Difficult relationships with sister and mother. How I ended up being the odd person out in my sister’s life Difficult relationships with my sister and mother

Hello! I don’t know why I’m writing... I’m tired, dead tired. There is no more strength. From the outside it may seem
that everything is not so bad for me, but for me every day is torture.
Until some time everything was really tolerable. Yes, there was no guy, yes, there was an ambush with work, but somehow not
everything seemed so terrible. It all started about 5 years ago, when it was discovered that younger sister(5 years
difference) luckier and more successful on all fronts. And her parents supported her in every possible way. First conflicts
started when they gave her money to straighten her teeth (not 10 or even 50 rubles), despite the fact that I also have
There were problems with teeth (once an aunt, as simple as 5 kopecks, was curious, saying, why can’t you fix it?)
Can you imagine how I felt? Looking ahead, I will say that when I had already resigned myself and gave up on this matter,
The opportunity has arisen for me too (but financially I have to rely only on myself).
All these years, my sister met with friends, guys, you know, camp sites, all sorts of trips. and me after
betrayal best friend I was left completely alone. Within 4 walls. It was simply unbearable to see her every day
oily physiognomy. And when communicating with me she behaved dismissively and condescendingly, like where are you,
wretched, understand.
Two years ago I was already on the brink. I had half a step left. One thought: what if it gets worse?
I prayed: Lord, if you hear, extend your hand to me, stop me! A moment later the phone rang.
The escape was postponed... And now even He has turned away from me.
During these two years, nothing happened in my life. Nothing at all. Oh yes, I have become 2 years older. At my sister's
everything is chocolate, she doesn’t consider me a person at all. And from today her parents rented an apartment for her.
Secretly. They thought I wouldn't find out... my sister doesn't earn enough to pay for it. Now they've left
decorate her new home, and I’m crying.
There is no justice in this world. The people closest to me betrayed me. I hate them all. I have no one and nothing
there's something left that I could stick around for. Tired of endless pain. Is it possible for the torture to last 30
years? They don’t torture for that long, it’s inhumane, they should either kill you or let you go. I don't want anything else. Ahead
only emptiness and pain. Don't want.

P.S. The woman who is considered my mother has an older sister who has been alone all her life. And the last ones
For years she looked after her elderly parents alone, who helped the “little girl” all her life. I don't want this ending.
I don't want history to repeat itself. It's better to stop everything now.
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arabeska, age: 30 / 06/01/2013

Responses:

Maybe it's just envy? Instead of trying to build your life, you sit and puff with anger,
envy and hatred, finding out who loves whom more, which of you is more successful, who is more beautiful and happier? Meanwhile, your life passes. Maybe that's why your parents treat your sister better? Think about it, could you yourself love an envious person who does not see you? This is firstly. And secondly, you are 30 years old! You are already like that adult woman... leave your parents alone, please. Or will you demand from them help, straight teeth and an apartment until you turn 50?

Olya, age: 26 / 06/01/2013

Arabeska, I understand you - my sister is also luckier - a permanent job with a salary 3 times more than before -
either they paid me, I have a child - they kick me out of all my jobs, I lost the child, my mother very often takes sides
sisters, even when she is wrong - at such moments I don’t want to live either, only my husband saves me. I still wish you
pull yourself together and move on with your life. It’s not a fact that you will have the same fate as your aunt, everyone has a different fate.
It’s best in this situation to look for another social circle, sign up for fitness, some master classes on needlework, modeling
made of clay - you need to take your mind off this gloomy situation, you need to start communicating with other people.
I understand you - you really want to be appreciated and loved. But since your relatives have turned their backs, you need to build your own
happiness. I wish you to meet your soul mate. 30 is just the beginning of life. A friend of mine met her husband in
32 years old, before that I was alone. You can't know how fate will turn out. Yes, life is not sugar - believe me, even yours
My sister has problems, she just doesn’t tell you about them. And stop comparing yourself to your sister. You are only doing this to yourself
you eat away. You are unique and inimitable - there will never be another like this and why should you have everything like your sister -
men, etc. Your sister has moved - now it will be easier for you - no one will escalate the situation. Don't give up -
life is unpredictable - everything will work out for you. I wish this for you.

