The well-known situation when a person does not write first can be caused by a whole list of reasons that will be discussed here.
Reason 1: Peculiarities of upbringing
If, as a result of communication, it turns out that the guy does not write first, but always answers your questions, this may be a consequence of his upbringing. There are many guys in the world whose natural politeness does not allow them to give a negative answer to the question: “Do you want to communicate with me?” As a result, long, painful dialogues appear, which these guys are completely uninteresting and undesirable, but they are forced to endure them for a very long time, until the interlocutor gets bored of listening to monosyllabic answers to their own huge pages of text. You can easily check whether this is the reason why they are not answering you - ask about it directly and ask for an honest answer. Also, monosyllabic answers may be a sign, but this may have another basis.
Reason 2: Lack of free time
Another reason why a guy doesn’t write first, but always answers questions, could be simple busyness. All people have things to do, but some people have a lot of them. Not everyone, while doing business, puts their cell phones aside and leaves the social networks. Many continue to read messages and even respond, but writing on your own, while working, takes up too much of your brain, and therefore a person is exclusively in the mode of responding to questions asked. You can find out whether this is so by asking a banal, direct question.
Reason 3: Psychological aspects of personality
If a guy doesn’t write first, but always answers, psychology can interpret this behavior. Psychological reasons are always the most difficult to solve, since they consist of a whole complex of interconnected foundations that need to be unraveled in order to change the situation. So, there are people who are not capable of long-term concentration on anything other than certain topics. This situation is typical for people who have experienced or are depressed. It is difficult for them to constantly communicate with more than two interlocutors, and also, they often have so little communication that they constantly worry during a dialogue and are able to communicate normally only with those who, in their opinion, are the most friendly, pleasant and interesting, while communication with other interlocutors is very difficult for them if it does not happen in reality. In the latter case, they can visually observe the emotions of the interlocutor, see his reactions and evaluate how well they are treated based on a greater number of signs than in the text, where not everyone knows how to express emotions well.
If you are faced with the fact that the girl you like does not write first, but only responds to your messages, then do not rush to be offended! The fact is that many girls have this feature - not to write first. Why are they in no hurry to initiate a dialogue?
Should a guy text a girl first?
If you don't know each other, to interest her
Of course, if you want to get to know the person you like, and hope to arouse reciprocal interest on her part, then it is quite natural to write first. Some guys, wanting to attract the attention of a person, simply like her photo or simply add her as a “friend”. They sincerely believe that they have taken the “first step”, and now it’s up to the potential interlocutor. However, the vast majority of girls have a completely different opinion on this matter. Sure, it's possible that your photo or special information on your page "speaks for itself," but often that's not the case.
If your acquaintance did not attract her
Here you need to look at the situation. If you were not able to immediately interest the lady sufficiently, then, most likely, subsequent attempts should still be postponed for some time - from several days to several months. It is obvious that today you do not arouse her interest, and if you absolutely want to win the favor of this particular girl, you should show her that some changes are taking place in your life that, in your opinion, will interest her. Seeing this, most likely, she will get in touch herself or will be more willing to respond to your next message after a while.
After the first meeting
Of course, after such a meeting you should write to the girl or call. Moreover, this is usually what women expect. They need confirmation that everything went well, that they met expectations, and if the guy is silent after the meeting, this can cause anxiety in the young lady. However, sometimes this anxiety can play into your hands. And yet, situations are different, if you have a goal to hook a girl who has not yet shown strong and obvious interest, then write to her not immediately after the meeting. But if your chosen one sincerely likes you, and she openly demonstrates this, then show reciprocal attention and, if possible, show your interest.
In general, if a girl is interested enough in you, then she may well write herself. She may also take this step if you are a fairly popular person. It may be that you simply don’t know each other yet, but she knows something about you in absentia, and she is attracted to it - in this case, she may also be the first to show interest.
Of course, when communication between interlocutors proceeds in a normal manner, it does not matter which of them initiates the conversation. If the girl is not sure that you are waiting for her message, then she is unlikely to send it to you.
