Let's talk. You will object to me - how much they value it! But this is not entirely true - a man values any woman’s actions exactly as long as he values the woman herself. Just like with children. As long as the mother loves them, she loves the children too. And after the divorce, remember the name and alimony through the court. Therefore, do not rush to give a man all of yourself, especially in the hope that he will notice this, and that the memory of your merits at the fateful moment will keep him close. At the same time, I do not dissuade you from acting at the behest of your soul and helping or supporting a man when you see fit. Just do it because your conscience tells you to, without expecting gratitude. If he appreciates it, it’s great, but if he doesn’t, it’s ce la vie.
As I have written many times, it is very important for a man to be good - even when he commits outright bad acts. Therefore, his “task” is to shift the responsibility onto the woman as much as possible. I cheated - you didn't pay enough attention to me. He insisted that he didn’t want children, and at the age of 50 he “made” a child with his mistress and left for her - you should have better convinced me of the need for children and in general you yourself didn’t want it. Or here's another example. The husband suffered a stroke, his wife looked after him, found doctors, took out a loan to get him into a good rehabilitation center. When he recovered, he went to his mistress, who appeared before his illness (his wife did not know). To all the questions, “How is this possible?!”, he answered, “I didn’t ask you to look after me.” And you can’t argue, except from a moral point of view.
While I was writing the article, I found the story of a girl who was married as a virgin. I thought that my husband would appreciate it - he was so happy about it. “I had my first wedding night after the wedding. Almost 10 years later there was a very difficult divorce. To my words... how could you cheat on me with no one and not when... there was an answer... and who asked you. It was like an ice cold shower."
Tell these stories to men outside the context of the article and you will see that most of them will not understand the problem and will answer the same way - well, he didn’t ask... Yes, even if he asked, a man will always find a way to turn the matter in his favor.
There is another interesting feature - a man remembers only your last action. What does it mean, usually “negative”. He will take the positive for granted, but God forbid he refuses you anything. All your previous support, the help of a fighting friend, the fact that you were there in the most difficult moments, etc. will be forgotten at the first opportunity when you cannot, do not want, or do not have the strength to do something else for him again. However, at every opportunity he himself will remember how 3 years ago he gave you 50 thousand rubles for a new handbag and will present it as if he does it almost every week. These 50 thousand 3 years ago will become his business card, the answer to all your complaints. Your actions are what you are obligated to do anyway. His is the triumph of a hero, applause and a laurel wreath.
So Why don't men appreciate good treatment?? I have already mentioned the first reason. The memory of your merits will limit him, prevent him from doing what he wants, but what you won’t like. Therefore, it is easier to forget or present it as your good will, which he did not ask for, or another option is to say that you, as a wife, were already obliged to do this, there is nothing special about it. And it doesn't matter what it cost you. After all, we are not talking about washing dishes or “in sickness and in health,” but about life-defining moments, such as the birth of children or large financial obligations and risks, where you sacrifice something for the sake of a man. That's why you should always think only about yourself first. Or, as my elderly friend said, “never tell your husband all your secrets, don’t give in on everything, don’t expect that he will appreciate and respond in kind.” I would add - and never feel sorry for a man if we are not talking about momentary experiences or objective troubles. It’s not a fact that he will regret you later. As long as everything is fine in your family, you will have no reason to doubt, but as soon as the marriage cracks or problems arise, you may be bitterly disappointed.
The second reason, Why don't men appreciate good treatment? the fact that they take the vast majority of actions for granted. The wife will tell her friends for a long time how her husband brought her oranges to the hospital almost every day, how he cared, how great he was, not like others. A man will perceive a similar situation as completely natural. Maybe he will brag to his friends, but in fact he will react very calmly, or even notice that you could pay more attention.
Another reason is boundary testing. Subconsciously (and not really) a man wants to know to what extent he can “use” a woman. Not in terms of banal and cynical use, but in everyday life. Where is the line that you can’t cross, otherwise you’ll get a response. If a wife gave a large amount of money a couple of times, how many times can she give the same amount or more? How long will she tolerate my “quirks” before giving the final warning? To be fair, I will say that not only men do this, women no less.
