Husband's relatives. What to do if my husband's relatives don't love me What to do if my husband's relatives don't love you

Often young women, after getting married, cannot establish a good relationship with my husband's relatives. Conflicts arise, mutual grievances accumulate, which can ultimately lead to the breakdown of the family. If you want to avoid this, you need to be patient and transfer your relationship with the relatives of the person closest to you to the category of friendship. How to do it? Honestly tell yourself: My husband's relatives don't like me - what should I do? And if you really want to change the situation, here are some tips from psychologists.

What if your husband's relatives don't love you?

If the hostility of your husband’s parents is expressed in such trifles as, for example, casual remarks (sometimes quite sarcastic), ambiguous compliments addressed to you, then the matter is most likely not that your husband’s relatives do not love you, but ordinary parental jealousy . After all, just yesterday their boy was only their son, but today he is already someone’s husband. Show patience, understanding and tact, and over time your new relatives will develop respect for you and, quite possibly, warm feelings.

Usually the initiator of such intricate bullying is the mother-in-law, and it would be far-sighted on your part to try to establish relations with her first. Seek her advice as often as possible, even if you don't intend to follow it. Ask her, for example, to teach you how to cook your husband’s favorite dish or ask her to help distribute the family budget. This always works well. But don’t overdo it: outright flattery can cause resentment and worsen hostility.

It is easier to establish relationships with a father-in-law, because, as a rule, fathers of husbands treat their daughters-in-law more kindly than mothers. Be attentive to what he says, ask questions about what interests him, and always remember what he told you. This is not at all difficult if you convince yourself that he is the boss of the house, even if only you think so. Believe me, your interest and respect will arouse your father-in-law’s desire to support you in difficult times.

If your husband has a brother or sister, find out from him what their interests and habits are, because they grew up together. Try to gain their trust by sharing their interests. Do not intrude on their relationship with your husband, do not try to change it: you will definitely encounter resistance and make enemies. If, for example, your husband and brother-in-law are used to going to football games together, do not force your husband to give up this habit. If you manage to find common interests with your sister-in-law, you will win a good ally who will help you defend your rights in your new family.

In all your attempts to improve relationships with new relatives, be sincere. Never speak badly about your husband in the presence of his relatives: they will never forgive you for this. Even if your mother-in-law or sister-in-law says something harsh in their hearts about their son or brother, you must show them that you do not share such an assessment. Only speak well about your relatives, otherwise you will give rise to incorrect conclusions and insults towards you and them, because if you do not love your relatives, then you have no right to count on the love of strangers - your husband’s relatives.

But if you are not accepted into the family at all, if at every opportunity they try to provoke a conflict, then the situation is much more serious and requires decisive measures on your part. The only advantage that you should definitely use is that your husband clearly sees the state of things, and you don’t have to tell him where, when and how you were offended. You have the right to insist that your husband explain to his parents that he is already married and that if they love their son, they must take his choice into account.

It is easier to improve relationships if you live separately, because the ordeal of living together with your husband’s parents is very tiring and leads to explosive situations. Therefore, show foresight: if you see that, despite all your efforts, relations with your new relatives are not working out, convince your husband to rent a house and move out before the explosion occurs.

And remember: it’s better to have no relationship than a bad one. Explain to your husband that his parents need to be given time to calm down and reconsider their priorities, because if their son is dear to them, if they want to see his children, they must show respect and tolerance to you, the wife of their son and the mother of their grandchildren. These are completely legitimate demands on your part. Now it’s their turn to take steps forward, your conscience is clear, and you there is no need to rack your brains over what to do if your husband’s relatives don’t love you .

What to do with your in-laws? I think every woman who is married asks this question.

On the one hand, they are an integral part of such a life value as family, which ideally should be based on love, mutual assistance, and acceptance. But what to do when these same relatives, who should become support and support, do not do this, do not behave very correctly and, frankly speaking, climb out on your head?

I'll tell you the story of my friend. She found herself in a similar situation and found a way out of it.

Husband's relatives

A friend lived with her husband in a four-room apartment. Her housing, since her husband is from out of town. Soon after the wedding, they were joined by her sister with a small child, who was scared and difficult alone after the divorce. Everyone had a room, there was no sign of trouble.

