Children's self-esteem begins to develop even before school. The development of a child's self-esteem depends mainly on his environment and how his parents raise him. If parents try to understand the child, support him when necessary, show care and consistently build the upbringing process, then the child will develop adequate self-esteem. Before school and in junior school age It is very important for a child to feel protected. In family, kindergarten, in the elementary grades, with a feeling of security, the child already makes decisions independently; if necessary, does not hesitate to ask for help; can admit his mistakes. When a child develops adequate self-esteem, he treats others with respect, can calmly accept help from others, and begins to value himself as an individual.
One of the types of inadequate self-esteem is inflated self-esteem. It manifests itself in the form of disrespect for others, disdain for peers and classmates. He ridicules the joy of other children's achievements. During joint games, he tries to control other children, considering himself a leader. If the team does not recognize him as a leader, he can become very emotional, even to the point of hysteria. When self-assessing, the child does not notice his weaknesses.
Another type of inadequate self-esteem is low self-esteem. With low self-esteem, a child may experience anxiety, not believe that he can do something on his own, and does not believe in his own strength. Such a child is initially set up for failure. He may not trust people, he may be afraid that he will be offended or insulted.
Such children experience loneliness in a group of children; they avoid common games and do not take part in any activities. When conflict situations arise, they do not find support among the children. Children with low self-esteem develop attitudes like: he is worse than others, he cannot do anything on his own, if he does it himself, then nothing good will come of it. This negatively affects the development of a child's self-esteem.
When does a child develop low self-esteem? If parents and teachers often use in conversation “you never succeed”, “you don’t know how, let me do it”, “you can’t”, etc. All this leads to the fact that the child begins to believe that he is not able to do things on his own . The child may develop an inferiority complex.
There is another very important point for parents and teachers - it is necessary to evaluate not the individual, but only the action committed by the child.
I also recommend not comparing your child with other children. For example: with an excellent student in the class or with a sporty boy from the next door, a diligent girl from the top floor. At the same time, you can assume that your child will begin to study better, play sports, and behave diligently. But often this leads to a decrease in self-esteem in the child. He begins to envy the child with whom he is compared, and also very often experiences a feeling of hatred towards him.
How to increase your child's self-esteem
What is necessary to increase a child's self-esteem?
There is a belief among psychologists that it is necessary to improve the culture of the population. The task of adults is to communicate respectfully with others, including children. In this article I will outline only a number of techniques that will increase self-esteem in children 6-8 years old.
An adult should always support a child when he or she has a desire to do something independently, unless there is a threat to the life and health of the child. Tell your child the following phrases: “Of course, you can do it; you can; if you need my help, tell me...”
- If the child is interested in something, then we speak positively. When a child wants to become someone, we say: “You can become a great dancer; an outstanding artist; folk singer; etc. This way you will preserve the child’s desire to go towards his dream and goal.
- I suggest that you always sincerely rejoice with your child and be sure to praise him for excellent, good grades when he makes interesting craft, will pay attention to something beautiful and unusual, draw a bright picture...
- Say the following phrases: “I love you very much!”, “I believe in you!”, “I’m proud of you!”.
- If you gave something to a child, you must understand that it is now his. You have no right to take this thing back from him.
- If you have a trusting relationship with your child, he can share his difficulties and failures. It is necessary to analyze with him the problem, how it formed, what it depends on, how the child feels about what is happening and what ways out of the situation he sees... This way the child feels the closeness of your relationship and trust in you. It is very important that such conversations should take place in a calm, friendly atmosphere!
- In various situations, parents or teachers can ask the child for advice. With a properly built relationship, the child will tell you his option absolutely seriously. When you listen carefully to a child and thank him, the child understands that he is respected, treated as an equal, and his opinion is important!
Each of us, an adult citizen of our country, showing by personal example, respectful communication with others, including children, forms an adequate self-esteem for the child. With well-built, kind and trusting relationships with children, parents and teachers help children gain a sense of self-worth, self-confidence and self-confidence.
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Whether your children will be successful in life and how their fate will turn out depends on their self-confidence and their abilities. Whether the son gets straight C's or A's, whether he plans to enter college or an international university - all this is secondary. Chemistry, physics and other school subjects may simply not be useful to him in the future. The main thing is that the child knows his own worth and strives for more, and does not stop there.
How to understand what kind of self-esteem your child has
Performance in the classroom is what parents usually put first. As a result, it turns out that the neighbor's boy, who studied with only C grades, drives a luxury jeep. And Masha, a diligent student and the pride of the school, works in an inconspicuous company as an ordinary employee.
Unfortunately, parents rarely pay attention to their child’s self-esteem. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s overpriced or underestimated. Any, even a very small deviation from the norm is bad. The point is that a self-confident person, regardless of circumstances and obstacles, will be able to achieve more in life.
