The small family became the main form of family organization of Chechens already at the end of the 19th - beginning of the 20th centuries. But the small family for a long time retained the features of patriarchal life. The mule was the sovereign master and head of the family. The head of the family disposed of the property at his own discretion and married his sons. However, when marrying off a daughter, the mother’s word was decisive. The patriarchal attitude towards women is reflected in the old Chechen proverb “don’t spare your horse and your wife.”
Wedding ceremonies. Marriages between relatives among Chechens were prohibited within three generations. In the past, property status played a big role in marriage. The marriageable age for a boy was considered 18-20 years old, and for a girl 17-18 years old. Sometimes young children were engaged. From about 14 to 15 years old, the girl began to be invited to weddings, family and public entertainment, where she could go accompanied by young people - relatives or close relatives. Bride kidnapping was widespread among the Chechens. This is apparently explained by the difficulty of paying the kebin. Very often, the young man agreed in advance with the girl about her abduction. After the abduction, the groom asked for forgiveness from the bride's family, and, as a rule, everything ended in reconciliation. After the reconciliation, the wedding took place.
When a marriage took place in accordance with wedding customs, it began with matchmaking. The groom was supposed to avoid meeting the bride's parents before the wedding. He could see his bride, but only so that no one could see their dates. If they met somewhere in public, they were not supposed to talk. At the same time, the bride had to hide her face from the groom. Before the wedding, an engagement took place. The engagement and the wedding were sometimes separated by quite a long period of time, especially when the groom did not have prepared funds for the wedding expenses and payment of the cabana. The kebin consisted of two parts: obligatory gifts to the family and relatives of the bride, i.e. the kebin itself, and the urdo - the part that was supposed to provide for the woman in the event of divorce. Kebin were paid in money, livestock or valuables.
The wedding took place at the groom's house and lasted several days. A large group of the groom's relatives went to pick up the bride. Seeing off the bride from her home was very solemn. The bride was dressed in Wedding Dress, her head was covered with a white scarf. The bridesmaids accompanying the bride sang ritual wedding songs. The bride was taken out of the house by the groom's groomsmen. The arrival of the wedding train was announced to the groom before entering the village by gunfire. In the groom's house, a special room was prepared for the bride, where she was led along spread carpets. In this room, the girl, surrounded by relatives, remained until the end of the wedding.
Relatives, friends and fellow villagers gathered for the wedding celebration. Even random passers-by were invited. They were considered guests of the entire village, and were seated in places of honor. The groom did not participate in the wedding; at that time he was hiding in the house of a friend or relative, or even just in the forest. And after the wedding, the young man hid from strangers for some time, visiting his wife only at night, in secret.
Chechen weddings were accompanied by unique competitions in the art of dancing, performing ditties, wit, etc. The stewards at the wedding were different - the general and his assistants, a man and a woman. .Inal seated the guests in the courtyard in a circle, with men on one side and women on the other. Dances took place inside the circle. No one had the right to dance without the permission of the stewards. When the elders and honored guests danced, everyone stood up and clapped their hands as a sign of respect. Clowns and tightrope walkers also performed at the wedding.
On the day of the end of the wedding celebrations, accompanied by men, women and children, the ritual of driving the newlywed into the water was performed. The young woman took a tray with pies and a jug for water. At the river she pierced several pies with a pin, threw them into the water, and then scooped them out of the water with a jug. When she put the jug on her shoulder, shots were heard. Moreover, they shot not only into the air, but sometimes also into pies. This ceremony took place to the accompaniment of music and songs. The ceremony meant that the daughter-in-law should begin economic activity. your new family.
Rituals of Chechen childhood. Among the Chechens, the husband left home during childbirth and returned only after the birth of the child. Sometimes the young woman would go to her parents’ house to give birth. The woman who gave birth to an heir was respected, this strengthened her position in the family. The birth of a girl was sometimes greeted with indifference. But in both cases, the father of the child should not have spoken to his wife for a long time. At the birth of a boy, a celebration was held at which one of the father's relatives named the child. Chechens have most names of Muslim origin, but there are also ancient local names.
Funeral rites of the Chechens. In the funeral rites of the Chechens we find a combination of Muslim and pagan elements. The deceased was buried on the day of death. Washing, removal, construction of the grave and burial were carried out according to Muslim custom. The influence of local ancient beliefs is noticeable in holding the wake on the day of the funeral. Chechen funerals are crowded. Relatives and acquaintances come from the most remote villages to see them off on their last journey. Mourners play an important role at funerals; they talk about the good qualities of the deceased, about his future plans which death prevented from being realized. Men carry the body of a deceased person to the cemetery. Women remain at home to mourn the deceased. Those killed in battle were buried in the form in which they were killed, that is, without washing or shroud. At the grave of such a deceased, in addition to a gravestone with an appropriate inscription, a long pole with a flag was installed.
On the second day after the funeral, a rich funeral feast is held. A widow must wear black mourning clothing for a year after her husband's death. In some areas, it was customary to wear as a mourning dress the dress that a woman was wearing on the day of her husband’s death.
Blood feud can be considered a sad relic of old Chechnya. Often, blood feuds lasted for years and led to the extermination of large numbers of people. In the high mountainous regions of Chechnya, a ransom for blood was allowed, and when it was paid, a ritual of “reconciliation of bloodlines” was performed. However, in other parts of the country, a ransom for blood was not taken. There is a saying here: “We do not sell the blood of our dead.” The custom of hospitality in Chechnya was observed very strictly. The owner was responsible for the life of his guest as if he were a member of his family or clan. He had to protect the guest from enemies, avenge his murder.