The couple became acquainted with each other's relatives and maintained warm relations with them. And since they all lived in different localities, they were able to do this especially well from a distance. One person changed everything phone call.

A friend of my husband’s parents asked over the phone to host him for a day; he was going on a work visit to the capital. My friend barely knew him, she met him at large family celebrations, but she did not dare refuse, so as not to offend someone close to her relatives.

Calls from this man became more frequent and not in advance. It turned out that he had been promoted and business trips became commonplace. Twice a month he visited my friend’s house and did not feel any embarrassment from this. The “family friend” received travel allowances, which were issued for food and hotel, but preferred not to spend them.

Like these ones "poor relatives". Really, why bother if you can get everything for free? I put the word “friend” in quotation marks because this man behaved in a manner completely opposite to the loud name. For his part, he did not take any part in the lives of the people to whom he was indebted for their hospitality.

My friend is a kind, sympathetic person, not burdened with complexes and stereotypical thinking, and at first she didn’t think about whether you should understand this man’s requests. But gradually she began to feel that she was simply being used.

The guest's arrivals always fell on Friday evening, the time that after a working week should be given to loved ones who were waiting for attention. The man never took this into account and behaved like a real egoist and consumer. He demanded attention and care during the weekend, appealing to meeting his relatives. And the relatives, in turn, also did not understand how wrong everything was. Hint her about it upbringing did not allow.

This vicious circle was broken by one coincidence of circumstances. One day a guest arrived not alone, but with his wife and two adult children, without warning. The naive owners thought that they had decided to congratulate them on the holiday; the day before it was the friend’s husband’s birthday. The guests congratulated the people they came to live with only in words, and were very upset when they saw that there was no delicious food left from the day before, since they were not celebrating at home. But they expected the opposite.

People came to relax at someone else's expense: to get enough and finally spend the saved travel allowances and do some shopping in the capital's stores. The plan didn't work, the guests were very indignant, for the first time they left dissatisfied, and never returned.

After this, my friend’s reputation in the family circle worsened. Although it was not her fault for what happened. She drew her own conclusions.

Learn to set your distance. If you are uncomfortable in a relationship, you need to change its format.

Only the husband is chosen, and his friends or relatives are included in the bargain. And there is nothing to be done about it. Treat them well, like human beings. But if they treat you badly, do not hesitate to tell them that such a relationship is not acceptable for you. After all, everything should be mutual.

In the relationship between a man and a woman, some difficulties always arise and disagreements, because people cannot always smile, compromise and remain silent when someone tries to infringe on their rights. In order to create strong family you need to learn to give in and accept a person with all his shortcomings. But even if everything is good in your marriage, there may be negative factors outside the family.

It's about numerous relatives of her husband and about the possibility of minimizing your hostility towards them. Relationships with relatives are not always ideal; most often certain situations arise that lead to conflicts. This is not surprising, because you chose your loved one, but not his many brothers, aunts and grandmothers.

Daughter-in-law is often to blame for everything, because, in their opinion, dear person he is right in everything and cannot be the cause of difficulties in the family. Women who decide to throw in their lot with a specific man often hear a lot of negative reviews and opinions behind their backs. But what to do if you and your husband have an ideal relationship, but the problem is only in your relatives?

There is a solution. In fact, even the most experienced psychiatrist will not make you fall in love with people who are a priori unlikable to you, but it is quite possible to learn to pay less attention to numerous insults and reproaches. You can also wisely limit communication with people who are unpleasant to you, the main thing is cunning and a logical approach. So, if you want to solve the problem of communicating with numerous relatives, then take note of the following tips.

1. Do not try to reciprocate the hostility and reproaches of relatives. In fact, a wise woman will never spoil relations with her husband’s relatives, because this can lead to a deterioration in family ties and sometimes even to divorce. If your husband is an exemplary family man, then it is likely that he listens to the advice of his relatives. This character trait can either help you or harm you. Try to respond to numerous reproaches with a smile and agreement. If, for example, your mother-in-law is not satisfied with something in your housework, then promise to improve. Always accept advice and decrees, but what you do when you get home is up to you.

