hands are shaking and shaking with fear.
Zoya sighs heavily, and I think with her: “This is the situation! So is duty in the church! After all, there’s no one to even intercede!”
Zoya smiles sadly:
The guy noticed my hands. He says: “Are you afraid of me?”, and without waiting for an answer, he says: “That’s right. I'm a killer." This statement took my breath away.
“Me too,” I exhale. - Right now... I can’t imagine how you... there.
“Yeah,” Zoya nods. - He took all the candles. “Where,” he asks, “for repose?” I pointed to him with a trembling hand. And he went. While standing there, I didn’t know what to do. I was wondering how I would defend myself. I regretted that there was no knife. Such horror gripped me that even though I could run, I couldn’t do it - my legs couldn’t move at all from fear and pain. Everything, I think, will kill me and not ask. I thought I should strike first. I reached such despair that tears flowed. And there is only one thought: “Murderer! Murderer!" And suddenly I hear a voice right inside my head. So pure and strong. “Stop it! - speaks like a bell. “You yourself are a murderer.”
Like this?! - I gasped in surprise.
“It doesn’t matter,” Zoya waved me off. - It is important that this is true! After this my voice was cut off. And the fear disappeared in an instant, and the mind brightened. I understood everything. I realized my bitter mistake. I realized my judgment.
I'm sorry, what? I calmed down immediately. Cooled down.
And the guy?
And the guy then came up to me again, but this time he was all in tears. I told him sweet Nothing she said, and he opened up. He needed it. It turned out he was a former soldier. Participated in hostilities. He barely survived. I came to light candles for dead friends and killed enemies. And he is not a killer at all, but a tired warrior. We talked with him for two hours. So that.
“The guardian angel brought some sense,” Zoya answered. “He was there all the time and didn’t let trouble happen.” No, we are not alone!
I thought hard then. Then she looked at Zoya. I still had one more question, but I didn’t know if it was appropriate to ask about it. But then, as soon as I imagined that I would be completely exhausted in ignorance, I immediately plucked up courage.
I think my Guardian Angel,” Zoya answered calmly. - You see how I brought it to my senses. He was there all the time and didn’t let trouble happen. And you say: alone in the whole world. No. Not true.
Already returning home under an umbrella and the care of my husband, I thought: “How good it is that the Guardian Angel is always nearby. That we are never alone. What a wonderful circumstance in the life of every Christian!”
Of course, under these two stories I want to write a final word. But I am not a spiritual person and have almost no experience of spiritual life. I give all spiritual and moral conclusions with a light heart to those who know how to do it. I only sincerely hope that these cases will serve as consolation to someone, like myself, at a difficult moment, when loneliness is on the contrary, and protect the heart. And then this feeling, like an annoying pebble in a shoe, will never stop us from moving forward. We will simply throw it away, forever, and from our lips will come out:
Thank God for everything!