Chechen life.
Weddings and Funerals.
Chechen family ties are very strong. You will rarely find a person who does not know the story of at least his great-grandfather. And the surnames under which we live are nothing more than the names of adults who lived on our territory at the beginning of the century. For example, I know my twelfth-generation great-grandfather, SHISHLI, who lived in the 17th century. And there are quite a few such people who know their ancestry. Of course - this is good. But every coin has two sides. What do we have on the other side: this is a burden... Yes, the burden of supporting family ties. I'm not saying that this is bad, on the contrary, Islam requires the support of family relationships. Hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him): He who breaks family ties is not one of us (not from our Ummah).
Just think how many people I consider my blood relatives! And everyone has other families. As a result, this is what happens: the wedding of any of the closest of them is almost always attended. And the death of one of them, and maybe me someday, if it is the will of Allah Almighty, is an obligation to attend the funeral. In addition to relatives, there are friends, acquaintances, and colleagues. While a wedding can sometimes be ignored, the same cannot be said about a funeral. I live in the city, and funerals of non-direct relatives often take place without me. What can't be said about cousins ​​and second cousins, as well as their sisters and wives. If there is a funeral in a village at either end, or in a neighboring village, the men must stand at the funeral for three days, sometimes less, sometimes more, and the women must mourn the deceased. And if they bury their own people (starting from father, mother, son, daughter, which is natural, up to second cousins), then the funeral takes three days, and even before the funeral for three or four days they are busy around the clock. There are never less than two or three funerals a week in four neighboring villages. Everyone has relatives on their father's or maternal line- this means standing at a funeral at least twice for two days from dawn to dusk. So you hear at some funerals: were you there and there? A misfortune happened to them too. And you have to visit such and such, to express sympathy. Considering the fact that there are more and more of us Chechens (we have large families), we are becoming scared for the future. I think that it is necessary to somehow simplify the conduct of funerals. For example, on the first day before the burial of the deceased, be at the funeral. And on the other two days, come just to check in, say, for ten minutes. Only the closest heirs remain, a priori, at the funeral. I would completely forbid women from going to funerals. I don’t understand at all what they do for three days and nights with three meals a day, what they spend in the house of the deceased. It seems like they don’t engage in godly deeds. Only the closest of them mourn the deceased.