2. Talk to your husband. The fastest and most effective method influence on the consciousness of the husband's relatives - communication with the latter. If you clearly, calmly and intelligibly explain to your husband the essence of the problem, you will be one step closer to the possibility of establishing contact with relatives. Tell him that their desire to interfere in your family could lead to the breakup of the family, because decisions should only be made by the two who are married. Try to bring clarity to the relationship so that you can solve difficulties together, and not in splendid isolation. In fact, numerous surveys among strong friendly families showed that husband and wife learned to discuss absolutely everything among themselves and make a common decision.

3. Try to limit contact with your husband's family. In fact, you don’t need to go to tea parties, sit for weeks in the village with your loved one’s grandmother and invite brothers and sisters and their families to a dinner party. It is enough to limit yourself to weddings, anniversaries and other important celebrations for the family. If you learn to keep your distance from your husband's relatives, then sooner or later they will understand that you are a person who is distant towards people in general. Isn't this what you need?

4. Never try to show false love and friendliness. If you start playing and try to wishful thinking, sooner or later you will lash out at your husband or withdraw into yourself. It’s also worth looking at the situation realistically: even the stupidest and narrowest thinking person sooner or later he will understand that he is being led by the nose and told lies.

Learn to treat relatives neutral. This will allow you to establish a certain distance, but will not make you enemies. If you show a certain hatred and antipathy, you will encounter problems within the family. Fake friendliness will have the opposite effect: you will become enemies with your in-laws and may even face the problem of divorce.

In every person's life there are situations when it is difficult to find mutual language with other people. And everything would be fine, but what if these people are your husband’s relatives with whom you have to communicate and sometimes even live under the same roof? How to explain the current situation to your loved one and not ruin the marriage? All this is a topic for serious conversation.

Recently, a situation has become more and more common when young girls come to see a psychologist with the phrase: “I hate my husband’s relatives, what should I do? " Before you understand what to do with dislike for new relatives, you need to decide what, exactly, they deserved such an attitude?

It often happens that the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are simply jealous of each other and fight for the attention of their husband and son. Only a man can resolve such a situation; he must explain to his ladies that he loves them both and the war will not lead to anything good.

But it very often happens that the mother-in-law simply pesters her daughter-in-law with nagging, pesters her about every little thing, and lectures her in everything. This usually happens when women live in the same area and cannot share, for example, the kitchen. This is a completely normal phenomenon, because there can only be one mistress in the house. To avoid quarrels and hassle, young people are advised to live separately.

If a girl doesn’t like her relatives, then she often wonders how to keep her husband’s relatives away from her home. But this is a very wrong approach to the situation, since many men, if their wife and parents are in the balance, choose the latter.

But there are also very difficult situations when bad relationship no one wants to fix it. This happens in cases where the guy’s parents were against the wedding, and the girl is so capricious that she doesn’t want to find a common language with adults.

In such situations, it is very difficult to advise anything, since everything is very individual, but a couple of universal recommendations can still be given. Firstly, if a woman finds it very difficult to communicate with relatives, then she needs to correctly explain this to her chosen one. And secondly, try to bring the relatives to a frank conversation. Perhaps if we discuss everything openly and express complaints to each other, the problem will be resolved a little. The main thing is not to resort to mutual insults and try to treat your family with respect. This is the only way to save nerves and family.

It is interesting to know that more than 70% of girls in the first year of marriage utter the phrase: “I don’t like my husband’s relatives, I can’t stand them,” and others. But after several years of marriage, relations with the spouse’s loved ones improve, and only 10% of people have hatred for the rest of their lives.

In order for family relationships to be strong and calm, girls need to establish relationships with their husband’s relatives. Of course, you can’t overstep yourself, but in some moments it is recommended to show flexibility and understanding. Only in this case will you be able to become a good wife and beloved daughter-in-law.

Husband's relatives

Relationships with in-laws often cause a lot of unpleasant moments and sometimes have a very negative impact on children. A situation in which a child is raised by a mother and her mother-in-law, who mutually hate each other, can hardly be considered successful.

The word “daughter-in-law” is interpreted by many as “who knows who” in the understanding of the husband’s mother.