A person with complexes who lives by the rules is content with what he has. An overly self-confident person is convinced that he is not appreciated or loved, despite the fact that he is the best specialist on this planet. As a result, the last two categories of people become disillusioned with life, and shift their failures onto others.
There are signs by which you can understand what kind of self-esteem your child has. First listen to what he says about himself. If his set of phrases for characterization includes “lazy”, “greedy”, “incompetent”, “ugly”, “stupid”, then it’s time to sound the alarm.
Such children believe that they simply do not have the right to make mistakes - otherwise they will be unhappy with them. If your child constantly asks about the correctness of his actions (even banal washing), then ask why he is doing this? Surely he will frown and answer: “I don’t know.”
You just pay attention to how the baby responds to your request, for example, to wash his boots. He will do it slowly and very strangely: his hands are shaking, there are a lot of fussy movements. This is also a sign of low self-esteem - in this way he tries to avoid mistakes in fulfilling the request.
Very often this condition goes too far, and then a child with low self-esteem grows into an insecure loser.
Such people:
- They are always the object of ridicule, grinning and mockery.
- Usually alone - no friends, no girlfriends, or just good acquaintances.
- They do not make their own independent decisions and are ready to follow any person.
- Under the weight of failures, they can completely wilt and “go into trouble” - alcoholism, drug addiction, theft.
Fear, loneliness and complete failure are constant companions of people with low self-esteem. It is unlikely that any parent dreams of seeing their child like this. It is necessary to take action as soon as the first signs of such problems are noticed. And under no circumstances reproach him for anything - your reproaches certainly do not increase self-esteem.
Low self-esteem
Does your son constantly complain that his desk neighbor is smarter, prettier, and better dressed? Or began to often claim that you don’t love him? Constant tearfulness, fear of punishment, expectation of the worst, lack of self-confidence - all these are the first signs of low self-esteem.
If no steps are taken, in the future he will begin to be bullied in class, and he will not be able to adapt to even small changes in life.
If you try your luck elsewhere and take him out of school (or transfer him to another class), the situation will not change in any way. The student sets himself up for failure by repeating to himself “I won’t be able to study with straight A’s,” “I won’t solve this problem,” “I’m a failure,” etc.
Heightened self-esteem
Typically, children with high self-esteem believe that they are always right in everything. At the same time, they can claim that a deuce in test work- this is not their inattention, but the teacher’s nagging. They are not used to realizing their mistakes; they have no authority. Often they do not even respect parents or experienced mentors.
The little man strives to subjugate everyone to himself, using other people's weaknesses, desires, aspirations, trying to stand out against the background of other people's failures.
Usually such children are ringleaders, aggressors and rather cruel leaders in the future. “I know better”, “You won’t succeed, but I can” - at first, such a child’s initiative touches the parents. And unfortunately loving dads and mothers realize too late that they have raised a tyrant.
Adequate self-esteem
Such a child is not afraid to ask for help, because he understands that it is impossible to know and be able to do everything. At the first failure, he does not give up and does not go with the flow, but first tries to solve everything through his own efforts. He knows that he is loved and appreciated, so he is not afraid to appear weak. The kid never shifts responsibilities to others. Having provided help to one of his comrades, the student will not ask for a reward for this.
If your child has adequate self-esteem, he will not play on his nerves, demand special treatment from friends, relatives or acquaintances, or seek benefits everywhere. He accepts people as they are. Moderately self-confident people have a much easier life in the future, since they are never disappointed in friends, family, work. They look at things realistically.
How to raise your child's self-esteem
There are ways to increase self-esteem and raise a self-sufficient, confident person. And the sooner you start acting, the higher the likelihood of getting good result. At an older age (17-18 years old), without the help of a psychologist, you are unlikely to be able to radically change anything in the character of your son or daughter.
Regardless of age, status and gender, a person needs praise no less than monetary encouragement.
By saying the right words that approve of a particular action, you will reinforce your child’s good habits. If you stop enjoying, for example, excellent grades, a cleaned room on time, or washed dishes, the student will eventually lose interest in this. For you, an ode to taking out the trash is stupid, for a child it is a vital necessity. Don't take these actions for granted.
When not to praise
But you need to praise your child correctly and in moderation. In some moments it is better to hold back, as flattery can be very harmful.
Dishonest Achievements
When a student got a good grade by copying a test from his deskmate, he showed resourcefulness. Therefore, there is no point in blaming ingenuity. But there is no point in admiring how he acted in this situation. Try to explain to him that he appropriated the works of others for himself. If this happens for the first time, you can refrain from expressing your own opinion.