The death of a loved one is both a psychological and financial and moral blow to his heirs. After usually 5-6 days, a wake takes place. Previously, I remember it was a modest event with a meager budget. And now? whatever kind of drug they will treat you to!! A feast, and nothing more! What should someone do who cannot afford such freedom? And he, poor fellow, often uses his last money, trying not to lose face, to reach this coveted “bar.” But tomorrow all this will come back to haunt him.
Islam calls us to reasonable abstinence in everything. Even the shroud in which the deceased is wrapped, it is desirable that it is not new, but washed cloth, since he no longer needs it, and wasting money for nothing is a sin. Islam calls upon relatives or neighbors of those who have suffered misfortune to feed and provide moral support to those in whose homes the funeral is taking place. As they say, upside down!

Only now I got to the Internet and quickly looked through the messages about Natasha’s death, statements, articles, photographs from the picket that took place in Moscow without me...
I was at the funeral at that time. I saw her sisters crying and brothers praying. I didn’t know that Natasha had so many relatives and they loved her so much.
In Chechnya, people are buried until sunset on the day of death.
Therefore, there was practically no chance of making it to her funeral. But Natasha was buried the next day - because the body was in the morgue, a forensic examination and identification were underway.
...I really wanted to catch the morning flight to Nazran. But there were no tickets for it, and there was no hope of getting on the Grozny flight, which departed at half past two in the afternoon. I just, by inertia, stood at the cash register, where besides me there were a fair number of people who wanted to receive the remainder of the reservation, but they were given out according to some closed list. Only by some miracle, at the very last moment, when check-in for the flight had long since ended and there were only a few minutes left before takeoff, the girl suddenly wrote me out the last plane ticket, ordering me to board immediately.
I arrived in Grozny in the late afternoon and was greeted by pouring rain. Does it often rain in the south in midsummer? The taxi driver said that both during the day and on the previous days it was cloudless.
And then suddenly it rains...
I hurried the taxi driver and kept calling my friends who were at the funeral. I already knew that Natasha’s body was released from the morgue in the middle of the day, that Natasha was brought to the journalists’ alley on the square where her Memorial office is located nearby, and then they were carried in a procession along Pobedy Avenue (for the sake of Natasha’s memory, I will call it that). I knew that Natasha had been brought to the village a long time ago, and I was worried that she would be buried before my arrival.
The driver was also worried, because it was about to get dark, and the burial was supposed to take place after noon, but before dusk. But at the same time I was in a hurry to attend her funeral Native sister, which flew from Yekaterinburg to Moscow early in the morning and flew to Minvody, and from there it’s a very long way to Chechnya. They were waiting for her, so I had a chance to make it in time.
We drove past Argun and Gudermes to the village of Koshkildy. I heard from Natasha many times about this village. Her aunt, her father’s sister, lives here, and the funeral took place in her house.
The house turned out to be quite close to the entrance to the village. From afar I saw women in headscarves, men in round hats, and realized that I was not late.
Funerals in Chechnya are completely different from ours. They don't bring flowers here. And women are separated from men. Men bring prayers, and women bring tears.
And they are buried here without a coffin.
Natasha was lying in a small quiet room on the carpet, wrapped in a shroud. The hair and neck are hidden under the canvas, only the oval of the face is exposed. I sat down on the carpet next to her, began to peer into her face, and then a shiver ran through me. They hit Natasha in the face! There is dried blood on her lips, her nose is swollen, and there are cotton swabs placed in her nose because before she died, her nose was bleeding heavily. There are bruises on the face. They assured me that these were not signs of torture, they simply beat her in the face with a rifle butt.
In the face - with a butt!
It is not customary for Chechens to touch the dead, but there was no one in the room, and I was able to say goodbye to Natasha as is customary among us.
This is also a feature of Chechen funerals: you don’t say goodbye to a person in front of everyone. People do not stand at the coffin, the deceased lies alone in the room, and only those closest to him can enter, be next to him in solitude and silence, and leave. It is brought out to a crowd of people already closed.
The funeral ceremony began very soon after my arrival. The men brought a stretcher into the hall and laid Natasha on it, having previously wrapped her head in a thick fabric similar to a carpet. Then they went out onto the porch, holding the stretcher on their shoulders. Men stood around, and women were on the side, to the left of the porch.
The mullah read a prayer. The men raised their hands in prayer and repeated their sighs to Allah. Then Natasha was carried outside. The women began to scream and sob. I approached the gate of the house and saw Natasha being put into a car, men sitting around her, some putting shovels next to her. Then the car drove to the cemetery. Those who couldn't fit in - went on foot.
Women are not allowed to go to the cemetery; they are left to cry. This is the custom. I regretted that I wouldn’t have a chance to be there when they laid her in the ground, I returned to the yard and sat down next to the crying Lana.
...I still can’t fully believe that Natasha is really gone, that now I am in Grozny, but this is Grozny without Natasha...
Later I will try to post photographs and talk about the next days of the funeral (after all, funerals here last more than one day, and this is a stable custom).