Sabrina, age: 27 / 06/01/2013

Arabeska, we all come from childhood. You are stuck at age 5 when your sister was born. You feel resentful and
jealousy of parents, envy of sister. You definitely need to get rid of this. Find your path to liberation. Can
say: “Oh! This is long, I need it now and immediately.” It won't work out. But you'll spend a lot more time worrying
than searching and solving. I can’t give advice, I’m looking for it myself (or rather, I found it - now I have to do it). But I can advise
other. You begin to see: How? What? Why? Where? This happens when you understand: “WHAT I WANT.” Not selfish
but in the soul. Basic rules: this does not depend on anyone or anything, it is not decided by anyone, anything, or at the expense of anyone.
then, something, especially not to the detriment of anyone or anything. That is, not at the expense of your parents, not to the detriment of your sister, etc. (not
let me feel so great, and let her feel as bad as I do now). I have to constantly ask myself what I want. For a long time,
constantly. When there is an answer, you will know where to go. You came to live your life, not your life
sisters, parents. Because of your overwhelming emotions you cannot see anything, free yourself. And understand what you want personally
You. Once you start, you will understand that it is very interesting (although difficult at times). Good luck to you.

Olga, age: 38 / 06/01/2013

Move to another city, change jobs, change everything! Let them be left without you, and you without them. You can handle it alone, you are not used to being without support. Then you will see whether they miss you or not. If yes, everything is fine, but if not, then you will do the right thing by leaving. You'll be better off without them. If you don’t want to communicate with them at all, cut off all ties, you won’t know what’s going on with your sister, and you’ll be calmer. Go away!

Alice, age: 24 / 06/01/2013

Arabesque, you do not have enough life experience and an outside perspective to understand your situation. Not everything is like that
chocolate at my sister's. She doesn't consider you a person? There is no doubt that there are deep, very complex,
hidden problems, PROBLEMS that she is trying to cope with by belittling you. It turns out the scheme
“tyrant-victim” also works between sisters. It will have a negative effect on you until you
stop competing with your sister and being offended by her. Live in parallel, if friendship does not work out, then at least not
quarrel under no circumstances. It is very important. Always remember. IT'S HARD FOR HER. That she will never open it.
Mind your own business, earn and save money, buy a home, arrange your home, do it
calmly and constantly, as if you know exactly what you want. Where possible, humble yourself, where necessary, endure, bring into
life changes, if the soul accepts it, pray, but do not do any actions just to increase
his importance in front of his sister and parents. Her pride and bad character will also manifest itself in relationships with
other people, a young man, parents. Not all information will reach you. But you will learn something.
Be patient and wish her well.

Irina, age: 50 / 06/01/2013

You have no great misfortunes in life. The main problem that prevents you from living, rejoicing, and loving your family is envy. The torture will last as long as you are jealous.
You have your needs - your sister has hers. You are different in everything. None of you are worse and none of you are better. Do you think that whoever parents spend more money on is the one they love more?! - This is wrong. Love cannot be measured in monetary terms. It is quite possible that the parents consider their sister less serious, more vulnerable, defenseless in the adult world, so they help her more. This happened to my sister, although she is 4 years older than me. At the same time, they did homework with her, but not with me. They met her and saw her off from training - I was not there. At first I was offended, and then I regarded it as... my own success. I’m younger, but I’m more independent, stronger, and I learn better than her without any help.
It is also possible that my sister is more affectionate with her parents. A kind word It’s nice for the cat, and even more so for the parents. That’s what they say: “The affectionate calf of two queens sucks.” And rightly so. You can ask kindly, your mother will try
execute. Demanding is useless. The mother is not obliged to comply with the child's demands. She doesn't owe anyone anything. Start from this. In my understanding, a successful person is a person who is generally satisfied with his life, his destiny. It doesn’t matter what his fate is and what problems he has, what matters is his sense of self: everything is fine with me (yes, it could have been even better, but it’s impossible to do everything everywhere).
Regarding the "end". If a sister lives alone, and the other has a husband and children, then the first one will take care of her elderly parents. Why do you think this is humiliating? It's better to howl within the four walls of one than to decorate life
elderly parents? I don't understand...
If both sisters are with their husband and children, then it all depends on family circumstances: who is closer to travel, whether the husband is calm,
how many problems children have, etc. Depending on the circumstances, one of the sisters cares more, the other less. And not at all because
on whom did the parents spend so much money and nerves?

Elena Ordinary, age: 37 / 06/01/2013

Separate yourself from your parents and live your own life. You really are stuck at 5 years old. And your sister is probably really more vulnerable than you, so they take care of her more than you. And the teeth... This is a fixable matter! Everything will work out, you'll see!