Natural data
Expressive eyes, an elegant nose, excellent hair - all this is good, but this is not the merit of your child. Of course, we need to say that he is beautiful. But only occasionally, so that the baby knows and realizes that he is no worse than the rest.
Things
Admiring the fact that a schoolboy has a beautiful backpack is as bad as telling a girl that her dress makes her look great. To some extent it's even offensive. Clothes, toys and other little things that you bought or gave are taken for granted by adults.
Pity or desire to please
Some people believe that flattery can bribe a child or increase his self-esteem. And this is one of the biggest mistakes adults make. But children are very sensitive to lies, hypocrisy and flattery. By telling obvious lies, you can alienate your baby.
Why express praise and gratitude
But you need to praise the child in the following cases.
Talent
Does the child sing, dance, draw or play an instrument? Encourage him for trying to find himself, even if at first he doesn’t succeed. Don’t throw around phrases that he won’t turn out to be a second Pushkin or Michael Jackson. This will have a very bad effect on his self-esteem, he will immediately lose interest in what is happening.
Honest merits
Whatever your child does, praise him when he puts in the effort. Let it be a trifle: help around the house, homework done on time, playing with younger brother, read a book. Anyone is pleased when their actions that bring benefits are appreciated.
For future success
Learn to motivate a student. Can't solve the problem? Say that you are confident in his success. Do you have a test coming up? But you don’t even doubt that your child will be able to write an excellent paper. Don’t forget to praise your daughter before leaving the house, and then in the evening you will definitely be pleased with your achievements.
Techniques for increasing self-esteem
Simple techniques will help raise your child’s self-esteem and feel self-confidence.
When making any decision, always ask your child for advice. This will help him understand his importance and raise his self-esteem. However, in in this case there is one “but”. Even if your opinion differs from the wishes of the baby, try to follow his recommendations. Otherwise, the effect of this technique will be completely opposite - you will develop a lot of complexes and fears. And next time they will simply be afraid to express their thoughts.
Ask for help
The son will do an excellent job with a broken stool, the daughter will sew up a button that has come off her blouse. Don't try to do everything yourself, ask your children for help. At the same time, treat them as equals and do not demand immediate fulfillment of your whims. Responsibilities (cleaning, washing dishes, peeling potatoes) are completely different; younger family members must carry them out unquestioningly.
Feign weakness
Taking everything upon themselves, parents raise hothouse children. In the future, when they become adults, many of them cannot even cook soup. And this is not to mention more serious tasks. Any work will cause despondency. After all, before, everyone around them did everything for them - grandmothers, mothers, friends. In adult life people must be able to answer for themselves.
You can ask to look after a sick family member, go to the store and buy everything you need. Teenagers can already pay bills, send mail, and walk the dog. How older child, the more he should help his parents. Of course, you shouldn’t blame all the household chores on him either.
Six rules of punishment
Has your daughter or son done something wrong, and you once again put them in a corner, gloomily muttering that nothing good will ever come of it? Don't be surprised if your setup works. After all, you subconsciously drive thoughts into your child’s head that he is bad, stupid, etc. But mothers should not forgive everything and leave wrongdoing unpunished. You just need to learn how to do it correctly.
In order not to harm the child’s self-esteem, he must be punished correctly.
Harmlessness
There should be no physical or psychological violence. Moral humiliation will lead to a drop in self-esteem or, even worse, make the child embittered. Remember, you may be deprived of parental rights for bullying minors.
Doubts
If you are not sure that it was your son who broke the glass at school, do not punish him. But even when after two or three weeks he confesses to the offense, you should not deprive him of the computer as a preventive measure. Otherwise, he will simply stop sharing with you what is happening in his life.
Don't punish more than once
No matter how serious the offense has been committed, you should not be angry with your child forever. Do not remember this situation, do not punish again. Even after a year, don’t blame them for mistakes if it’s hard for you to forget about them. Otherwise, he will constantly feel guilty and will not be able to move on.
Don't take personal items
Your child was given a remote control car, and you took it away until he corrected his grades? By saying and showing that things do not belong to him, you develop fears and an inferiority complex in him. Over time, he will begin to think that he does not deserve what he has, and will be afraid of losing even what he does not need.
Cancel the punishment
If the child made a mistake, but quickly corrected his mistakes, or you punished him for nothing, then do not be afraid to change your decision. Otherwise, next time he will not want to take any action to improve the situation. After all, what's the point of trying to change yourself if the result is the same.
Express your love
Even though the child did something wrong and was punished, you should still show maternal feelings. You cannot ignore him, be demonstratively silent, or angrily answer questions and requests. If he asks for help or needs advice, forget about insults and quarrels for a while. After all, first of all, you are a mother.