Any mother, becoming a mother-in-law, is initially critical of her daughter-in-law. This is quite natural when it does not go beyond the framework of universal human concepts and relationships. The odious image of the mother-in-law is caused not only by maternal jealousy, and not only by the fact that mothers-in-law are all like that, but also by the young wife’s inability to find a common language with her husband’s mother. Since this is often a young girl, her attitude towards her mother-in-law is akin to the continuation of teenage rebellion. In families where the spouses are older, this conflict is usually much less pronounced or absent altogether.

Why is it difficult for a mother-in-law to come to terms with the fact that her son has another woman who has now become the main one in his life? Well, of course, from this very love for my son. After all, she gave her whole heart to her boy! The conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law can be especially acute when the mother-in-law herself does not have a good relationship with her husband. She gives away what is most precious - that’s understandable. There is a lot to be said about how a mother should not do this. But this is often beyond her control. So what to do?

She, the mother-in-law, needs to understand that her son is suffering from this. What about the daughter-in-law? Fight or submit? Neither one nor the other. Wait and make every effort to ensure that the mother-in-law does not consider her the one who could offend her son. How great love From the side of the daughter-in-law to her husband, she will observe, the faster her heart will make a choice. And then, don’t make your husband suffer! And when the grandchildren are born, she (the mother-in-law) can calm down completely. It is very important not to spoil the relationship at the very beginning. A few tips will help young wives gain favor with their mother-in-law.

Tell her about your plans. You can even ask for advice. You will still do it your own way, but if you emphasize that you are doing some things the way she sees fit (that is, your opinions coincide), she will like it.

Thank her often for her help. She does this from the bottom of her heart, believe me.

Do not insult or criticize your husband in her presence. You will be able to do this quite well when she is not around.

Ask her to teach you something, like how to cook their favorite family dish.

Don't forget about her during the holidays.

But it happens that the husband is completely weak-willed and, definitely under the influence of his mother, can accept her point of view, for example, that your role is to care for him and give birth to his mother’s grandson. This is a bad deal and means your family doesn't have much of a chance. This is something you should talk to your husband about. Remember that if you say “Either she or I,” then there will be nowhere to retreat. I'll have to think about

The husband's relatives are those people who are familiar and dear to him. The wife's relatives are also dear to her. Relations between clans are a sign of culture, respect and understanding of spouses for each other.

For men, of course, it’s easier again. There are jokes about the relationship between mother-in-law and son-in-law, but stories about the relationship between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law are colored with tragic shades. It must be said that the intelligence of a mother-in-law and mother-in-law is measured by what they say about their son-in-law or daughter-in-law outside the family. A smart mother-in-law will never talk badly about her son-in-law in front of strangers, no matter what she thinks about him.

I really liked the answer of one woman from the program “My Family.” She said something like this: “My daughter fell in love, and all that remains for me is to love the one she chose.”

Spouses need to understand two things:

The first is that their loved ones, when they come into conflict with their other half, most often do so because they think that in this way they are doing you a favor. If this is the case, then explain to them that you will figure it out yourself, and tell them about the positive qualities of your wife or husband. The phrase almost always works flawlessly: “But she (he) never thought about you like that” or something like that.

But if you see that the conflicts that existed in your family before marriage are beginning to affect the new family member, this should be stopped.

Secondly, your relatives should know that by conflicting with your chosen one or chosen one, they are hurting you. Perhaps this understanding will help smooth out the roughness of interfamily relationships.

But when the family is young and has not yet become a symbiosis, when the spouses have not yet acquired confidence in each other, the further the relatives are, the better. This forces young people to look for independent solutions to optimal interaction.

All this applies to normal people, of course. Family is something that one does not give up. Members of the family in which you grew up are bound for life by ties that are difficult to explain materialistically, and even unseemly actions, unfair treatment and insults are forgiven by family members. Young spouses understand all this later, many years after the wedding, but it is better to know about it from the very beginning.

The best way to try to understand is to ask yourself, if you were given the choice - your spouse or mother, brother, sister or father, what would your choice be. To be presented with such a choice is to plant a time bomb in your family, which has not yet been formalized.

It is better to do everything to ensure that you never have to make this choice.