Therefore, a man cannot be won through a good relationship. You give him affection, borscht, good sex, comfort, clean floors - but he doesn’t need that. This is a hymn of love for you, but for him it is nothing more than pleasant, but not even very necessary little things. To a much greater extent, he needs a female partner nearby, equal in level to him. Or a “hot thing” with character. And he will eat borscht in a restaurant - especially since it tastes better there...
And lastly, perhaps you are simply imposing your idea of \u200b\u200bgood on a man. It seems to you that you are caring, but it seems to him that you are intrusive. This is no longer his fault. You can’t instill your own beliefs about happiness in another person; it’s better to understand what he needs specifically.
Why is it that many people consider those who often “give others a hand” in difficult times as soft-hearted romantics, at the expense of which you can arrange your own life comfortably?
What to do if you think that people should be helped if they need help, but at the same time you don’t want to look like a weakling in other people’s eyes?
What do we mean by kindness?
Kindness is not only the ability and desire to support someone in a difficult situation, but also a positive attitude that a person subconsciously strives for under any circumstances.
This does not mean that he walks around around the clock with a smile on his lips.
Some good-natured people may have a far from friendly facial expression, but their hearts, as they say, are big, and is capable of giving warmth to those in need of support.
In other words, we can say about kindness that these are various manifestations of the characteristics of human character, which truly has moral qualities and capable of empathy for others.
Kindness can manifest itself in the form of:
Why is it difficult for good people to live?
This happens if fate decides in such a way that a philanthropist is surrounded only by mercantile individuals, unscrupulously exploiting him and not intending to leave the person the opportunity to spend resources on his personal tasks.
The life of such a good-natured person can be similar to the duty schedule of an ambulance crew.
That is there are always sufferers, but there is no time to drink tea, relax and, in a figurative sense, look out the window or do something for yourself.
And if in the case of doctors they at least have a salary, then philanthropists very often have only internal comfort from the feeling that they did the right thing and at the behest of their heart. But often there is no time for yourself. And resources too.
A person may suffer for his own responsiveness for the following reasons:
Why don't people appreciate this quality?
Main reason: Some individuals quickly forget that good deeds are not a mandatory action, but are a manifestation of the purely will of an assistant who has decided that someone should and should lend a hypothetical shoulder.
Besides:
Who owns the quote: “Kindness is mistaken for weakness, and rude behavior is taken for a demonstration of strength.” What to do for those who want be kind but not weak?
Be prepared that for a long time it will be difficult for you to restrain yourself and not rush to the call of everyone who asks for help.
But it’s worth learning to distinguish between empty requests and the voice of someone in real trouble. If only because there will be more energy and time to save the latter.
Beecher Henry Ward said that kindness is often mistaken for weakness, and rude behavior is often mistaken for a demonstration of strength. However, according to him, the greatest advantage of the strong is to use his physical or spiritual superiority in the right way and direction.
It is said quite aptly, succinctly and as expected from religious figure, well known in America in the century before last.
And if there is a fire burning within you, the heat of which is enough for many others, do not be afraid to share it. But try not to waste it on people who only seem to be in a difficult situation.
Why is good reciprocated with evil?
It is impossible to do a good deed too early, because it is impossible to know when it will be too late.
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To be fair, you must first be kind. And to be kind means to understand that all people make mistakes.
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What a pity that not everyone smart people- kind...
What a pity that not everyone good people- rich...
What a pity that not all rich people are smart...
What a pity …
Kindness cannot be given away forever - it always comes back.
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A truly kind person is the one who is happy when dreams come true. Other's.
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The emptiness of the soul... that's what you need to fear, not an empty wallet...
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Beauty attracts attention, but kindness wins the heart! But if your kindness does not attract attention... beauty will not win the heart!!!
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Good intentions are nothing if they are not translated into good deeds.
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Many people have to be respected not because they do good, but because they do not do evil.
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There are people like comets...
The brightest light of kindness
They leave a mark throughout life
Their souls are of wondrous beauty...
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If you want to try everything in this life, try to be kind and honest.
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Be kind whenever possible. And this is always possible.
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To help another person, you don’t have to be strong and rich—it’s enough to be kind.
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Human life is fragile glass,
Evil is ready to break at any moment.
Hurry up good deeds distinguish yourself -
Give your neighbor warmth!
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Some people just need a drop of happiness to become kinder.
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The kindness of the human soul is like a river, because no matter how much you draw from it, it does not become smaller.