When not to punish
Remember once and for all, everything should have its place and time! It is not always worth rushing to conclusions or making decisions without hearing the other side. And in some cases, punishing is strictly prohibited, even if the child is really to blame. So, we leave everything to chance or wait a while if:
- You are on edge, feel unwell, are very tired or have not processed the situation.
- The child is sick, busy with homework, eating, playing, or you have guests.
- When you are unable to understand the reason for an action, the child cannot explain his actions.
- The child himself suffered shock, trauma, and cannot cope with his feelings, fears and emotions.
How to help a complex child adapt
What if your child is overweight, has birth defects, or is too shy? There is no point in convincing a schoolchild that stupid classmates are pestering him. This will only make the problem worse. In this case, there are several ways to get his peers to respect him.
Things
Give your child something that will help him stand out in the crowd. No need to buy expensive mobile phone or tablet. In elementary grades these can be toys, in high school - good bag, shoes, jewelry. Children are very cruel, so classmates who look much worse and wear old clothes are often disliked. Remember, it’s better to buy two or three good sweaters from the store, rather than buying a whole wardrobe in stock.
But don’t follow the lead, don’t buy him everything. Do not give gifts for something (good studies, achievements in sports, cleaning the house), otherwise in the future you will be required to give a gift for any occasion. But if you promised something, be kind enough to keep your word. The child must trust you.
Mugs
Enroll your son in football, your girl in dancing or in music school. Choose youth sections based on their potential. By interacting with the team and doing what he likes, the child will relax and find himself. A guy who plays the guitar will always be the life of the party.
Speakers courses
As soon as your child can speak, start seeing a speech therapist. It will help you deliver your speech correctly and correct some defects. Children often cannot pronounce complex sounds, which subsequently affects their self-esteem. In elementary and high school, you should take classes where experts will teach public speaking.
Have you noticed that some kids have an amazing ability to communicate with everyone around them - peers, teenagers, adults? They are happy, always in a good mood and attract the attention of everyone around them without exception. And some are gloomy loners with whom there is nothing to talk about. It's a sad sight. But this means only one thing - such an unsociable person has low self-esteem, and the parents are solely to blame for this. After all, family is the basis of a child’s future character. It is mom and dad who form the child’s internal assessment of his behavior, skills, and even intelligence.
How to help your child become more confident
Treat your child as an individual, a mature person. If you come up with something for yourself, this does not mean that he thinks the same way as you. For example, a son says: “I’ll go for a walk.” What does he mean by this, what is he thinking about? It’s simple: “I’m tired and just want to clear my head, run around a little with friends and chat with that girl from the next door.” What does my mother think - he’s lazy, doesn’t want to help me and only thinks about partying! This is where prohibitions, tears, grievances and scandals come from. Mutual understanding deteriorates, and the child immediately feels like a slave who is simply not allowed to go for a walk.
You only need to talk “as equals,” otherwise the child will never become an independent person. See for yourself - try to behave like an adult relative. You will immediately see a response - he will begin to realize his importance, will be more frank and will stop perceiving his parents’ advice as excessive guardianship.
Try to praise him for everything. Even if something went wrong, your baby deserves praise just for daring to do something useful. Be sure to gently and carefully show your child how to do everything right - just unobtrusively and not with pretensions.
Look for an approach to your child. All children are different - they are individuals! Naturally, what is good for one person may not be suitable for another. You can also try different variants, but the most effective is a dialogue in the form of “question-answer”. Moreover, it is the child who must give the answer.
Be sure to create your baby’s own world. Ideally, this should be a separate room with low shelves, a large mirror and personal items. If this is physically impossible to do, then at least separate a corner of the room with a screen - let him still have at least a minimum of personal space. This will teach him to be independent: low shelves will allow you to involve your child in cleaning, and a mirror will help you monitor your appearance. Such little things form the basis for the formation of a disciplined and responsible person.
Constantly emphasize to him that you trust him completely. This greatly encourages you to take deliberate actions. And, by the way, children who are treated with respect and trust are much less likely to turn into alcoholics, drug addicts and criminals - they simply do not understand how they can let their families down. There is no need to constantly prompt and control his actions. It is imperative to talk about possible negative consequences and clarify: “You are an adult and should understand everything yourself. We trust you."
How to find an approach to your child
Yes, it's hard being a parent. So that he is calm, and balanced, and fair, and kind, and wise. No one promised easy ways, you have to raise a person, and everything depends on mom and dad.
Children, like sponges, absorb absolutely all information, and do not think that after yesterday’s punishment nothing is happening in the child’s head. Quite the opposite! He thinks, worries, doubts and makes one correct (as it seems to him) decision: as his mother says, so it is.