Chechen funerals are a tradition that has not changed for many centuries. A funeral in Chechnya is not only a farewell to the deceased, but also a meeting of distant relatives. If a person does not come to his family’s wedding, he will be forgiven, but everyone must come to the funeral.

In Chechnya, not coming to the funeral of a neighbor or distant relative is considered not just bad manners, but rather an insult. Everyone must attend the sad meeting to remember good deeds the deceased and discuss various pressing issues.

Every nation has its own funeral rules. Even among the neighboring peoples of the Caucasus, these rules differ significantly. For the Chechens and Ingush, everything is going on with restraint. Among the Kumyks, for example, men who come for condolences cry. Ossetians also cry. Among the Circassians, this is a whole ritual: the person walking in front puts his hand on the shoulder of the person standing next to him.

The Chechen people have preserved the farewell to a person on his last journey in its original, archaic form. If someone dies in the village, then all the people gather to express condolences, provide moral support, and, if necessary, financial assistance. The family opens the gates or doors wide, thereby showing that there is grief in this house. Men gather in the owner's yard, and almost all the adult neighbors, relatives, and fellow villagers come to see them. It turns out that during a funeral people meet at the same time who, under other circumstances, might not see each other. Therefore, often at funerals they discuss completely mundane matters, solve pressing problems, and agree on matters for the future.

I began to notice that people at funerals now often solve some of their pressing problems, talk about worldly affairs, about tomorrow, although no one can say whether he will live to see it or not. I often attend funerals and I can say that changes have nevertheless affected this tradition. Previously, 30-40 years ago, mourning events for the death of a person could drag on for a week or two. Now everything ends in 2-3 days, people return to their normal way of life. Nevertheless, the funeral ritual is very important and highly respected for all Chechens.

The process of expressing condolences occupies a significant place in the funeral rite. If a person has been away from home for a long time, upon returning he is still obliged to visit the relatives of the deceased and express words of regret. Sometimes people are forced to visit the houses of fellow villagers who have suffered grief for many days in a row, expressing words of sympathy and condolences.

To put it this way, off the top of my head, I attend three or four funerals a month. And this is in one of my districts. In my youth I often traveled with my father, or rather drove him. He never missed a single funeral. And he was always one of the first to come to them. At that time there weren’t even telephones, and he was informed in the morning.

It is believed that it is not necessary to come to a wedding; no one will be offended for it, but it is everyone’s duty to attend a funeral.

It is interesting that the roles at a funeral are divided. It is customary for women to cry and moan. The men offer grudging condolences and help with the day-to-day work: setting up tables, negotiating with undertakers. Usually, women gather in the dwelling adjacent to the deceased’s house and share the grief of those who have lost a loved one with words of consolation, sympathy or loud crying. Of course, in each case, the guests mourn mainly their departed ones, but these collective laments psychologically help to survive the grief.