Reasons why she doesn't write or call first
She doesn't want to seem intrusive
Perhaps this is one of the most common reasons why girls do not write first. Even if you have already made it clear to her in every possible way that you are interested in her, there is a fear in her that she will seem intrusive. In turn, when you send SMS first, she calms down, again and again noting to herself that your interest in her has not disappeared anywhere. As a rule, after this, further dialogue is built quite easily. A girl can develop this behavior on a subconscious level - perhaps she was once rejected by someone, or since childhood she has had an attitude in her head that “decent girls should not run after boys.”
She's afraid of seeming unclaimed
Some girls don't write first because they think that their message will show the guy that they have no fans. Yes, this is such a difficult connection. Some people believe that a potential chosen one should feel a little competition at the initial stage of acquaintance or relationship.
In her understanding it looks like this. She is online, but she is silent - therefore, she is communicating with someone else, which means that she is interesting to someone else. Conclusion: You need to text her if you want her attention. In this case, in fact, there may not be any “other”, but the girl really wants you to be wary of this. This behavior is typical for girls who like to provoke their partner to jealousy.
She's not interested in you
Unfortunately, this outcome is also quite possible. While you think that she is embarrassed to write and is waiting for you to remember about her, the girl simply does not think about you. Not only does she not want to write to you, but she also has no great desire to answer. For this reason, she replies almost every other time, and her messages are not particularly meaningful.
She thinks you're interested in someone else
Perhaps the girl believes that there is a lover in your life, and therefore prefers not to get involved in your relationship and not create problems for you. This situation can happen if you don’t know your interlocutor well and she is not yet very aware of all the details of your personal life. At the same time, on your page on a social network there are photos with another person, or some user actively leaves some likes or comments on your “wall” under your posts.
She doesn't like to communicate online or on the phone.
Perhaps your chosen one is one of those people who use social networks and the phone only to set up a real meeting. It is quite possible that she does not like virtual communication, without eye to eye contact and the like. It is worth noting that few young ladies have this feature, but they still exist.
She has a lot to do
We are talking about a person who has a very busy daily routine. Of course, sometimes she can get distracted and write first, but most often she simply reacts to the messages that come to her. Moreover, she does not do this on purpose - being involved in some business, she really does not record who exactly wrote first, but simply communicates when such an opportunity arises.
The girl stopped writing, what should I do?
To begin with, it is important to determine why this happened. If the girl “stopped” writing first, then it means that she used to do this, at least periodically. So what factors could change this?
She "took the first step"
For many girls, writing first is a rather serious step in dating or relationships. By writing to you, she thereby demonstrated her interest in your person and made it clear that she was willing to communicate. Now, in her understanding, you have made certain conclusions, and nothing prevents you from taking reciprocal steps.
She became interested in someone else
Perhaps the young lady wrote to you first only until she met someone else she was interested in young man. If she is committed to building relationships, she will probably focus on the most promising option and will not be scattered in several directions at once. Apparently, for some reason, the choice was not made in your favor.
She's tired of taking the initiative herself
For a period of time, she always or almost always wrote to you first, and one day she simply got tired of it. Perhaps she decided that she takes the initiative too often, and this is not entirely correct. She could also assume that since she regularly has to initiate dialogue, then you yourself are not too interested in this. This state of affairs could offend or upset her, so in the end she simply decided not to write anymore herself. In this case, most likely, she will react positively to your initiative - for her this will be confirmation that, after all, you were not answering her out of politeness, but were really interested.
The young lady always writes first, what does it mean?
She likes to be the "leader"
You've probably heard that in almost every relationship there is a leader and a follower. As a rule, in couples the man becomes the leader, but this does not change the fact that some women prefer to reserve this right for themselves. There may be certain reasons for this behavior. Perhaps the girl previously came across infantile men who were unable to build full-fledged relationships. Now the girl prefers to take everything into her own hands, starting with correspondence.
She's in love
It is possible that Mademoiselle has sincerely fallen in love with you, and it is quite natural for her to write to you first. Moreover, she does not see anything wrong with this at all, and simply rejoices at any opportunity to communicate with you. She can openly write that she was waiting for you on the Internet, bombard you with a lot of questions, and so on.