Psychologists often advise parents to talk to their baby in an affectionate manner. It is not at all necessary to call a 15-year-old teenager by a childhood nickname, but at a young age it is very useful. Even in these words he will feel kindness, love and attention.
Do not scold your child in front of other people and peers. Even if they are grandmothers or uncles, neighbors or nephews. Under no circumstances should you humiliate a little person! And teachings and punishments in the presence of strangers are real humiliation. You just can’t imagine how many people remember this childhood “shame” all their lives.
It is from this moment that problems with mutual understanding can begin. One more point: if you find a teenager’s diary with personal notes, then never, under any circumstances, mention it. He will stop trusting you.
Take your child for walks and play games with him often. You should not replace communication with computer games - this is not the best hobby. But it will be very useful to play with cubes, make an applique, or make some kind of craft! In the end, color some picture - both you and the baby really need it.
Be kind to your child. No troubles or problems should be reflected in your attitude towards him - remember that he has nothing to do with it. Take out your grievances and anger on anything, just not on him. It’s better to walk down the street, put your thoughts in order and calm down. Or ask your child to leave the room for a few minutes, tell him that you have a headache and want to rest. Find any option, but start communicating with your closest person only in a good mood.
The nature of low self-esteem in children, future problems of adaptation in their society. Methods of correction and changing the behavior of parents.
The baby, like a sponge, absorbs the behavior and language that he hears day after day. His subconscious is the fertile soil on which the seeds of his parents’ words sprout.
Although the latter often forget about it or don’t think about it at all. But in vain - it is difficult to return a child’s self-esteem to an adequate level later. And if this is not done, his life can become full of trials, dissatisfaction and complaints towards others.
Why does a child have low self-esteem? What to do?
Have you heard how mothers or grandmothers communicate with their children on playgrounds, in stores or in clinics? Most often, they scold, label, discuss with other adults, devalue small successes, and compare their child and his behavior with other children.
And this is the most vivid and memorable experience for the baby’s subconscious. So he grows up with the programs “I’m bad”, “my hands are crooked”, “I’m not worthy of love and recognition”, “I need to pretend to please people close to me”, etc.
The way out is to start educating adults with yourself, learning to hear your own voice of reason, strengthening awareness in all actions and words. The recipe sounds simple, but in practice it takes a lot of work to implement it.
Remember that your child is the most beloved and unique. He comes into this world for some time by the mercy of the Almighty. That is, they give it to us as a guest.
How do you behave with other people's children who come to you for a short time? You really try to please, you are attentive to their words and behavior, you are afraid of offending or uttering a caustic word.
Symptoms of inferiority complex in men
Some tips for improving self-esteem in children:
- love, believe, support, reassure and talk to them
- line up friendly relations, be aware of their lives and experiences
- help you adapt to society using examples from your life
- develop their sense of humor, physical, intellectual, creative abilities
- plan your leisure time so that everyone has fun
- forget about screaming as a way to communicate
- respect and accept the child for who he is, without trying to mold him to fit your expectations
- ask for forgiveness if you offended him undeservedly
- set an example of the lifestyle you would like your child to have in the future
And most importantly, answer yourself honestly whether you have problems with self-esteem. Maybe you should start with yourself, work through all the traumas and limiting beliefs, and then help your child with renewed vigor?
Child's self-esteem- this is the child’s attitude towards himself, his subjective capabilities, abilities, character traits, actions and personal qualities. Almost all life achievements, academic success and interpersonal interaction depend on its adequacy. It originates in infancy and subsequently has a significant impact on the adult life of children, their behavior, attitude towards themselves and events, the surrounding society. The primary task of parents, along with raising, training and caring for the baby, is the formation of adequate self-esteem and a sense of self-esteem that corresponds to the norm.
Self-esteem in preschool children
Low self-esteem in a child can be formed due to the influence family education, peers, unrequited love, excessive self-criticism, dissatisfaction with oneself or dissatisfaction with appearance. Very often, such children tend to leave home or are susceptible to thoughts about. Therefore, such a teenager vitally needs increased attention, respect and love from loved ones. In situations where his behavior deserves criticism, sometimes parents are still advised to refrain from it. And, on the contrary, attention should be focused on all his positive qualities and good deeds. A teenager with low self-esteem needs to know that he deserves approval, praise and respect.
Diagnosis of children's self-esteem
The means by which modern psychodiagnostics reveals the level of self-esteem and self-awareness of children are divided into formalized and less formalized methods. The first methods include tests, various questionnaires, projective techniques, and psychophysiological techniques. Formalized diagnostic methods are characterized by objectification of the research process (exact adherence to instructions, strictly established methods of presenting material for diagnosis, non-interference of the psychologist in the activities of the person being diagnosed, etc.). This method is also characterized by standardization, i.e., determination of the uniformity of the processing of research results, reliability and validity. Formalized methods allow you to create a diagnostic portrait of a person in the shortest possible time. The results of such methods are presented in accordance with specialized requirements, which allows quantitative and qualitative comparison of subjects with each other.