We often go to funerals. The place where women gather is usually in the neighboring yard. Well, women cry, then talk about life, about this and that. They talk about all sorts of topics. They are discussing someone, something. Well, we are women. We can't do it any other way.

We even have a joke about funerals. A husband sees his wife dressing up for something. Having learned that she is going to a funeral, he forbids her to go there. The wife is offended, naturally, and says: “That’s why I, like others, can’t even go to the funeral, to unwind?”

Publications in the Traditions section

Rituals of the funeral and memorial cycle among the peoples of the North Caucasus

One of the least ethnographically studied sections is the funeral and memorial rituals of the peoples of the North Caucasus. Funeral rites of Circassians, Karachais and Kabardins.

The funeral and memorial rituals of the peoples of the North Caucasus to this day remain one of the least ethnographically studied sections of family rituals. The attention of researchers, especially in the 20th century, was attracted to a much greater extent by wedding and children's rituals, as evidenced by the number of publications devoted to this topic. Funeral rituals, as a rule, are presented only in works devoted to a monographic study of the culture of a particular people. Apparently, one of the reasons for this phenomenon is the close connection between funeral and memorial rituals and religion, especially among those peoples of the region who profess Islam. As is known, until relatively recently, the publication of such materials, especially those related to modern times, was difficult or even impossible. It is no coincidence that the funeral and memorial rites of the Ossetians are most fully represented in the literature, mainly retaining connections with pagan beliefs.

This article uses materials collected during the 1989 expedition in several republics of the North Caucasus. Of course, not all aspects of funeral and memorial rituals are presented here in sufficient detail. Nevertheless, in our opinion, the field material given below can be used for further research on this topic.

Circassians (village Khabez, Adyge-Khabl)

Chegem Gorge. Chegem. North Caucasus

It is customary to arrange a funeral the day after death, but if one of the relatives is expected to arrive, then, in agreement with the elders, in two or three days. Those who know how to read prayers wash and dress the deceased in a shroud. The shroud is made the same for men and women. Neighbors or relatives dig the grave; for a woman it is a little deeper than for a man.
One of the neighbors or relatives notifies about the death of a person. The Koran must be read near the deceased, and the more people do this, the better for the soul of the deceased. An effendi is always present at the funeral. He gives orders to relatives to say goodbye to the deceased and carry him out. They are usually buried in the middle of the day (2 p.m.). One or two hours before this, a ritual of atonement for sins (deur) is held, for which 250–400 rubles are allocated. (sometimes this amount is specified in the will, as well as how much should be spent on funerals and wakes). Of this amount, part (10 rubles each) is due to those who washed the deceased, and 5 rubles each. distributed to the poor. Efendi from different villages come to the funeral and usually through them they transfer money for the poor. Each village has lists of the poorest residents.

Women accompany the funeral procession to the gate; they do not go to the cemetery. (They are allowed to visit the cemetery on the day appointed by the effendi, when they clean and put in order the graves of loved ones.) The stretcher with the deceased cannot be placed on the ground; they are carried to the cemetery on their shoulders, replacing each other. At the cemetery, two close relatives go down to the grave and receive the deceased, who is handed down to them on a tarpaulin. Laying the body in a niche, they untie the knots on the shroud and place handfuls of earth into the shroud. The niche is covered with boards.
Upon returning from the funeral, a meal is arranged for those who have come from afar, but not in the house of the deceased (no food is prepared there for three days), but in the house of relatives (if it is not in the same yard) or neighbors. Only married men come to the funeral (in general, boys are allowed to visit the cemetery from the age of 12–13).
A monument is placed on the grave in the heads, sometimes this is done immediately, on the day of the funeral (often it is an asbestos pipe with an inscription).