She is bored
The girl does not write first not only to you, but also to some other people. The reason is quite trivial - she is simply bored and does not know what to do with herself. Having seen a person interesting to her on the Internet, she enthusiastically enters into correspondence, thereby simply “killing time.”
She is jealous
She wants her to be the main reason you go online in the first place. Fearing that this may not be confirmed, she acts proactively - she interests you first. In this way, she develops in you the awareness that she is invariably present in your life. She may also be afraid that if she leaves you “unattended,” you will begin to show interest in someone else, so she always tries to be in your field of vision.
The girl does not show initiative
In fact, young ladies in general do not very often take the initiative in making acquaintances or building relationships, but this especially begins to catch the attention of men when they themselves are very interested. Of course, in return they want to get at least a little initiative, and, not achieving what they want, they begin to wonder: “Why is this happening?” The answer may be quite simple.
She willingly communicates and responds to SMS
In this case, she simply does not believe that she should take the initiative. For some reason, she just doesn't think it's right. Most likely, this attitude has been going on since early adolescence, so it will be very difficult, and maybe even impossible, to break it. By her activity in answers, she seems to show you that she really has an interest in you and is glad to communicate with you. Meanwhile, it doesn’t even occur to her that you can expect something more. Most likely, she is simply convinced that a decent young lady should not impose herself on a guy, even if we are talking about correspondence. It is customary for a young man to court his chosen one, and not vice versa, and in the minds of many girls, initiating a dialogue is one of the elements of courtship. That is why the girl does not write first - it seems simply unnatural to her in the initial stages of rapprochement.
It may be that she is really interested in you, but she is simply embarrassed to write to you, not being sure whether you will answer or what you are waiting for a message from her. However, having received a message from you, she willingly answers, because she understands that her interest is still mutual.
Always online in VKontakte, but does not write
There can be many reasons for this behavior, but we will look at the most common ones.
She doesn't use Contact for communication.
It is worth noting that a girl’s regular presence online in VKontakte does not mean that she is communicating with someone on the Internet. It may also be that she is simply listening to music while doing other things - and she may not even go near the monitor. She can also watch movies or simply use Contact in some way for work or study. It is possible that she logs into Contact to visit a certain group - this may be somehow connected with her activities. In general, be that as it may, the point is probably clear - the girl does not use Contact for communication.
She's talking to someone else
Many guys, seeing that a nice person periodically comes into Contact, but does not respond, will conclude that she simply has another object of sympathy. Note that this is often exactly the case.
Almost every girl knows the feeling of falling in love. At this time, the fair sex changes quite a lot. Long shopping trips, late night gatherings with friends and much more disappear from her usual life. All her thoughts began to be occupied by him - the guy whom the girl suddenly fell in love with. Despite her strong character, when she falls in love, a girl becomes weak and vulnerable. Now every detail related to her chosen one matters to her. Every message received from him becomes precious metal, which will be stored in the phone until the product breaks down. But it happens that the young man stopped writing first and thereby raised a lot of questions and unwanted nerves in the girl. This article will tell you why a guy refuses to write.
The main reasons why your beloved does not write
1. There may be quite a few reasons why a guy no longer writes first. And we should start with such a phenomenon as male pride. At one point, the young man realizes that he does not want to run after anyone. Let the girls do it better. He really wants to feel wanted. Only often a girl cannot understand this. She begins to imagine various things for herself and in the end may even reach a nervous breakdown. That is why most psychologists recommend trying to keep your head on your shoulders when falling in love.
2. The second reason is that the young man does not want to write because the girl simply attacked him with messages, and he was simply tired of it. In addition, men are not so careful about important things. This must be remembered!
3. The third possibility is that some guys just don't like to write. Well, if a young man and a girl have known each other for a long time, then such an action means that the fair sex should really be worried. Perhaps her chosen one found another girl, or something bad happened to him, or maybe he was just very offended.
Should I text a girl first?
Sometimes the best option will write a message to her lover to the girl herself, otherwise the question of why the guy doesn’t write first will become quite intrusive. But this does not always need to be done. If a girl is not sure that her lover treats her in the same way as she treats him, then there is simply no need to impose herself once again.