Less formalized methods include observation, conversation, and analysis of activity products. Such techniques provide very important information about the process or phenomenon under study, especially those that are practically impossible to objectify. It should be noted that these methods are quite labor-intensive, and their effectiveness is determined by the professionalism of the diagnostician. Therefore, poorly formalized diagnostic techniques must be used in conjunction with formalized techniques.
In preschool children, the level of self-esteem can be identified using a variety of games. For example, the “Name” game allows you to get information about a child’s self-esteem. It consists in the fact that the baby is asked to come up with a new name that he would like to have or, at his choice, keep his own. If your child chooses a new name, you should ask him questions about why he would like to change his name. Quite often, a child’s refusal to give his own name indicates that he is dissatisfied with himself and wants to become better. At the end of the game, you need to invite the child to model some actions with his own name. For example, say it more softly or angrily.
The self-esteem diagnostic technique developed by Dembo-Rubinstein and modified by A. Prikhozhan is considered quite common. It is based on direct assessment by schoolchildren of certain personal qualities, for example, health, character traits, different abilities etc. The children being studied are asked to mark with certain signs the degree of development of certain qualities in them on vertical lines and the desired level of development of similar ones. The first scale will show the level of self-esteem that children have at this moment, and the second is the level of their claims.
One of the most popular methods for studying children’s self-esteem is the “Ladder” test, which can be carried out in individual and group form. There are several variations of this technique. For example, the “Ladder” test, as interpreted by S. Yakobson and V. Shchur, includes seven steps and separate figures in the shape of a boy and a girl, cut out of thick paper or cardboard. This variation of the test is aimed not only at diagnosing the child’s degree of self-esteem, but also at identifying personal aspirations. A modification of the technique, developed by Y. Kolomenskaya and M. Lisina, consists of an image of a ladder on a sheet of paper, only it consists of six steps. The child must determine his place on this ladder himself and assume the place where others place him.
Low self-esteem in a child
Low self-esteem in a child prevents him from establishing social contacts with peers and classmates. It prevents you from successfully mastering new skills. After all, if a child has done something unsuccessfully several times, he will not try again, as he will be sure that he will not succeed. Teenagers with low self-esteem tend to believe that no one needs them, as a result of which they may commit suicide.
Most often, the formation of low self-esteem in childhood The main influence is caused by improper family upbringing.
The main reasons contributing to low self-esteem in children include:
- unattractive appearance;
- external defects of appearance;
- insufficient level of mental abilities;
- improper parenting;
- disrespectful attitude of older children in the family;
- failures or mistakes in life that the baby takes to heart;
- financial problems, as a result of which the child lives in worse conditions in comparison with his classmates;
- an illness as a result of which the baby may consider himself defective;
- changing of the living place;
- dysfunctional or single-parent family;
- in family.
You can often recognize low self-esteem in children by the phrases they often mention, for example, “I won’t succeed.” To identify problems with self-esteem in a child, you should pay close attention to how he behaves when interacting with peers.
Can help identify the problem of low self-esteem psychological tests, which are based on the child’s self-image. For example, you can ask your child to draw himself. An auto-drawing can tell a lot about a child and his experiences. Overly gloomy colors and a plain-looking person are considered a sign that there are still reasons for concern. To confirm or refute an assumption, ask your child to draw all the members of your family and himself. If he portrays himself as disproportionately small compared to other members, then the child definitely suffers from low self-esteem.
High self-esteem in a child
Children's self-esteem begins to develop from early childhood. Its formation is influenced, first of all, by parents, educators and surrounding children. IN preschool age You can already understand what kind of self-esteem the baby has based on his actions and actions.
Self-esteem is considered a component of self-awareness and includes, along with self-image, an individual’s assessment of his own physical qualities, abilities, moral qualities and actions.
Inflated self-esteem is an inadequately inflated assessment of oneself by a child. Such children always strive to be the first in everything, they demand that all the attention of adults belong to them, they consider themselves much better than others, often this opinion may not be supported by anything.
Inflated self-esteem can be caused by low assessment of his actions by peers, and low self-esteem can be caused by weak psychological stability.
Inflated self-esteem can be influenced not only by close people and the surrounding society, but also by the child’s character and personality traits.
Children with high self-esteem are characterized by comparative limitations in mastering types of activities and a high focus on communication interaction, and, often, it is of little content.
If the child is excessive, then this indicates extreme self-esteem. This means that it can be either very low or too high.