As a sign of mourning, men do not shave (usually for a week, the closest ones - until the 40th day), women wear dark clothes and dark scarves. The television in a house where mourning is observed is not turned on for up to a month or longer.

Thus, one of our informants, after the death of his mother, did not drink alcohol for a year, did not attend weddings or other feasts.
The deceased is required to read the Koran for forty days. For a month after death, it is customary to fry cakes (lokum) in oil every Thursday and distribute them to children. If possible, this can be done for a whole year or several years.
On the 40th day, a crowded wake is held, which is attended by almost the same number of people (including from neighboring villages) as on the day of the funeral. Relatives provide great assistance to the family on this day. Some of the lamb is distributed to poor people in several neighboring villages as alms (sadak). Women bring chickens, sweets, men can bring money.

For the funeral table, prepare meat with broth (lyape), seasoned with herbs, garlic, and onions; pasta; pilaf - rice with raisins (fried with sugar) and butter; chicken with gravy (dzedlibzhe); homemade noodles (khingal) served with boiled eggs, garlic and sour cream or sour milk; halva and various sweets, pies, fried flatbreads (lokum). On this day, children are always fed and bags of sweets are distributed to them.
The annual commemoration (ilges sedek'e) is less crowded than those held on the 40th day. According to informants, these commemorations began to be held everywhere only in the last 10 years.

Karachais (village of Verkhnyaya Teberda, Druzhba village)

The funeral takes place on the day of death or the next day if relatives are expected to arrive.
The grave for a woman is made deeper than for a man. For the shroud (kebin), a piece of white fabric is used (the same length for men and women).

It is customary for all adult family members (from 17–18 years old) to attend the funeral of a fellow villager (or to express condolences after the funeral). In the house of the deceased, one of the close male relatives receives condolences. The family of the deceased is provided with financial assistance (20–50 rubles). Some bring scarves to cover the body of the deceased. Some of these scarves are left in the house, some are distributed.
Before the burial, a ceremony is held to redeem the sins of the deceased (deur). Part of the money allocated for this is distributed by older relatives in the form of alms (sadaqa). Deur is not supposed to be done for girls who died before the age of 14, and for boys who have not reached the age of 16, since at this age they are considered sinless.
Women do not go to the cemetery on the day of the funeral. An exception is made in cases where one of the closest relatives (sister, mother) did not have time to say goodbye to the deceased and arrived at the moment when the procession was already at the cemetery. Then the woman is allowed into the cemetery, the men step aside and give her the opportunity to say goodbye to her loved one. On other days, women are allowed to enter the cemetery and clean the graves.

There is an idea that a woman, going to a cemetery, must wear at least seven clothes from the waist down (that is, her body from the waist down must be covered with seven layers of fabric).

After the funeral, a wake is held, especially if the deceased stipulated this in the will. For treats, they slaughter sheep and chickens. For three days after the funeral the gates remain open; Smoke should not come out of the fireplace for three days (that is, you cannot cook food in the house). Neighbors bring food for family members these days (any dish, without restrictions).
For three days, male relatives and neighbors (from 25 years old, married - from 20 years old) go up to the cemetery in the morning and read the Koran at the grave.
On the 3rd day after the funeral, a cow is slaughtered and the meat is distributed (shat). Be sure to provide meat to relatives and closest neighbors, as much as there is enough. According to older informants, meat was previously given primarily to those who read the Qur'an, and meat distribution took place on a modest scale. So, in the 1930s, rich people tried to perform this ritual during their lifetime, but even the wealthiest slaughtered a sheep, not a cow, although there were a lot of livestock on the farm (for example, the one who owned only one cow was considered poor, and he was supposed to give alms). Now some effendi are against this custom, since it is not mentioned in the holy books.
On Fridays (juma), fried flatbreads (loqums) are prepared in the house and distributed to children and neighbors as a funeral treat. The most crowded commemorations (several hundred people) are held on the 52nd day (kemik dua). On this day, alms-sadaqa (money, flour, sugar) are distributed to the poor, and refreshments are also arranged. They try to invite as many children as possible, they say: “Children are saints, and if you feed them, the sins of the deceased will be washed away.” Treats for children are also taken to school. On this day, special honor is given to elderly fellow villagers.