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Conclusion
To summarize, it should be said that a girl should under no circumstances be killed because her lover does not write to her. Perhaps everything is not at all as she imagined. But even if everything is not at all positive, then this is also no reason to panic. You need to try to pull yourself together and remember forever that this young man is not last man in life.
It’s better to live in illusions than to accept the bitter truth - a man doesn’t call, which means he doesn’t love and doesn’t remember. But I really want to believe that there are other reasons why He plays the silent game. They really do exist. But are they comforting, says psychologist Elena Tsitrava.
Reasons for a man's silence
The reasons for a man’s silence depend on many circumstances and on the stage of the relationship with him:
- Doesn't call after the first date
- According to statistics, many men take a time out after a first date (even the most successful one). This is how their fearful psyche works. They need to digest what happened and think about the future. This may take more than one day. Don't panic. A flurry of calls and text messages also does not indicate the man’s far-reaching plans. Another option is also possible. Women are more emotional and assertive when communicating with a man. For them, this can be regarded as pressure and onslaught. Particularly impressionable or independent men are very afraid when they attack, take the initiative in own hands or simply says in an innocent voice that her mother will be glad to have such a son-in-law. Decisiveness and increased emotionality are just her character. But this is precisely the reason for a man not to call.
- Doesn't call after a quarrel
In this case, the silence is obvious. The man is offended, proudly waiting for the first step and repentance from the woman. is silent because he expects the same thing. This competition of “who is more stubborn” is painful for both sides. The end of the pause, as a rule, is put by the one who is wiser or who loves more strongly.
- Doesn't call because I'm not a fan of calls
Yes, in the modern world of total “telephonization” there are men who avoid communicating on the phone. They don’t like to call, much less write. The maximum you can get from such a man is a short offer to meet. The only question is how long can we wait for it? For a long time. A very long time. A man is going to meet, but since he rarely uses his phone, the woman can find out about it only when he is ready for a date. The worries will disappear after getting to know the man more closely and understanding his character traits.
- Doesn't call because he's busy
This is often hard to believe. A banal excuse for all men who do not want to date a woman, but also do not want to offend her with a rude refusal. However, there are those frequent cases when even the most loving man disappears from sight and hearing when he is devoted to work, making a career or earning serious money. He also has relatives and obligations to them, force majeure situations and, unfortunately, accidents can also happen to him. Before you get offended, you need to consider all this.
- He doesn’t call because he can’t afford the woman’s requests financially.
Sometimes this reason works after the first date. The woman does not suffer from modesty, and does not restrain herself in choosing an expensive menu in a restaurant, demanding to pamper her with exquisite gifts and take her to luxurious establishments. Even a wealthy man who can afford to maintain a whole harem will run away from this. No man wants to feel like he has an unlimited bank card. A woman’s consumerist attitude is a completely logical reason not to call, not write, and generally forget that she was in a man’s life.
- Doesn't call because Casanova
- Doesn't call because he's hopelessly married
This reason is a classic of the genre. The man is married, which the woman may not even suspect. He has fun, seeks adrenaline, or exercises his “hunter instinct” so as not to lose his “quality mark.” Why call him if serious relationship not included in his plans? Moreover, if the relationship dragged on, the woman began to expect serious steps from him or suspect his unfree status.
- Doesn't call because he doesn't love you
Here it is, the most painful and common reason silence of men. All previous reasons are insignificant, unimportant, solvable if a man is in love. There is no force that can keep a man from communicating with a woman. Everyone knows that when a person wants, he looks for opportunities, and if not, for reasons. A man will find a second, a moment to let a woman know that he remembers and loves. What about talking? You don't need phones for this. For this, the eyes, soul and intuition are quite enough.
What do the statistics say?
There is an everyday analysis of male silence, and there is eloquent statistics that dot the i’s in percentage terms:
- 1% - men don’t call because they lost their phone 2% - men wrote down the woman’s phone number incorrectly or lost it 7% - men are afraid that they will be rejected 11% - men are offended or are in a quarrel with the woman 79% - the woman is not interesting
20 years ago, American writers Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider collected advice on how a woman can get the man of her dreams in their best-selling book. Since then, the feminist movement has been revived and strengthened, and such literature has received the label “sexist.” However, “New Rules” is still being republished and finds many fans and followers. What's the secret?