Aigulena, age: 36 / 06/01/2013

Arabeska, you are an adult, independent woman. Leave your parents and live separately. You are on your own, they are on your own.

Natalya, age: 23 / 06/01/2013

Go to church to the priest, tell him what you told us here, and he will help you.
God with you!

Valery, age: 25 / 06/01/2013

So I read and see that for the most part everything is whining, with the exception of turning to God! I grew up without a father (I speak as a fact,
I’m not complaining that it’s especially hard for me, there are a lot of people like that, and for a man, and I think for a girl too, it’s hard!) I was also
crooked, impartial, very bad character, suspicious, vindictive, most importantly not very courageous
was. And here I am since 11th grade, no in the best possible way I began to change myself, my life, although not the best, but I started! I was studying
sports, a lot, simply because I didn’t know what else to do... I joined the army, because I was clumsy, I didn’t
outstanding in fighting qualities and not very good at communicating with men, he is above me every day and every hour, except at night,
and sometimes they mocked and humiliated me at night! I turned to God without hesitation and prayed every day, first in my own words
, then read the prayer that my grandfather gave. And I studied every day, in the morning at lunch and in the evening! At first there were changes
invisible, became less afraid, bullying became indifferent, fear of pain disappeared, rage appeared (and anger at
yourself, for your weakness)! So I became physically stronger, more confident, knowing this to those who were not going to take risks
health, they didn’t approach me with ridicule! In general, with God's help, I took the first step and am now working on
themselves, only even stronger, their social circle is now normal men, athletes, they don’t drink, don’t smoke, they strive for
good, worthy life! And now I do everything with God’s help, I work tirelessly both at work and everywhere, and people
I can stretch, thank God! As far as I understand, you don’t play sports, don’t go to Church, don’t pray regularly and
Do you want God to help you? A lot needs to be done for him too! But He will always give more!

Vadim, age: 55 / 06/02/2013

Envy is a terrible and soul-corroding sin. It's better for you to move away from this temptation. To another city, to a monastery - anywhere. Save your soul.

Agnia Lvovna, age: 72 / 06/02/2013

It’s easy to envy, try to be happy for your sister, after all, this is a person close to you, her successes are your successes, try to feel proud that your sister is successful. And if you can’t, then it’s better for you to really go somewhere so as not to destroy your soul.

Alla, age: 24 / 06/02/2013

Arabeska, try to abstract yourself from your sister’s life and live YOUR own life. Why should your life be reduced to some kind of endless competition with your sister? Each has its own character, its own life and its own destiny. There will always be someone more successful, richer, happier... Even if it’s not your sister - a friend, colleague, neighbor... If you rely on everyone, then it won’t be life, but sheer stress and torment. Even if it’s like this for your sister, it’s different for you. Because you are different... With your own rhythm and personal characteristics... Live as you see fit. You don't need to look up to anyone or look up to anyone. Life is short, it’s better to live it the way you want it.

Good luck!

rain man, age: 25 / 06/02/2013

Arabeska, in our family (the head was always the grandmother), all the best went to the eldest daughter and grandson. My mother (the youngest) and I were second class. But when my grandmother died 7 years ago in Belarus, the “favorites” chose to leave the old veteran there, and we took him to live with us in Ivanovo. And we ourselves cope with such a difficult situation as living with an elderly and capricious person. He now calls us with his sunshine and joy. And during all this time, the “favorites” didn’t even bring the old man a gift for his birthday or Victory Day...they just call and complain how hard it is for them in Moscow! Of course, it’s a shame that my grandmother didn’t appreciate or understand anything about my mother (what she is like) wonderful person and a PR professional)... Your situation is not the most tragic or difficult. Decide exactly how you want to live YOUR life: wasting time on envy and reproaches (even fair ones) is simply stupid.

Yukiko, age: 34 / 06/04/2013

How I understand you! It’s in vain that they say that you are jealous, and that’s why all your problems. Any person, regardless of age, wants to feel parental love and support. My parents also gave preference to their younger sister all their lives. Moreover, her mother and father have been divorced for a long time, and, despite this, relatives on one side and on the other kissed, soaped and financially helped her. Everyone praised her, said how beautiful she was and everything else in the same spirit. It all started in childhood - she was a sickly, hysterical and completely mediocre child. I read at the age of four, recited long poems, but she was generally incapable of anything, so they pitied her and loved her. Every year more and more, and I moved into the background until I was completely left in her shadow. But I’m a tough person, so I didn’t tolerate it, and when she lost her conscience so much that she started trying to teach me, with the support of her maternal parents, she sent them all and left. I rented an apartment with a friend, got a job, now I don’t keep in touch with them, my nerves are more expensive.