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Why are there so many angry people?
Perhaps because it is much more difficult to be kind...
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Kindness is something that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
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Most The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer someone up.
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If you consider yourself kind and good or good and kind, first take a piece of paper and write down all the good deeds that you have done in your life...
Show this to your friends if you can.
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I don’t know any other signs of superiority other than kindness...
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Kindness and naivety quickly and unmistakably reveal anger, self-interest and meanness.
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Let kindness rule people -
This is my old dream!
Appearance is not a criterion
Beauty is in the soul, not in the body!
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You will find it only by stopping looking. You will only receive by learning to give. You can see only by closing your eyes and opening your heart.
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No person in the world attracts more than a person with a kind heart and a “pure” tongue.
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Don’t be afraid if a black cat crosses your path... an optimist sees a beautiful kitten, a pessimist is in trouble even without a cat... The main thing is that there is no blackness in your soul...
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Whoever skimps on good feelings in life will never enjoy this life.
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Kindness will always prevail over beauty.
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Life is measured not only by its length, but also by its width.
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Don't speculate on people's kindness.
There is less and less of her, this heart hurts.
The world will be filled with universal melancholy,
What if kindness suddenly becomes contraband?
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Smile even if they offend you!!! Let them realize their weakness in front of kindness
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How much kindness there is in a person, so much life there is in him.
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When you do a good deed, never think about whether others will appreciate it, the main thing you know is that the Almighty sees everything...!
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Kindness in words creates trust. Kindness in thoughts improves relationships. Kindness in actions gives birth to love.
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Be kind to those who depend on you.
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People who do not believe in human kindness rarely encounter its manifestations
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Of all possible decisions, choose the kindest one - it will most likely turn out to be the most correct one.
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A KIND AND OPEN face even decorates wrinkles.
The cheerful rays from bright smiles are especially wonderful.
And the EVIL and eternally DISSATISFIED face... be it at least three times
young and smooth, like a peach, unpleasantly repels you...
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In an effort to understand the essence of our whole life, we need to remember a simple truth... That beauty will please a little... And kindness heals our whole life...!
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Kindness is not an act, it is a process.
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When we are happy, we are always kind; but when we are kind, we are not always happy.
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In the relationship of developing a sense of goodness, it is most difficult to create any rules.
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A good deed, if it is truly good, is worth more than a million kind words. But sometimes the word is the deed, and then it costs a lot. Statuses for optimists
Time passes, but one thing remains unchanged: people do not value good treatment. Once you come to someone’s aid, the person will have to do it constantly: refusals are not accepted. Although gratitude for a good attitude sometimes happens, this is the exception rather than the rule. Surely everyone is familiar with the gospel story about how Jesus healed 10 sick people, but only one thanked him. And this is not the first evidence of human ingratitude.
An innate property of higher animals
Not only psychologists, moralists and researchers of ethical sciences, but also ordinary scientists, in particular zoologists, tried to answer the question of why people do not value good treatment. Thus, Konrad Lorenz, an Austrian zoologist and animal psychologist, shed some light on the cause of human ingratitude. He studied animal behavior for a long time and came to the conclusion that aggression is an innate quality of higher animals.
There is also intraspecific aggression, when representatives of one species attack their own kind when they enter their territory. This behavior helps to survive in the wild.
Invasion and morality
Even without a scientific basis, it is easy to determine that intraspecific aggression is also characteristic of people, they just call it differently - competitive struggle. For example, in one city there are two photo studios. They are located in different parts of the city, and the owners are even friends. But if one of them opens his own studio next to a competitor, then a fierce struggle and poaching of clients will begin, because such an act is an encroachment on someone else’s territory.
This suggests a simple conclusion: by nature, man is angry, but at the same time a social being. To survive, he needs to learn to exist with his own kind, therefore in society there are morals, rules of behavior and other laws. To reduce aggression in someone, people try to express submission. And the conclusion that suggests itself: gratitude and good attitude are perceived as weakness. Everyone expects to be treated well, but no one wants to do it in return.
A person, doing good to someone, transcends his natural egoism and wants this “sacrifice” to be appreciated. If someone sees himself treated well, he feels superior. And this pleases the ego. This is why people don't appreciate good attitude.
How to respond to ingratitude?