From about 8 years of age, children begin to evaluate their success in various areas independently. The most significant factors for them are school success, appearance, physical abilities, social acceptance and behavior. Along with this, school success and behavior are most important for parents, and the other three factors are for peers.
Parental support and acceptance of the child, his aspirations and hobbies have the greatest impact on the formation of an adequate level of general self-esteem, while school success and a number of other factors are significant only for self-assessment of abilities.
How to increase your child's self-esteem
Absolutely all parents dream that their child will independently develop adequate self-esteem. However, they forget that 90% of the formation of adequate self-esteem in preschool age depends on their behavior and model educational influence. At the same time, not all parents are able to adequately evaluate themselves.
If you are concerned about the question of how to raise your child’s self-esteem, then first of all you should pay attention to your behavior towards the child. How often do you praise him and do you praise him at all, how and for what, how do you criticize him. Remember - you can praise and scold a child only for his actions, actions, achievements, and not for his appearance and personality traits. If you notice the first signs of low self-esteem in your baby, then do not neglect praise. Praise him even for the tiniest victories, achievements and correct actions. Often actions that a child considers correct will not always seem so to you. Therefore, try to understand the logic of the child’s motivation. Remember that the more often your child achieves success in small things, the faster he will believe in his abilities and move on to big achievements. You just try to clearly convey the information that there are simple things that can be overcome without much difficulty, and complex things that require more effort to overcome. If something doesn’t work out for your child, show him your faith in him and instill in him confidence that with further attempts everything will work out.
How to increase self-esteem in a child? Don’t stop your child from taking initiative and praise him when he takes his first steps in a new activity. Try to always support him during any failures. If something doesn’t work out for him, then help, but don’t do all the work for him. Set only feasible tasks for your child. You shouldn’t force a five-year-old child to cook borscht, but even at the age of 13, trusting a child to just pour juice from a bag is not enough.
Remember that all your words, actions and educational moments influence the formation of personality and the formation of self-esteem, on which the further success of the individual in adulthood and the effectiveness of building interpersonal relationships depend.
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The formation of our “I” begins almost from birth
First of all, our self-esteem is made up of the totality of opinions of those around us. And this story begins in childhood. If a child has low self-esteem, problems in the future are simply guaranteed.
The way we perceive ourselves depends primarily on the attitude of our parents towards us. And only after - the surrounding people. Growing up, the child begins to ask himself the question: “What am I?” And first of all, his self-esteem consists of the opinions of those around him. What people think and say about his appearance, health, abilities, shortcomings, character directly affects self-esteem.
If they start laughing at a child from childhood, concentrating all their attention on physical characteristics that are ugly from the point of view of those around him, if he is condemned, criticized, accused, called names, then self-esteem slowly but surely begins to sound something like this: “I am the worst of all!”
And if, with such an attitude from others, the child does not have any moral support from his parents, who should protect him from biased assessments of other people, his self-esteem inevitably becomes low.
What happens when such a child grows up? It is naive to assume that, having become an adult, he will be able to adequately defend himself from inadequate attacks and unfair criticism.
A person with such self-esteem is an eternal victim. Since childhood, he has been convinced that the negative attitude of others towards him is absolutely deserved. He was always worse than others. Which means he doesn’t deserve better. His destiny is what remains after the smart and talented.
Taking the baby's fate into our own hands
No normal parent would wish such a fate for their child. Therefore, if you suddenly begin to notice that your son or daughter is being called names at school or in kindergarten, if the child refuses to go there, he has no friends, or he considers himself worse than others, you should not do nothing. It is better to look for the reason for this behavior and try to increase the child’s self-esteem.
Often the reason for the ridicule of other children is some feature of appearance or a speech defect, for example, being overweight or stuttering.
In this case, you need to convey to your child that there are simply no ideal people in the world. Many people have some kind of external defect, which not only children, but adults are embarrassed and even ashamed of. But children are especially cruel; they do not know how to embellish the truth.
If your child has a defect and is being teased, you, of course, can, as an adult, intervene in the children’s conflict and stop attacks on your own child by punishing the offender verbally or in some other way (you can even start a “showdown” with the parents of the rude person). But you won’t be able to follow your son or daughter everywhere like a bodyguard and protect them from attacks all the time. This will be especially difficult to do in high school, where children are no longer particularly afraid of adults.
Fortunately, there is another way to fight - increasing self-esteem. Do it yourself first, and gradually the child will learn too.
Self-esteem level and behavior
What to do if you cannot determine what kind of self-esteem your child has? Everything is simple here. Just watch him closely, especially how he behaves in the company of his peers.
Activity, cheerfulness, a sense of humor are qualities that are characteristic of children with adequate self-esteem. They happily participate in joint games and do not get offended or become hysterical if they lose.