Olga, age: 23 / 08/28/2013

I'm also an older sister)). And now I find so many advantages in this)). My father told me when I was a child. that I must earn love, and you must love everyone, I am the elder sister, this is my destiny, accept it, she is younger. I DIDN'T HUMILIATE. And now I am a big sister with a capital B!! I took everything into my own hands. I analyzed the actions of my sister and parents. If the father says I am the elder sister, this does not mean that the younger sister has everything and the elder nothing, it also means that the elder sister must be obeyed and respected!! Now I AM DEFINITELY A BIG SISTER. I am pleased to give her advice and look after her parents, going up to them, hugging them and saying: oh, you, my children. They missed it. They have changed so much. Even I have now begun to protect my younger sister when they are raising her. Everything did not change immediately; from the age of 8 I was moving towards my goal and I still use methods so that my authority does not disappear.

Tatiana, age: 30 / 10/09/2013

Anzhelika Politaeva - family psychologist, group therapist, gestalt therapist EAGT (European Association of Gestalt Therapy). Works at the Republican Scientific and Practical Center for Mental Health.

Siblings very often become your worst enemies. This story is as old as time, and it begins with the biblical parable of Cain and Abel. However, until now, people who are closely related do not understand the processes that force them to move away from each other every day. Let's try to understand the causes of this problem.

In all this drama, it is important to understand: when talking about the relationships of brothers and sisters, we must not forget that there is almost always a third party present - the parents, who actually have a huge influence on what is happening. It often happens that one child is closer to his parents, and his brother or sister, feeling deprived of maternal and paternal attention, builds his relationship from the position that a vital resource is regularly taken from him.

The attitude of parents towards each child depends on many reasons. What matters is under what circumstances he was born, whether he was desired, and whether someone died shortly before his birth. Even the financial condition of the family and the economic and political situation in the country matter. Another very significant point is what kind of relationship the parents had with their brothers and sisters. And all this will influence what place the child will take in the family and what will be expected of him.

In our culture, as in the culture of other countries, the idea that a child is all-encompassing happiness and joy has become an axiom. Therefore, all negative feelings towards him are considered shameful and are hidden as carefully as possible. But you can’t just hide your anger, irritation, and accumulated fatigue. Even if all this negativity is constantly pushed into the background, sooner or later it works, sometimes on a completely unconscious level. It turns out that parents are sincerely trying their best to show their children only love, but the subconscious whispers very unpleasant things to them and sometimes pushes them to disgusting actions: taking advantage of their status, it is sometimes so difficult not to dominate! The situation is even more complicated when there are several children: the suppressed negative feelings are also accompanied by the idea that children should be loved equally.

And this is precisely where, in my opinion, the biggest self-deception lies. Allegorically speaking, the heart can indeed ache for each child equally, but it is simply impossible to build the same relationships with different children due to the fact that these are two different personalities.

Deceiving themselves, parents try as skillfully as possible to disguise the difference in attitude towards their children, and then conversations about ephemeral justice immediately begin: “We give you everything equally”, “We love you equally, no matter what”... But with these rantings You cannot deceive a child who has a very subtle sense of how he is treated.

If we take the story of Cain and Abel, then from a psychological point of view it is about rejection. God did not accept gifts from one brother, but accepted them from the other. And if we decipher the metaphor further, the parable talks about the acceptance and recognition by parents of one child and the rejection of another.

In fact, the underlying cause of all conflicts between siblings [a genetic term denoting the offspring of the same parents - approx. Onliner.by] lies in the struggle for love. And such a struggle is quite normal, because for a child parental love- one of the main resources, it is very difficult to survive without it and there is no such thing as too much of it.

However, a family is a kind of mini-state, with its own hierarchy, legislative and executive powers, where functions and roles are clearly distributed. Just after being born, the child already finds himself in the niche that his parents have prepared for him. This niche is filled with parental ideas and expectations of what they want their child to be like. As a rule, parents associate the embodiment of their own unfulfilled desires with their firstborn. And when does the second, third child appear? Do parents have the idea that each of them should find their own path? Or do they want to raise “soldiers of fortune”, where everyone corresponds to a single standard? By comparing children with each other, parents provoke them into competition and a feeling of inferiority. So, someone becomes pride and hope, and someone becomes a family dustbin, a concentration of all the qualities condemned in the family.