On the anniversary of death, a wake (jyl ash) is also held. Funeral services are held only for those who have died who have reached the age of majority (the same age limits as during the ritual of redemption of sins). If a child was born alive, then no matter how short he lived, in the event of his death, the funeral prayer janazu is read.
For the funeral feast, a cow or a ram is slaughtered. They prepare meat with potatoes (shorpa), manti, dumplings (suu berek), thin pies filled with meat, cheese, potatoes (khychyny), several types of halva (sahan halua, chakgan halua, bal halua), boil and fry chicken. Neighbors also bring halva. Various rice dishes (basta) were also prepared for the funeral - rice with raisins, rice with sour cream, rice with ayran, rice with butter, rice with large pieces of boiled meat. In recent years, these dishes are not always prepared for funerals, as they are not popular and are considered unprestigious. Alcoholic drinks are not served at funerals.

Mourning is observed until the 52nd day or up to a year. During this period, they do not attend public entertainment or watch TV. Men don't shave until day 52.

If a wedding is being prepared in the neighborhood of a mourning house that cannot be postponed, then the family is asked for permission to hold the wedding, which in this case takes place without music or dancing.

Kabardians (village Urvan, Chegem)

Men - close relatives of the deceased - receive condolences from men in the yard; the women are in the house, where they are visited by the women who come. Those who come to express condolences bring money (at least 10 rubles, relatives and friends - up to 200 rubles). Colleagues of the deceased also provide financial assistance to the family. They also bring cuts, silk scarves (any color, but not black), towels, soap, perfume (some mullahs say that bringing all this is a sin).

A deceased woman is covered with scarves over her shroud, a man is covered with a burqa. The cloth for the shroud, as well as things that should be distributed to the reciters of the Koran, the poor, etc., are prepared in advance by the elderly. Silk scarves and cuts are subsequently distributed to those who read the deceased Koran, widows, and orphans. In addition, those who read the Koran are also sent underwear (for men), nightgowns (for women), and refreshments.
The Koran begins to be read the day after the burial and is read until the 40th day. It is believed that more people read the deceased Koran, so much the better. Since not every village can find a person who knows Arabic, they also contact other villages. Nowadays they read the Koran at home, although previously this was supposed to be done in the cemetery.

Cemetery in the Kabardian village of Shalushka.

Condolences can be expressed to the family of the deceased, if they do not have time before the funeral, throughout the next week. For three days, the gates in the house where the person died remain open: all this time, close male relatives, receiving condolences, gather every day in the courtyard of the deceased’s house.
Funerals usually take place the day after death. They are trying to notify everyone about this. Usually they are buried in the middle of the day, about an hour before (about 12 o’clock) a ritual of redemption of sins (deur) is held in the house, for which 200 to 500 rubles are allocated. (in some villages, by decision of the mullahs, the deur is limited to 200 rubles). After this ritual is performed, the deceased is taken out of the house. Only men go to the cemetery (young men - from the age of 20, as they say, “those who have already served in the army”).