Passivity, suspiciousness, increased vulnerability, and touchiness are, as a rule, characteristic of children with low self-esteem. They do not want to participate in games because they are afraid of being worse than others, and if they participate in them, they are often offended. Sometimes children who are given a negative assessment in the family seek to compensate for this in communication with their peers. They strive to be first and take it to heart if they fail.
Of course this brief descriptions. But perhaps one of the parents still recognized their child?
Test "Ladder"
A child’s self-esteem can be easily assessed using a test that can be used for children aged 3 years and older.
Draw a ladder of 10 steps on a piece of paper. After this, show it to the child and explain that on the lowest step there are the worst (angry, rude, envious) boys and girls, on the second step - a little better, on the third even better, and so on. But on the last, top step are the smartest (good, kind) boys and girls. It is very important that the child correctly understands the position on the steps! And then ask the child to draw which step he himself would like to stand on.
If a child puts himself on the first, 2nd, 3rd rung from the bottom, then he has low self-esteem.
If it’s 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, it’s average (adequate).
If it is on the 8th, 9th, 10th, then your self-esteem is too high.
Rules of 6 "don'ts"
How to increase the self-esteem of your son or daughter? First of all, there is no need to do certain things.
1. When giving a negative description of a child’s actions, you should not say: “You don’t know how to do that, draw... etc.” In these cases, the child loses confidence in his abilities and strengths.
2. A negative assessment of a child’s activities should not be allowed to extend to his personality, that is, it is permissible to criticize a child only for his behavior. A negative assessment of a person can form an inferiority complex and, as a result, low self-esteem.
3. It is unacceptable to compare a child with someone else, to contrast him with someone. Such comparisons are psychologically traumatic and form a negative attitude towards life, selfishness and envy. Compare him with himself (what he was yesterday or will be tomorrow).
4. The child reacts not only to your words, but also to the emotional coloring of the statement. Therefore, the intonation addressed to him should not show irritation, anger or aggression.
5.If you want your child to grow up confident and without self-esteem problems, do not protect him from every daily activity. Let him help you with the cleaning, water the flower himself, go to the store, get pleasure from the fact that he completed the “task” and deserved praise.
6. Don’t immediately rush to solve all his little problems for him.
Raising the Bar- not an option
It happens that parents set their hopes too high: dreaming of a child who would be the best, most successful and talented, they do not want to come to terms with the fact that their child is ordinary.
Children of such parents attend several clubs and sections at once, while studying in an elite gymnasium and practically never being at home. Such a “sufferer” has practically no time left for rest. The child tries his best, is afraid to disappoint his parents, but they, as a rule, are still dissatisfied with something.
What does this parental behavior lead to? The child withdraws into himself. And thus takes the first step towards loneliness. After all, it is so attractive with its safety! There is no risk of being rejected by both adults and children. Loneliness in itself is not a disaster. But this is an excellent breeding ground for “growing” all sorts of complexes, especially if the child does not receive emotional support from loved ones.
Strengthening “weak points”
To form normal self-esteem, it is important for parents to create a relationship with their child in which he can perceive himself favorably. Then he will be able to perceive other people’s successes normally, without lowering his self-esteem.
If a child is teased for his appearance, you can, for example, explain to the child that each organ of our body performs a specific function, and how they look is of secondary importance.
It's also a good idea to teach him some responses to use if he gets called names. For example: “I may be fat, but I’m smart. And you are thin, but stupid, you only know how to call people names.”
If your child has prepared answers, he will feel more confident.
In the case when a girl is teased, you can try to dress her fashionably - clothes and accessories play a very significant role in a teenage environment. If a child is fat or ugly in appearance, but has something that other children dream of having, they will not attach much importance to defects.
Try teaching your child to be popular. Try to convey to him that this does not mean becoming a braggart. But popularity is not only the ability to be beautifully dressed. It is also the ability to do something better than others, for example, tell an interesting story. The more popular a child becomes among his peers, the more friends he will have and the less interference he will have in his studies. And the better he studies, the faster he will take the place in this life that he deserves.
Teach your child to say no. Not only children, but also adults who have their own opinions and know how to refuse, enjoy the respect of others.
You shouldn't overpraise children, but don't forget to encourage them if they deserve it.
If possible, try to awaken initiative even in a shy child so that he learns to do something on his own. If a child realizes that he can cope with difficulties himself, this will really increase self-esteem.
Don't forget that your baby is watching you carefully. Show by your own example the adequacy of your attitude towards successes and failures.
Watch your child carefully. Then you will not miss the moment and notice what difficulties he is experiencing. Once you discover weak points, look for ways to strengthen them. And of course, first of all, increase your own self-esteem, especially if you have problems with this.
And most importantly: do not be afraid to truly love your child and show him all your love!