For a child, a parent is both a king and a god; anger at him is fraught with punishment and causes a lot of fear. Therefore, instead of shouting at his mother that he lacks her love, it is easier for the child to take out his anger on his brother or sister.

Are there any practical advice? Of course, it is best to resolve such complex issues with the help of specialists, because in each specific case the situations are completely different. And yet it is possible to identify the first steps towards solving the problem.

If your children are fighting to the death, think about it: what bar have you set for them? Often we convey to them that we will love them only if they deserve it. What does it take to deserve your love? Excellent grades, success in sports, external beauty? All your expectations are in the future, but the child is already in the present. Is it possible to love him as he is today? Recognize the differences between your children, think about how one is close to you and how the other is close to you, and try to build relationships based on what you value in your child. this moment, not what you might appreciate ten years from now when you hope it will be what you want it to be.

Parents often fuel conflicts by delegating their powers to the older child: they say, watch your younger brother(sister). Who would like it when a person of equal status, with the tacit consent of his parents, begins to build you up? At the same time, one must understand that this state of affairs is beneficial for adults, since it is not they who act as the aggressor, but the older child, with his hands the “dirty work” is done. This hierarchy divides children. Moreover, this burdens the “chief” with absolutely no childish responsibility.

But being at the same level of hierarchy, siblings are ready to give each other love and support. A brother or sister can even partially compensate for the mistakes of their parents, because together with them it is much easier to experience injustice or indifference towards themselves.

Therefore, conflicts between brothers and sisters are not a story about who is better and who is worse, but about who is loved more. The most striking and difficult example of such battles is what happens in some families after the death of their parents. Until this mournful hour, everyone saved face, but the tragedy suddenly exposes old wounds - and now there is an irreconcilable war for the inheritance, which, in fact, is a battle for the remnants of what can be called the heritage of the parents, for the last drops of their memory, recognition and love. This is the last chance, and the children are fighting for it, ready to tear what is left of their parents into pieces. This is probably why it always looks so creepy and repulsive, no matter what arguments each side uses. I repeat, in the vast majority of cases, this conversation is not about money: it acts as an equivalent to love and recognition.

Our brothers and sisters become part of our identity. They are present in the brightest, pleasant memories our childhood, along with warm milk from a grandmother in the village, first adventures, knowledge of the world around us - if the stars aligned, if the parents understood how important this partnership is. If everything happens correctly, it connects us with very deep roots and helps us maintain and develop family ties throughout our lives. If there is no attachment once formed, then there is no “glue” that will hold them together for many years.

Hello dear mothers, this is my first time writing here. Actually, this is my first post on the Internet. I don't really like to show off my life.

I have a sister who is 3 years younger than me. We both have families and two children. She and I gave birth to our second child 3 months apart. She's earlier. Until the last incident, we never quarreled with her. Thirteen years ago I moved to live with my husband in another city, and since then, communication with my sister has been reduced to congratulations on the holidays. Immediately upon arrival, I was thrown into such a whirlpool - looking for a job, housing, a job. It was possible to call back very rarely, but my sister never called herself. That’s how we communicated, I learned everything through my mother.

My sister and her husband live with their mother in the same apartment and, accordingly, their mother helps them a lot both around the house and with the child and financially. My sister never worked. I tell this so that the whole story is clear. For my part, I never asked for help, and I didn’t even think about such things until a certain incident.

Now the situation itself. Recently my sister and I had an argument. I was talking to my mother on the phone, and my sister, thinking that my husband and I were discussing her, grabbed the phone and started yelling without understanding. As a result, later my mother explained the whole situation to her and my sister realized she was wrong. But in the heat of a quarrel, she managed to tell me so many complaints that I still can’t move away and can’t start communicating with her. Moreover, her claims had nothing to do with our conversation with my mother. So, she reproached me for being so ungrateful that I get all the help. She is even annoyed by the fact that my mother gives me a small amount of money every year for my birthday. The amount is really not big - 1000 rubles. For my mother, such a gift is not burdensome, otherwise I would not allow her to give me gifts. I’m very scrupulous in this regard, I’m always worried that I’m annoying people. That is why my sister’s words still haunt me. On my last birthday, I didn’t even want to accept money. Recently, my mother, while visiting us, bought a winter jacket for her nephew and offered to buy it for my son too. I didn't let her do this. I’m ashamed to bother my mother with such things, but I don’t blame my sister for helping her either. For my mother, her children are grandchildren just like mine, and the desire to spoil them is quite understandable. I want to be understood correctly, I love my nephews and I always buy and give something to them myself. Mom was offended, saying that her younger sister constantly accepts help from her, but I don’t want it.