Modern grave monument

If a village is divided into several quarters-jamaats (previously, each quarter had its own mosque and cemetery), then they must go to funerals in their jamaat, although they often visit other jamaats in such cases.
There are rare cases of such innovations as funerals with music (only “responsible and party workers” are buried this way) or in a coffin. Flowers and funeral wreaths are not accepted. The niche in the grave is covered with boards, and in recent years - with bricks. When it remains to lay the last bricks or the last board, they remove the scarf with which the deceased was covered and give it to the poor.
On the day of the funeral, women must wear headscarves as a sign of mourning, men must wear hats. In the last 10–15 years, women have begun to wear black clothing as a sign of mourning. Previously, during the period of mourning, women did not wear sleeveless clothing, and men did not shave.
On the day of the funeral, according to custom, which is still preserved in some villages, it is not customary to arrange a meal. In general, the fireplace in the house is not lit for 3 days; food is brought to family members by neighbors. On the day of the funeral, a cow or a bull (3-4 years old) is slaughtered and alms (sadaqa) are distributed to relatives and poor fellow villagers (1 kg of meat, 1 kg of rice, 1 kg of millet, 1 kg of sugar, previously also 3 m of calico). The products are also taken to a hospital, a nursing home, or the enterprise where the deceased worked. However, now, instead of distributing food, on the day of the funeral they often organize a meal (food is prepared not in the house, but in the yard) - for both men and women. They slaughter sheep and cattle. They serve boiled meat, broth with meat, pasta, sauce (pinch) with garlic, cheese, Kalmyk tea, lemonade, fried flatbread (gadyk-erypshch).

A week after the funeral, the clothes of the deceased are distributed - in memory of him. On the 40th day, the deceased’s belongings are given to loved ones (for example, a dagger if a man died, scissors if a woman died).

For 40 days, every evening they distribute fried flatbreads and sweets (this is called zharyme) in their neighborhood (primarily to children, the elderly, and the sick). After the 40th day, similar treats continue to be distributed (until the 50th day it is mandatory, and then optional) only on Thursday evening (marem pshchyahashchhe). This time is considered reserved for the distribution of funeral food, regardless of how long ago the family member died. In addition, to make the deceased feel good (dog), on Thursday evening they give milk to those neighbors who do not have a cow, you can give fried cakes, sweets, vegetables, etc.

Ancient gravestones near the Kabardian village of Kurp

On the 40th day, an ox or several rams are slaughtered, meat, hard-cooked millet porridge (paste), fried flatbreads, etc. are distributed to loved ones, relatives, and neighbors. Only those who help cook are treated: broth, meat, gravy, and sausage are served. from liver with garlic, onion and red pepper (t'emsch-ygyunybe), etc.
On the 50th day, fried cakes and sweets are distributed. On this day, only the closest relatives come to the house of the deceased, and chickens are slaughtered for their treat. In the first half of the day (from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.), several people read prayers in a separate room. After that, they are treated and given treats to take with them.
On the anniversary of the death, food and refreshments are distributed, as on the day of the funeral (one table is set up for adults, the other for children). Children come with their parents or on their own. On this day, two bulls, several rams, and 20–25 chickens are slaughtered. In some families, for many years, on the day of the death of a person (especially a young, untimely death), a funeral meal is prepared and distributed to neighbors (chickens, candy, fried cakes, lemonade, etc.).
A temporary monument (indicating the name and dates of life) is placed on the grave on the day of the funeral; The final monument is usually erected on the 40th day. Nowadays, a photograph is often placed on the monument (the monuments of old people do not have photographs on their graves).

Male (left) and female (right) burials from the 1960s

Funeral and memorial costs are about 2.5–3 thousand rubles. It is believed that all money brought into the family must be spent on the deceased.
At the end of the 1980s, a revival of religious life and a desire to return to the roots were observed almost everywhere. folk traditions. Religious education has become more accessible and attractive. New, educated clergy, in contrast to the old, “home-grown” ones, often saw in existing rituals a violation of strict, truly orthodox canons. But, as a rule, these demands (to reduce the pomp of the funeral, to reduce the amounts allocated for the ceremony of ransoming the sins of the deceased, etc.) were not fulfilled, since public opinion was on the side of time-honored traditions.
However, materials recent years show that the trends in changes in funeral rituals in many regions of the North Caucasus turned out to be persistent: some of the rituals were practically abolished or exist in a highly modified form (deur, etc.), the number of memorial days and the forms of their implementation were reduced, etc. It becomes urgent to study the current state of this sphere of family rituals, and the materials presented in this article will help to trace the changes taking place in it.