For years, gurus Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider have analyzed the behavior of women who were happy in their personal lives—those who had many admirers, who were married well, and who were happy in their marriages. Oprah Winfrey called their best-selling book “Rules for Winning the Heart of the Man of Your Dreams” a phenomenon and twice invited the authors to her talk show. People magazine classified the book as a must-read, and glossy magazines called it the best publication about relationships. The authors assure: over the 20 years of the existence of the “Rules”, millions of women have been able to experience their absolute effectiveness. They got a relationship full of love and respect, which flowed into a happy and strong marriage. In "New Rules" writers help modern women and girls communicate via Facebook, Skype, SMS, etc. and at the same time remain mysterious, support the hunter’s instinct in a man when there is so much “easy prey” around him, get married in an era when everyone lives in civil marriages and are in no hurry to take responsibility.
“Men love a challenge and lose interest when the object of this interest - and especially a woman - comes too easy for them.”
“The secret way to get a guy: be a challenge for him. Treat him as if you don't care about him,” urge Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider. In their opinion, it is necessary to create an atmosphere of mystery and make a man passionately desire to meet you, which is very rare these days. “The Rules is a way of communicating with any man (provided he is the first to start a conversation with you, in person or online) that makes him obsessed with you and ready for a serious relationship.”
How to Marry the Man of Your Dreams, According to Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider
Be a girl different from the rest and look like a girl different from the rest.
Do not approach a man first and do not start a conversation, do not call or write to a man first.
Do not ask men out on a date via SMS, social networks or any other means.
Wait at least 4 hours before responding to a man's first message, and at least half an hour before responding to each subsequent message.
“We’ll talk/write later”: always finish everything first - and disappear from sight!
Do not respond to SMS or any other messages after midnight.
Don't accept an invitation to a Saturday date later than Wednesday. “Proper girls” lead busy lives. Surely you've already made your weekend plans before Thursday rolls around! If he invites you too late, don't reprimand him. Just say that you are very sorry, but you are busy.
Make yourself "invisible" for instant messaging. Even if nothing is happening in your life, you should not inform the guy about it by instantly responding to his messages. As with any other form of communication, he must wait for the opportunity to talk to you. To be interesting to you, he will have to work hard. Don’t deprive your man of this opportunity by immediately responding to messages and spending hours online! Remember, you have your own life (school, work, friends, hobbies, workouts and, hopefully, dates), and there is only 10 minutes left for chatting and no more. If a guy has a lot to tell you and a lot to ask, he can do it during a date!
Don't spend 24 hours a day, seven days a week with him.
Long-distance relationships: let him offer to communicate more often on Skype and visit you.
Don't text men first, ignore emoticons and winks on online dating sites.
Don't pay for dinner or buy his love in any way.
Don't be self-destructive when dating married men. If he wants to see you, tell him to call you when he becomes single. And after that, no communication, forget him, say “next!” - and focus on finding men who are truly free.
Don't date a man who cancels your dates more than once.
Do not send a man anything that would be unpleasant to leave with him in the event of your separation.
Don't settle for one-night stands or meaningless relationships.
Don't rush to sleep with a man. “The right girl” makes a guy wait to help him fall in love with her, with her soul, with her essence - and not just with her body. The longer you delay intimacy, the longer he will be able to look after you, plan romantic encounters and dream about you. Men love challenges and don't appreciate anything that comes too easily to them, especially sex!
Don't date a man without commitment! If your relationship lasts more than a year and at the same time it is “correct” (you allowed the man to “chase you”, met him no more than 2-3 times a week, refused to spend vacations with him, did not move in with him), then most helped him fall in love with you and want to get married. A man wants to see you more and more. But if after a year of dating a man has not asked to marry him, you should tell him that you are a girl of an old-fashioned upbringing and are not going to date anyone forever. If he starts making excuses, suggest taking a break in the relationship. Ask him to think things through alone and call when he's ready to commit.