This is an isolated case, but I brought it here as an example, since our family relationships consist entirely of such cases. They offer it to me - I refuse, they offer it to my sister - she takes it. So why, in her opinion, am I an unscrupulous freeloader? I studied on my own, bought my own home, etc. But these claims of hers haunt me.

My mother also complained to me that my sister gets annoyed when my mother tells her about my children. Yes, I myself began to notice that my mother communicates with me on the phone only when my sister is not around: either she went to the store, or while at work, or somewhere else. Before that I thought it was just my imagination, but now everything has fallen into place. But why is that? I put myself in my sister’s place, but on the contrary, I’m interested in everything that happens with my nephews. I ask my mother about them all the time. Especially, youngest son I have never seen my sister before, only from photographs. It's like she's jealous. But why be jealous? My mother saw my children only 5 times in 13 years!! Why does she have such an attitude towards me? Sometimes it seems to me that I am somehow unworthy of my family, that neither I nor my children are worthy of attention. Why does my mother have to hide even to talk to me?! I feel like a leper.

Thanks to those who read to the end and sorry that a lot has been written. It’s just such mental torment for me that I can’t describe it in a few words. I dreamed of finally improving my relationship with my sister, but now this is what happened.

And now she seems to be afraid to build a new relationship, she says that she doesn’t need it, it’s so good to be with her mother, she will do the laundry, cook, and sympathize, she and her mother are doing great, in tandem, they consult on everything, solve problems together. But with all this, and probably so as not to worry my mother once again with some problems, the sister “pours out her soul” to a stranger, the so-called friend, who is 15 years older than her sister and who has a lot of her own problems that she cannot solve in any way.

It seems like a kindred spirit has been found. My sister doesn’t tell me anything, maybe she doesn’t want to burden me with her problems, maybe she doesn’t trust me. Although, before my marriage, we had a normal relationship. Now we don’t even go anywhere together, neither for a walk, nor to go to a cafe, like, for example, two girlfriends. Either she doesn’t want this at all, she’s not interested, or she doesn’t want to leave her mother alone at home. And with my mother, they go shopping very friendly and sometimes travel. When I once started talking about friendly communication with my sister, she answered me: what should I do to make it as you want.

Those. It turns out she doesn’t need this. She is my younger sister, but sometimes it seems to me that she is my mother and I’s common mother, sensible, abstruse, although she can only advise me on how to communicate with my children and then sometimes. But she protects and protects my mother, even from me. My sister never helps me improve my relationship with my mother during quarrels; she takes my mother’s side and in all disagreements it turns out that only I am to blame.

He tells me: talk to mom directly, there is no need to interfere with me. My sister even has a better relationship with her acquaintances and friends than with me. Maybe she’s angry at me in her heart that I “betrayed” her by getting married and having children, and she now lives alone with her mother, living her mother’s life. I'm kind of stressed out by this kind of relationship. I want to talk, discuss something, and just have a girly chat, but we are moving further and further away from each other. Mom says that they have their own family, I have my own, so with my husband, go everywhere.

They believe and are confident that they have no problems in their relationship with me, but I do and I need to see a psychologist. Although both sides are to blame in conflicts, but here it’s only me. It’s impossible to have a heart-to-heart talk, everything is immediately perceived with hostility and they shut me up. On the one hand, I seem to want to improve the relationship, but for some reason only I want this, but on the other hand, I think that I should live with my family and just sometimes meet with my mother and sister, without delving into their problems and life.

It even seems to me that my mother is inciting my sister to be negative towards me, she towards my husband and me very offended for any reason, and the fact that it seems to her that we are not involved in raising children, and that we do not help either physically or financially. And when we offer help, she says that nothing is needed. She considers us ungrateful in everything; my mother sometimes fusses with her eldest granddaughter. He says give me my granddaughter to raise, and sometimes even threatens to take her away, depriving us of parental rights. These are all my family, my mother and sister, and now we are like strangers. It's impossible to establish good relationships.

Difficult relationships with sister and mother