It has long been known that people do not value good treatment. And during this time, many sayings have accumulated. They say that you cannot provide services where they are not asked.
Treat others the way they treat you.
Do not provide benefits that are not asked of you.
Do good and throw it into the water.
Praise, like gold and diamond, has value only when it is rare.
Don't look for scoundrels; good people commit scoundrels.
Despite the fact that man is a rational being and must act rationally, most human actions are performed under the influence of instincts, not reason. Because everyone has instincts, but fate has deprived some of them of education and prudence.
From Shakespeare
Well, we’ve sorted out science and instincts, it’s time to move on to philosophy, ethics and aesthetics. And, perhaps, let's start with Shakespeare. Another famous playwright of the past wondered:
Is there anything more monstrous than human ingratitude?
Unfortunately, he was never able to answer it. People did not and do not value good relations either then or now. As soon as you help someone unselfishly, instead of gratitude, the person is given the obligation to help constantly. It’s not for nothing that they say that as soon as you help someone a couple of times, someone’s legs immediately begin to hang from their neck. People take kindness for granted and are very offended when they are refused.
Goethe once said that ingratitude is a common weakness. Prominent people They will never allow themselves to be ungrateful. In any case, they will find a way to thank the one who helped them, and will never forget the service provided to them.
Without a fool life is bad
There are many aphorisms about when people do not value a good attitude. One of them is especially worth highlighting:
There must always be fools in the world who sacrifice personal interests for the sake of public interests, receiving in return reproach and ingratitude (Alexander Hamilton).
Perhaps if everyone minded their own business exclusively, there would be no society as such. Perhaps anarchy would reign everywhere, people would look at each other like a wolf and see their enemy in everyone they met. Only due to the fact that there are people who will not spare themselves for the good of others, society somehow resembles a civilized society. But even here there are many unpleasant situations that cannot be dealt with.
When they don't appreciate
People don't appreciate a good attitude. More than one or two quotes can be given on this matter. The most unpleasant thing is when, for the sake of another person, you have to do unseemly, sometimes even illegal, things.
Ingratitude never hurts the human heart more than when it comes from people for whose sake we decided to do something unseemly (Henry Fielding, “The Story of Tom Jones”).
They say that it is not common for victors to remember those who cleared the path to the throne for them with swords. This truth is as old as the world, but not a single ruler has yet disdained it.
Demonstrative gratitude, a few words, a certificate, a medal or a posthumous speech are formalities, not gratitude. Indeed, the game will continue until the king falls, and no matter how many pawns lie near his throne. But one day fate will begin to take revenge, and then the one who did not know how to appreciate a good attitude towards himself will find himself in the place of the one he offended. Life is incredibly wise, so don’t dwell on the bad, one day everything will fall into place, the mosaic will come together and everything will be as it should be. The main thing is not to forget to thank fate for this.
Why don’t men appreciate kind and caring women. How many times have I noticed this... 🤔. Is this really a drawback? If a woman has a good heart, this does not mean that she is stupid or naive. She has everything - career, leisure, hobbies, she is her own boss. At some point, such girls come to the conclusion that they no longer want to change their lives.
A good girl strives to find a partner for life and create a strong relationship. She is waiting to meet a man who will become her best friend.
She is looking for someone who will accept all her flaws and shortcomings and surround her with love and care. Such a girl does not view relationships as a game and does not manipulate guys.
Her kind heart doesn't make her weak, it helps her forgive and give people a second chance.
She sees only the good in those around her. Every person has the right to make a mistake - that’s what she thinks. We've all done things that we later bitterly regretted, the main thing is that we learned a lesson from it. Everyone has the right to start life with a clean slate.
A good girl is guided not by rules, but by intuition. She will not allow a man to tell her how to live, she loves herself the way nature created her. She considers her kindness to be a blessing from above.
She knows that kindness sometimes brings more problems and worries than happiness, but does not change her attitude towards people.
She knows that others seem strange, as if out of this world, but she doesn’t care, she’s always one step ahead.
Her path is the path of spirituality. She trusts the Universe and sees the blessing of heaven in every moment. In the most difficult situations, she remains true to herself and her views.
Even if they mock her, she will not repay evil for evil. Kindness is her weapon. How do you feel about girls who seem good to others, but never find a partner?
